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Author Topic: Age, marriage...  (Read 1991 times)

I Walk Alone...

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Age, marriage...
« on: Nov. 28, 2010, 01:44 AM »

Salam alaykum everyone.
Okay. Basically, the advice I'm looking for is in terms of my age. I'm a revert in my early 20's, and at a point where I feel like I need someone there, well I know I do, and it's affecting (read: hurting) me a lot.
It's like, beginning to really feel like a struggle.

One trend I've chanced upon a lot is my age being an issue.
Why does a brothers physical age matter so much? I suppose is my question. It's just a stupid number on paper.
Like, if a brother truly can fulfill a sister's rights, then why stand in the way of that?
I'm just really sick of being told how mature I am on one hand, and then when I'm trying to make a mature decision being told I'm too young for it. It's like, people will tell me I'm mature, until I bring up marriage then I'm told I'm too young, or need to live life first. The whole tone changes.
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cinders

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Re: Age, marriage...
« Reply #1 on: Nov. 28, 2010, 02:42 AM »

Walaykum Salam,
I don't think age should matter, as long as you're ready & mature ( meaning what responsibilities & duties are upon you as a husband/wife) enough to get married Insh'Allah.

However, it's just someone's preference for someone slightly older/younger/same age. It's just how it is. I know it's difficult for you at this time.

But make sincere duah that Allah makes it easy for you during this time, gives you patience & Allah SWT is the best of Planners. Have trust & faith in Him. I'll make duah for you, that Allah joins your heart with the best of spouses, who will love you & care for you for the sake of Allah. Ameen.   
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JenBean71

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Re: Age, marriage...
« Reply #2 on: Nov. 28, 2010, 05:12 AM »

Asalam alaikum IWA (and cinders..i always agree with your advice mashaAllah sister)

It's a double standard..sisters get married as young as their teens and if they get past 25 they're no longer eligible according to some standards.

Then there are people I know who are in their 30's and still feel they're too young to get married (not Muslims though). So many cross cultural social norms to dodge. It's not a game that we are taught when we learn about Islam - and not one we should have to play because there's no way to win.

Alhamdulillah you embraced Islam and are sincerely looking for a spouse. Are there many Muslims in your continent? Many people that have embraced Islam? Tell me what its like there....I think there is something in the water in my little city in Canada - lots of sisters embracing Islam alhamdulillah.

Ameen to cinders' duas.







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I Walk Alone...

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Re: Age, marriage...
« Reply #3 on: Nov. 28, 2010, 08:33 AM »

Cinders, JazakiAllah kheir for your advice.
And I totally dig the fact that people have individual preferences. Alhamdulillah.
I don't know, I guess for me the part that I'm finding most difficult is almost like a lot of people just write me off before they know what I'm really actually capable of. It's like a 'Well, you're good...But not good enough...Just need to age more?'

Jen, I agree. It's a total double standard. Sisters are at 'marriable age' in teens and early 20's and for us brothers is late 20's and early 30's. So what is the solution? Apparently marry them off to each other despite very different attitudes and mentalities and 'places in life' while leaving the younger brothers and older sisters in the dark. This is painted to people, for reasons I simply don't understand, as being 'how it should be'. A brother like me, expresses he would be interested in an older sister, from there on out it's all funny looks. Like I should sit in the backseat, be quiet and just watch out for a sister who's probably like 14 right now to come 'of age'.
At the end of the day, it's not going to be like that. I'm not going to let it. The last thing I want, is a relationship and all it entails with someone I simply see as a kid.

Alhamdulillah, I embraced Islam very young, many years ago. And in Australia, there is a large and very rapidly growing Muslim community! :D
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riteshnarula

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Re: Age, marriage...
« Reply #4 on: Sep. 13, 2011, 06:47 AM »

I don't think age does not  matte if you are mature and you are in love with some one so you can do marriage of this guys.
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humararishta

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Re: Age, marriage...
« Reply #5 on: Oct. 25, 2011, 09:12 AM »

Don't think about it just go ahead.
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SalwaR

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Re: Age, marriage...
« Reply #6 on: Nov. 25, 2011, 04:14 PM »

Obviously the people you speak to are not aware of the importance of marriage at a young age, it being sunnah. If you are ready then just get married. Go to people who understand, shiekhs, imams etc etc, those of religious minds. And ask for advice, its not impossible, i know many brothers in UK 20/21 who married, thier wives there age or younger ad they have healthy marriages. As long as you are ready for responsibilities, given your wife her rights and supporting a family then go ahead.
Inshallah khier, your in my duas.
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