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Author Topic: Problems marrying a Christian woman, advice on what to do, how to tell parents?  (Read 3800 times)

Sallahudeen

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Assalamualaikum.

I am a college student and I practice Islam on a daily basis and come from a well respected and religious family alhamdullilah. I have a very good friend who is a christian, more specifically a Mormon. We are in love and planning on getting married, She completely respects Islam but she doesn't want to convert to Islam like I'd hoped. Even though she is a very good person who lives a righteous life and practices her religion thoroughly, I am still a little scared of what could happen. We aren't sure on how to approach our current situation. I am afraid of just going ahead and just telling my parents of our plans because I'm sure they would not like it and might not approve because they don't know her.  We've both kept our relationship as halal as possible alhamdullilah like no kissing, no hugging, ect. And we've discussed and are both aware of the shari'ah laws and rules of how the children must be raised on Islam.  

I'm just looking for advice on what to do, how to let my parents know and how to make it work the best possible way for the both of us to live a  successful life together inshallah. Any type of feedback and criticism is welcome and appreciated. Inshallah khair.

Jazakallahukhairan    
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Ilyas

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Walaikum Asalam,

If you practiced Islam on a daily basis you would not be in this situation. As far as my knowledge goes, it is ok for you to marry the girl since she is a believing Christian however it is disliked because the increased chances of your children growing up as non-practicing Muslims.

Dealing with your parents is not something that I can advice you on but I will say one thing, be completely honest. Do not make up a story or falsely claim her as thinking about converting because she's not.

Live a respectful life and give her all the rights she deserves, be honest and faithful, and try to incorporate as much of Islam as you can in your life. Even if she doesn't believe in it right now, she will eventually get curious enough to have an open-mind about researching the religion more and may possibly revert later on.

I hope the other brothers and sisters on this site can give you better and helpful advice, this is all I can offer.

Wayakum
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JenBean71

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Asalam alaikum,

I hate to bring this up, but one of the biggest obstacle will be funerals. They usually happen suddenly and they are expressed very differently from religion to religion. Make sure you talk about the possibilities, and certainly don't assume you have your whole life ahead of you. So if you pass away suddenly, will she memorize surahs to teach to the children, take them to Jumah, fast Ramadan, and raise them to be good Muslims? Be realistic.

Just a hypothetical situation may Allah give you both clarity in your future decisions inshaAllah.

It is great that you found love - but again - are you both being realistic or are you in love with the idea of making it work against the odds?
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cinders

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It is great that you found love - but again - are you both being realistic or are you in love with the idea of making it work against the odds?

Salam. I totally agree with this comment. Please be careful and consider things properly. It's easy to get lost in the moment. Try to put things in perspective and look at practicality regarding this intended union. There's so much to consider.
Make sincere duah. May Allah make it easy for you.  Ameen.
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Sallahudeen

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Thank you for the feedback inshallah it will help. Jazakallahu khair for the responses. I will be giving them lots of thought.
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3bdiAllaah

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salam bro.

for the sake of Allaah. dont. do. this.

now, just be neutral, remove any preconcieved notions u got from what i just wrote and think.

two things bro, u gota know and think about.


1. theres a crusade going on, yes? of course, it maybe lead by catholics as has always been, and zionists the fact of the matter is, you dont go around marrying ur enemy, even tho shes mormon, it may be ok

2. BUT. these are hard times for us and we gota stick together and preserve ourselves, shes strong on her faith, its gona cause problems and ur sisters in islam deserve, so many of them looking to get married, marry them for the sake of Allaah ones whom ud please to ,marrry.

they can never be our friends, and naturally kids are closer to their moms, and if u gota live in the west for long term, not a good idea.

this love thing never lasts forever, except love for the sake of Allaah.

do you love her for the sake of Allaah? or for the sake of her beauty?

gives a notion of being very sentimental and goody good, but u gota think abt this, at least give it a long thought.
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nulady

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I posted something similar to 3bdiAllaah’s comments in another topic, I have not responded to this post for risked of being redundant but as I have read and re-read this topic it really bears repeating.

If you are a Muslim who practices as you should this would not really be an issue, that is neither here nor there what is done is done.
You marry a woman for 4 reasons and none of them are Love.  Had you followed Islamic guidelines  as far as acceptable relations with the opposite sex you would not be ‘in love” with her. love is a fleeting thing  at any rate and of course based emotions which should be weighed against the logic of a situation.
My Muslim brother, ask yourself "Why do I really want to marry her?" list those reasons alongside the Islamic reasons for marriage that are stated in the Quran. Which do you value more? Muslim men are allowed to marry a non Muslim woman, true enough. But think about it. WHY? When Islam was new there few Muslim women that one could marry. In some countries this is still the case in some countries. But if you have the option to choose and there are clearly Muslim women available why would you choose to marry someone who follows a faith outside of your own. Who does not believe in your Prophet and his message that you love so much?

The reality is that you will probably marry her anyway and justify because she is al-Kitab. Be cautious and think about your future, children, and the implications of your marriage. Religion matters a lot more than you think when it come comes to marriage.
 :-\
Salaam and Du'a
Tawhida
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cinders

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Assalamu alaykum. Just thought I'd make another point to consider.

My friend is a Non-Muslim. She classes herself as non-Muslim. Her father is born Muslim & her Mother is Catholic. Her mother continues to practice Catholicism, apart from not eating Pork. Now, can you see where I'm (& other posts) are coming from. My friend does not even consider herself Catholic, or Muslim. She has her 'own God', she's very Westernised. Alhamdulillah she has some morals and isn't loose, though she's not Muslim... There's certain things she won't do. However, there's other things that she WOULD do, which are considered Haram Islamically.

So my point being, even though the female in question is Christian & Al-kitab, what if your future children grow up with very 'watered down, diluted' versions of Islam & Christianity? As a result, kind of making up their own religion with their 'Own God'. Remember Allah has no partners, He is perfect. Indirectly, you would be justifying this.

Salam & duahs.

   
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3bdiAllaah

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^ ok wheres the like button?
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jannah

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Wsalam bro,

It's nice to know that you're in love, but as you can see from above, there are a lot of things to think about. Your parents are going to have a lot to say about this as well I'm sure, not to mention your young age. Daily lifestyle of a Muslim and a Christian/Mormon are very very different, not to mention their ideologies. I think you should take your time and really think these things out. Also talk to knowledgeable people around you, perhaps some people in your community that are married to Christians and are still practicing. You should also talk to your Imam so you learn a little more about the complex issues involved.

Take care iA
ws

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practising_muslimah

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so many single MUSLIM sisters looking for husbands while our 'religous' brothers are marrying kuffar women who do shirk and kufr.

I feel sorry for us sisters with the likes of our so called muslim brothers going for kuffar women just cos she has some white flesh. Who will marry your sisters and daughters?!,  Kuffar men?

Allahu musta'an.

Then again how you even became very good freinds with a woman shows how religous you are!.



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nulady

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^ AGREE!!!
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wonderful1980

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I see there is no prob to marry her ,, my brother lives in the US and he got married with Chrsitian and after their marriage she converted to Islam alhamduleelah so maybe after merriage you can affect on her in good way and in Islamic manners that the prophet asked us to do ,,, coz Islam is an action its all about how to deal with pple and that how you make pple convert not by looking to others like Kuffar or Mushrkeen ,, i hate that point ,,, but anyway if she is good then may God bless you both
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SalwaR

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Brother i wont patronize you with the usuals, if your practicing then you wouldnt be "Inlove" with a kuffar, or be in that situation in the first place.

Instead ill remind you of the Prophet SAW, Yes we know and i hope you do to, he married a jew.... but once they married what happened? she Reverted to Islam.
So Yes you can marry people of the book... i dont think Mormons are people of book, come to think of it nor are christians as they are polythesists and believe in 3 not one god.

But as long as she reverts and accepts islam is correct before marriage, accepts that children will be muslims and she will teach them only islam. then its accepted by the scholars. But if she remains a Moron, sorry mormon a polythesist and you accept that, the bro you need to question who you love more, the Dunya a girl, a ploythesist or Allah and Islam?? you will make that choice when you marry her and continue with the Haram relationship. What you decide will change your place in Islam.

Are you willing to loose Allah, your family, your religion for a girl. When the earth is full of religious muslim girls. Shiytan made her look appealing to you and you fell in the trap. It happens often. Its sad. So many muslim girls find it hard to get married as muslim men are marrying polythesists and disbelievers. Think again. Marriage is not just about "Love" if you do not love for Allahs sake, and love what Allah loves then your love will only last in the dunya, and for a short time. Think about it...
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uncledodat

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salam bro. I know this post maybe dead, but I feel compaled to add my two cents. Maybe three....lol I am only compaled to share with you from experience. I am married to a non-Muslim woman. And before I get into how I wish for a Muslim wife right to this day. I must start by saying I was not born Muslim. I took my shahada at 16 and never made it to the second pillar of Islam (salah) due to not surrounding myself with believers. I just didn't have that support system. 19yrs has passed 10 of which I have been married to a non Muslim woman. I don't know where to begin. The arguments, the on and off separations, the disrespect to God & me, the total misunderstanding. Her family against me. We have three children together. Two girls(8&2) one boy(6) I have recently started to revert back to Islam according to the sunnah and I have been taking my son with me to jumah and teaching him wudu & how to pray as we are learning together. But this only comes after falling to my knees asking for help and guidance from the turmoil that has occurred in my marriage. Just not knowing what to do. Once on my knees I remembered that I am a Muslim man. I have lost my way. But I have long declared "la ilaha illa Allah" But how did I forget in the first place? Shatan is tricky that's how. He is testing your faith. He want you to put that woman before Allah. As I did. What I didn't know then. That it isn't permissible to marry for beauty. As well as social status and I cannot remember the others. But what I do remember is that marrying because she believes as you believe is permissible. (aka religion) What about my daughters will they wear the holy garb even though mommies does not? Shouldn't mommy set that example? Can you imagine my rage from watching some man undress my wife with his eyes because she has left her modesty elsewhere, watching my wife's curves when she bends or moves. I don't want my daughters to be looked at upon this way. I love my children I even love my wife, but if I was practicing Islam like I wish I was 10yrs ago I can only pray that things would be different.

Now far as my wish for a Muslim wife. I am not going psych myself out to thinking that everything would be perfect, for every marriage has its goods and bads. But I have this vision of making salat in my living room with my whole family (wife and children) I have this vision of my children being home schooled. Being taught by my wife. I have a vision of being able to talk to my wife with out her raising her voice and getting tempered. I have a vision that my wife will share her beauty with her husband and children only. But watch this. The vision I see, for the love of Allah. The woman in the vision is not the woman that I am currently married to. But look, these things I desire. I would have had from day one had I been strong in my faith.

It is too late for me. Hope it isnt too late for you bro.
assalaamualaikum
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