Oh, the Irony.
While you all do have valid points, let me just respond to those with what the men are thinking. And bear in mind these are not just my own personal views. Alot of these account for my friends' opinions and other men I've come across.
Allah can take wealth just as quickly as he can give it.
No one knows what is around the corner. Especially in this economic climate.
If this is the attitude that the women are taking, then this is what the man is thinking.
Will she leave me if I'm suddenly made redundant or cant work due to ill health?
Wealth can be generated and re-generated at any time. What you cant recount or re-generate is a good healthy marriage, and good marriage is not determined by a man's income.
This doesn’t mean that any of the men are negating their responsibilities as '..Protectors and Providers..' but I don’t understand what happened to the 'Just Nikah' option?
Remember when a sahabah came to Prophet(pbuh) asking for financial advice, and the prophet told him to have kids?
Have you forgotten the example of Khadijah(RA) who didn’t marry him for his wealth?
What happened to meeting half-way?
If a man really is approaching you and telling you he may be earning a lot of money in a reasonable timeframe then why not agree a time limit?
How about doing Nikah and letting him run his business for X months or Y years, and then if it doesn’t work out you can both mutually agree he will go and find a steady job just like regular folk?
After all, steady jobs just don’t help us all meet our ultimate financial dreams and goals. They only way to do that is in business (but that's another topic for a different day, and perhaps even a different forum).
How would it make you feel, if he suddenly left you because you found out you couldn’t bear children? Compromise goes both ways.
This is exactly why I am open to dialogue with sisters that have been previously married, because they used the "income" criterion the first time and found the wrong man. They have already learned their lesson(s). No doubt, other factors do come into play and, yes , I'm generalising but it can and does happen.
It's as you have said in another post already, people want to get married for different reasons, be that companionship, to address their physical needs, or even for the joy of children. Needs and desires can and do change over time, but if the couple are committed to each other, they can work things out. This is the name of the game.
Its this kind of attitude which is exactly why the men search for Angelina Jolie, because the predominant thought is….."well if I have to break my neck and give up my soul working day and night, then I better be coming home to the prettiest lady on the planet."
Sure it sounds misogynistic, or chauvinistic. Name it what you will, but to the men, demands of financial security as the ultimate precedence just wreak of entitlement. No man wants that.
If she's a lady of class, grace and heaps of loyalty, then the good looking woman will only pique our interest. Nothing more, nothing less.
Men want a woman that will stand by them, through thick and thin. And its exactly these kind of indicators that help them make their decision to stay or go, when prospecting.
Its not a buyers market. No one gets to call the shots here.
Where do you think the whole fear of commitment derives itself from?
As for the Islamic Schools
I don’t see them necessarily as the best option, but different men have differing opinions.
Its not the be all, end all.
True Story. On one of the forums that I frequent, a young lady came asking for advice, because her boyfriend had left her and she was upset. I didn’t think much to it, until I found out she was Muslim.
I felt genuinely sorry for her, so I offered to talk to her, to see if there was anyway I could help her.
It turned out, that, not only was she in Hijab, but she had been to one of the top Islamic Schools in the country for the past 4 years!
Ultimately, its down to upbringing and good parenting. Only parents can instil good values, or more importantly the mother. If the mother wants to siphon off the children to an Islamic School, because she isnt secure in herself that she can raise them to be good muslim children, then what exactly is her role in their lives? And I mean that in the nicest way possible.
Yes the kids get access to text, and knowledge, but that can be found, now, in all types of media. After all , if they are gaining the knowledge but not implementing in their daily lives, then what good is it?
Problem with Siblings or Family
I don’t know what the situation is like in the U.S, but here in the UK, outside of London there are only small pockets and clusters of families that are practising. As a result, what tends to happen in these areas is, ordinarily only the one individual in the household is practising, while the siblings and the parents (to some extent) are leading liberal lives.
This causes a disconnect as a natural discourse, and is only to be expected.
After all, it then becomes a conflict of core values, and I've seen it in more houses than one. Sometimes it’s the youngest daughter that decides she wants to practise. Say for example, she decides to wear the hijab, but her father is dismissive of it, and sometimes it’s the son. But these situations are present.
Are you going to penalise your suitor for something beyond his control?
It doesn’t mean he isnt civil with his family.
Will you not give anyone the benefit of the doubt, that perhaps there is a genuine reason behind the disconnect?
The girl from the Islamic School that I mentioned above, when we got to the bottom of it, we found out that she clung to the first man she got find, because she felt so neglected at home. She was the only person that was practising in her family. Yes it was tragic, but it happens. Everyone wants to feel wanted and desired, especially by their own parents, and if we don’t get the love from them, we go searching for it elsewhere. Its human nature.
All in all, it just proves further that there really is a disconnect between the Muslim Men and the Muslim Women.