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Author Topic: Share your experiences  (Read 10043 times)

Siham

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #30 on: Mar. 16, 2009, 05:23 PM »

Well, I don't know why this one didn't make the list; but I couldn't live with someone who's stingy (i.e, emotionally, financially etc)
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Muslimah21

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #31 on: Mar. 17, 2009, 05:45 PM »

That is obvious though :D

Who would??
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reeldeel

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #32 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 05:07 AM »

A friend of mine told me the mahr is really cheap in Somalia, and the result of that is some men get married 4 at one time then loose them by next year. He says if one dont pay much to get her one wouldnt mind much to divorce her.

The way the mahr is done these days sickens me as it feels like one needs to save up to buy a wife. Its putting a price on the woman by insisting on a high mahr. I mean fair enough a father can insist on a nice house, car and what ever for his daughter since he wishes to see her living confortbly... but as for the Mahr there is definatly wisdom behind it if followed islamiclay, but dont really get it.

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Muslimah21

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #33 on: Mar. 21, 2009, 12:58 PM »

Yeah if all was offered as dawri was money i would rethink about marrying this person.
I do not think money is a key thing for marriage, i mean i would hope that my parents wouldnt refuse a guy who couldnt afford to buy me a house and car and all i wanted. its not fair. its hard enough.

dowri can be anything, knowladge, if that man has good knowladge of quran and the wife isnt so much she can ask he passes on his knowladge and helps her reach her potential. and the husband has to do that. In the time of the prophet SAW the weddign ring used to be the dowery. thats it. and i think that is correct. now a days people are gettign gready. and its messign up the ummah big time.
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Siham

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #34 on: May. 28, 2009, 07:36 PM »

Women’s Order of Priority in the Desirable Qualities of an Ideal Muslim Husband

Points

1st. A Pious Muslim

2nd. Truthfulness and honesty

3rd A good leader

4th Justice and fairness

5th Love of children

6th Kindness and consideration

7th Readiness to consult his wife

8th Good manners

9th Chastity and good morals

10th Trustworthiness and reliability

11th Avoids quarrelling and beating

12th Clean habits

13th Strength of mind and will

14th Gentleness

15th Generosity

16th A loving nature

17th Ability to be contented with one wife

18th Sense of humour

19th Reasonableness

20th Firmness

21st Intelligence

22nd Seriousness

23rd Good looks

24th Physical strength

25th Wealth

This list of qualities is not of course comprehensive, and there are a few important omissions. However, it raises many interesting points for our brothers to consider in their endeavor to qualify as a potential or actual ideal Muslim husband.

Those who feared that by adhering to Islamic piety and moral standards they would frighten women away will see that they are actually at the top of the league.

This information also confirms the natural order of things referred to and upheld in the Qur’an, in that women do apparently want their men folk to lead and not be led. Leadership has to be deserved and qualified by all the other qualities mentioned in the upper part of the list, such as piety, truthfulness, fairness, kindness, consultation, good manners, good morals and so on.

It is interesting to go over in one’s mind the qualities of the Prophet (saws) mentioned in the earlier part of this paper and match them with this list to see how far the Prophet’s (saws) behavior to his wives demonstrates perfectly those qualities to which women give priority.

Therefore any man who wants to make a success of his marriage cannot go wrong if he takes as his model and example the practice of the blessed Prophet (saws).

For our brothers I pray for Allah to give them the faith and moral strength to attain those great qualities and thereby make a success of their marriages.
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ya_Lateef

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #35 on: Jun. 22, 2009, 02:06 AM »

Asalamu aleykum
I hope u're all in the best state of health and iman.

What am looking for personally is someone who has a love for the deen. Iam crazy about it !. So my husband has to have that love and devotion to Allah subhana watacala.

The second would have to be someone who is an optermist . Adventerous as in wants to try new things . Allah created us to woroship him and he gave us signs . "They are signs for those who reflect " . Someone who likes nature and outdoor person .

Someone with a sense of humour ! Life is full of trials so you have to be able to see the funny side of things.

Someone who knows their worth . That the creator of the heaven and the earth created each of us they way he wanted . Theyse no mistake. And that we all deserve a life where we know our worth.

I would not tolerate someone who is a pessimist ! How can you be when Allah is so merciful . And all Allah asks is that we ask him for help no matter the situation.

May Allah grants us spouses that fear his wrath and hope for his mercy.

PS a brother said that somali men marry 4 because the maher is low. Well am somali and I can say its not ! The guy has to give money as maher . He also pays for ;wedding ,brides custom and food .

May Allah granst us spouses that fear his wrath and hope for his mercy .

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Mardiyyah

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #36 on: Jun. 23, 2009, 05:35 AM »

Salaamu alaikum.
There are alot fo things that I like in a guy, but I am really attracted to a man who has a beard. Now I dont mean the huge ones, but one thats the length of a fist, besides its an obligation. Sisters may read this and say "gross is she kidding" but yea thats one thing. And secondly a brother wearing the khamees is another  And not just when he is at the masjid. When I see a brother outside the masjid dressed in such manner, I say masha Allah " I hope the man I marry will dress like that and that his closet will be full of white and Islamic clothes.
I agree with sister Muslimah. I do not in any way find a guy attractive if he is a ladies friend. I think it really is a bad quality a man can possess, talking with women, joking with women and even shaking hands with a woman. I think all of that just exceeds the limit.
And honestly, I tend to "glimpse" at guys who dress islamically then those who dont, even if those who dont are very attractive. Hey every sister has a taste right?  ;D
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brisingr9

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #37 on: Jun. 29, 2009, 06:41 PM »

well eemo you got a whole lot of points out there?? Are you trying to do some sort of research or what? You might be trying to modify your attitude towards women in Islam ! Anyway it was damn big post to read but I learned quite a lot what our sisters expect from us. A little too much for a man but may allah guide us.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #38 on: Jul. 01, 2009, 10:33 PM »

Why is it too much for a man just to be a good muslim and not put his foot in it? thats a small ask i think.
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reflection1

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #39 on: Jul. 29, 2009, 07:27 PM »

I know a brother who got married to a girl last year and her family refused the mahr. It was a overseas marriage and it wasn't going to be consummated until after the girl got her sponsorship papers. So, they would be married islamically but would not live as man and wife for another year or so. The family wanted a bigger mahr and had told him "not to come empty handed".  Long story short, the girl apologized and begged him the night of the nikkah to carry through with the marriage, so he did because he didn't want to embarass them infront of their guests. After the nikkah, the nightmare began and he discovered how materialistic and dishonest the family was. Br. Jeremy did the right thing in walking away.
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Muslimah21

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #40 on: Aug. 03, 2009, 10:43 PM »

Thats what happens when you marry for the wrong reasons. As the prophet SAW said, you will be a loser in this life and the next. So choose your spouce on deen firstly. Not becuase they are from the same tribe as you, same community, same family etc etc as many asian people i know do, especially the bengali community.... makes me soooooooo angry.
There own funeral thats all i can say. i wont hold my breath :P
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reflection1

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #41 on: Aug. 04, 2009, 07:22 PM »

Muslimah21, why do you think he married for the wrong reasons? He married the girl thinking her family were good people. On the outside, you can see that they practiced, but it's what in their hearts that wasn't good and they hid it well. They were not from the same tribe, community or family as the brother.
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Eemo

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #42 on: Aug. 10, 2009, 01:16 AM »

I cant see how you can say that "Those who feared that by adhering to Islamic piety and moral standards they would frighten women away will see that they are actually at the top of the leaguey" is the right statement.

I've had far more girls get scared away from me because of that one thing than ANYTHING else. Even to the point where i've had relatives tell me to be more lax. And im not even fundamentalist or extremist.

As soon as they discover that im someone that doesnt compromise his morals, they run a mile.

And wealth is certainly not at the bottom of the list. There are plenty of posts on this board that prove that.

So i dont know where you got this list from or, who you've been mixing with cos ive yet to meet a girl that personifies that criteria.
Its exactly posts like this, that give us a false sense of hope.


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JenBean71

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #43 on: Oct. 18, 2009, 02:47 AM »

Asalam Alaikum  :)

For me, I'm praying for a brother who is sincere and affectionate and wise
Who wants for others what he wants for himself, and who is responsible.




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SisterGirl

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Re: Share your experiences
« Reply #44 on: Dec. 19, 2009, 02:37 PM »

And what about Hijab also?
In my own experience, sisters run a mile when i mention this.
Do you consider that the Wife should be wearing hijab, or you think it should be a choice.....or.......?
Again we are guided by Islam when looking for a spouse. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has told us when you are looking for a wife to choose one who is pious, or you will be a loser in this life and the next. To answer your question, yes she should be wearing hijab, and you should not consider her if she doesn't. If the sisters run a mile away when you mention hijab, you should run two miles away in the other direction. I may sound harsh but when I was talking about this whole hijab/marriage debate with my big sister she confirmed what I was thinking.
As we thought about the sisters we knew, from growing up, sisters that are our friends, sisters in the family etc.  of these women who do not wear hijab most of them also do not pray. If a sister does not cover, I have never seen one who carries a scarf with her to pull it out when it's time to pray. If a sister cannot be faithful to her Lord and Creator what makes you think she will be faithful to you? If she has no dialogue with  Allah, where is her fear of Allah? What keeps her from committing more haram? It is unfortunate that in society modesty is so frowned upon, be we are Muslim first and have to adhere to our faith.

In regards to the dowry's/mahr you are talking about, I think it is primarily cultural and not Islamic. Doesn't it say in Islam the best dowry is a simple dowry? I would stay away from all those $$$ high dowry seekers when trying to find a spouse. Again Muslims are focusing on the wrong things. None of the women in my family asked for high dowry's, and plenty of them are happily married. ( and they are beautiful and could have asked for a high amount) But that is not how we were raised. I personally asked  my ex-husband that he teach me to read Quran, that was my dowry when I was married before. He chose to give me gold and other gifts, because in his culture it's like you kinda shower the bride with gifts. I didnt ask for those things though, and didnt know I was getting them until the day before the wedding. There are many many sisters who are not materialistic, will marry a man who doesnt have the best income but he is in school and trying to establish himself, I know so (most of my friends and fam) many women who will definitely work with a brother and dont have these high unrealistic standards. They are the women that the Prophet (PBUH) recommended for you.
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