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Author Topic: are you being serious???  (Read 2014 times)

SalwaR

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are you being serious???
« on: Feb. 17, 2011, 10:39 PM »

Asalam waliykum bros/sisters...


Are these men being serious, i have had experince and have heard from sisters who have had some men who approach them in the street declaring how much they want to marry them. I wish it was a joke, but these poor men are being serious. I feel sorry for them, but do they think that one day a girl will say Yes to them? Maybe Allahu allam, its pretty foolish, but be it on thier head.
I just find it funny and just wanted to share with you.
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I Walk Alone...

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #1 on: Feb. 18, 2011, 02:17 PM »

They're either seriously desperate or seriously deluded.
I'm a man, saying this too.
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SalwaR

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #2 on: Feb. 18, 2011, 06:45 PM »

i thought so too  :)
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Al-Qamar

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #3 on: Feb. 18, 2011, 11:46 PM »

I'd say so too... but I know a guy who has a friend (yes, I know it's turning into one of those stories... but apparently it is true) who did end up marrying a girl that way? Apparently she had rejected loads of guys beforehand, he just walked up to her and proposed and she accepted there and then because she loved his boldness...


Not that I'd do that... but also consider that looks are a big thing for guys (and if you're wearing hijab, they'll assume piety, or can guess it from your response), so if you're attractive... that's pretty much what most guys want/need.
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SalwaR

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #4 on: Feb. 19, 2011, 12:45 AM »

Wow that's risky. I don't think it shows guts at all, do many guys do it.
I think if a brother wants to b guttsy he got to step to the father n parents.
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Al-Qamar

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #5 on: Feb. 19, 2011, 01:25 AM »

I'm sure that must have happened at some point for the marriage to have taken place...? Most guys I know though would approach a girl directly to see if she's interested (when I say directly, even via a friend is what I mean), before approaching the family... just to get an indication of whether she's interested or not. There's little point approaching the father if she's not.
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SalwaR

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #6 on: Feb. 21, 2011, 06:54 PM »

Hmm i dont know, Maybe becuase i do strongly believe that everyone has a special "One" out there for them. It just seems wrong to walk upto every girl/boy and be like "Do you want to marryme" That should only be reserved to people who you know actually they might be the one. Not every girl in Hijab. Which is what most men have done, hoping one will say yeah ok, why not.  :D

Just seeing how my brother met his wife to be, it was so special. She was never interested in anyone else and he was not either, They never approached anyone else or made any proposals etc etc. Then they met and that was it. Just 'clicked' and they were lucky to find one another and not have to meet so many time wasters.

I wish it would happen to me too..... i have had to meet so many unsuitable brothers, and waste my time in the last few years. It really is dissapointing.
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Al-Qamar

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #7 on: Feb. 21, 2011, 07:29 PM »

I know what you mean, but I think this is a little bit of a fantasy, the whole idea of there being just "the one".

Of course, there is a spouse written for you on Lahw al Mahfooz, as Muslims we believe that. But, there can also be more than one, and perhaps each can be special in their own way (although this would be more specific to men).

Take for example, the wives of the Prophet (saw). Of his favourite were clearly Khadija (ra) and Aaishah (ra). The scholars don't compare between the two, they were at different times and there's no need to entertain the debate because no benefit arises from it. But it is clear that both had a special place with the Prophet (saw).

Don't worry about it, whatever has been written will come to pass, insha'Allah. Umar bin Khattab mentioned on one occasion that we run from the perceived qadr of Allah, to the true decree. Insha'Allah it'll happen for you too. You have plenty of time yet :)
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SalwaR

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #8 on: Feb. 21, 2011, 07:54 PM »

I dont agree at all, i know there is one special person for everyone. Yes Aisha and Khadejah were loved dearly by the prophet. But if khdejah had not pssed away he would of not remarried so many women. Before he was content with 'one'.
And that relationship that he had with khaejah is what every woman should have and be intitled too, Basically i want to be someones khadejah.

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Al-Qamar

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #9 on: Feb. 21, 2011, 10:19 PM »

I dont agree at all, i know there is one special person for everyone. Yes Aisha and Khadejah were loved dearly by the prophet. But if khdejah had not pssed away he would of not remarried so many women. Before he was content with 'one'.
Respectfully, I disagree. Playing with "what-if's" is (according to various scholars) a form of minor shirk because it's playing with the decree of Allah (swt), and to believe in the qadr of Allah (swt) is an article of faith.

The fact is, Khadija (ra) was destined to pass away, and that was the will of Allah (swt). All the marriages of the Prophet (saw) were already pre-written, long before he was born! And it's the same with us.

Yes, you can hope that there is a special "one" for you, but unfortunately the reality is that we don't get to choose in life. Ask me, I know this well. I'm not in the position I'm in because I wanted to be here... and I fought with everything to avoid this position, but when Allah (swt) has decreed a matter, none can change it.

And that relationship that he had with khaejah is what every woman should have and be intitled too, Basically i want to be someones khadejah.
There's no harm in wishing that, insha'Allah. Make dua ukhti, and insha'Allah you'll get what you desire :)

Just one thought to bear in mind though, the marriage to the Prophet (saw) was Khadija's third marriage! She was married to two other men before she found her "one"... and she worked hard for her marriage. I'm not suggesting you wouldn't for yours, but I'm highlighting that she wasn't so beloved to the Prophet (saw) for no reason at all. Everyone knows that she was a very wealthy woman... when the Prophet (saw) used to go to the cave of Hira, and she suspected his food would run out... she didn't send an army of servants to him with more, even though she could easily afford to. She went herself, and climbed the mountain (which is very steep, and very difficult to climb, it takes a couple of hours for the average person). Such was her love and devotion to him... that it's not sufficient for his sustenance to be delivered by just anyone's hand... she wanted his sustenance to be delivered by hers!
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SalwaR

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #10 on: Feb. 22, 2011, 08:18 PM »

Salam brother,


I have to diagree if Allah wants to change your path then he will. It is not set in stone to the extent that there is no hope. The only hings which Allah has said set in stone is your death date. That is not curable and will not be delayed by any means, be it medicine, money, worship etc etc.

Qadr is with Allah and it is Allahs will to change it. If that was the case a lot o people can use that excuse i am an alcoholic becuase its Qadr, therefore saying they have no free will. When Allah has said in the Quran we do as humans and jinn are the only creatures he created to have free will. Angels dont....

Allah has a special one for us. He has said he created us in pairs, which means we have our other half.... out there waiting. He did not say we created you with many pairs....
Yes exactly she married other men who were not destined to be the one. Allah had one man for her who as her soul mate thet Prophet SAW.
You can marry any person but doesnt mean they are the one... people get married by force and have no say... Allah made a person just for them, and it will not happen by force. Some people live thier whole life wih someone they truely know is not that special person. They gave up on the search to soon and never had a chnce to meet them
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Al-Qamar

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Re: are you being serious???
« Reply #11 on: Feb. 22, 2011, 10:08 PM »

Assalamu alaykum ukhti,

I agree with part of your points. Yes, Allah (swt) can change your path if He so wills, of course. And this of course also refers to future events (no-one has seen their past change... not saying Allah (swt) can't change it, but you wouldn't know it's been changed since you only know one past).

However, with deaths that have happened, in this particular instance, the death of Khadija (ra) when it happened, we cannot say that had she not died, the Prophet (saw) would have done something else. I mentioned dwelling on "what-ifs" is a form of minor shirk (according to scholars), and by definition that means things in the past...

Of course, things in your own control are still your problem. Alcoholism is something within your control... the time of your death is not.

Most scholars (in fact, every one that I've come across and asked) say that marriage is pre-decreed, regardless of how it happens. So insha'Allah, don't worry about it... put your trust in Allah (swt) and be satisfied with His decree :)
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