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Author Topic: Frustrated by shallow brothers  (Read 4693 times)

d_muslim

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Re: Frustrated by shallow brothers
« Reply #30 on: Apr. 09, 2010, 11:37 PM »

AAsalmaoalikum,

Anybody got difference experience and their own way of life, might be d people u have known around you are such kind. But it doesn't mean all brothers do and it doesn't mean at all we haven't go against parents decision. Its totaly allowed to go against parents because after marraying, u must have to responsible for your women necessities  not parents. its allowed in islam but its also said if u are go with parents decision then Allah will put more barakah in your marriage and he can do anything.

so if we try to go with our life and includes our parents then diffintly we will be succedded.
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reeldeel

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Re: Frustrated by shallow brothers
« Reply #31 on: Apr. 10, 2010, 12:21 AM »

I can relate to the mother problem... First she gives me the go ahead, things get moving, girls mother and father approve, then she (my mother) changes her mind, and I've got to break the girls heart. Luckily the girl brings up a valid reason we both had to consider which made it acceptable from both sides to break it off. And even though its an obstacle we could have handled, the main issue is still the mother... and since heaven lies at her feet, the sister is still looking for a brother like me and I  a sister like her.   :(

On a more shallow note:
I don't think its shallow to require a slim/fit sister. The way I see it if am straining my self to keep fit so a sister doesn't get a beer bellied brother, I don't see why I cant require some one who is active and eats healthy. I love food, the deep fried type, oily, fatty and lots of cholesterol and plus my family got the apple figure gene... so I struggle and deny my self what I love stress my self with endless gym sessions to stay flat and all for the sister. Of course I would ask for reciprocal effort from the sister. Other than that she can be Chinese or Togolese, Indian or Zulu.... a Muslim is a Muslim.
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SisterGirl

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Re: Frustrated by shallow brothers
« Reply #32 on: Apr. 10, 2010, 01:07 AM »

@reeldeel,
To want a wife who is in shape and physically attractive is not shallow. What me and the other poster were talking about is that on top of the laundry lists of perfection that so many men require, now it's not enough to be slim (i am) we also have to be a workout freak and be "active" as well. It's just another dumb thing to tack on to a mile long list detailing a woman who does not exist. I look at that crap and think "get a life bro".

Still @ reeldeel, If you were talking to that sister and only one issue can up that you may not agree on thats pretty good. It dosent make any sense for u to be searching for a woman like her and her a brother like you. Did your mom change her mind for a good reason? Is the girl some undercover stipper or republican? Does mommy just not want you to leave the nest? Our family is not like that, marry whoever you want as long as they are a good Muslim. Dont go out without a fight man.  >:(
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Anonymous

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Re: Frustrated by shallow brothers
« Reply #33 on: Apr. 10, 2010, 01:35 AM »

The issue my mum had was her mum, based on stories confirmed by several aunts and cousins...Tried to get help from this forum on the post: Like mother like daughter?.
http://jannah.org/halfmydeen/index.php?topic=166.msg1055#msg1055
but i've done my istikhara and gave a shot... it didn't happen, perhaps i gave up too easily, perhaps it wasnt ment to be. In either case thats what Allah willed.
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SisterGirl

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Re: Frustrated by shallow brothers
« Reply #34 on: Apr. 10, 2010, 03:52 PM »

Again as another poster was talking about in another thread, we need to follow the Sunnah when searching for a spouse. If we are not following the Sunnah, expect to encounter difficulty. The sunnah does not say marry a woman whose mother has a character to your liking. What is the daughters character? Maybe its too late for that girl but for the next one please keep the Sunnah in mind. I think what some people in your family are doing is just pulling you away from what could be a posative relationship. You cant jump on every issue and make it a huge deal or the reson to break things off. If you listen to your mom and aunties for every girl you may never get married. They want the perfect girl for you because they love you. News Flash, there are no perfect women. You have to look at the whole package, that person overall. Does the good far out weigh the bad? And that girls mother not having good characteristics is not a bad trait of the GIRL. She has no control over what her mom does. What were the bad characteristics the girl had that you couldn't live with?

And no, just because your mother is one way does not mean you will be anything like her. I love my mom but are personalities are nothing alike. I am my own person and she is her own person period. When I was married she was not in the middle of things at all, parents care, sometimes she gave advice when I asked, but she was not mean to my husband or trying to be in the middle. If you take a look at all of the criteria that me and some other sisters here have complained that men have for a wife, then add the fact that you are now looking at my mother to evaluate me also, I might as well start collecting cats and prepare for a life alone. Stop looking for the "PERFECT" situation, you will never find it.
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Anonymous

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Re: Frustrated by shallow brothers
« Reply #35 on: Apr. 10, 2010, 07:01 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikum my beautiful sisters in Islam..first off let me say I personally can RELATE to you..I am cover from the tip of my head to the tops of my feet in a mural/collage of tattoo's..so as far as muslima's are concerned I am a white tattoed leper..it sucks..actually ..because I am a very muscular man ..plus I am MUSLIM..and Allah blessed me with Good looks I have been told??? what can any of us do but surrender everything thing that makes us grieve and suffer to Allah and trust 100% that he will answer our prayers!!!!  The Qu'ran says there is only one race of people on this earth ..so if you ask me..I proudly say toall creation that my RACE is ISLAM...and basically that's how we as muslims should wear ISLAM to the world! OH and just for the record there is nothing in all of creation that is not INSHA ALLAH..everything is INSHA ALLAH...SO YOU SEE MY BEAUTIFUL SISTERS IN ISLAM.. maybe INSHA ALLAH it's time to be receptive to the person whom ALLAH is sending to all of us as his precious gift..there are a bunch of us here right now who are searching for our QUISMA's our destinies..maybe INSHA ALLAH our true love is reading our complaints and Ideas right now at this very second!? I'm searching for the other half of me that was torn from me in the beginning are you? Asalaamu alaikum  mydeen44  oh and remember all colors are beautiful..we were made from the seven clays of the earth!  Alhamdullah
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brisingr9

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Re: Frustrated by shallow brothers
« Reply #36 on: May. 28, 2010, 07:02 PM »

hope u find someone soon ameen!! may allah grant u a righteous person n be patient!!
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