Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|Life is so Unfair|
|09/22/00 at 21:12:11|
Why do some people get so much bad luck while others get so much happiness and continue to lead good lives.
Some of us get such a raw deal out of life that i can't begin to explain it. Some problems restrict us so much that its virtually impossible to explain(i'm not talking about the usual financial, marriage, family, studying stuff).
When we ask muslims for help, we're told the usual "its a test", its "no burden greater than we can bear" but these verses are put into question because the reality is so much different. Theres suicidal daily feelings, despair, intense pain from within, hopelessness, fear...I could go on! Yet despite so many people being pious and humbly reciting the duas in Quran, our problems seem to get worse and worse and it hurts so bad that we're getting no response from up above. This leads to a vicious cycle and our bodies go all numb and feel that theres nothing beyond this life, we either put up with it or loathe it. Its not our fault, the pain sometimes gets too much to bear.
I'm sick of it, this life seems so long with no end.
Sorry if i said anything stupid.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/23/00 at 00:17:09|
Hey, hey! Cheer up sister. I have no idea what you are going through but I'm sure its something you can bear because Allah does not lie. Every thing that bad happens to you is because of what your "right" hand has wrought." Tommorow inshallah, I will give the refrence and post the whole ayah. Even if we are good and follow all the basics Allah still tests us.
What, you think that Allah is not going to test to see who loves Him the most from amonst His servants? You have to STRUGGLE for Jannah. Allah is not going to just hand over Jannah to you just like that. You have to work very, very hard for it. Just like you work very, very hard for an exam in school or college. This life is not the real life, the real life is after this temporary life.
Sometimes, I know it gets very tough, but we should never ever question Allah's will or be dissapointed in Him. We have no right to be dissapointed in Him. Read the Quran everytime you feel like this. Allah loves you. Once, I was feeling very sad and I took off the Quran from the shelf and started reading it. After a few minutes, I thought to myself, why am I not feeling anything? Why is this not giving me comfort like it used to? But this time I did not put it back up, I kept on reading and guess what? I came across one of the most beautiful verse: If you remember me, I will remember you. (Not word for word translation.) So keep on remembering Allah, don't loose hope. I know from experience, that the worst thing you can do is to loose hope.
I am sure you have heard of the hadith where it says that Allah wipes away sins of His servant even if he gets pricked by a thorn. A believer looks at hard times in his life in a positive manner. Be patient. Allah loves those who are patient. Maybe the whole point of you going through this trial is, whatever that might be, is for Allah to see whether you will still thank Him for all the blessings that you have or wherther you will loose hope and start to question life and Him? The more a person is tested in this life, the more of his sins are wiped away from his book of deeds. That is Allah's Mercy. Isn't that moving? Indeed our Lord is the Most High, the Most Glorious. Allah is the epitome of Mercy. Subhanallah!! Imagine, if you pray five times a day correctly and on time for the whole week, Allah forgives you all your sins that you did in that week. Can you believe that? Allah is indeed Merciful. We just don't realize it, but Allah has bestowed so many blessings upon us! So count your blessings and thank Allah for all that you have and for all that Allah has promised you. There is a hadith where it says, that if you remember Allah in times of ease, He will remember you in times of hardship. "Protect Allah, you will find Him before you---Get to know Allah in times of ease, He will know you in times of hardship---and know whatever eludes you, could not have reached you, and whatever reached you could not have eluded you and know that help comes with patience, and relief comes with distress and ease with hardship."
How do we protect Allah? By following His Commandment and guarding them and Islam as something precious.
So don't loose hope, persevere, and keep on praying. Keep on glorifying Allah, thank Him constantly. Our incompetent minds can't imagine how much Allah loves us.
"Verily, those who say: 'Our Lord is Allah,' and then they stand firm, on them the angels descend, (saying), 'Fear not, nor grieve! But reveive the glad tidings of Paradise which you have been promised!" (Surah Fussilat, ayah 30)
So stand firm in the belief that there is Allah, follow His commandments and inshallah, the Angels will give you the glad tidings of Paradise when you meet Allah. "Your Lord had neither forsaken you nor hates you." (Surah Duhaha, ayah 3)
"I asked for strength
And Allah gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom
And Allah gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity
And Allah gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Love
And Allah gave me danger to overcome.
I asked for favors
Allah gave me troubled people to help.
I received nothing I wanted
I received everything I needed!"
Our hardships are blessings in disguise.
May Allah make things easier for you and May he grant you Jannah. Ameen.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/23/00 at 00:21:39|
|Breeze, I think it's what we all feel when we watch the news or read all the horrible things that are going on in the Muslim world. But we really can't blame Allah for these things. We are the one's who created these things and do nothing to stop them. We don't educate our children, we care more about dunya and the overwhelming majority of muslims are more concerned with following the latest western fashion, media, dress and secular materialistic lifestyle than anything else. How can we expect Allah to help us when we are all heedless of trying to improve ourselves as Muslims everyday. |
There is a hadith I recently learned about from Bukhari I believe that Allah may destroy a people even if not all the people are bad, but on the Day of Judgement each person will be accountable for what they did. This was like a lightbulb going off in my head, cause don't you wonder why Allah sends earthquakes to Turkey or other bad things happen in Muslim places? They are seriously signs to wake us up, and if rightous people die or are hurt or struggle in the process they will get what they deserve inshaAllah.
Muslims are not people of despair. There are many positive things going on in our community as well, and we do have the HAQQ. As such we will be be the inheritors, not anyone else. The justice of Allah's court will take care of everything else.
Allah does answer our duas, but do we answer His call?
|09/23/00 at 10:42:00|
|Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah|
I hope everyone here is doing well, insha'Allah.
I am incapable of having full/any knowledge of Allah or His plan, but He is Al-Haqq (the Truth), As-Sabur (the Patient, reflect on that), no doubt. I have no idea why some ppl are allotted with "more" or why some ppl seem to have an easier life than others. And I don't intend to be the "fastest hadith in town" (hehe, a little ISNA humor, from Hamza Yusuf). But the words of Allah and His Messenger carry much more weight than my own.
The Rasul (s) said, "Anyone for whom Allah intends good, He makes him suffer from some affliction." [Bukhari] From Tirmidhi, the Rasul (s) also said, "When Allah intends a good for His slave, He punishes him in this world, but when He intends an evil for His slave, He does not hasten to take him to task but calls him to account on the Day of Resurrection."
Alhamdulillah, the best example is our Rasul (s). He was the leader of the Muslims, and even when they were successful against the enemies of Islam, he slept on a rough mat that left marks on his back. SubhanAllah, everything he did and said was to teach us, for our akhira. Omar (r) once asked him why he did not live like the kings of his time. The Rasul (s) responded with (something to the effect of), this (the duniya) is for them, are you not content with the akhira?
SubhanAllah, that's what we are working for insha'Allah, not this life. Also in Tirmidhi's collection, the Rasul (s) said, "A Muslim, male or female, continues to remain under trial in respect of his life, property and offspring till he or she faces Allah the Exalted, in a state that he or she has no sin on his or her record."
Imagine! Do you think anyone can attain such a status without going through trials? And not just going through them, but *patiently* going through trials. SubhanAllah, I actually know ppl (wish I were more like them), who smile in the face of tragedy, knowing that if they work through it patiently, they will gain reward & some of their sins will be erased, insha'Allah. Others, unfortunately (I hope to be less like them), see the smallest trial and complain to everyone. Even when the Rasul (s) was at his lowest, with even the children throwing rocks in his face, he only complained to Allah. We risk losing our reward, as well as gaining sin if we lose patience in times of trials. Impatience can increase us in sins in so many ways...
In terms of practical advice, I say this to everyone reading, please read the Qur'aan & seerah, whenever you have time. And please consider turning off your television set, music, movies, etc. Not just for 40 days, either. Alhamdulillah, I've tried this and cannot begin to explain to you how much more benefit I've gained from time. Time to do things of some value and benefit to me and others (at least more opportunity to do so now), instead of wasting it. The Rasul (s) warned us that we would lose 2 things, our health and time for doing good. So please take advantage of NOW. And lastly, keep making du'a and ask for forgiveness from Allah. Allah is more pleased with a believer sincerely asking for forgiveness than with a man who loses his camel/provisions in the desert & then finds it again. And who doesn't need to ask for forgiveness? The Rasul (s) used to ask for forgiveness 70-100 times a day! And all of his past & future sins were already forgiven!
I hope I didn't offend anyone and may Allah forgive me of my mistakes, aameen.
Volume 2, Book 13, Number 45:
Narrated 'Amr bin Taghlib (Bukhari):
Some property or something was brought to Allah's Apostle and he distributed it. He gave to some men and ignored the others. Later he got the news of his being admonished by those whom he had ignored. So he glorified and praised Allah and said, "Amma ba'du. By Allah, I may give to a man and ignore another, although the one whom I ignore is more beloved to me than the one whom I give. But I give to some people as I feel that they have no patience and no contentment in their hearts and I leave those who are patient and self-contented with the goodness and wealth which Allah has put into their hearts and 'Amr bin Taghlib is one of them." Amr added, By Allah! Those words of Allah's Apostle are more beloved to me than the best red camels.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/23/00 at 22:53:29|
Here's the aya: "Whatever misfortune happens to you, is because of the things your hands have wrought, and for many of them He grants forgiveness." (Q 42:30)
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/24/00 at 04:47:38|
I know we're tested and this pain and misery expiates our sins but how much of a test is it? When does it stop.
What action have i done so wrong that i get misfortunes where i'm pushed right to the extreme edge, when all u want to do is lead a simple pious life. Its definately unbearable. Thats why i say i often question those Quranic verses.
Its when one has to suffer so much that your whole life is resticted. I can't go into specifics but how many of us have an illness that u can't even feel comfortable in your own mosque when theres people looking at u. Your whole life is restricted, can hardly make any friends for companionship, earn a decent living, have no honour (even though u follow all islamic regulations), never get married, and theres people talking behind u. The psychologoical trauma is immense and unbearable......serious bouts of depression, loneliness, crying, headaches etc. Sometimes u can't even cry because u go all numb. It effects your faith but u keep holding on, despite that horrible fear inside that u are doomed with this fate.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/24/00 at 10:47:38|
My suggestion is, in all good faith, that you stop questioning those ayahs. There is no doubt that Allah (AWJ) does not lie since there is no doubt that Islam is the correct way of life for one to follow.
If you go through the life of the Prophet (SAW), you'll see that he also was afflicted with immense tragedies and afflictions. By the time he was 7 years old, both of his parents had passed away. He was rejected by his entire tribe when he received the Prophethood. The torture that he endured was immense to say the least. Yet, he persevered and had patience and look at the lofty status Allah (AWJ) gave him. Even others nowadays suffer tremendously. Imagine being imprisoned for going to Jihad... or living so many years with an abusive family, parents and/or husband.
Patience will always help you in the long term. If not in this world then the next. That much i know. No doubt, your probably thinking that I really have no idea. And I don't. I am probably just repeating what has already been said... but I really thought I should write something. I truly hope this helps and I will make Dua' that Allah (AWJ) removes your affliction, Insha-Allah
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/24/00 at 13:11:16|
Breeze, may Allah give you patience and perseverence through your difficulties, and all of us. Always try to look at people who are in a worse condition than you. That helps.
Your weakness(es) should make you realize the Power of Allah, and the utter helplessness of a human without Him. Turn to Him in praise and glory, thank Him for putting you in a better situation (it could be worse ... what if you couldn't type or read?) Ask him for help, patience, and a betterment of your situation.
It is a test indeed. Either that, or a punishment of some sort. In both cases, you are actually blessed. If it is a test, then know that Allah tests people according to their level of righteousness. The harder the test, the more righteous you are. The purpose of tests is purification of the heart. A pot that is very clean, but has a small stain, has to be rubbed vigorously to clean it. But the end resuls is a shining, clean pot. Similar is the matter of a Believer's heart.
If it is punishment, then any punishment in this world is much easier than the punishment in the Hereafter. I would rather get my punishments in this world than in the Hereafter, and I would rather have my blessings on the Day of Judgment than today.
This life is only a few decades. What, 50, 60, 70 years?? The life of the Hereafter, that is the life indeed. A life when you will have no pain, no grief, no anxiety, no weakness, the life of Eternal Bliss, pleasure and satisfaction. Remember this when you deal with your afflictions, and rest assured that your uprightness will not go in vain. For Allah is the Most Just, and He knows and sees everything.
|Some ayaat to reflect upon|
|09/24/00 at 18:39:39|
|"Most assuredly We will try you with something of danger, and hunger, and the loss of worldly goods, of lives and the fruits of your labor. But give glad tidings to those who are patient in adversity - who when calamity befalls them, say, "Truly unto God do we belong and truly, unto him we shall return." (2:155)|
"Do you think that you could enter paradise without having suffered like those who passed away before you? Misfortune and hardship befell them, and so shaken were they that the Messenger and the believers with him, would exclaim, 'When will God's help come?' Oh truly, God's help is always near." (2:214)
"You will certainly be tried in your possessions and yourselves." (3:186)
"Every soul must taste death. And we try you with calamity and prosperity, [both] as a means of trial. And to Us you are returned." (21:35)
"O man! Truly you've been toiling towards your Lord in painful toil - but you shall meet Him!" (84:6)
"The Qur'an's attitude towards suffering and adversity is not passive and resigned, but positive and dynmamic. The believers are told that they will sure suffer and to be patient and persevering in times of hardship, but they are also to look forward and seek opportunities to improve their situation and rectify existing wrongs. They are told that while the risks and struggle may be great, the ultimate benefit and reward will be much greater (2:218; 3:142; 4:95-96; 8:74; 9:88-89; 16:110; 29:69)." (Jeffrey Lang, [i]Even Angels Ask[/i]).
And finally ...
"We certainly have created man to face distress. Does he think that no one has power over him? He will say: I have wasted much wealth. Does he think that no one sees him? Have We not given him two eyes, and a tongue and two lips and pointed out to him the two conspicuous ways? But he attempts not the uphill climb; and what will make you comprehend the uphill climb? [It is] to free a slave, or to feed in a day of hunger an orphan nearly related, or the poor one lying in the dust. Then he is of those who believe and exhort one another to patience and exhort one another to mercy." (90:4-17)
Be patient, Breeze, and know that Allah is with those who are perseverent.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/24/00 at 23:01:13|
Alhamdulillah, the brothers and sisters have given out good advice. Let me see if I can add soiething.
Breeze, whatever happens do not lose hope. Hold tight unto the rope stretched out by Allah. If you let go, you will not only lose this life but also the next. Remember that there is blessing in both perseverance in difficulties and thankfulness in happiness. But this is only for the believers. Reflect on the following hadith:
Wonderful is the case of a believer - there is good for him in everything, and this is only for the believer. If he experiences a blessing, he is grateful to Allah - which is good for him; and if he experiences an adversity, he is patient - which is also good for him. (Muslim)
Strengthen your eeman by reading the Quran, reflecting on and implementing it message. Read the hadith and the seerah. Also, take up a regular activity that you like and are good at.
May Allah swt give you peace of mind and heart and make it easy for you.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/25/00 at 12:50:24|
|Assalamu alaikum Breeze,|
In moments of despair one might be inspired by shaytan to lose hope. My sincere advice to you is try not look too far into things and forecast doom based on current difficulties. You know and probably don't need me to give a lecture on how bad things happen to good people sometimes.
But do remember that Allah's justice and rahma (mercy) encompasse everything. They really do. If you have yaqeen (true belief) in that, you might be able to change your perspective on things. Difficulties and pain in this life are not meant as punishment, believe me. If it is, then what sin did babies born with AIDS -through mothers- commit? Everything that is meant for you to happen has been sealed the day you were conceived. Seek refuge in Allah. He is the only one who has the ability and authority to change things.
You implyed that you are lonely and unable to find trusworthy friends within your community. Well, these are kinda hard to find anywhere these days, aren't they? ;-) But seriously, it might help to change scenery, and go to a different mosque, city if that is feasible. If not, give your community another chance. Always ask Allah for "al-suhba al-saliha" or the good company and believe in the power of dua. In sha' Allah you'll find this helpful.
Any hey, you can email me any time!
Your sis in Islam,
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/25/00 at 19:30:53|
|As Salaam Alaikum Breeze.|
I remember a few weeks ago the Imam at my local masjid said something that really hit home fore me. I pray it can help you. He said that we often look at our lives and feel so bad about ourselves and are filled with sorrow and despair. But then he repeated the saying "I was sad because I had no shoes, but then I saw a man with no feet." Then he went on to say "I felt bad that I had no feet then I saw a man with no legs. I was sad I had no legs and had to use a wheelchair but then I saw a man that had to crawl because he had no wheelchair. Or I saw a man who could not see, speak or walk. I feel bad because I cannot walk, have ugly deformities and all but then I saw a man who had no knowledge of ALLAH!!" When he said that I truly realized what a blessing it is for us to be Muslim. As bad as it is we still have the knowledge of what is right and the path to jannah. Look at all the people out there who seem to have it so good: money, cars, beauty, girlfriends or boyfriends, nice clothes but this will get them nowhere in the next life. In fact it may be the ticket to hellfire for them. As long as you keep your deen, you are better off than so many people who seem to have more:)
I am so sorry that the other muslims in your area are so ignorant and uncaring. If they only knew the sin they are bringing on themselves by hurting another believer:( Remember that most importantly Allah loves you and if you continue to be kind and generous, pious and dutiful to your Lord then you may be earning more of his pleasure than those muslims who mistreat you. I also reccomend trying to attend other masajid, opening up to the Imam and the sisters and let them know your struggle. If they are truly believers they will be merciful to you, recognize your pain and reach out to you. That will be a charity, and we are all in need of blessings from charity:)
I know a sister who is burned badly all over her upper body. She has serious scars all over her face, arms hands and chest. Some may say she is "deformed" and "ugly" because of them. I am sure many thought she would not be able to find a husband and start a family but alhumdullillah she is married now with two beautiful baby girls. Allah blessed her and blessed the brother to see her for the beautiful person that she is inside. We all can see it as a matter of fact, her scars show the strength she had to get through all those surgeries, pain and emotional turmoil. Allah can do anything so don't think you cannot be happy.
Allah knows best.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/26/00 at 11:34:16|
I read your post and have become immensely concerned for you. Through your post it appears that Islam is becoming a burden upon yourself, which is its abosolutely opposite intentions. But what I am noticing is that it looks as if you're turning it into a burden, but your islamic community appears to play a role into why you are feeling the way you are. Are they judging you?
In this religion, or shall I say in any religion, there are extremes, moderates, and liberates. You should always remain balanced in everything. This relgion limits you, but only from those that will harm you. You state that you hardly have companions, or will not be able to marry. Is that because you're not comfortable with the muslims around you?
I myself lately have been feeling as if I don't quite fit anywhere. That there are not muslims, or people in general in my reach that I can relate to on my level. I come in contact with extremes, and I'm too liberal, then liberates, and I'm growing extreme. Seek knowledge, and learn this religion for yourself, and make a conscious, common sense islamic judgement of how to react to daily situations in your life. Never feel restricted by this religion. We have to learn to set the standard for ourselves and based on the guidlines of Almighty Allah. Take that with you, and filter out the negativity in your life. Our lives should only consist of peace.
Breeze, tell me this, what is it that will make you happy. What will bring a smile to your face? You don't appear to be losing faith, just doubting a little, which a stage we all go through at one point in time in our lives. But we must learn from it. And understand that Allah(swt) is going to still be there every step of the way. You've been blessed just by having the opportunity to know this religion. So seize it, and by all means be grateful for it. I pray that you overcome this cloudy time in your life.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/26/00 at 19:14:19|
|well i have been stuck like this for well over 4 yrs now and things could be worse but i just shut myself out from the community or family gatherings(when possible) so nothing there can affect me cos i know they're thinking all sorts of things about me. Call it denial.|
All i want is at least some peace and have a simple life, but at the same time i start to feel really really guilty because i'm always complaining and can't do much to help other people worse off as a muslim is supposd to. So I feel selfish, self-absorbed and criminalise myself. I'm human, i have feelings and it hurts. Like this i'm pretty much hopeless and no good to anyone. Is it wrong to complain or to want some worldy(halal) happiness? I've seen lots of pious muslims around me lead good lives, get the things they want, travel places etc.Theres others who maynot be perfect but still clean from the heart and i find it hard to believe that they'll be thrown into hellfire.
Many things have happened to me that make me realise my fate and theres very little i can do. Its one setback after another and no one knows what the mental torture is like. Coming to terms with my situation is something i don't want to do. I'd rather die than let it get the better of me. I'm not losing faith, i'm always holding on to it but just find it difficult to join the reality(mine) with what some of Islam teaches us.
Am i in the wrong or is it normal to behave like this? I'm kinda confused :(
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/27/00 at 00:07:31|
|assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah, breeze|
i'm glad u asked if it's wrong for you to complain. from what little i know, wAllahu'alim, yes, it is wrong for us to complain. think abt it this way, if we have firm faith in Allah, and we believe in qadr/His Will, can we complain about what He has given to us, what is already allotted & written down? not that we can't try to change our situation, that all starts with du'a. even in du'a, we are told to have patience. if we lose patience and complain that what we asked for never came true, Allah will leave us to ourselves, wal a'udhu-billah.
i didnt' understand ur situation the first time i wrote, nor can i claim i do now, but patience is, and was, my main point. Allah is with those who are patient. by losing patience and complaining, we run the risk of accumulating sins & having doubt cloud our reason. i hope we are saved from that, insha'Allah, aameen. the rasul (s) only complained to Allah, and he did so in the form of du'a. that's what du'a is for, right? who else can change our condition but Allah? it all starts w/ our own hearts.
have u ever heard the story of the black woman of paradise who had epilepsy? this woman, she suffered from epilepsy at the time of the prophet (s) and asked him to invoke Allah for her. he (s) told her, u can enter paradise if u remain patient. or i will invoke Allah to cure u. do u know what she chose? she chose to remain patient, & added the clause (hehe), i'll remain patient (with my condition), but when i have my epileptic fits, i become uncovered, so pls invoke Allah to keep me from becoming uncovered. so he (s) asked Allah to keep her covered.
subhanAllah, if we all had the kind of patience & firmness in faith. this was a woman who knew what she wanted! of course Allah can give us whatever we wish for, no matter how much...for some it's ok, for others, it's not. for some of us, being in a compromising position can get us into paradise, iA. pls, pls, pls think abt it this way, breeze, and use what Allah has given u to help u get into paradise. surround urself with muslims, instead of hiding from them, b/c shaytaan has an easier time playing with our minds when we are alone. avoid suspicion, forget abt what others think of u, think about what Allah thinks of u. when u do that, Allah will love u and make the angels love u and ppl of paradise love u and ppl of this dunya love you, insha'Allah.
just remember, Allah is with the patient. i was in need of this advice, myself, so this is not just directed towards you.
from sahih bukhari:
Volume 8, Book 75, Number 351:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "None of you should say: 'O Allah, forgive me if You wish; O Allah, be merciful to me if You wish,' but he should always appeal to Allah with determination, for nobody can force Allah to do something against His Will."
Volume 8, Book 75, Number 352:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "The invocation of anyone of you is granted (by Allah) if he does not show impatience (by saying, "I invoked Allah but my request has not been granted.")
Volume 8, Book 75, Number 378:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
Allah's Prophet used to say, "O Allah! I seek refuge with You from incapacity and laziness, from cowardice and geriatric old age, and seek refuge with You from the punishment of the grave, and I seek refuge with You from the afflictions of life and death."
Volume 8, Book 75, Number 380:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
The Prophet used to say, "O Allah! I seek refuge with You from worry and grief, from incapacity and laziness, from cowardice and miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overpowered by (other) men." (See Hadith No. 374)
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/29/00 at 12:54:22|
Breeze, I'm trying to gain a great understanding of your state of mind. Now I'm picking up on that you feel helpless. Are you not approaching opportunities where you can help someone. Are you looking to do great things in life, yet there is no outcome, and so you're becoming dissatisfied with yourself. Is this how you're feeling? What exactly are your complaints about? Are you feeling limited in life right now? In fact how old are you?
The reason I am asking all these questions is because it is making me think back to when I was in high school and there was so much I wanted to do, but I felt so limited. I yearned for independence, but did not feel like I could reach it under my mother's wing. I needed to spread my own wings. And the whole time I had something to complain about, was never satisfied. Is that anything close to what you're feeling? Realize that there are meaning ways you can make yourself useful in the community and be pious with an islamic attitude, such as volunteering, becoming involved in your masjid's activities, furthering your knowledge in islam for yourself and learn to teach others, start up a support group with a solutiion to how you feel, because there might be others out here that feel the way you do.
I need more feedback from you, to fully understand how you're feeling right about now. One moment I feel I can relate, then another moment you'll throw me off. Insh-allah you will respond. Until then, much luv and respect to you.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|09/30/00 at 18:37:46|
I guess thats exactly how i'm feeling, pretty well hopeless.
Sure we should have faith and stand out this test, but thats very easily said by people giving out advice, and i really really thank them for that. Most people go through tests lasting a short period of time so base their opinions on that.
I've been going through this for over 10 years initially before it stopped and came back 4 years ago so u know i've been struggling from a very early age against my calamity(i think was 8yrs). I don't want to go into those lost years of pain and hardship. But its made me strong, i think i can (and have)withstand the everyday calamities most people here complain about.
Most people at least know where their life is heading and have some sense of direction, but its different for me, i don't even know where i stand next week. Theres so much i wanted to do but i can't. Even the simple things like being with friends means so much and sacred to me, while for others its just a comonality with little meaning.
All i have is my faith and hopes/dreams for the future. Even though i know they won't come true, they still provide u with some comfort that maybe oneday it will in another time.
I spend most time living in denial.
Apart from my duas, I should be doing something constructively for my brothers/sisters around the world, but i can't. Its like i'm at the bottom of the pit with no place in society. Many time u feel u were not made for this world, just a passerby making up numbers.
Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Thanks anyway.Jazakallahu khairan
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|10/01/00 at 01:04:21|
Breeze, understand that everyday is a new day for change. Change in who you are, who you want to become, deciding where you are going in life. We have been posting our thoughts to each other for almost a week, and you have shown me no improvement to your feelings and situation. By you expressing your thoughts, your soul should be cleasing itself. By being bold enough to even express your thoughts should have been an opportunity for you to make a new start with yourself, and look to the future with open arms that is ready to bring positive vibes into your life. This is a valley for you right now I'm assuming, but it is now time to climb out. And you're not rambling, those words are clearly your thoughts, and how you feel. I just want to see you a happier person. I feel that you are looking deeper into your situation than what it really is, but we all do that at times. The road seems rougher than it really is.
It seems that you've been through alot, and take life pretty serious. You are more grateful for things that others will carelessly think about. Life seems to have shown you alot in your time. That great strength you have inside will carry you through these feelings. Through these downsides of life. But you know what I'm picking up from you now, that things are unstable for you. I'm not sure.
I just don't want you to feel that this feeling will never go away. You can change your outlook on life. Tell me in your next response, not what you are feeling at that moment, but tell me what you are willing to do to change your situation. If you keep thinking so negative, then only negative things will come. There are millions, or trillions of people in this world, but there is something different and special about all of them. Know that you are one of those people, and special in your own way. You may not be famous, and may have not discovered the cure for AIDS, found a master plan to poverty,etc. But just living and pleasing Allah, that says alot. Where is the beauty in the character of Breeze? My beauty is working towards my potential of gaining more knowledge, striving to gain more strength in my deen, learning to love others unconditionally, and so much more. Just to know and realize that you have potential and can change who you currently are (that's if you're not satisfied) can take you further than you know. It can take you to the point of gaining a sense of yourself, and where your want to take yourself. You feel me? Insh-allah you'll respond soon. Take care.
P.S. You never stated if you were a male or female, oh and your age. How old are you, that's if you don't mind my asking?
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|10/01/00 at 04:09:20|
Breeze, it sounds like as if you might have some... sickness of some kind? Am I right? Sorry, you don't have to answer.
I don't know what else can I say, appart from what I already said to you. May Allah grant you janatul fardos. Ameen!!!!!
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|10/01/00 at 19:20:06|
I don't think i can change. Its difficult to do when you're stagnat and ur mind is clouded with so much pain, guilt, emptiness and nightmares. You really get fed up with life. My biggest fear is that theres nothing beyond this life and it all ends at death. Thats scary. But in this situation i guess its normal for people to feel like that. Theres a lot of soul searching to do and looking for all sorts of answers about this life. Until i get over that, its hard to move on.Its just the way things are.
Maybe i'm arrogant but I don't want to change my outlook to life, because i'll never accept this condition.I can't explain how awful and intimidating it is when u have so little dignity and feel useless. How can one get used to that? How am i supposed to change. And i can't let go easily of the things i hold special to me, whether its feelings, hopes/dreams or friends becasue theres very few of that.I don't want to change any of that. Its not like i'm a bad person or anything, i've always helped those around me, don't judge people by appearance, wealth etc.
However the improvemt i have made is that i don't bother with what others say, i just blank everything out and turn to Allah. So maybe i'm still looking for the answers on how to change, but its all snails pace. .
All i can do is pray that Allah makes things easier and everything back to normal, but thats not happening nor will it. Just have to sit this life out keeping faith and see whatever comes after.
Saleema - hi, yes ur right it is a sickness that i have.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|10/02/00 at 13:52:50|
Have it your way, Breeze. There is no need for me to go any further if you're going to decide that you will remain in this state. Resisting change. Allah (swt) will look out for you. And I wish you the best.
|Unveiling the Favours of Allah (awj)|
|10/03/00 at 13:52:00|
|Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem.|
Dear Brother/Sister Breeze,
Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.
May Allah (swt) lift your burden,and grant you sakina [tranquility].
From your few posts I could not ascertain if you are a brother or a sister, not that it matters, but I just wished to address you with respect.
I first came across your posts yesterday. I printed off the entire thread, complete with the sincere advice of all the brothers ans sisters who have sought to lift your burden, may Allah (swt) reward each of them abundantly, and took them home with me, where I mulled over them intermittently. At fajr, Allah (swt) facilitated for me the following thoughts- wallahu musta'an- for which I am grateful to Him (awj), though I have expanded upon what I originally wrote. The time was 05.18.
Breeze, what we both see when we look to your words may be two different things, and verily, were the times not many that a person would approach he (saw) whom Allah ta'ala sent to mankind as a rahma [mercy], with despair, only for him (saw) to inform them that that despair was a state of benefit to them. I will give you an example, in paraphrase.
A man approached the Messenger of Allah (saw) and asked what if someone had something so terrible within them that they could not possibly reveal it to anyone? The Prophet (saw) asked him if he was troubled by such a thing within his heart. The man replied in the affirmative. Rasul'Allah (saw) asked him if it caused him to doubt? He said yes. The Prophet (saw) told him "That is true iman."
Subhan'Allah. Upon hearing this hadith for the first time ever, wallahi, I broke down and sobbed uncontrollably. How many of us are afflicted with despondency, and can see no way out? How many of us possess an Islam which is lived out as if our life is a stage in a theatre? Meaning how many of us have a public Islam which is so very different to our private, behind closed-doors, no-one-can-see-me Islam. But Allah ta'ala can see. And He (awj) can also see the anguish His (awj) 'abd suffers. The despair, the helplessness, the torment, the utter confusion that confuses him. Truly, what others think one is, may be far removed from what Allah (swt) knows one actually to be.
Breeze, what you see in your situation is despair. What that veils you from is the massive bounties that your Lord (awj) has and is bestowing upon you. I look to what little you have revealed of yourself and I marvel at the ayaat [signs] of Allah (swt). I wonder to myself how clear they are yet how blind we can be. I look to you and see a brother/sister whom Allah ta'ala has placed in a position where s/he is constantly reflecting on his hal [state]. True, this taffakur [reflection] may be one borne of, or leading to, despair, and indeed despair should not be a characteristic of the believer, for it signifies ingratitude to His (awj) numerous and endless bounties and favours upon us, alhamdulillah. But. But, it is He (awj) who has created this world and in it are signs for those who make tafakkur.
Now, and heres the thing. The Sahabah (raa)- who, lest we forget, were the generation *chosen* by Allah ta'ala to accompany His (awj) Messenger (saw)- used to WORRY when they felt they were not being tested, for is that itself other than a test? Meaning, when they did not feel affliction and adversity, and everything seemed fine, it can lead to a state of complacency, ghaflaha [heedlessness], and a lack of muraqqaba [vigilance], and are these not sources of danger for ones akhira?
Look to yourself and look to those you see around you. Those who maybe have health, wealth, prosperity, ease, comfort, no struggle for anything in life. Then wonder: how is it that Allah (swt) causes His (awj) 'abd [slave/servant] to reflect upon his ayaat (i.e. I mean the signs around him and within him, not the ayaat of the Qur'an)? When I see such people I often (not always, for that would be to generalise) notice that accompanying them are states of ghaflaha and an absence of shukr [gratitude] to the favours which Allah (swt) has granted to them, which in reality, transforms what is adornment, into deadweight. Meaning, they- due to their ingratitude- do not benefit from these favours from their Lord (awj). They have no adversity which for them could be a cause for turning to Allah ta'ala. And how hard is it to remember Allah (swt) when your life is full of prosperity (in material terms), in a world where materialism consumes so many of us? Do you know of the story of Brother Yusuf Islam, before Islam, when he was one day swimming in the sea, and suddenly the tide pulled him out, and he could not overcome it, and he feared for his life. All of a sudden, inexplicably, he was possessed, out of sheer desperation, to acknowledge Allah (swt), and call upon Him (swt) to help him, and that if He (awj) saved him, then he, Cat Stevens, would spend the rest of his life serving Him (swt). He made it back to the shore. Alhamdulillah.
How difficult is it to sense your utter dependency on Him (awj) when you don't *feel* a need for anything because you already have *what you think* is all that you need to- and how far removed is this from the Haqq of the 'abd of Allah (swt)?
So I ask myself, who is likelier to be closer to Allah (swt)? Breeze, who despite his/her despair and confusion and sense of helplessness, combined with his/her resignation that nothing can be changed, is in a state of constant taffakur about Allah (swt) and why s/he has been put in this condition, or the one who has none of Breeze's suffering and yet it is a cause for him never making taffakur? Which of you is a step closer to Al-Muhaymin? And who but the most foolish of creation would trade places with one who had nothing but distance from Allah ta'ala? Who here (i.e. in this situation) is blessed with the favour of his Creator (awj) and who isn't?
If only you could see beyond misery, then you might see the wealth of the one who has taffakur, compared to the poverty of the one who has ghaflaha. My beloved brother/sister in Islam, your problem (wallahu ta'ala a'lam) is that in the marketplace of life you are a consumer who doesn't realise the value of the currency you possess. So what you have, you think buys you little, yet little do you know that in it lies possibly the key to this whole world, for what is tafakkur but the first, last and only step towards Allah (swt) that the sincere heart and sound intellect can but make? Without it, we could never see the ni'ma [gift] Allah ta'ala has placed before us in this Deen and the so many bounties and baraka we are privy to.
Subhan'Allah, to know, directly, experientially, your total and utter reliance upon Allah (swt) due to Him (awj) blessing you with a condition whereby you are completely confined to wondering about your hal [state] is a ni'ma not all of us can claim to possess, yet you have the good favour of your Creator (awj) to possess it and you grumble? That is not an admonition, but a look with jealousy (not hasad, which is unislamic). To me, you are like the child in the following story.
A young orphan girl around 10 years of age wanders the streets of Bombay amidst rubbish, rubble, ruins and sewage. She survives by climbing the rubbish heaps and scavenging for scraps of discarded junk which she then sells, at a pittance, so she can earn a meagre amount which is used to subsist upon.
One day, having clambered upon a pile of rubbish, she catches sight of something sparkly. Upon closer inspection she sees it to be a pendant glistening in the sun. So with the innocence and delight of a child, she puts it around her neck, promptly forgetting about it as the realisation that she still has no money to buy herself some food descends upon her.
Having found some small bits of junk, she is off on her merry way.
Some time later a jeweller passes her by and he notices the pendant around her neck. Immediately he recognises it to be a diamond. At the same time it dawns upon him that the child is oblivious to this fact and doesn't realise that she is walking around with something of such immense value that if only she did it would in an instant, upon that very realisation, end her life of squalor and poverty, and transform it into one of wealth.
Now, the allegory could end there if you let it Breeze. Or, we could extend it so we have another ending. Read on, and then decide for yourself which ending you prefer. The above, or the following:
The child notices the man staring and smiles. He wonders why. She approaches him and whispers,
"I know what you're thinking"
Doubtful that she does, he asks, "And what might that be?"
She replys, "That if only she knew what was around her neck, she wouldn't need to eke out a living subsisting on a pittance, living hand to mouth daily."
Astonished, his jaw drops, and he stammers, "Yes….yes…but…how did you…"
She interrupts him and explains, "My father was a jeweller, and he used to take me to the shop. I used to play whilst he conducted his trade. I grew up around jewellery. So I know what is around my neck. Yet without it, before it, Allah ta'ala took care of me (i.e. I was still here), and now I have it I don't want it to be a means for me forgetting Him (awj). Up till now my poverty lay in what I didn't have in this dunya, and my wealth consisted of my hal. Now, I have wealth in dunya terms, but it is not worth the possible poverty that it might cause if my hal were to decrease."
So Breeze, the moral, if it is not apparent, is that wealth is what your hal brings you, not prosperity (e.g. money, health, luxury, ease, comfort, etc.). All of this, if it is a means for your turning away from Allah ta'ala, is a source for ingratitude, and worse, perhaps- wallahu ta'ala a'lam- the Fire, wal-iyadhubillah.
My point Breeze, is that you have taffakur. That is a WHOLE WORLD more than many of us. Use it to show Allah ta'ala that you realise His (awj) favour upon you, not your despair in Him (awj) through what He (awj) chooses to give you, a'uzubillah.
Breeze, is it other than the concerted attempts of Shaytaan that paint the picture which you see before you? Does Shaytan want for you to see the favours of your Lord (swt)? Is all what you are feeling within other than his handiwork? Is resignation to your despondency other than to allow yourself to become a puppet in the play in which Shaytaan is the puppetmaster? I will end by relating to you a most awe-inspiring story, which I was honoured to hear related to us by Shaykh Muhammad Al-Ya'qubi, may Allah ta'ala make him a continued source of benefit and nourishment for this Ummah. I cannot relate it verbatim, for unlike the Shaykh who is said to have memorised the entire Muwatta of Imam Malik (ra) by the age of four- his grandmother (may Allah (swt) grant her Jannat al-Firdaus) used to recite it in the kitchen as she cooked, and that is how it is is said the Shaykh memorised it, by overhearing, wallahu a'lam- I don't have such a stong memory. But, bi'ithnilla we will try.
A man hides some dinars at the base of a tree for safekeeping. But he later forgets where he hid them. In his despair he goes to Imam Abu Hanifa (ra). Informing the Great Imam (ra) of his predicament, he solicits his (ra) advice. Imam Al-A'zam tells him to go home, make wudu carefully, and then stand for two rakats to Allah (swt). He tells the man that he should pray with the purest of hearts and intentions, as perfect a prayer as he can.
So the man goes home, makes wudu really conscientiously, and stands facing the Qibla, readying himself for the two rakats. At the moment he is just about to start, he experiences recollection of where the dinars are. He's amazed! How can that be???!!!
He rushes back to the Imam (ra), full of incredulity, and tells him what happened, eager to know what had happened, since he hadn't even begun the prayer!
Imam Abu Hanifa (ra)- subhan'Allah!- tells him that there is NOTHING Shaytaan detests more than the slave of Allah (swt) turning to Him (awj) for his need. It angers Shaytaan sooooo much. So rather than have the man pray, Shaytaan preferred to give him a cause not to pray, i..e. the recollection of where he'd hid the money.
Subhan'Allah. Is that not the most incredible story?
Think on it, and absorb its wisdom.
If this was of no benefit, just a long read, I apologise, and may Allah (swt) Guide me to that which is better. However, if any of it helped, at all, then know that every tawfeeq is but by the Grace, Hidaayah [Guidance], and Rahma [Mercy] of Allah (swt) alone.
Your brother in Islam,
06.09 - 03/10/00
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|10/08/00 at 12:13:26|
I am at a loss with words after I read abukhalid's post I am speechless ,mashaallah. Although the other answers were very good and inshallah helpful,and although I was reading the post to know why this person had this title for her/his post,and I just wanted to say becareful you cannot say life is unfair,because it is ALlah subhanahu wataala who has written all,saying life is unfair means that Allah is unfair,and we all know He is the Just.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|10/11/00 at 17:24:14|
|I think life is not unfair...Some people are unfair...Brother Abu Khaled.it is forbidden or haram in Islam, to feel sad,unlucky and miserable? Wassalam...|
|Feelings versus Fiqh|
|10/12/00 at 12:39:16|
|Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem|
Dear Brother Mirza,
Jazakallahukhairun for your question. Akhi, I am not an Alim, so for an authoritative answer you should ask someone who has knowledge.
What I will say is the following.
1. With respect, your question is wrong. Not in the sense that it is wrong to ask it, but in the sense that it does not make sense, if one understands the terms being used.
You see, the idea of *haram* [forbidden] refers to amal [actions], and amal are the scope of fiqh [jurisprudence]. Whereas if you look closely, what you have asked, about feeling "sad, unlucky, miserable" is unconnected to actions. Rather, these are all related to one's hal [state/condition]. It is not an action to feel sad. It is a state of being.
Thus, terms like haram do not apply, wallahu a'lam.
2. As Muslims, my dear Brother, we don't really agree with the concept of *luck,* for luck signifies arbitrariness, which contradicts our aqeedah. We believe that not even a leaf in this world falls without the permission of Allah (awj). The same way, when we are subject to *good fortune,* it is not considered being lucky, but part of the qadr [pre-decree] of Allah (swt).
3. To my very scant knowledge of this Noble Deen, feelings are not something within our control. Rather, they are *consequences* which arise as a result of a certain event, or thought. In and of itself *sadness* is an arbitrary feeling, which makes no sense in the absence of context. Just like *numbers,* which are abstract notions without a definite reality to link them to.
For instance, if I said to you, "Imagine 10," what would you do? Try it.
What comes into your mind? Balls, or matchsticks, or people. Something, anything tangible. Why? Because without that there is simply no way for you to conceptualise *10.*
In the same way, feelings like sadness and misery do not exist in isolation of context and reality. If I said to you "Be sad," you could not just *will* sadness into being. No, rather you'd have to imagine some incident, like the memory of a beloved who had passed away, or the massacre of Muslims in Israel, or some such thing which when you thought about it would *result* in a state of sadness overcoming you.
Does that make sense Brother?
Okay, now, since these feelings occur as a consequence of particular thoughts and situations which affect us, as far as I am aware, they are not considered as matters within our control, thus we are not accountable for them.
However, and this is the important part. We *are* accountable for what we do in terms of our actions *as a result* of such states. Why? Because again, we come back to our *actions,* and actions fall under the jurisdiction of the Shar'iah.
So, let us try and give an example, because all this abstractism must be frying your brain!
Say you learned you had a terminal illness. This would conceivably make you sad. Miserable even. But this is a *natural* consequence of the reality facing you. However, it is possible that the extent of this sadness might accumulate and accumulate, till you reached the point of suicidal tendencies. Now, HERE is where the Shar'iah makes a stand. For now you are about to take a course of action, and as we said, all actions are governed by the Ahkam Shar'iah [Divine Law], In the case of this example, we know suicide as an action is haram.
So you see, what is important is *how* you reacts to such feelings in terms of your in/action. This is why it is so important to mould ourselves so that our very inclinations are in accordance with Islam.
On a final note Brother, it is also the case that certain states are unislamic. Take *despair.* Despair is considered unislamic because it is to forego hope in Allah ta'ala. Yet how can that be for the one who calls themselves His (awj) 'abd [slave]?
Sorry for the incapable answer, but it is the best I could do given my lack of knowledge. And sorry for not being able to break it down more, or explain it better. It's a shortcoming I'm trying to overcome, bi'ithnillah. Forgive me.
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|10/12/00 at 16:36:08|
|As Salamu Alaykum dear brother Abu Khaled....Jazak Allahu Khayrun for explain. My Allah swt reward you and your family. I wish I could you reply but I'm not good enought with my english knowledge. May I can reply anytime...Allahu Alim... I just say, you get be sad or miserable , of peoples acting against you and offended and affect your life ..Even you trusted them .......About luck, it is a translations mistake may I unhappy were correct word...I wish also I were more occupy myself with ummah problems worys what I miss it like my earlier time ....Wassalamu Alaykum....Your brother in Islam...|
|Re: Life is so Unfair|
|04/25/01 at 09:59:38|
|NO NO NO AND NO!!|
ALLAH SAYS IN SURAT AL-ANAM: And if he touches you with sadness and stress then thats how you are and if he touches you with happiness, for he has power of EVERYTHING!!
MANY PEOPLE SAID THIS AND ALLAH NEVER LIKED IT. DO NOT SAY THIS EVER! HOW OLD ARE YOU ANYWAY?
IF YOU ARE MARRIED: FINE DEAL WITH THE STRESS, PRAY TO YOUR GOD AND DO AS MUCH GOOD. INSHALLAH ALLAH WILL GRANT YOU "FAITH" AND "PARADISE!"
SO BEHOLD! LOOK BACK AT WHAT YOU SAID! I WAS NOT SATIS FIED WITH ANYTHING! HOW ARE WE PEOPLE SUPPOSE TO KNOW WHEN THE HOUR IS?
EMAIL ME BACK IN REPLY AT: firstname.lastname@example.org
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