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Author Topic: Just Nikah  (Read 8536 times)

Eemo

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Just Nikah
« on: Feb. 04, 2009, 10:17 PM »

I dont know if this has been discussed here before, but pondering further about why the system isnt working and how we could ease the burden in some way.

Has anyone considered just Nikah? I mean, none of the living together, the big wedding etc etc ?
Lets face it, its perfectly halaal and im sure it was probably practised in times before.

My friend just got married recently. He was due to be engaged in November, and when he got to the girls house, they decided to do the Nikah instead. He still lives with his parents at the moment, and so does she, until he can get his finances sorted and she finishes her degree.

They still get to see each other on weekends and other occassions. Of course, its not haraam for them to meet.

I made a similar proposition to a girl when i was 21 and she wasnt warm to the idea at all. I also ran it by my mum a few years ago and she thought i was insane. ..."oh what would people say" she uttered.

Cultural norms are the bain of my life....humpf!

Well i can think out of the box, but can you? :p

Discuss.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #1 on: Feb. 05, 2009, 07:59 PM »

well i agree.
but inshallah i hope to be engaged for a short period to get to know each other, and then have nikkah and then a few days later a wallima. nothign fancy. no expensive halls, or resturants. what a waste of money. just nikkah at a mosque and then back to my parents for a nice big meal :D thats how it should be doen islamically. and i would like to stick to the tradition of the prophet SAW. i know for a fact my parents wont agree as they are moroccan and they have huge weddinsg 3 day party with no expense spared. one its haraam and two its a waste of money which is also haraam. so no i shall not be following in their foot steps.
But then i have to find a brother who is up for that and has the same intention as me. :S
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Eemo

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #2 on: Feb. 05, 2009, 11:30 PM »

3 days? Thats nothing. My cousin's wedding lasted nearly 3 months.
It was 2 months of dance practice every weekend, then in the run up to the wedding itself, there was a band night, and then a girls night, and then a family night, and THEN the "mehndi" as they call it for 2 nights.

And then the 2 wedding days themselves.
1 photographer, 2 Halls, 1 camera guy and a whole loads of expenses later. about £10k in total. She's finally married.

As if that wasnt enough torture for the likes of me, we had to endure the wedding photography and videos for a whole month thereafter!

And touche on the fact that my parents wont agree either! I think, that in itself is putting me off!
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jannah

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #3 on: Feb. 06, 2009, 02:46 AM »

I know a number of people who have had "just nikahs". They have the nikah and are officially married but due to whatever reason... work, school, just wanting to wait a year they wait and then have like an official "walimah" or reception or rukhsati type thing. I know Arab culture does this a lot. It could be a good solution for some people.
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MzCBox

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #4 on: Feb. 06, 2009, 04:53 PM »

Excellent option.

I would think that a relationship such as this one would be more deeply developed, coz there is no pressure on the couple, they can take things at their own pace and make their adjustments slowly and all in a halaal manner, compared to the normal way where it sometimes feels as if your just rushing into things.

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Muslimah21

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #5 on: Feb. 07, 2009, 01:46 PM »

arabs dont do it that way at all.
moroccans huge weddings and do it same month as nikkah.
egyptians also the same,
iraqies also the same, syrians and lebanese.

my iraqi friend got married 5 months ago. her husband a doctor made it lavish.
weddign in dubai, famous lebanese singer sang at the wedding. she had an engagment party here in london, then a henna night for the girls and then another pre weddign party for all the family and friends.
went to dubai, had another henna night and ore weddign party. wedding day lasted 3 days. and then she had a post wedding party/meal. it was madness, and all curtisey of her rich husband and his family. he is 35 he married her for her looks she si really pretty and she marrie dhim for his money and she is 19. crazy. but they are both happy for now, as long as she has her looks and he has his money it will be fine. :S


anyway arabs are the worst when it comes to weddings. i think he spent 45K + on the whole thing.
my cousin who is moroccan spent 11K on the weddign night alone and another 10K for henna night and post wedding celebrations. in total 21k+ madness.
aggghhhhh
i wont be doing that at all. :D
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MzCBox

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #6 on: Feb. 08, 2009, 02:46 PM »

Oh I think the arab thingy is called 'Katbe Kitab'.

They have the 'nikah or katbe kitab' done and the big 'wedding' later.

Problem here is that some, or rather a big chunk of Arabs are under the notion that once the katbe kitab is done it means your engaged only, and so according to them your allowed to go out with your fiance / fiancee and get to know him / her etc but you can never ummm *ahem ahem* until the final grand wedding reception, reason being, that in case in the 'getting to know period' either party is unhappy with their future partner they can just split ways, coz to them they were never married in the first place, just engaged!!!

Good thing is that nowadays people are becoming more educated Islam, so they are beginning to see the line between culture and religion.

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Jeremy

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #7 on: Feb. 08, 2009, 05:41 PM »

The arab "katbe kitab" literally means "writing the book". It means that the marriage is documented, i.e. they are legally married. Everyone knows I am not a big fan of culture, but in this particular case I think it's ok islamically.
Islam only draws broad lines for what is permissible and not permissible in marriage, and leaves the rest up to local cultures. So being legally married and postponing the actual wedding for later is allowed in Islam, and the couple in this case fall under the category mentioned in the verse:
"And if ye divorce them before consummation, but after the fixation of a dower for them, then the half of the dower (is due to them), unless they remit it or (the man's half) is remitted by him in whose hands is the marriage tie; and the remission (of the man's half) is the nearest to righteousness and do not forget liberality between yourselves. For Allah sees well all that ye do." (2:237)
and Since the Quran acknowledges the existence of such a transition phase, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I do personally think however that it's better to make this phase as short as possible to avoid hardships on the couple and possible misconduct by them.
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MzCBox

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #8 on: Feb. 14, 2009, 02:23 PM »

But brother Jeremy, according to my understanding once a couple marries (gets a nikah done), they are permissible for each other, and after the katbe kitab / nikah they get to know each other without having a mahram with them, so that means both of them are in seclusion right? So first of all, why would there be misconduct if they are already halaal for each other and secondly wouldn't that mean that if by chance the couple does not get along etc or decides to part ways there would be a divorce? and along with divorce comes iddah for the woman right? Coz even though consummation may have not taken place, they still were somewhat together as a couple, so wouldn't the same marriage / divorce rulings apply here?

Hmmm....would be nice to have a Sheikh round here to help us out with these topics lol
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brisingr9

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #9 on: Feb. 24, 2009, 05:21 AM »

Anywhere in the world weddings get to lavish. They say it is not everyday that we marry so let us have some fun. But let me tell you the right to do it is nikah and then valima. It is wise to avoid all useless expenses. No doubt u can spent how much ever u want according your status on essential things like food etc. May Allah guide us all ameen.
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reeldeel

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #10 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 06:43 PM »

I always thought the big weddings were the ladies ideas. Men who take no interest in them only did it because she wanted it like that or at least to impress her. If not the lady then the mother probably wants a big wedding for her first born son. Dunno....I would probably keep it simple but have the biggest feast inviting as many people as possible. Spend enough so people remember it as the wedding we ate that amazing food.
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Jeremy

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #11 on: Mar. 18, 2009, 02:17 AM »

Sorry MzCBox for the late reply, I didn't notice your reply until today. Clearly from the verse mentioned there are differnet rulings for divorce when consummation happens or doesn't happen, which also means that people should have the means to differentiate between the two conditions. The way some cultures differentiate between these two conditions is by drawing lines between legal marriage (kitab) and the wedding.
Another point is that scholars are in general agreement that weddings should be publicized and not kept a secret. the legal marriage (kitab) publicizes the fact that these two people WILL get married at some point in the future. Therefore the wedding is considered to be the day when the wedding is publicized, not the legal marriage.
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Lavender

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #12 on: Mar. 18, 2009, 02:41 AM »

I would love to have just a nikah. I have told my parents this is what I would like to do because I still wanna get to know him, and don't feel comfortable living with him. They said i am crazy and can't wait to get rid of me. :'(
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Eemo

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #13 on: Mar. 18, 2009, 01:42 PM »

Lavender. Im actually quite surprised to hear that.

Most of the sisters i spoke to weren't open to it.
Maybe it was because of parental pressure?
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Shah

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Re: Just Nikah
« Reply #14 on: Mar. 18, 2009, 11:08 PM »

i think its a great idea. but what if you and that person have irreconcilable diffrences and dont want to be offically married. Is there a n exit clause lol?
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