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Author Topic: twice divorced  (Read 1913 times)

xara

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twice divorced
« on: Sep. 18, 2010, 10:32 PM »

Salaam, id like to know if there is anyone here who has been divorced more than once, if so please reply id like to discuss something...
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Ilyas

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Re: twice divorced
« Reply #1 on: Sep. 19, 2010, 01:27 AM »

Walaikum Asalam,

I am not sure if anyone here is divorced more than once but if I am not mistaken, there is a sister in the Madina forum that is divorced twice.
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cinders

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Re: twice divorced
« Reply #2 on: Sep. 19, 2010, 01:35 AM »

Salam sis, I'm only divorced the once, but I know of a sister who is divorced twice. What did you want to ask?
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xara

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Re: twice divorced
« Reply #3 on: Sep. 19, 2010, 09:04 PM »

well i am divorced twice and my family is naturally looking someone for me again, my problem is TRUST...due to my trust being broken twice, im am unable to trust any one enough to get married, any one who does approach me , swearing and promising their feelings, no matter how sincere, i end up treating them badly or refusing them, as i cannot accept any thing they say....due to this ive lost very good proposals...

i want this to end, i want to change myself in order to start my life again...so i was hoping to find sumone in my situation to talk to...
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cinders

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Re: twice divorced
« Reply #4 on: Sep. 20, 2010, 01:44 AM »

Salam, sis I totally understand. I've rejected people due to the whole trust issue. Having said that I did look actively, but realised I wasn't ready & would at the time be getting married for the wrong reasons. The sis I know who has been divorced twice says "Never Again"... She cannot consider marrying again.
I myself cannot say that, because  I've decided to leave it Allah's qadr. I know Allah has someone wonderful planned for me, I don't know when or where, but all I know us whoever I'm with will be the best of spouses, whether in this life or the hereafter. Allah is the best of planners. I've stopped looking actively, (thank goodness my family aren't pressuring me to get married & I'm in no rush either).
I totally feel for you, but just think of your divorces as your test. Allah tests those he loves. I'll make duah for you sis. Hope it works out. ({hug}) 
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Al-Qamar

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Re: twice divorced
« Reply #5 on: Sep. 21, 2010, 01:02 AM »

Assalamu alaykum,

I'm also twice divorced, but then I'm also a guy, so I'm not sure if you'd want to discuss whatever it is with me ;)

Subhan'Allah, they've been a test for me, but insha'Allah, Allah will provide me with better
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akh_islam

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Re: twice divorced
« Reply #6 on: Sep. 26, 2010, 04:53 AM »

Assalam Alaykum,

I will offer the following advice, without any presumptions on your situation, but as some general benefits I have gained from my experiences and directed to myself more than anyone else.

Do not view past experiences as something bad - This can be difficult especially when even Muslims criminalize divorce.  But what if each divorce was a mercy from Allah?  Perhaps removing you from a relationship that would have later turned abusive or detrimental?  We often develop trust issues in cases where we have been hurt - and to some degree that is natural in marriage and divorce, but try to think of those occurrences in terms of what Allah was trying to teach you (about yourself, this dunya, about Himself, etc.)  Free your heart from any ill feelings over what happened or to the parties involved.

Put your trust in Allah - Even if we find someone who we feel can be trusted not to break the marriage bond with us, that is no guarantee we will stay married to them - they have no more control over their life than we do.  Things like death, sickness, mental illness could all bring a marriage to an end.  So refocus on marriage as a means to the pleasure of Allah and then put your trust in Allah that if you obey Allah, do your best and take all available means, then taking that step will bring you closer to Him (and insha'Allah result in a happy, health relationship).

Think about what practical lessons may be drawn from past experiences - think about signs that you possibly ignored, or steps you could have taken to make a more careful decision and then construct a 'pre marital interview process' that covers all of your bases.  If someone meets all of those requirements then nagging doubts and whispers might just be Shaytaan trying to interfere with your forward progress.  Pray istikhara and put your trust in Allah.

May Allah grant you a spouse from the most excellent of His servants.  All good is from Allah.  Please forgive me for anything I said that was the least bit offensive, presumptuous or inappropriate.
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cinders

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Re: twice divorced
« Reply #7 on: Sep. 27, 2010, 01:36 AM »

^ above post, great post. Jazakallah, you've reminded me of why I'm divorced too. Allah SWT saved me from an unhappy marriage.
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