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Author Topic: Asking for references online  (Read 1645 times)

Sila

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Asking for references online
« on: Sep. 17, 2010, 05:12 PM »

A man came to Umar ibn al-Khattab and spoke in praise of another. Umar asked him: “Are you his nearest neighbor such that you know his goings and his comings?”

“No.”

“Have you been his companion on a journey so that you could see evidence of his good character?”

“No.”

“Have you had dealings with him involving dinars and dirhams [money] which would indicate the piety of the man?”

“No.”

“I think you saw him standing in the mosque muttering the Quran and moving his head up and down?”

“Yes.”

“Go, for you do not know him...”

And to the man in question, Umar said, “Go and bring me someone who knows you.”

(quoted from Islam The Natural Way by Abdul Wahid Hamid, p. 66)

This gives you three types of people you can ask about a prospective mate's character: a neighbor, business colleague or someone who has traveled with them.


This is with respect to giving/receiving references for a suitor ....but how exactly does one do this if you meet online and live thousands of miles away from each other?...... just asking?  ;D
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3bdiAllaah

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Re: Asking for references online
« Reply #1 on: Sep. 20, 2010, 05:16 AM »

sis i think theres no only-cyber way of confirming these references
once we have met someone online, there has to be a physical meeting.

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jannah

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Re: Asking for references online
« Reply #2 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 12:14 PM »

Ws,

The best thing is to find ppl in his community that you can talk to... maybe his friends, his Imam, other sisters and so on. Usually you can ask him for these references. A brother shouldn't have a problem with that if he's honest I would think. If you want to do a 'below the radar' background check, have someone else contact people there and ask around about him.
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ummzak

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Re: Asking for references online
« Reply #3 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 06:00 PM »

I also plan to do a criminal background check, in addition to getting references. You never know in this world.
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Ilyas

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Re: Asking for references online
« Reply #4 on: Sep. 22, 2010, 08:57 PM »

Asalam alaikum,

So the females can call up a Masjid and talk with the Imam or ask other members of the Masjid about the guy. How would a male check up on a girl? Who do we call/contact for information on the female?
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Al-Qamar

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Re: Asking for references online
« Reply #5 on: Sep. 23, 2010, 01:12 AM »

Obviously I can't speak for masajid in general, but in our masjid, the imaams and their wives have very close connections to the masjid. Thus if a brother or a sister wanted to get married, they could speak to one or the other (i.e. the men speak to the imaam, and the women speak to the wife) and between the two of them they can match-make. The imaams knows the brothers in general, and their wives also know all the sisters, thus the two of them together are in the best possible position to be able to advice anyone seeking marriage.
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ummzak

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Re: Asking for references online
« Reply #6 on: Sep. 23, 2010, 07:15 AM »

Asalam alaikum,

So the females can call up a Masjid and talk with the Imam or ask other members of the Masjid about the guy. How would a male check up on a girl? Who do we call/contact for information on the female?

Lots of women work, attend school, and are active in the community now. Just to use myself as an example, I don't attend the masjid because of family responsibilities, but the people I do business with and have helped with various ventures would all be a good place to start. Now, if the woman doesn't work inside or outside the home, attend school, or volunteer, then all you've got is the masjid, but that's usually not the case.
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Sila

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Re: Asking for references online
« Reply #7 on: Sep. 24, 2010, 04:23 AM »

Thanks for all yr replies....definitely very helpful and will keep all the suggestions in mind. Jazak Allah Kheir
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