Just a disclaimer... these are general comments, not specific to anyone and of course no one really knows the specifics of anyone's life here so we can be kind of be anonymous and general.
yes Allah can take it and destroy all of it in a single moment like the man with the two gardens in Surah Kahf. and just like this last recession has shown us wealth can be gone in an instant. still, i know for a fact i can go out and find work to provide for my family with the education, experience, references, and contacts i have. sure we all depend on Allah, but we have to tie our horse too. remember when there was a man who just sat around in the mosque doing nothing and another family was supporting him. Umar (ra) was soooo mad. he was like the family that is providing for him is getting double the reward and Umar himself went there and kicked the guy out and told him to go work!
so yes a husband later can become ill or lose his job later on, but if he has no job or inclination or variable thoughts about supporting a family (like all these idealistic ideas) it's going to cause a lot of problems in the future. do you know the number one thing people fight about in marriage? MONEY... yep that goes for many muslim couples too... money is a huge problem...and it's not even about trying to find a rich guy it's just that any sister and her parents are going to think about these things ahead of time. of course no one is saying they want lush mansions and jewels dripping off their arm, but every wife and kids deserve some kind of decent life, and in islam it is the responsibility of the HUSBAND to provide that. guys who don't feel like working or are "working" on become a billionaire should just not get married.
now all these guys who are like "oh Allah will provide, i'm going to be a millionaire in 3 years and so what if i don't have a steady income" i want to ask you honestly if you had a daughter right now and a guy came and wanted to marry her saying all that you would let him??? let me tell you right now you WOULD NOT. no matter how "religious" or "good" he is... he really isn't because he would not be able to fulfill the rights of his wife and family.
again if you can't afford to support a family then some scholars say it is not allowed for you to enter a marriage because this is a pre-condition.
uhhh steady jobs don't help us achieve what we want?? where did you hear that? almost everyone in the world lives in this way except that .0000001% of bill gates... and BY THE WAY there is only ONE Bill Gates in the world and all the guys who are like drop-outs or whatever and are like i'm going to be the next bill gates... cuz look he dropped out of college like me and started a business and i'm going to do that too...that's just ridiculous...just go look in the mirror. for 1 bill gates there's a billion poor idiots.
education makes a difference and i'm going to say it right now degrees make a big difference too. so a guy who is a high school dropout who wants to start a millionaire business and expects someone to marry him has to start getting real.
the example of finding out the wife couldn't bear children, as this is a husband's islamic right he does have the right to divorce at that point, just as she does if he can't support her financially.
About Islamic school:
That's a whole other debate but I was using that as an example. If you like we can say the need for groceries/diapers/shoes whatever.
About the sibling issue:
again it doesn't matter what the sisters are, even the way revert guys treat their natural non-muslim sisters can tell you a lot. it really has nothing to do with the sister or mother's religiosity but how he deals with them. it's about his behavior.
About angelina jolie:
that argument is very immature. and i guarantee you any girl beautiful or not would never accept marrying such a flighty/immature guy.
is it because our parents as immigrants came here and have been successful as professionals that the next generation of guys have just become bums? i mean come on i sometimes think we need to send these guys to live in a slum in india for a month for them to realize what the real world is like. trust me when you get older you'll all of a sudden realize that no one is going to support you and you have to figure out where to get the money to survive. it's just ridiculous. i would just want no part of any guy who is so blinded to reality.
About communication problems between men and women:
this to me does not sound like a communication problem. this is a financial goals/lifestyle compatibility issue. if someone has certain ideas of how they want their life to be and the other doesn't then they should not get married. khalas.
About the mahr
It's definitely an ugly business and could be indicative of someone who wants a different sort of lifestyle than you do, but sometimes mahr is a prestige/cultural thing like 'oh all my daughters have a mahr of this amount' or 'my daughter has a high mahr because she is valued'. Or they set the mahr to be paid at divorce at some ridiculous high amount to "prevent" the husband from divorcing her.
Families should ask for a reasonable amount that the brother can afford as it's supposed to be a gift and not some kind of bride-price. Brothers should also get a little more realistic than expecting parents and families to ignore all financial concerns and agreeing to $1 mahr.
Also, I don't know if it's fair to blame the daughter for her parents actions, but i can see why a person would be turned off by the actions of her family.
aiite peace out...i'm going to go eat some ice cream