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Author Topic: More than one wife  (Read 1359 times)

shortcake

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More than one wife
« on: Aug. 28, 2011, 02:36 PM »

Assalamu ailakum!

Lately i have come across a fair few guys who want multiple wives... (and they complain and whinge about one LOL)
I am curious to know how others feel about this- especially the sisters.
Would you allow your husband to marry another woman? And if he refused to drop the idea do you think you would give in, or would you leave?
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jannah

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Re: More than one wife
« Reply #1 on: Aug. 30, 2011, 08:24 AM »

wsalam,

can any guy be truly fair to two wives living in the west? can he truly give both wives the same quality of life he could give with one, and then give it to both? same house, same car, same healthcare, same clothes, same support for children, same time, same taking them places, same vacations, etc etc...

yeah not likely. so why can't guys concentrate on their ONE marriage and make it an awesome marriage??
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shortcake

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Re: More than one wife
« Reply #2 on: Sep. 01, 2011, 01:18 PM »

I totally agree. Its hard enough having one successful relationship these days, let two or three or even four.
Plus l'd get jealous...  :'(
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rashidbinhattab786

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Re: More than one wife
« Reply #3 on: Sep. 02, 2011, 04:03 AM »

Salaam alaikum,

While I agree that today most men are little more than children or grown up "boys", I don't think that this is the case with everyone (but it is the majority sadly atleast in the west). And while I agree that most western raised women would be emotionally against polygyny, this is not the rule.

I think one of the big problems with Muslims men's attitude towards polygyny today is that they try to use it as an escape from their first marriage that is having problems (probably sexual frustration of some strain) and they think that rather than seriously work on their marriage or get a divorce, they'll just get a second wife, thinking this will solve all their problems. This thinking is so bogus and totally contrary to the intentions of a true Islamic marriage.
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rashidbinhattab786

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Marriage
« Reply #4 on: Sep. 02, 2011, 06:10 AM »

I would also say that many problems that Muslims have today with polygyny stem from a misunderstanding of marriage and what marriage should be. We have opted to believe that the hollywood version of romance and passionate love is what a marriage should produce. The reality is far from this.

The attitude of westerners towards marriage seems to have a trend of personal fulfillment, such that when you get married terms like "other half" or "being completed" are used. I guess when it comes down to it, this means that the individual feels a lack in themselves, and the popular myth is that when you find the right person your "soulmate", that void will be filled. It is rather disturbing actually, and probably has emerged from the entrenched ideology of consumerism that has seeped into every facet of western life to some degree.

We as Muslims are told that created things can not benefit us, only Allah benefits, granted at times through creation. But this has to always be kept in mind, as to easily we can slip into non-Islamic understandings of marriage without even meaning to.

Also, marriage is an act of worshiping, and should make you a better slave of Allah. It should not become a distraction between you and Allah. This can happen and often does as we approach marriage with the wrong intentions. We are warned in the Qur'an to not let our spouses distract us from the remembrance of Allah. We at times concentrate so much on the marital relationship and forget the real relationship that we need to focus on. The goal of marriage is to increase the strength our relationship with Allah, so it is not an end in itself, but rather a means to an end, which is for the spouses to become close to Allah.
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jannah

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #5 on: Sep. 07, 2011, 03:20 AM »

Wsalam br rashid,

I'd say those misunderstandings of what marriage should be would go for any marriage and not just about "polygyny".

There are unrealistic expectations and idealized views along with culture and other things t hat affect everyone unfortunately.



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rashidbinhattab786

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Re: Marriage
« Reply #6 on: Sep. 08, 2011, 08:22 PM »

Wsalam br rashid,

I'd say those misunderstandings of what marriage should be would go for any marriage and not just about "polygyny".

There are unrealistic expectations and idealized views along with culture and other things t hat affect everyone unfortunately.





Salaam,

I agree with what you have said totally, and it far to say that alot of these cultural ills do not solely emanate from western culture. I have to be fair.
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