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Author Topic: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?  (Read 3115 times)

Al-Qamar

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Re: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?
« Reply #15 on: Mar. 04, 2011, 07:01 PM »

That's why you're supposed to ask and make enquiries about the brother...

I've been divorced twice, and you could assume what you wish about me. Except that I also have (alhumdulillah) excellent references, people who have known me for years, know what I went through, know how hard I tried in each case... and these referees have a very high social standing and reputation themselves, so their opinions carry weight.

Unless you'd be willing to assume they're all lying about me, which would be difficult to establish, you'd have to accept that in some cases, it's not always the guy at fault.


I'm not saying that every divorced guy is completely innocent, but what I am saying is that rejection should be on that basis alone. You should make enquiries from people who know the person, who've had dealings with him, etc, to see what his character is like.
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Amatullah

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Re: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?
« Reply #16 on: Mar. 04, 2011, 10:10 PM »

Society assumes when someone is divorced that they are not good enough at something.  That in some part of marriage they didn't do what they were supposed to.  The funny part about that is no one manages to do everything they're supposed to in a marriage.  We're all imperfect and putting two people together means we are twice as imperfect.  A marriage works when both people decide to do what it takes to make it work.  Too many times both won't do it and divorce happens. 

Al Qamar, I had to laugh about you expecting to be waited on hand and foot.  There isn't a man alive who doesn't try that in the beginning, at least for a minute.  Since most of us women don't grow up dreaming about becoming a mother to a full grown hairy baby, it seldom works when it's a one way street.  I'm not saying that a Muslim wife doesn't take care of her husband.  She does, if she's smart.  A man will give the world for a woman who makes him feel like a king.  It's great to take care of a man who appreciates it and who gives back.  Not nearly as complex as it seems.  A woman teaches her husband how to be a good husband and father.  She teaches him how to be a good leader to his family.  That doesn't mean, she is smarter or runs the show.  Men and women just have their gifts and strengths in different areas and it really does work well together. We aren't equal.  We are just pieces of a whole.  Some parts bigger, some smaller. 

This might be offensive to some women and I do not mean it to be.  I think many marriages fail because the woman didn't do her part.  I believe Allah (SWT) has given women 'marriage fitra'.  Men are clueless when it comes to marriage to start with.  Unfortunately there seems to be a trend these days where the husband and wife are almost in a competition.  She'll do for him 'IF' he does for her.  Each is waiting for the other one.  I think that's why Allah (SWT) warns us about not being grateful to our husbands.  It is up to us women to make the first moves.  Men respond to our cues.  They are more simple than we are.  And that is a good thing.  The bottom line is, I wouldn't rule out a divorced man without getting to know what he believes about how a marriage should be.  He might not have really had a chance to have a good marriage.

I'm divorced and I used to be embarrassed about it.  Now I know that I probably wouldn't have been introduced to Islam if I had still been married, so divorce was necessary and a blessing, alhamdulillah.  At the time, it wasn't so great.  I do know that I made plenty of mistakes and I've learned from them.  I think most people who are divorced really want to make sure it doesn't happen again, so we try even harder, inshallah.   
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cinders

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Re: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?
« Reply #17 on: Mar. 05, 2011, 01:02 AM »

That's why you're supposed to ask and make enquiries about the brother...

I've been divorced twice, and you could assume what you wish about me. Except that I also have (alhumdulillah) excellent references, people who have known me for years, know what I went through, know how hard I tried in each case... and these referees have a very high social standing and reputation themselves, so their opinions carry weight.

I am not saying that a brothers character doesn't hold weight especially when you ask for references. However, I just feel that no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. So you can get all the references you want, but no one can really tell you what kind of husband he was, apart from his previous wife. But then there's the prospect she could be malicious and make up negative comments about him. So for me, I just would prefer not to take the chance.

I have to say that I'm divorced, & Amatullah I have to say that it really wasn't me that was the problem in my marriage. Alhamdulillah, I think the brother I was married to was very fortunate to have a wife like me (& I'm not blowing my own trumpet, it's true). But he couldn't appreciate it, until he lost it. So I know my reasons for being divorced are genuine. We exhausted all avenues before we came to divorce.

Speaking from experience, I don't think you should make blanket statements like it's us women who are to blame because we don't fulfil our roles. It's not even about being in competition with the husband either.

If he is to get married again, I honestly can't see him telling some potential prospective wife why & who was responsible for the failure of our marriage. Of course he'll probably blame me, and say I was the bad one, who didn't fulfil my responsibilities as a wife. He ain't gonna tell the truth, otherwise, no one else'd have him were they to learn the truth.




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Amatullah

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Re: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?
« Reply #18 on: Mar. 05, 2011, 11:28 AM »

Cinders..........I do agree that no one can really know what went on behind closed doors, nor can you know what kind of husband a divorced man will be.  But neither can you tell what kind of husband you will have if you marry a man who has never been married.  Only Allah (SWT) knows this, which is why we are supposed to make dua'a for a good and pious spouse.

I'm sorry the statement about women not doing their part bothered you or seemed wrong.  I don't feel like it is unfounded or a 'blanket' statement.  It is in part my opinion based on many years of life and observation, but it is also based on sunnah.  Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 2, Number 28 talks about there being many more women in hell than men.  And it is explained by saying that many women are ungrateful to their husbands.  If the hadith is true, then it follows that there is some truth to me saying that many marriages fail because the woman doesn't do her part.  If many women are in Hell for being ungrateful, they were not doing their part.  But it is an opinion and not a claim.  I'll let those who are better and smarter than I am take care of that part.  I will quote the hadith though, so it might be made clearer.     

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:

    The Prophet said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you."[/color]

You said, "Speaking from experience, I don't think you should make blanket statements like it's us women who are to blame because we don't fulfil our roles. It's not even about being in competition with the husband either."

If it is not either of those things, then why is the divorce rate among Muslims rising so much?

The above hadith bothered me when I first became a Muslim almost two years ago.  That and the hadith that went something like this "Aisha RA once said,O gathering of ladies!if you knew the rights you owe to your husbands, you woud use your cheeks to wipe the sand of their feet..

And there is one more, "Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband".
[At-Tirmidhi]


I've always been a very strong woman and these hadiths made it seem like we are slaves to our husbands.  Of course we're not.  We are slaves to Allah (SWT).  Allah (SWT), in his infinite knowledge made a woman's future in Jannah or Hell dependent on whether or not she is an obedient and pious wife.  He (SWT) made sure that we were created with the necessary fitra to go to Jannah.  But I was a brand new Muslim and Shaytan would whisper that women are second class citizens under Islam.  It took awhile and everyday I asked Allah (SWT) to give me understanding and now I realize that Allah (SWT) gave us such a wonderful gift.  It can be incredibly difficult and it is our Jihad, but we have been promised the greatest reward in existence for it, so how can we complain.  I didn't realize at first that when Allah (SWT) gives us our Jihad, He (SWT)I think that man is a step above women, not in value, but in advantage, but after giving it alot of thought I realized that even if Allah (SWT) had created men to be superior to us, we should realize that whatever Allah (SWT) does is perfect and right and we should not waste our time and emotion on such trivial things.  The matter of equality seems to be a sticky point in Islam  It is one of the reasons I mentioned men and women seem to compete at times.  Who is to blame is sometimes part of that competition too, imo.  And please don't think I am saying you can't have the opinion that you were not at fault in marriage.  I think we must figure out what went wrong or risk repeating it.  But during the marriage blame and gratitude are incompatible.     

I apologize for being so long-winded here.  I have alot to learn about Islam, inshallah and I am certainly not trying to say that I am right and you are wrong.  The only things that are right beyond any and all doubt are the Qur'an and the Sunnah.  I trust the well-known scholars who have studied Islam too for the most part.  Those that back up their facts and concur with eachother.  Anything I say is an opinion.  I do respect your objection and understand it, since I felt a bit like that for awhile.  Thank you for your perspective.  Jak sister!
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Al-Qamar

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Re: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?
« Reply #19 on: Mar. 07, 2011, 11:48 AM »

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatuLlah all,

I apologise in advance for the length of this post, but I think it's worth starting off by also stating I agree with pretty much almost everything Amatullah had to say... but I do want to address specific things too.

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Al Qamar, I had to laugh about you expecting to be waited on hand and foot.  There isn't a man alive who doesn't try that in the beginning, at least for a minute.
There is something very crucial to mention here which is that I wasn't actually trying it on (as in, testing the water to see how much I could get away with). Don't get me wrong, I can completely see how it appears like that, but the minds of men and women are very very different, and this is probably something one only appreciates after marriage. You can learn and study about it all you like, but it's only when you're thrown in the deep end of marriage (we Muslims don't date, after all) that you actually learn about it.

I'm not going to explain the psyche of how men thing, because Mark Gungor has a brilliant video about this:
Points...

Now, please bear in mind, this is a general rule. I know there are exceptions everywhere, but if we dealt in exceptions, we'd never get anything done. And, speaking as a man, I have to say 100% that what he's saying is completely accurate. That's just how we think. You could argue whether it's right or wrong to think that, but what's the point? It doesn't change the reality that that is how we think, and if all the men think this way... it's not because we had a mass meeting and decided to do that, it's because Allah (swt) created us that way. Just as women were created like bent ribs, we're created in this way. Rather than complain about it, learn to recognise and deal with it.

Now, the other thing that you have to realise is, for asian men specifically, we've been raised in households where we've seen our mother's doing the housework. We've seen our sisters do the housework. The men are pretty much left alone and waited on. Whether it's right or wrong is not the issue, that's the reality... The problem is, the man doesn't realise anything is out of place, this is his reality... he comes home and expects to be fed, etc. If the wife complains, he automatically assumes there's something wrong with her, he's not doing anything different.

Basically, what I want to get across is that, when men do this... it's not to try and make a 'slave' out of their wives. It's just their reality, it's the only way they know how to think and they genuinely don't see what the issue is. My first wife complained to me all the time, and I never got it. I'm sure had we had counselling, I'd have realised, but she wanted to go to a secular counseller and I wanted to go to an Islamic/Muslim one who understood the rights of men/women in Islam (I was trying to move to the position of I'll be the bread-winner, she can be the bread-baker...).

After the divorce, I spoke to many different people about marriage, many professionals, attended many courses, listened to many lectures, and it's only after all of that that I now realise the mistakes I made.

Bear in mind, I'm only talking about myself. My wife made mistakes too, but I'm not going to highlight those just yet because that's not the point I wanted to make. My points are:
  • When we come home and sit in front of the TV, we're not deliberately trying to annoy you... it's just how we are
  • Divorcee's are usually more aware of the dynamics between spouses having been through it, than people who have never been married and are thus naive to the difficulties

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A woman teaches her husband how to be a good husband and father.  She teaches him how to be a good leader to his family.  That doesn't mean, she is smarter or runs the show.  Men and women just have their gifts and strengths in different areas and it really does work well together. We aren't equal.  We are just pieces of a whole.  Some parts bigger, some smaller.
I could not agree with this more. Men are generally quite stupid with regards to relationships (we don't do the whole emotional thing), whereas women are stronger in this regard. It's much easier for them to train/trick their men into doing what they want, than it is for men to do it to them. This is the way we've been made (men and women).


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I am not saying that a brothers character doesn't hold weight especially when you ask for references. However, I just feel that no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. So you can get all the references you want, but no one can really tell you what kind of husband he was, apart from his previous wife. But then there's the prospect she could be malicious and make up negative comments about him. So for me, I just would prefer not to take the chance.
OK, I'll give you specific examples with regards to me, and you can make up your own mind. Sure, my first wife and I had our problems, but ultimately that didn't lead to divorce. Every marriage has problems, you can't avoid that. But, if you were to ask people in my community about me, they would tell you that whilst I was going through my divorce, and afterwards, I was pretty much in the masjid all the time... or at charity events... or at lectures... and during Ramadhan I practically lived in the masjid. If you asked them about my wife, they'd tell you she was seen in the clubs and bars, during Ramadhan, with various different men.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out which one strayed... and this is not me saying it. You could ask the people who witnessed this with their own eyes.

With regards to my second marriage... again, they'd tell you the same. When I was going through everything, I was still attending the masjid every day. I still spent the entirety of Ramadhan in the masjid. I was going to even more lectures and events, and involving myself with even more Islamic activities. If you ask them about my second wife, they'd tell you that immediately after leaving my house (we're talking within a couple of days) she was associating herself with old flames (who are now married to others), and even went on holiday with one to Paris... whilst she was still in nikah with me, and we hadn't been married long enough to go anywhere!

Even the non-Muslims are not that disgusting! Again, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out which one strayed, and which one stayed on the straight path.


I agree, my examples are extreme, and alhumdulillah I'm happy for that because it only shows clearly where the fault lay. In general, you won't have such clear cases, but as Amatullah says, you can't tell what kind of a person someone will be before marriage either. In many cases, even they don't know!

I can tell you this. The person I was before marriage is not the same as I was after marriage. I used to go clubbing in my youth, that's why my first wife married me. I stopped because I refused for her to be there (hypocritical, I know, but I gave up something haraam for halal reasons)... but she desired it to the point she destroyed the marriage for it.

The person I was after my first divorce was not the same as I was during the marriage. I understood a lot more what it takes to make a household run, since I had to run it myself now. I learned a lot more about marriage, how relationships work. And I became much closer to Allah (swt) because my free time permitted me to learn more about Islam. I started to attend the masjid more, and go on courses.

The person I was in my second marriage was different again too. I was completely romantic, coming home with flowers, and gifts, and cards. It was like a fairy-tale, I'd never been so happy. Nothing else in the world mattered (except my deen of course... my sheikhs said to me on my nikah night that they don't expect to see me in the masjid for fajr, and I simply asked them how is it appropriate for me to thank my Lord for giving me a second chance by not praying to Him as I was before... I was there for fajr!)

After she left, and did the things she did, I changed again. The reality of easy-come-easy-go became painfully obvious. To be in the height of the 'honey-moon phase' of a relationship and have it snatched away, and then shared with others, that hurt more than any worldly weapon could sting... but again I used it to come closer to Allah (swt). For my salah I was making wudhu with my tears through sheer quantity of them, I stayed in prostration to my Lord for longer than I can remember, and I begged for things to change... and you probably won't believe me, but Allah (swt) showed me some miracles to keep me strong. In the same manner as Ibrahim (as) asked to be shown how ressurection would happen (the story of the birds), I asked for similar... and they were granted every time. That alone made it all worth it.

My point is, these experiences change a person! You can't predict what someone is going to be like, so fearing someone because they've been tested is pointless. What you can see is a pattern/path though, you can see where someone was, and where they're going, and you can use that to predict. My first wife was outwardly very pious, but slowly everything slipped away until she lost it all. I was completely jahil in my youth, but I kept coming closer to Islam to the point now where others now look to me for advice and knowledge. Insha'Allah, I'm not about to slip.

And I say this not in self-praise, but to prevent you from making a mistake in case a decent brother comes to you, but he's been tested by His Lord.


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If he is to get married again, I honestly can't see him telling some potential prospective wife why & who was responsible for the failure of our marriage. Of course he'll probably blame me, and say I was the bad one, who didn't fulfil my responsibilities as a wife. He ain't gonna tell the truth, otherwise, no one else'd have him were they to learn the truth.
To be honest, I'm a little skeptical. It usually takes two for a marriage to break down. Even in my case with the first wife, even though it's clear where the break came from... still I could have been better at communicating with her, and she with me. Ultimately she broke the marriage, but the faults lay with both of us.

For you to deny any part at all strikes me as a little odd. It could be completely true, I don't deny that, nor do I need to know the details. But there's no such thing as the perfect spouse, and for you to suggest that you were is a warning flag for me, and I daresay for others too.

You might want to rethink what happened, maybe you did some mistakes but you're not aware of them. If you continue to think that you were right about everything, you'll never see your own faults and your next marriage might suffer because of it too. You need to be really critical with yourself.


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References are good measure but friends can only know us so well, and so that is why there is hesitation.
That's why, after you perform istishara (making enquiries), perform istikhara (seek guidance from Allah). No-one but your Creator knows your future and what is best for you. Even someone who appears to be the perfect spouse, they may turn out to be a nightmare later... as what happened with me. You really cannot tell, so put your trust in the One who knows
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cinders

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Re: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?
« Reply #20 on: Mar. 07, 2011, 11:48 PM »

Walaykum Salam,
Firstly let me apologise in advance, but my post may be long. As I'm on my smartphone, I'm not going to bother quoting previous posters, but please see posts above mine.

Can I start off by saying that I am not saying that I was the most perfect wife. Anyway, we can only strive for perfection, only Allah SWT is perfect. I am human, and I'm sure like all of us I made mistakes even within my marriage.
But no one can fully appreciate how hard I tried to make my marriage work, and you may ask why I tried so hard? Well the main reason is that I believe in the sanctity of marriage. However, Bro Al Qamar, I'm sure you'll understand.. My ex-husband was nice and decent and every other good thing that us girls look for in a spouse. However it was all a charade. It was only after marriage I realised what a mistake I'd made. However, even then, because I believe in marriage I  tried to put my differences aside and get on with it and make my marriage work.I'm
sure being Asian, you'll know what I mean.

However I put up with an impossible man for 5 years, hoping & praying he'd change. But did he?
No. You can't reason with someone who's unreasonable. So I had no option but to leave and seek divorce.
Now you can see the problem here. He's scot free to do as he pleases, see his children whenever he feels like, whereas I am raising two children singlehanded without any support from him whatsoever. Something definitely wrong there right?
This is a personal choice. I see it as, it's easy for men. They can go and marry again without hesitation. Whereas for me personally, I've become sceptical. My ex husband has hurt me too much. Now I've lost the trust. Plus I have to contend with the issue that many men, including divorced ones wouldn't even consider marrying a divorced sister with children. I guess if it was me, I'd always think what if he hates my kids? Could he really love my kids as his own? I guess the bro would have to be pretty special. And do you know what? I'm pretty special too, so I think I deserve someone special, IF I ever get married again. 
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Amatullah

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Re: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?
« Reply #21 on: Mar. 08, 2011, 08:21 AM »

Lol brother Al-Qamar, I agree with the video too and it gives a good example of what I meant about how men and women do compete at times, but not deliberately.  Men and women both want to be appreciated.  A long time ago, I realized that a woman scrubs the bathroom down because it needs to be done and the man does it as a favor to the wife.  I shouldn't have said men try to get away with it, because until a woman makes him aware of it, he doesn't see anything wrong.  Even then, he doesn't really, but tries to compromise.  He wants credit for compromising too, lol.  A smart women shows appreciation for everything. 

I agree.  I don't think anyone really is blameless in a marriage, because it's too easy to react to our spouses wrong actions, instead of following what Allah (SWT) tells us to do.  I was married three times.  The first two committed adultery and  I really spent some time in self-doubt, wondering why they had to go to other people.  It wasn't missing from our life, so it was hard to understand at the time.  In hindsight, I realized that I was too strong.  I didn't really need them for anything and that's hard on a man's ego.  It is not how Allah (SWT) created us to be.  With the last marriage, it felt different.  I did feel like I needed him.  But then I got sick in the year after we got married and almost died twice.  When he found out there wasn't a cure, he left, saying he couldn't handle it, if I wasn't going to get better.  So much for better or worse, lol.  Since I am a Muslim now, I know how a wife is supposed to be in a marriage.  I have a 'How To' book. :)

Cinders, I have changed alot over the years too.  If we're learning, we're changing.  It took awhile but what I refuse to do is let someone else's (my ex's) immorality determine how I feel about the rest of my life.  I'll make dua'a that you can forgive and move on too.  You don't have to trust a man or men you barely know.  Just trust Allah (SWT) to help you.  Be grateful that you have the children.  The father of my children left when they were very young.  He had nice houses and cars and went on lots of vacations while I couldn't heat my house enough during a hard winter.  I was resentful at first, but then I started seeing what was really true.  He missed nearly everything special.  Birthdays, vacations, proms, cheerleading, sports and all sorts of things.  He missed sitting down to dinner every night and laughing over things and food fights and teaching his son to be a man.  Even their weddings and having babies didn't really involve him much. He missed out on nearly everything important.  I had all of the important things.  I wouldn't trade his easy life for anything in the world.   

Al-Qamar I believe that Allah (SWT) shows us things and grants us favors when we really need it and we ask, inshallah.  Miracles happen everyday.  We just don't always recognize them.  Alhamdulillah!! 
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Al-Qamar

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Re: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?
« Reply #22 on: Mar. 08, 2011, 01:41 PM »

Al-Qamar I believe that Allah (SWT) shows us things and grants us favors when we really need it and we ask, inshallah.  Miracles happen everyday.  We just don't always recognize them.  Alhamdulillah!! 
Completely agree. It's just in my cases, when I was referring to the ones shown to me, they were clearly out of the ordinary... at one point I was even shown a dream of something that was going to happen two days before it did, I told my sheikh of the dream the night before and he thought I was just being stupid... and then it happened and he couldn't believe it either. These ones were clear, and the way it strengthens and boosts your imaan it just amazing... all the tears and heartache were worthwhile, just to experience that! Subhan'Allah...
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Amatullah

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Re: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?
« Reply #23 on: Mar. 08, 2011, 02:53 PM »

Al-Qamar..............When I was about seven years old, I had a dream that the sun was rising in the West.  In the dream I was frantic and kept trying to convince people that this was really important and not just a strange phenomena.  Everyone was outside looking up and doing nothing.  The dream was soooo vivid and it stayed that way my whole life, like it was yesterday.  Keep in mind I didn't know anything about Islam until just a couple of years ago.  There were no Muslims that I had ever heard of in California when I was a child.  When I read the prophecy in the Qur'an that deals with this, I was so shocked.  Talk about chills from head to toe and a big blast of adrenaline!!  I think that Allah (SWT) gave me that dream to make it easier to understand Islam.  Since I didn't have anyone around me that was Muslim, I was kind of on my own to begin with and I had alot of panic attacks.  It was a gift for Allah (SWT) to bless me with that kind of assurance.  I had a couple of other things happen like that, but that was the most obvious.   Our tears and heartache bring us closer to Allah (SWT).  Alhamdulillah!!
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cinders

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Re: Would you consider a divourced brother/sister?
« Reply #24 on: Mar. 08, 2011, 04:06 PM »

Al Qamar & Amatullah, I guess my point is that somehow it's acceptable for men to be picky, whether he's single, divorced etc.. But when a sister is specific about certain requirements, then
she's TOO picky. In my case divorcee with children, like.... Wow, I should be happy with whatever or whoever is willing to take me on!

I have to also say that, Alhamdulillah, even
though divorce is disliked by society & more importantly Allah, I have gained so much. I have learned many lessons, my divorce has brought me closer to Allah. During marriage, my Imaan was pretty low. But I feel Allah has shown me his mercy by bringing closer to him and put me
on the straight path. He's been my best friend. I put my trust and faith in Him. There's many blessings that Allah has bestowed on me. My children are beautiful & Mash'Allah they have a complete love for Allah, and each other. To me, they are the most delightful people, Subhanallah!

I mean because I've always been surrounded by family and even to an extent
my ex-husband, I never thought I could raise my children on my own. Alhamdulillah, I've been given the strength to do it. I've been given strength I never knew I had! I've experienced Allah's miracles. To fully see it, & experience it.... I mean wow! Subhanallah!
I don't want to go into the details, but it's awe- inspiring, truly.
Amatullah, I have learned to forgive my ex husband. Even
though I've had to resign from a very good job and give up to a certain extent, finacial luxury, Allah always provides for me. I have two amazing kids, who I can be a mother to instead of dropping them off at daycare, I can take care of myself. I am fortunate, I know many working mothers who feel guilty for leaving their kids in daycare whilst they work etc... I used to be one of them.
I have so much to be thankful for, & yes he maybe finacially more mobile than
me, but he doesn't have the memories and all the other delights & amazing things that children bring. I ask you all to make duah that Allah keeps them this way.
Allah has put good people in front of me, who I can good friends. You know, not a
single family member or extended family member disagrees with my decision to seek divorce from my ex, which is very unusual being from an Asian
family, from the sub continent. All I'm saying is that it justfies my reasons for divorce, otherwise I'm sure not everyone would be willing for me to go down this road. I have the full backing of my family.

But divorce isn't nice, & it's not pretty. However, being divorced has taught me some valuable lessons. I'd be stupid not to take heed of them. Maybe, it's just me, but my preference would bo NO to a divorced brother. If you look at my original post however, I did say Never say never. I don't who Allah has planned for me. It's the Qadr of Allah, after all is Allah is the best of Planners :-). I put my trust and faith in Him.
 

 
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