Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|05/09/01 at 15:19:02|
|Assalmu Alaikum brothers and sisters|
I have decided that I will start to wear Hijab gradually. First I will start while in my car and then at school and work and finally everywhere else. This is a very scary experience for me because I have to keep it a secret from my family. I am afraid that they will not speak to me anymore because of this. I know that they will never understand and they won't even try to understand. It is so hard feeling this alone all the time. But it has also been hard being someone that I am not. I have been living a wrong life for awhile now and I want that to change. Even my boyfriend who is a "muslim" isn't very helpful and supportive. He doesn't want me to ever where hijab. His family is from Indonesia and most of them do not think it is important. His mother doesn't even dress modistly. I get upset when I see her teach her 13 year old daughter to expose much of her body. My boyfriend of over a year and a half is who I want to marry someday, but I need him to be okay with this. How should I approach him? He himself hasn't prayed in a long time and has been drinking too. I really don't know what to do. As for the subject of this posting, I bought one hijab over the net, but I will need more and I cannot afford them right now because I am a full time student. If anyone could donate some to me and send them to me I would be grateful. I know that you would be going out on a limb because you really don't know me, but all I can say is that I do not lie and would never ask if it wasn't neccesary. I would like to thank you ahead of time for any advice or comments you will make. May Allah bless you with peace and happiness.
|Re: Hijab's needed|
|05/10/01 at 07:19:38|
|Sister, think long and hard about him, if you marry him he will be the father of your kids.|
How would you be able to bring up your kids well, when the husband drinks and is trying to keep you away from Islam?
Would you be able to change him to the better, or him change you to the worse. men are stronger then women, they often use their strength to impose them selves.
|Re: Hijab's needed|
|05/10/01 at 09:42:50|
Alahmdulillah :) MashaALlah... Allah has given U the guidance and opened up your heart :)
InshaAllah, be steadfast and strong... it may begin as a scary experience... but it won't for long... for the sweetness that we will taste later, as we go through this life and the next, will surpass all the hostility that people may give us... but then again... we might be surprised at how receptive those who are close to us instead, sister... :)
U might like to join this yahoo club for more support, inshaALlah :)
And brothers... this is out of bounds to you guys... so don't even think about it! :)
btw.. have U heard this?
there are 3 types of sisters....
re-sister, trans-sister, a-sister ;)
Leaving U in ALlah's keep...
Oh yes... where do U stay? :-)
|05/10/01 at 16:57:35|
|I thank you for your adivce and kind words. To answer some of your questions, I am 20 years old and live near Pittsburgh Pennsylvania in the US. I have thought a lot about my boyfriend, I think that he can change for the better if we can find some other muslims in the area. He is my love and my friend, but if he cannot accept me for who I am then I guess we cannot be together. I have intentions to be married to him, but he needs to learn a lot even though he is 6 years older than me. May Allah help him to see thing for what they really are. I am not about to give up on him. I still haven't told him I want to wear Hijab, I am terrified of his reaction. I must choose the right time. Thank you all for listening. He can not realize how much you have helped me just by talking to me. May you be blessed with Happiness by Allah.|
|Re: Hijab's needed|
|05/11/01 at 05:45:40|
Sister Ahlam, welcome to Islam, and welcome to our board. We all love you for the sake of Allah.
I am posting this because I think someone needs to say it. Forgive me if I sound harsh. Alhamdolillah, it is very good that you are starting to wear the hijab. But wearing hijab is just ONE part of a woman's modesty. Now that you are going down this road, you also need to undertsand about "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" in Islam.
Boyfriends and girlfriends, without marriage, is unislamic. In particular, if you start wearing hijab, it is almost contradictory to have a boyfriend. Hijab is for a woman's modesty; a woman's (and for that matter a man's) modesty is required as a way to help muslims keep their purity. But there are other Hijab-like things in Islam. One should lower's one gaze when looking at members of the opposite sex. One should never be alone with a member of the opposite sex. One should not touch someone of the opposite sex, even shaking hands. If one needs to talk with a member of the opposite sex, it should be in a rigid, formal manner.
All these things are for both men and women : Islam does not discriminate. After knowing the above, can you understand why you a muslim cannot have a boyfriend/girlfriend ? Especially if you want to start wearing the hijab.
I understand this is a difficult time for you, and I apologize again if I'm coming across as being too harsh.
As for the fact that your boyfriend drinks, let me tell you from personal experience that when a muslim drinks, it is almost impossible to stop him. Also, most of the muslims who I have seen drinking turn out to be REALLY BAD HUSBANDS AND FATHERS. Trust me, I had some in my family, I know what I am talking about.
You really need to get into contact with some good muslims, not just on this board but physically in your area. I pray that Allah SWt gives you good in this world and the hereafter, Ameen.
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