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Should I marry him?

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nulady:
I have been doing the online thing for a while now and after a few weeks of emails I have a proposal. He is the right age and location. He has no children but would like to start a family. Those are the main positives, now for the negative.

He does not have a college degree or a career as I have.
He does not believe that he could support me financially and I would have to take care of most of the bills as he has to send money back home to his widowed mother in morocco.
He has a tendency to talk about amoral subjects
He would have to move to be with me and asked me to look for him a job.
In the mean time I would be supporting him.
I am divorced and really don't want to get burned again, this guy just seems to be a little too needy.
Any advice?
Salaam and Du'a

3bdiAllaah:
hes a big no no for u.

3bdiAllaah:

--- Quote ---He does not have a college degree or a career as I have.
--- End quote ---

this may cause him to feel inferior. no matter what u do. but its a "may", a possibility.


--- Quote ---He does not believe that he could support me financially and I would have to take care of most of the bills as he has to send money back home to his widowed mother in morocco.
--- End quote ---


--- Quote ---He has a tendency to talk about amoral subjects
--- End quote ---

this may be due to two things. 1. hes been like this for a while now before moving to the west. 2. this is because of overwhelming fitnah in the west which is driving him crazy.


--- Quote ---He would have to move to be with me and asked me to look for him a job. In the mean time I would be supporting him.
--- End quote ---

he may be a visa hunter.

the only bright side may be his deen. if he is strong in deen overall, and u think "2. this is because of overwhelming fitnah in the west which is driving him crazy."

also depends he just wants to get married as u suggested.


--- Quote ---I am divorced and really don't want to get burned again, this guy just seems to be a little too needy.
Any advice?
--- End quote ---

id say its better not to marry this guy. my humble advice, someone revert/divrocee without kids may be a choice for u.

JenBean71:
Asalam alaikum sister,
I agree with the all the comments above. Mine are just some more thoughts about the prospective brother:

How do you propose to manage all of this? If you became ill, then what? He would need to find a replacement. And while you're busy raising the babies alone, paying the bills alone and spending your nights alone, you won't find much has changed, other than your marital status.
Seriously - what is his role in the marriage?
I like to ask myself this question: Do you think he would get away with these terms with a girl from his own country (in this case, Morocco).
I think you know the answer.

May Allah give you better, ameen!

nulady:

--- Quote from: JenBean71 on Sep. 02, 2010, 07:38 AM ---I like to ask myself this question: Do you think he would get away with these terms with a girl from his own country (in this case, Morocco).
I think you know the answer.

--- End quote ---

Had I taken this advice before I would have never married my ex-husband! It is really quite hard to find a guy that has it all together!

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