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Author Topic: what should i do?  (Read 2238 times)

Anonymous

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what should i do?
« on: Feb. 07, 2009, 01:36 PM »

I have been looking to get married for a while, and i decided to try out a marriage site, muslima.com. i met someone on there about a year ago. we spoke for ages on the site. he is egyptian and lives in egypt. i am algerian but live in england. we spoke about every aspect of marriage, and talked about how we would deal with the distance and what we should do.
i later found out, well 3 months ago that his parents still do not know about me. my parents know i talk to him as friends for now, although they know my intention and i have told them it.
He said he will tell his parents when my father accepts his proposal to me. he want to come to england and meet my family and get to know them, and if my father agrees he will then tell his parents about me. his other family memebers know such as his brother and sisters. but i know he is worried about his parents becuase i am not egyptian. :(

we get on so well, and wallah in the year we have known each other he has never ever once spoken to be with disrespect, or said anything inappropriate. we have spoken on the phone and we have used web cam a few times. although i am very aware i do not know him 100% and he knows that to. since i have known him he has helped me learn alot about islam, we debate alot about many things in islam. hadiths etc. we laugh and joke to.
The thing is he told me he loved me, although i have feelings for him, i told him that it was not love becuase we dont know each other 100% and i am a ture believer that love come after marriage.
we talk most evenings when he finishes work and i finish university. he is a mechanical engineer with a masters and has his own flat next to his parents. he really wants me to move to egypt if we were to get married.
it all sounds nice, and inshallah all is as it seems. but like i said i am worried about him not telling his parents. i hope it wont be hard. but allah allam. i just make dua in the mean time.


i would like some advice from people who dont know me, as i knwo that you will be alot more honest with me.
jazakallah khier
Thank you
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Anonymous

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Re: what should i do?
« Reply #1 on: Feb. 08, 2009, 08:47 AM »

It seems kind of unfair to me. Your parents know about him but he refuses to tell his parents? I think the best you can do at this stage if you really like him is talk to your parents and make istikharah and if all goes well accept his proposal. And at that point he BETTER tell his parents. If he does not you should seriously be wary.
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MzCBox

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Re: what should i do?
« Reply #2 on: Feb. 08, 2009, 02:56 PM »

Tricky situation hun, may God be with you in whichever direction you decide to take.

Is it possible for a family member like your brother or dad to go down to Egypt for a little while?
Would be a good idea to see that he is, whatever he claims to be and if he is, the two families can sit down and take this marriage seriously.
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Jeremy

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Re: what should i do?
« Reply #3 on: Feb. 08, 2009, 05:54 PM »

I think that there should be a point where the traditional roles should be brought back. Now that you think you know him and your parents have given the initial approval, you need to insist that parents have to get involved at this time to make arrangements for what to come next. I would say that the next step should be that his parents should come over to your parents' place and make the official request (if they like what they see). By that time your parents would have already asked whoever they want to ask about him and his family (as is usually the case in middle eastern countries).
I ask Allah that he will bring you together if this is the best for you, and Allah knows best.
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Anonymous

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Re: what should i do?
« Reply #4 on: Feb. 10, 2009, 12:02 PM »

thanks for the replys guys. yeah it would be nice if his parents came over, but they are very old. his mother and father are both over 65. and his mother is very ill. he is the youngest of 7 brothers and sisters. all his siblings are married and have children who are grown up.  ???
so his parents wouldnt beable to fly over, perhaps his father but his mother is too ill to travel. he said he would come with his brother who is alot older then him i think he is 35.
it seems to be taken forever to take these steps. i have heard so many people meet someone online and within a week  they are engaged then a year later are married. becuase they clicked, and knew right away. its been over a year and maybe that is a sign i don't know? it seems we have alot of obsticles in our path too, mainly from governments over here and egypt.  :(
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MzCBox

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Re: what should i do?
« Reply #5 on: Feb. 14, 2009, 02:38 PM »

Allah make it easy for you sister.

These online thingys are a bit of a hassle I would think, but hey dua will always fix things Inshallah : )
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Anonymous

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Re: what should i do?
« Reply #6 on: Feb. 21, 2009, 03:44 AM »

 :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

ido  love ur story  sis 


sad 2

and all my life i learned  sadness  in love mean  true  love
qz u dont be sad all life and u dont be sad  with people u dont care about
any way ......


dont be worry
1st did  ur father agree  on him ??????

in egypt  its the 1st important 
the father  of the girl  ?????

wish u happy life 

and wait my  true   story  and unbelievable...  [/font]
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