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Author Topic: Something to tell to the brothers  (Read 1924 times)

Anonymous

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Something to tell to the brothers
« on: Feb. 28, 2010, 01:18 AM »

Assalamu alaikum wa rhamatullah wa barkatahu,

Borthers, you really need to go out and look for sisters to get married to. I am being serious!!!

Everyone (bro and sis) complain about finding it difficult to find a marriage partner.
 
For a sister, it is understandable, someone has to come ask her for marriage, i.e. she wouldn't go and propose to brothers, would she (it is permissible ... but you get what I mean)

Now for a brother, you are the one who proposes, so if you don't do your job and go out and find someone, we will all be stuck in this crisis.

I mean, there are soooooooooooooooo many good sisters out there, sooooooooooooo many good brothers, so what are you guys waiting for, you need to make the move, and not fear much about rejection. Qui ne risque rien n'a rein (like they say in french), plus, you the worst that will hapen to you is to learn from your experience.

Come on brothers, this is a challenge for you!!!

hope to read from you.
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Anonymous

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #1 on: Mar. 04, 2010, 03:57 PM »

true i guess we can always do more! if u dnt work at first it would work eventually thnksfr ur advice.

I guess its hard when you don't have any girls in front o fyou and ur nt the guy tht that jumps at girls
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Anonymous

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #2 on: Mar. 05, 2010, 03:53 PM »

I read this advise and I was pepped up and ready for action when I realized sometimes the what to do is not the problem but how to do it... since one cant be like "Salamualaikum sister would you like to go for a cup of coffee" neither can one be like "Salamualaikum sister, will you marry me  ::)"....even "salaam, can I speak to your Wali" seems a bit.....idunno... as he said....
I guess its hard when you don't have any girls in front o fyou and ur nt the guy tht that jumps at girls

perhaps we need to start jumping at'em or maybe a little more free mixing....dunno.....  ::) but all the same i've gotta do something about it other than complaining
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Egyptian Muslimah

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #3 on: Mar. 07, 2010, 06:02 AM »

Salaamu Alaikum Anonymous,  I totally agree with this!

there are soooo many pious brothers and sisters out there and yet everyone complains there is no one. what ends up happening when guys dont make a move is that some muslim women may never get married or if they do end up settling for just anyone for lack of any decent prospects.

 I agree its not like girls can go and walk up to a guy and ask to marry them but what sisters can do is tell others like their friends and family that they want to get married and that they are actively looking. many times we can get soo absorbed in our careers and school it may look like we are putting marriage on hold.

of course all this is in the hands of Allah (swt) but we have to make it known that we wanna get married and we should ask our married friends if they know a practicing muslim bro for marriage. I feel our married friends should help the single ones out there.  because we live in the West and we live in communities with few muslims so we must rely on Allah first and foremost and then have our friends and family help us and use matrimonial sites according to Islamic guidelines or else we slowly slip into our 30s when the prospective suitors are less and less. as for the brothers they should not be scared and take the intiative.
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Anonymous

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #4 on: Mar. 26, 2010, 11:40 AM »

I live in Sweden, and trust me, there is a shortage of practicing sisters here.
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Eemo

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #5 on: Mar. 30, 2010, 10:48 AM »

I cant speak for all the brothers, but you have to understand some of us have only spent time with women in our own families. I know its very rare, but their are brothers, that have guarded their chastity and remained from free mixing. That makes it very hard for us to approach you, since we dont have familiarity.

Also, we've seen some horror stories in our time. There was even a posting on this board, where a sister said that if a brother approached her for marriage 'out cold' she'd "give him a slap". They were her actual words. That's enough to put some of us off for life.

Also, when we're going about our work and daily lives its really hard to tell who is married and who isnt.

Anyway, i dont know what the solution is, im just letting you know why we're shy
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SisterGirl

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #6 on: Apr. 04, 2010, 06:39 AM »

I think brothers could step it up a little more. You dont have to start with "can we go get some coffee" or "will you marry me" but you could ask "are you single" Yes!... I'm looking to get married, would it be ok if I got your wali's number...etc. It's not that hard. Dont be scared! I highly doubt someone will slap you, taking action is a good thing. All this shyness is getting us no where. Even if a sis was married, she might say, but my sister, friend etc. is looking to get married. I don't think it could hurt to ask.  ;)
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Anonymous

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #7 on: Apr. 04, 2010, 06:32 PM »

What you are saying might be true but what I wanna say is what might be ok for you (like "are you single" and all) might not be ok for someone else.
There is a high level of uncertainty and also a high probability of slaps (jk..lol) associated with it.Trying to find the girl who will be ok with whatever you're gonna say is like a big gamble.That's what scares off most guys.
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Eemo

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #8 on: Apr. 05, 2010, 01:05 PM »

I agree with the anon poster above. Too many horror stories.
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Anonymous

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #9 on: Apr. 05, 2010, 07:39 PM »

The way I see it: if you don't ask, you don't get.

Going up to a random sister at a bus/train station/supermarket etc might not be the best way to do it. But if it's someone at university, at work or anywhere where you see her alot or have mutual friends - it's probably better to show your interest through other people. Or if you're confident enough, ask her yourself. I guess it's more about the way you come across. I would never have the nerve to slap a guy or even be rude to him. But if you can speak in a humble way, firstly just apologise for being so forward, that you weren't sure how to approach her, explain that you have good intentions and would be interested in marriage.... You don't even need to say it's you, just say "a brother" is interested in marriage. There's so many ways of doing it! If you are humble and decent, there's no way somebody could be rude to you.

Oh and it's best to be direct. I had a brother approach me once at university, gave me a book and encouraged me to read it...and then told me that his number was at the back if I was interested in any more books! He was really sweet and respectful, but c'mon...there's no way I'd call this brother up! Especially since I didn't ACTUALLY KNOW if he was interested!

C'mon guys, do us and yourselves a favour.. we're getting old  :P
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reeldeel

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #10 on: Apr. 05, 2010, 10:23 PM »

Excellent tips you sisters are giving, its too bad I dont come across many (or rather any) sisters in my daily routines.... so how about tips for the online marriage sites. Is it the profile that gets a reply when you send a message or the message itself.
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esotericsips

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #11 on: Apr. 05, 2010, 10:48 PM »

Bugger, I keep forgetting to tick the 'not anon' box!

Btw...the number in the back of the book trick wasn't advice!

As for matrimonial sites - both profiles and messages are important. For example, if sum1 ryts ther profile lyk dis I definately won't be replying. Spelling/grammar mistakes show carelessness and lack of interest. I also don't bother with profiles who don't have much information. And "hi how are you"/ "hows your search going" "can we talk" messages get sooooo boring! It's like a brother going up to a sister wearing some grubby trakkies and creased t-shirt and doing Joey's "how you doin?" You are trying to show yourself at your best, so be the best man you can! Be sincere and be consistent. Oh, and honest! haha I could give a whole lecture on this! (You can tell I've spent way too much time on matrimonial sites  ::)
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SisterGirl

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Re: Something to tell to the brothers
« Reply #12 on: Apr. 05, 2010, 11:30 PM »

@reeldeel, 1. start going out more to places where they may be some single muslim women, like lectures, community dinners, Eid dinners!. Everybody and their mom comes out for those dinners. You need someone on the inside, your sister, aunt cousin or something who can go with you and approach some sisters. making small talk and getting to know them and then asking them if their single. Then your sis can exchange numbers with the girls, maybe she just made a new friend, maybe she found your future wife?
You never know. When my brother was looking to get married me and my sister would go up to girls that we thought were my brothers type (from what he had told us) all the time. This way you dont have to worry about getting rejected (or slapped). None of the girls were offended and yes they did give me their numbers if they were single and looking. Even if your sis (or whoever) knows your serious to get married and you want her to keep a lookout, if she's involved in the community- goes to a halaqah? in arabic or quran classes? There are other sisters in her class. Get the women in you family involved to actively help you look.

2. Online sites- If a brother has in his profile - he rarely, sometimes, never etc prays, I keep it moving. If he has crap like "very liberal" or no hijab, Im like ok, NEXT. The age and never having been married really bothers me. For example, if he's 33+ and he's never been married, that i s very suspect. What has he been doing all these years? Hmm. Also looks do matter, and if his picture looks crazy, theres not much reason to read his profile. I think guys should smile more in pics. At least have a non smiling pic and a smiling one, so we know you have teeth. If someone has, looking for "friendship, maybe more" or some crap that implies dating and not ready for marriage, again that's a no.
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