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Author Topic: Following the sunnah.... or the culture?  (Read 1054 times)

SalwaR

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Following the sunnah.... or the culture?
« on: May. 14, 2011, 10:00 PM »

Asalam waliykum warahmatu allahi wabaraktu

Aoula, bismillahi rahmani raheem, May Allah Make my marriage possible with my match and make it easy for us inshallah.


Alhamdulillah the brother i have met ticks soooo many boxes i had as important criteria in a husband, and best of all he wants to follow the sunnah. This is however in contrast to my family and my extended family.
I know once i am married i will obey my husband. In some respect he comes before my parents.

At the moment i am struggling to keep myself away from certain environments due to family. As a single woman, i have to go where my family go, mother and father.
This is a problem, becuase they often attened mixed gatherings, people who are  my inlaws but all thier extended family who are not my mahram are also present. I hate being in the environment and i always tell my parents why i dont want to go and why they should not. They seem to be more concerned with upsetting people. Even though they will be doing the right thing. It is even worse when i am dragged to Birthday parties of not only small children but women who are in thier 50's. My new extended family, through my brother, are not that practicing and some aspects they dont care about at all.

The man i am "Promised" to and will be marrying in 5months inshallah. is exactly like me, he doesnt go to any events or gatherings that are like this, mixed etc. And we have said once we are married i will not ever need to go to one again. Mashallah i found someone like this, but on the other hand its very alien for my family, pleasing people is more important then following the deen and sunnah.
I am stressing about this as it does not seem to be getting better. Mashallah everything is straight forward with this brother and unlike me he has no conflicts of the sort with his family. They al practice the same and follow this principle.

I have spoken to my family many many times regarding this, and it has little effect and is soon fogotten, i have to go through the same ordeal each time a compramising situation comes up :S

I dont know what to do, i have spoken to shieks, who mashallah have given wonderful advice, but my family are resistent against any advice i relay to them from the shiekhs. I really do not know what to do.
I know if i stop attending these events my family ill cut me out and no longer invite me. But they will take it to heart and personally. They do not see it as trying to follow sunnah which is the most worrying thing.  :'(
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Al-Qamar

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Re: Following the sunnah.... or the culture?
« Reply #1 on: May. 15, 2011, 12:00 AM »

Assalamu alaykum,

You know, I came across a similar thing that happened with me. Ultimately, things didn't work out the way I planned.

I more I segregated myself off from my family, the more they distanced themselves from me. We started to drift further apart, and they started to drift further into the haraam.

I spent a long long time thinking about it, about my obligation and responsibility, and ultimately I concluded that since Allah (swt) chose to give me the knowledge of the deen, and my family have a right to that knowledge, I could not segregate myself from them. There's also various hadith that support this notion too.

In short, whilst I acknowledge that the birthday parties, etc, are not halal in every sense, I attend to maintain the ties of kinship which is more important. And alhumdulillah, after a few months of being present (not necessarily actively involved) in family activities, it made them lower their guard toward me. Before, I was seen as the "militant strict one", but now they could see I'm still a person like them, I still like to have fun, just like them. And they started to approach me and ask questions, etc... and through this way I can insha'Allah slowly work on them to remove some of the bad habits.

I'd rather be with my family and try to guide them from doing the wrong things, than to abandon them and leave them to their destination. Islam isn't about ourselves, it's about everyone, and it may be your trial and test will be your family... to teach them.

If you give up on them, why should anyone else bother to try and guide them?
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