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Author Topic: Citizenship  (Read 722 times)

Amatullah

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Citizenship
« on: Feb. 27, 2011, 09:16 AM »

I was wondering if a marriage that originates because of citizenship or a green card is always such a negative thing?  Many Muslims are not in love with their husband or wife when they marry them.  They don't know them very well, but go into it agreeing to follow the Qur'an and sunnah.  If someone wants to move to the UK or U.S., can't they also decide to make a legitimate marriage?  There are multiple reasons why people get married.  If a woman needs financial support, is she an opportunist, like the man who wants citizenship?  I would like to get married when my father no longer needs my care.  My reasons are, I don't want to be celibate for life, I really like taking care of a man who appreciates his wife, I want a husband to pray with and  I want the mental challenges that a man often provides more than women friends.  I am certainly not saying that men are more intelligent, so don't throw rotten fruit at me sisters; but a brother's focus is different.  I really enjoy watching the debates and lectures and talking about them.  There is so much to learn in Islam and I often have many questions.  Because it is all new to me, it is like I am hungry to learn it and excited about learning.  When sisters get together, we don't talk about what is happening to Muslims all over the world or discuss Islam, except on a more surface level.  I enjoy them and love them dearly.  They are wonderful people, but we need to challenge each other more.

Boy that was a tangent.  Sorry.  Anyway, the citizenship issue always seems like there is a dishonest aspect to it and I wonder if it has to be that way?  I would considered marrying someone who wanted to come to the U.S., if he agreed to make it a real marriage.  I would really prefer that he have at least one other wife or intend to.  I know it can be risky to consider, because some are not honest, but Allah (SWT) will make things right.  They should worry about answering to Him (SWT).  If they don't, then I wouldn't want to stay with them anyway.  So what do you sisters and brothers think?    Do you know any marriages who had more practical motives that turned into good marriages?  If we follow the things that Allah (SWT) has told us to, won't it work no matter why it was initiated?  Or do you think there are too many people out there who claim to be Muslims but are not following Islam to consider it??  My parents are not Muslim.  They got married 9 days after they met and were married for 65 years until my mom passed.  I do think it is less important who you marry and much more important what kind of effort and care the couple puts into it.  Do you think any marriage can work, inshallah or that some don't no matter the effort?  Shukran for any answers you might have.  Jak!
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Al-Qamar

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Re: Citizenship
« Reply #1 on: Feb. 27, 2011, 06:28 PM »

I think, because of the recent rise in the number of divorces, especially for selfish reasons (citizenship, etc), it's becoming a real concern. To be honest, for many of the reasons you raised in your other post, I personally wouldn't entertain the idea of marrying someone from abroad much (not completely ruling it out, but it'd be an uphill struggle)... not because of the possibility of only wanting citizenship, but mainly because the whole long distance relationship is really difficult to manage. Plus, there are supposed to be plenty of potential partners within my own local community to marry, if I'm marrying from abroad, that means a sister here is missing out (to some degree).

That said though, if someone can look past that, there's no issue. After all, if true love is so great, then why is the rate of divorce at nearly 50%? I think people who marry with sincere intentions to make the marriage work (rather than looking for a halal excuse to be intimate with someone they're attracted to) have a greater chance of success. The previous generations had arranged marriages (to the degree of not even knowing their partners until the wedding day), and their marriages stood the test of time due to mutual respect for the marriage itself, and not any emotional attachment to each other which could wear off.

There are always exceptions to every rule, and it's pointless bunching up people together as a group. The best advice I've ever come across, and I'm happy to repeat, is to continually perform istikhara... put your trust in Allah. If you're happy with everything about a potential spouse (and let's be honest, your spouse isn't going to be perfect, they'll have some faults and flaws, so you have to decide can you live with those... if you wait for perfection you'll never get married), then go down the path of marriage and put your trust in Allah (swt) to make it happen if it's good for you, or block it if it's bad.
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