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Author Topic: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!  (Read 4089 times)

nblueblaze

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Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« on: Jun. 30, 2010, 01:04 AM »

Salaam everyone.

I hope everyone is well (by the grace of Allah)...I thought of sharing my experience of searching spouse with you today.

I sincerely hope that someday Google will come up with searching algorithm where we muslims can find our future wife! Its so much difficult and frustrating that sometimes I wonder 'what is the point?!'

Lets being with why I should marry...hmm...lets say cz its natural...I am a man and I do need a woman to be my wife, ain't I?! Jokes apart, I am a 27 yrs old man and I think its alright to marry since I have completed my education and have a job to support my family.

So you may ask me 'so what is your problem?' .. Oh! big problem, man...women seems different kind of species...elusive, unpredictable and confusing...they never talk to the point, never make their intentions clear...above all, they always think...they think and think and think....they never seem to come to a conclusion ever!

I reside in UK and I seriously think I will never find a wife...I tried everything...lemme tell you...

1. I tried to seek the help of my parents to find a bride. Result: The first question which a girl's parents ask is 'are you a british born?' I am not and apparently all girls want a british born muslim husband...I dont know what the fuss is all about...are those guys genetically superior??!

2. I tried using internet matrimonial site (singlemuslim.com) and after spending £48 on it...I didn't get a single interest from the opposite gender but I did get an offer from a spammer to donate some money to her.

3. I even tried to say a polite salaam (hello) to the muslim ladies in order to make acquaintance...They stared hard at me and I am pretty much sure they started wondering which planet I am from.

So now you know why I am still single...and if you are a muslim man and suffering from a same problem, well...good luck to you!

To the ladies: no comments....absolutely nothing at all!

Jazak-Allah

Nes    
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jannah

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #1 on: Jun. 30, 2010, 03:16 AM »

wsalam,

hey bro i feel ya... but u know there's gotta be something ur doing wrong there...there are soooo many unmarried girls out there, i can't see why they aren't biting??

do u have special specific requirements?? ie looks/age/weight/color/ethnicity/nationality/etc if you do and most ppl do, if you widen them a little and are a little more flexible it might get easier for u.

on matrimonial websites i would always expect the bros to make the first move, bc a lot of guys don't like it when the girl seems aggressive so i'm not surprised u didn't get any hits.

lastly keep the faith bro... u'll find someone inshaAllah

ws
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nblueblaze

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #2 on: Jun. 30, 2010, 04:00 AM »

wsalam,

hey bro i feel ya... but u know there's gotta be something ur doing wrong there...there are soooo many unmarried girls out there, i can't see why they aren't biting??

do u have special specific requirements?? ie looks/age/weight/color/ethnicity/nationality/etc if you do and most ppl do, if you widen them a little and are a little more flexible it might get easier for u.

on matrimonial websites i would always expect the bros to make the first move, bc a lot of guys don't like it when the girl seems aggressive so i'm not surprised u didn't get any hits.

lastly keep the faith bro... u'll find someone inshaAllah

ws



"i can't see why they aren't biting?" -- Not that I like being bitten (lol, just kidding) ... I seriously donno... You know what is really frustrating? I lived a life of a honest muslim boy in my high school & Uni...though there were numerous opportunities, but never said yes to any girl's offer...you know, I needn't explain...I was afraid of the hell fire and I am not willing to die with a remorse that I did put forward my own will before Allah's will...I may not be sure that I will get heaven but there is no harm in trying, isn't it?!
Coming to the point, now that I am looking forward to be with a female...ho! all the females are running away!!


"do u have special specific requirements??" -- r u kidding?!!! can a beggar be chooser?! :) No, honestly I don't have any such stupid requirements...I had a good upbringing and educated in a diverse conditions...all I ask in my wife is that she knows the difference between Deen & dunya...and strives to make life better not only in this world, but (most importantly) hereafter. Now that a very basic requirement every single muslim man searches in a prospective bride...ain't it?


"on matrimonial websites i would always expect the bros to make the first move" -- Okay, my elder cousin sis says any unwanted contact from the male side to chat (singlemuslim.com got chat facility) sound 'creepy' to girls...Allah know what is the exact definition of 'creepy' to girls in this context but I seriously did try to chat on my own...do you what one of girls asked me next?! she asked me "do you own a car?!!" amazing!!:)


I guess I need more time getting used to knowing the human beings living on the other side of the gender divide!!:) And when I am observing them, I always thank Allah that I am a man!! :)


Thanks for you post, sis!

Jazak-Allah Khairun

_Nes
  
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jannah

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #3 on: Jun. 30, 2010, 08:35 AM »

salams,

I know how you feel about waiting all this time to get married and then not being able to find someone, sux!!

Well about the whole matrimonial thing I can't see how it's creepy as the girls are on the matrimonial sites too! and presumably chatting as well. Your female cousin might be thinking how it would be in real life, but the online world esp ppl trying to get married on matrimonial sites has its own rules.

about asking if you have a car, i don't see anything wrong with that? Having a car means you are a responsible adult that owns something and has to maintain it. cars/own apt. makes life a whole lot easier. only ppl that don't have cars in the US are like teenagers or like guys with weird problems or something. not sure how it is in london/nyc where ppl don't need cars. over here u do...

so what else...maybe ur not coming across the right way? also i suggest being more aggressive in looking (in a good way)
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nblueblaze

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #4 on: Jul. 10, 2010, 10:15 AM »

Thank you for your advices, sister ... will give the marriage another shot!

Feemann Allah
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reeldeel

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #5 on: Nov. 03, 2010, 11:53 AM »

So you may ask me 'so what is your problem?' .. Oh! big problem, man...women seems different kind of species...elusive, unpredictable and confusing...they never talk to the point, never make their intentions clear...above all, they always think...they think and think and think....they never seem to come to a conclusion ever!

Subhannallah I was just listening to an audio book 'The Way of the Superior Man' that was explaining some differences on men and women communication styles and you just summarized the chapter with this complain. He spoke on how women are like a weather (emotions) continuously changing (unpredictable as you said) and how men talk to get to a point, a final conclusion while women talk for the sake of talking itself and how its not about getting to a conclusion but rather just experiencing the conversation or thought or what ever.

Baba Ali also came to our university and did a comic representation of some differences between men and women. I think its important for both genders to take notice and learn these differences for a successful marriage.

By the way yeah... singlemuslim is useless. They are not very serious about getting married on there.

The say cant find a wife in UK!....and speak of being a resident in the UK what about finding a wife from back home. Do you think there will be compatibility issues especially if you've been here for too long. This is something I actually need to find out... maybe I'll do it in a new post.
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SalwaR

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #6 on: Feb. 14, 2011, 03:27 PM »

Asalam waliykum brother,

Sorry to hear about your experince although there is a lot you need to larn and come to terms with,

First of All yes women are undisisive (i spelt that wrong i know) creatures, we go around in circles.
But the thing is Allah never wanted men and women to be the same, we need to accept we are different an some things ill always b alien to us what the opposite sex do. You just need to accept that person the way they are. Accept we are different, and not try nd understand and change them. If you do you will Fail, Anyone can tell u this.
The thing is to find common ground....

You are both single souls, you need a partner, to compliment you but at the same time be different to you.
As Allah says somthing you do not like in your partner there may actually be khier in it for you.
Always remember that, Allah knows us better then ourselves and he knows we need a partner.

Inshallah you come to terms with things you can not change and find peace so you can find tht special person for you.
Inshallah khier


Jazakallah khier.
Wasalam 
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Concerned

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #7 on: Feb. 18, 2011, 10:12 AM »

Brother here is what I think is wrong with your profile(if I may say). Brother if you are not British born or US born then I am sorry to say.... your chances are really really low.

I am aware of many scams where people marry to get visa/citizenship and then leave. But still I am amazed at the way that 'British' born 'race' looks at or treats 'non-British' born 'race'. You seriously do not stand a chance. I think your best bet is to get a wife from back home wherever your parents are living.

Once you get married please try to teach your children if they have 'British' race to consider people of all 'races' equal. And when they are thinking of spouse 'race' should not be a matter for them only deen should be.


             
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Maryam Reyonce

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #8 on: Feb. 23, 2011, 01:00 PM »

Salam Alaykum.
                       Perhaps the parents just wants to be sure that their female children do not fall victims of people who only want to use their children for british citizenship acquisition, or perhaps that their intention is not to get married but to elongate their permission to stay in the UK. As you know this is not new, but perhaps if you let them know what your status in the United Kingdom is, As you do not have to be British born to be able to live or work in the UK, Some people have indefinite leave to Remain, with no restrictions on work or movement. You should not blame them for taking precautions as you have no idea what some people would do just to acquire British Citizenship, May Allah have Mercy on us all and May Allah let us all understand that the only difference between us all, is not how good looking, rich or the place of our birth but our Taqwa/ Piety. I hope you find this helpful.
Jazakumllah kahir
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Concerned

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #9 on: Feb. 23, 2011, 03:09 PM »

You are absolutely right that parents should be careful for their children and brothers and sisters themselves should also be careful for themselves. Although, I was not able to wrap my head around since to me marriage is a decision for this life and hopefully for the hereafter. And how can someone screw up this life and hereafter for citizenship.
          But recently I saw such a case and can only say that may Allah guide all muslims and save us from such marriages.

regards,
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Amatullah

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #10 on: Feb. 27, 2011, 07:48 AM »

If my family was approached about marriage to my daughter, where the brother was born would be a big deal.  Not because of prejudice or even worry about any kind of citizen issues.  Many times as a brother gets a bit older, it seems common for him to want to return to the country of his birth, which means the girls parents not being with her, except for the occasional visit and having grandchildren grow up without their mothers family knowing them, other than those visits.  Mothers in particular are pretty close to their daughters and will be against this marriage because we know that she might leave and even worse, she might end up divorced, because it can be very difficult for many to leave behind their own place of birth and live in another culture.  I don't think that is any sort of prejudice.  It is parents being protective of their daughter.  I think if someone has moved from another country, they might be more successful looking for other families that have also immigrated from the same area.  Those parents would not be as fearful about their daughter possibly moving back there one day.  Many times rejection is not really personal, even though we tend to take it that way.
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muslimagain

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #11 on: Mar. 22, 2011, 09:44 PM »

Make duah and try to stay patient.  Finding your future spouse isn't an easy road for most people.
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practising_muslimah

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Re: Case Study: Why I will never find a wife in UK!
« Reply #12 on: Apr. 08, 2011, 02:27 PM »

Assalamualaikum

Brother it is nothing personal, the reason why they dont want to marry a non British born is because usually they are after a visa, its as simple as that.  No man likes to be married just because of his money and no woman does either.

Usually these men will leave them after they get citizenship, i heard of one verysupposed 'religous' guy who did that he had full beard etc and its well known its absolutely haram to have temp marriage where you know you will divorce someone!.

Sisters have to be careful because its hard for us to re-marry as divorcees.  Secondly as we are emotional beings we like talking and communication and if you are not British its hard to get on with you, most of the time you prob wont understand us.  The best marriages i have seen in my relatives and freinds are when the couple are both from the same culture or had similiar liofe experiences, they are like best friends subhan'Allah and can finish each others sentences off, how perfect masha'Allah.

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