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Author Topic: He doesn't pray  (Read 4564 times)

Anonymous

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He doesn't pray
« on: Dec. 29, 2008, 02:16 PM »

Salaam everyone,
Just wanted some advice on a dilemma I am facing. I am in contact with a brother through an internet matrimonial site and alhamdulillah we get on well. However, he has told me that he doesn't pray regularly. Now, I feel that I should marry someone with good religion and character and surely the minimum should be someone who prays five times a day. However, he is a revert brother and says that not being surrounded by muslims makes it difficult. He also says that after marriage he can improve. I don't know if I should proceed to the next step or finish things here.
Thanks!
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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #1 on: Dec. 29, 2008, 11:47 PM »

Wsalam,

What is perturbing is that he is a revert who doesn't pray. That is very odd indeed. Usually reverts are very fastidious about things like that. Born Muslims can be very lazy or cultural when it comes to prayer but converts usually aren't. I would try to find out more about how/when he converted and why. If he did at one time pray or if he never did. You don't have to be surrounded by Muslims to pray. The fact that he isn't "surrounded by Muslims" probably means he has no/limited contact with Muslims?? and maybe very limited knowledge of Islam. I'd be wary. So when he's "surrounded by Muslims" then he'll pray? But really if he doesn't pray, what else is there?? Let's get down to the most basic, basic of requirements and if you don't even have that I'd be very worried for you.

Find out more, do istikharah. Take your time inshaAllah. Hope you come to a happy conclusion.
Ws

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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #2 on: Dec. 30, 2008, 02:42 AM »

If he doesn't pray I don't see what else is left. I am sorry to take such a hard line, but I can't draw much distinction between non-Muslims and the so-called Muslims who don't pray. Having no Muslims around him is no excuse for him, and certainly not for you if you want to marry him anyway.
If it was the other way around, i.e. she doesn't pray but he does, I would have probably said pray istikhara. But in this case I would say try to get him to start praying, at least as a sign that he's willing to hold on to his Deen afterwards. If he starightens up then there is a chance things can go in the right direction hereafter, otherwise I can't see how this can lead to a happy conclusion.  :-[
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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #3 on: Dec. 30, 2008, 10:15 PM »

Salaam,
If you're religious and want someone that prays, dont settle for someone that says that they probably will if in the right situation or if they were around others who do, that they would too. In my opinion, take the person as they are right now and dont assume that they will change: will you want to be with them still?

On the other hand, if you don't really mind that they dont pray or something, even if you do, then go for it. Don't let others dictate your feelings/istikaara is always good/ etc. I'm just saying that sometimes what others want for you is not necessarily what you want for yourself. You get me?

Thats all for now.
peaceeeee
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Shahid

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #4 on: Jan. 04, 2009, 10:32 AM »

Usually reverts are more religious than born Muslims. He seems fishy. If he's not surrounded by Muslims then what was the motivation behind his conversion?
Looks to me he might be lying to you as you are a Muslim and he wants you to continue to chat with him.
Check his nationality. If he's Indian then he's definitely lying and end the relationship.

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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #5 on: Jan. 05, 2009, 12:33 AM »

ummm what does being indian have to do with it?
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21muslimah

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #6 on: Jan. 17, 2009, 07:54 PM »

salaam sister,

hmm i don't think it is a good idea as soon as you found that out you should have stopped contact thats what i would have done, becuase by now im sure you are likeing him more and gettign feelings for him and maybe soon in a difficult situation torn between your heart and your head.
its greta you get on but at the end of the day we all know the foundation of any muslim marriage is that they practice teh foundations and 5 pillars of islam. revert or not. and to be honest him saying becuase he is a revert is a piety excuse and i would have not fallen for that line.
if he improves and starts to pray 5 times a day then take it to the next step. but if he doesnt do it now what garuntee do you have that he will do it when you are married? and if you are religious you would want to pray with your husband wake up for fajr togther. and know when you are not togther he is prayign as well. i think he would be leading a double life if when he is with you or muslims he prayes and then when he is at work or with non muslims he doenst show is faith or pray. its not exactly soemone you could say "im proud of my husband"

sister you deserve a good muslim man, don't settle for less becuase you feel obliagted by his promises. if you are a practicing muslimah and pray 5 times a day then you deserve someone who does the same.
a good marriage is based on an understanding, having similar grounding =islam. if that is not there then what hope is there in the marriage??
sorry ot be so upfrotn but im being honest.
take care sister,
jazakallah khier all the best inshallah

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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #7 on: Feb. 27, 2009, 02:13 AM »

As some anonymous bro indicated a Muslim who does not pray 5 times cannot be called a Muslim. This can be proved by a hadees in bukhari . According to sahib bukhari u have to look for these things in a person before marraige. First level of faith second family and lastly wealth. If the first step is faulty there is no point looking any further.I say quit because it is not easy for such bro to come to the right track unless Allah makes it easy for u. Allah makes it easy for only those who try very hard.believe me u get faith after a lot of struggle. My experience..!
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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #8 on: Feb. 27, 2009, 07:36 PM »

wsalam,

to give clarification on the above^ according to the majority of scholars, if the person does not pray and THINKS that he/she doesn't have to pray that it's not part of Islam THEN they are considered outside the fold of Islam. BUT if the person does not pray because he/she is lazy or whatever then they are still considered Muslim, but a bad one of course ;)
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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #9 on: Feb. 28, 2009, 06:20 PM »

excuse me it is clearly said in hadees that any Muslim who does not pray farz salat is out of the religion . he committed shirk.
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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #10 on: Mar. 01, 2009, 12:27 AM »

bro/sis this is not an islamic forum, but that is not a majority opinion, it does depend on the intention behind the not praying. please ask a scholar yourself. i have heard this opinion from multiple scholars, not just one. you should be very careful, who you as a layperson declare as a non-muslim.
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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #11 on: Mar. 01, 2009, 12:28 AM »

also, your definition of shirk is wrong. shirk is associating partners with Allah. not praying does not have anything to do with that unless you are praying to something/someone else.
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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #12 on: Mar. 01, 2009, 01:02 AM »

I am sorry and I know I have no right to declare anyone nonmislim but there is this hadees which I read. Telling that if someone does not do salat intentionally then he has commited kufr. Declaring someone nonmuslim is grave sin unless proved . Just wanted to quote this hadees.
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Jeremy

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #13 on: Mar. 01, 2009, 06:05 AM »

Both of you are correct in some sense. There are indeed scholars who take a hard line on this issue, and their opinion is to be respected whether we agree with it or not. However, the majority of the current scholars explain the hadeeth by classifying kufr (disbelief) into 2 types: kufr i3tiqad (disbelief due to rejection of Islam), and kufr 3amal (disbelief due to actions). They say that the first type has obviously rejected Islam and is therefore a non-Muslim. The second type however is not treated as a non-Muslim, and if he dies he would still be burried in a Muslim cemetery following the Muslim way, and we therefore cannot judge these people to be in hell fire for eternity.
And Allah knows best.
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Anonymous

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Re: He doesn't pray
« Reply #14 on: Mar. 03, 2009, 03:44 PM »

that was a good answer brother. thanks
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