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Author Topic: Need Emergency Opinions!  (Read 2102 times)

mjaffar

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Need Emergency Opinions!
« on: Aug. 08, 2010, 09:29 PM »

I'm interested in your opinions.

Here's what happened:
Mom tricked my 18yo sister into visiting our "dying" grandmother in Iraq.  Mom then forced her to marry my cousin (son of my uncle AND my aunt).  Mom then left her there and is back in the states.


Background about the family seems necessary, so here goes:
--Parents are both Iraq-born/raised, and moved to the US about 25 yrs ago.  Both are pretty Muslim.
--My siblings and I are fully Americanized.  I'm atheist and my 3 other siblings are trending in that direction too.
--Parents are divorced.  It was messy.
--Mom is ultra-religious and superstitious.  She believes things like TV and Facebook lead to teen pregnancies.  She also believes in magic and things like palm reading.  She claims my sister wanted to get married.
--Every time the topic was brought up here, my sis expressed disgust at the idea of marriage at such a young age (not to mention the whole cousin thing).
--Dad is apathetic about the situation, but gave his approval so as to not upset his side of the family (another shakey relationship).
--None of us have money for an attorney right now, though I could probably use credit cards or loans for a few thousand dollars.
--Tried contacting my sister, but haven't received a response via email; don't know her phone number over there.
**Note that this was a forced, not arranged, marriage**

There's plenty more info, but that should suffice.  Here's where I need your help:
--Which parts  of what happened is considered proper in Islam?  Which are improper/haraam?  Can you please back up your statements with (ideally) excerpts for the Qur'an or links to religious leaders' opinions?


Thanks in advance, everybody.

*I'm reposting this in different categories for more exposure*
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3bdiAllaah

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Parents forcing their daughter into a marriage
« Reply #1 on: Aug. 09, 2010, 02:48 AM »

Parents forcing their daughter into a marriage
I am muslim. I have to ask a question about my friend who is being forced to marry someone by her parents. She wanted to marry someone else. The guy who she is being forced to marry is more educated and wealthy than the one who she wanted to marry. Her parents has disapproved of her choice and they are forcing her to marry that guy. The guy who she likes is also muslim and very much devoted into islam. But just because the society would not talk about them they don't like the guy who she loves. Any suggestions??

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for a woman to be made to marry someone she does not want. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married without being consulted, and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given?” He said, “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6455).

‘Aa’ishah reported that a girl came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it].” ‘Aa’ishah said, “Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women.” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i, 3217).

So, both the guardian and the woman must agree to the marriage. With regard to your request for our advice regarding the problem mentioned in the question, so long as this marriage has taken place, it is better for the woman to try to keep it going as much as she can, and to try to accept this husband. She should seek reward through pleasing her parents and also try to reform her husband through a gentle approach and praying for guidance for him. And Allaah is the Source of Strength.


source:http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/4602/force%20girl%20to%20marry
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mjaffar

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Re: Need Emergency Opinions!
« Reply #2 on: Aug. 09, 2010, 05:06 PM »

Thank you, this should help a lot!
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3bdiAllaah

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Re: Need Emergency Opinions!
« Reply #3 on: Aug. 11, 2010, 02:16 PM »

be happy to help out a muslim sister married against her will ( if forced against her will )
such marriage is nullified according to Quran and Sunnah

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muslimagain

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Re: Need Emergency Opinions!
« Reply #4 on: Mar. 22, 2011, 09:47 PM »

Forcing someone to marry someone else is something that we need to drop from our culture.  It makes Muslims look backwards.
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jannah

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Re: Need Emergency Opinions!
« Reply #5 on: Mar. 26, 2011, 10:46 AM »

I know what you meant, but I kind of get offended when someone says forced marriages are part of "our culture". What culture is that? Certainly not mine as a Muslim. It might be someone else's culture or what wackness they do, but it doesn't have anything to do with Islam or Muslims. About "making Muslims look backwards", I think it's more like this is completely unIslamic and doesn't have anything to do with Islam. It is an oppression of a woman, a Muslim and wrong. We shouldn't just be against it because "it makes muslims look bad".
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A_Khn

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Re: Need Emergency Opinions!
« Reply #6 on: Jan. 14, 2012, 05:52 AM »

I'm interested in your opinions.

Here's what happened:
Mom tricked my 18yo sister into visiting our "dying" grandmother in Iraq.  Mom then forced her to marry my cousin (son of my uncle AND my aunt).  Mom then left her there and is back in the states.


Background about the family seems necessary, so here goes:
--Parents are both Iraq-born/raised, and moved to the US about 25 yrs ago.  Both are pretty Muslim.
--My siblings and I are fully Americanized.  I'm atheist and my 3 other siblings are trending in that direction too.
--Parents are divorced.  It was messy.
--Mom is ultra-religious and superstitious.  She believes things like TV and Facebook lead to teen pregnancies.  She also believes in magic and things like palm reading.  She claims my sister wanted to get married.
--Every time the topic was brought up here, my sis expressed disgust at the idea of marriage at such a young age (not to mention the whole cousin thing).
--Dad is apathetic about the situation, but gave his approval so as to not upset his side of the family (another shakey relationship).
--None of us have money for an attorney right now, though I could probably use credit cards or loans for a few thousand dollars.
--Tried contacting my sister, but haven't received a response via email; don't know her phone number over there.
**Note that this was a forced, not arranged, marriage**

There's plenty more info, but that should suffice.  Here's where I need your help:
--Which parts  of what happened is considered proper in Islam?  Which are improper/haraam?  Can you please back up your statements with (ideally) excerpts for the Qur'an or links to religious leaders' opinions?


Thanks in advance, everybody.

*I'm reposting this in different categories for more exposure*

Salaam

Iam here to learn more about Islam, this is just one of the options. I read your story. Kashmiri parents are no different. I could tell you a few stories like that. But I suppose one has been told here and we will keep it to this one.

The point I want to make isthe woman who has been married forcefully to an unknown man, needs to be given a fair chance in her life. Afterall marriage means a world of change to a greater degree for women as it is usually the girl who leaves her home, family, country, etc behind to join her husband. What if your sister is deply affected by the betrayal (not to mention from a mother)) ... Does Islam say that she will have to bear the consequences of someone elses misdeeds untill the end of her life - a life which is being sucked out of her anyway from having no control over her own innocent life?

She needs to be given support and asked if she wiishes to continue to go on or wishes to discontinue a forced marriage against her will, which is unislamic!

I also pray for all such muslims who misguidedly give birth to emotionally torn mothers. It is these mothers who give birth to tomorrows generation. Their deeds do not stop at marrying their daughters forcefully for their own social standing; the aftermath of their deeds gpercolates to generations vertically and horizontally.






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