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|03/03/02 at 18:35:59|
This been on my mind for a minute now and I've spoke to severly of my sistahs but I still cant get it ..So I wanted to know from ya, hopefully you guys can help me....
† [i]What 'is' a traditional/modern wife[/i]??? now I dont know if this would be the same question or if it would have the same question but
[i]What 'is' a traditional/modern women???[/i]
†Aight now, break it down...what u consider to be a traditional/modern women/wife....and dont get crazy on me aight, please....
|03/03/02 at 18:38:18|
|03/04/02 at 06:33:43|
|[slm] are you trying to say.. what is a traditional wife and what is a modern wife??|
i think in most people's minds a "traditional" wife is someone who stays home to raise the kids, cooks and cleans etc and doesn't work outside the home.
a "modern" wife might be someone who does all the above: raises the kids, cooks, cleans and works in the community.
|03/04/02 at 17:08:48|
is it only me or is laboogie all of a sudden asking too much wife/marriage questions........LOL ;D
imma get beat for this one but im just willing to take that risk!!!!
|03/04/02 at 18:41:17|
So basically according to Jannah's terms a "modern" wife has no time for herself and and is totally stressed out because she has too many things to do ;), whereas a "traditional" wife is totally stressed out and has to no time for herself, because children are a 24/7 job :-[ , but well worth the hassana al hamdu lillah! :-*
|03/04/02 at 19:31:36|
i think in most people's minds a "traditional" wife is someone who stays home to raise the kids, cooks and cleans etc and doesn't work outside the home.
I guess it depends on the culture. Where i come from women have always worked outside the house whether it be working on the fields, herding the animials , selling stuff at the markets,etc.. The educated ones were usually teachers, doctors, and merchants.
But you're right about the cooking and cleaning bit..even then food is not such a big deal. I was actually shocked when i went to egypt and people would have four different types of meats plus eggs, pasta, rice ,vegtables,sweets... all in one sitting †:o And check this: the mistress of the house HAS to cook all of this everyday (at least three times) even if she has servants. Wow!!
I tell yah if i was a guy i would propably marry an arab girl! There's this tribe in my country that are originally from yemen or oman and they are what you would call traditional extraordinaire by jannah's definition. †So if any brothers are interested i can hook you up...but beware...their mahr is pretty expensive ;)
|03/04/02 at 20:23:55|
|03/04/02 at 20:23:34|
So basically according to Jannah's terms a "modern" wife has no time for herself and and is totally stressed out because she has too many things to do †, whereas a "traditional" wife is totally stressed out and has to no time for herself, because children are a 24/7 job †, but well worth the hassana al hamdu lillah! †
I believe thereís more to raising kids than cooking and cleaning, especially that kind of cooking that exceeds the requirements of nourishment and just becomes another type of indulgence. Kids need to be taught morals and good conduct and that comes from observing the motherís behavior. How can you teach kids about charity and helping out those in need when youíre too busy in the kitchen? How are you going to teach children about patience and kindness when you donít interact with people in the community? Working outside the home doesnít have to be a salaried job and a career. Thatís why sister jannah said working "in the communityĒ as opposed to just working, in addition to the needed cooking and cleaning and raising kids.
|03/04/02 at 20:25:58|
|03/04/02 at 20:50:08|
SHUT UP !!! nouha, Im not the one with the book, ;)
and u are going to get a beat down... ;D
but anyways...its just interesting u know to hear ppls 'definition' of what is what...I think the best thing to do is to go with the flow....have a mixture of both, I guess if there is such a thing ??? dont know....
Now that I think about it...what about the men? what is a traditional/modern husband? I mean u never hear ppl talking about that, u always hear about women discussing these issues...but what the heck, what about the brothas, what do u consider a traditional/modern husband...and dont tell me that a modern husband helps clean the house cause I'll ...........lets just leave it at that ;)
|03/04/02 at 21:34:29|
|Mohja where are you from?|
ps. My modern/tradition man is comin Laboogie, just gotta think about it more.
|03/04/02 at 21:35:21|
|03/04/02 at 21:37:54|
[quote]I believe thereís more to raising kids than cooking and cleaning, especially that kind of cooking that exceeds the requirements of nourishment and just becomes another type of indulgence. Kids need to be taught morals and good conduct and that comes from observing the motherís behavior. How can you teach kids about charity and helping out those in need when youíre too busy in the kitchen? How are you going to teach children about patience and kindness when you donít interact with people in the community? Working outside the home doesnít have to be a salaried job and a career. Thatís why sister jannah said working "in the communityĒ as opposed to just working, in addition to the needed cooking and cleaning and raising kids. [/quote]
I never said anything about cooking, cleaning or only staying in the home. What I was implying was that it takes a lot of hard work and energy to raise children right and that raising children really is a 24/7 job. This has nothing to do with if I believe a women should work or not. Every woman's circumstances and needs are different. In nutshell it was a joke. No matter what a woman does she will be stressed out and have little time for herself. ;)
Ps. Laboogie, Uhkti means sister in Arabic. :-*
|03/04/02 at 22:01:51|
Marcie, Jazaki Allahu kheyran for clarifying things for me :) I'm sorry i misunderstood your point. And you are absolutely right..women are stressed out no matter what they do.
Seeker, i come from the land of frankincense,camels,and the best bananas you can possibly eat (aka Somalia) :-*
|03/04/02 at 22:13:00|
[quote]ps. My modern/tradition man is comin Laboogie, just gotta think about it more[/quote]
Ummm, what u gotta think about ? eh chica..and dont tell me that u are going to say that whats his face??? is a modern man cause he wack (jk)
and just a lil note to my sistahs and brothas out there:
A women work is NEVER done ;)
|03/04/02 at 22:17:12|
I guess the "traditional husband" part is where he goes to work all day from dawn to dusk, comes home and wants the dinner served, after which he will play with the kids or else be too tired and go right to sleep.
But this is pretty boring in my opinion. I think there has to be a balance. First of all, there is no need to work 60-70 hours a week like I have seen some brothers do. When asked why, they usually reply along the lines of "I want the best for my family" meaning material comforts. But working such long hours means sacrificing spending time with the family, something that is very detrimental, especially when there are young children involved.
I'm reminded of this saying I hear often "you have to work to live, not live to work"
To me it's not a question of "traditional/modern" it's more a sense of having priorities straight. I'm also confused about what would make a "modern" husband? If we stick to the Sunnah, we have the best example to follow. So basically, the husband should not be "traditional" or "modern" but "Sunnah"
[quote]and dont tell me that a modern husband helps clean the house[/quote]
No sister, that would be a Sunnah husband ;-)
|03/05/02 at 14:12:45|
good points El Musulman! perhaps our discussion should turn to what is a "sunnah wife" and a "sunnah husband" instead of modern/traditional because maybe we too are getting sucked up with the western definitions of feminism/non feminism/whats good and bad <--- which may or may not be islamic values.
like for example the whole working mothers vs working-at-home moms...i think there is a huge debate in the US as to what is better and people are polarized over it.
but if we look to the examples of the ummuhat al muslimeen (mothers of the muslims) they balanced raising the children with doing what was needed for their families and the ummah.
|03/05/02 at 17:00:42|
I think everyone has to just adapt their own situation to keep control of their finances and home. If the family wants to go on expensive holidays every year, then a second wage can help. If the family are happy to live in a smaller home and drive a cheaper car, so that Mum can stay home and dedicate herself to making it all as lovely and cosy as possible then that is fine too.
Just draw the balance. What works for one family won't work for another.
My two eurocents
|03/05/02 at 19:05:11|
ummmmm, why is it that only ONE brother has responded to this thread???whats up with that? I know out of the 195 viewers, more then one was a guy....so what the deal----ya scared......let me find out brothas can't voice their opinions ??? let meeeee finnnndddd oooout....that would be a new topic to discuss 'why brothas cant/wont voice their opinions' LOL,
Aight, let me be quiet before brothas start attacking me, but my sistahs got my back, RIGHT †::) yeah I know la mafia sistahs got my back...hold me back, hold me back, LOL †:-/ LOL wooo ok ...gotta go
|03/05/02 at 19:05:40|
|03/05/02 at 19:09:58|
i gots yur back.....maybe the brothers are afraid they'll say something stupid like "what's wrong with cooking and cleaning, it's not work!" and get jumped on by some sistahs...:D
|03/05/02 at 19:10:23|
|03/05/02 at 19:41:12|
| [color=Teal] [slm]|
I just wanted to point out one thing. The woman is under no obligation to finance the family. This is the husband's obligation. :-X If the woman does contribute to the family from her income then this is sadaqa (As far as I know.) ;D This is one of the beauties of Islam for woman, that they have the right to stay home and raise their children without feeling obligated or pressured to work. Yes, I am aware that many of our sisters' are not able to enjoy this right :( , but for others it is a choice. :-*
Marcie :-) [/color]
|03/14/02 at 12:42:21|
|Youv'e asked for a Brothers opinion so I'll do the best I can: "What's wrong with cooking and cleaning, it's not like it's work!":D:D:D A joke.|
My Sister struggled with the issue of staying home vs. working for years and still, I believe, does. She always wanted to be a stay and home Mom and so that's what she did, but she always felt "society" viewed her as not contributing. (Even though in my opinion, and I told her so, she was contributing in the most important way). So now her youngest is in school and her oldest can help the baby sitter with the other two and my Sister has gotten a part-time job and is now going back to finish her Bacholeors degree which she put on hold to have and raise children and she feels guilty about the time away from her family. So agter 9 years of child raising the frustration of making the right desicion and balanceing your life is still present. As I see it Men have no real choice, it's get a job and support the family. I would love to be a stay at home Dad, but I've NEVER found a Woman willing to accept that, so I'm not trying to say which is more stressfull, but I'm glad for you Sisters that you have a choice, however hard to handle it may be. May Allah be pleased with whichever route you choose.
|03/14/02 at 15:41:42|
|[quote author=EdisonShi link=board=sis;num=1015198560;start=15#17 date=03/14/02 at 12:42:21] I would love to be a stay at home Dad, but I've NEVER found a Woman willing to accept that, so I'm not trying to say which is more stressfull, but I'm glad for you Sisters that you have a choice, however hard to handle it may be. [/quote]|
Well then, let me introduce myself as the first woman you have ever met (alright, online but not in person) who would have absolutely no qualms whatsoever about being the lone breadwinner for my family. If my husband wanted to be a stay-at-home-Dad, I would be quite satisfied letting him do that and working to pay the bills. He, however, wants to work, as he has a job he loves. So, for the time being, anyway, I am working from home, and only part-time, until our daughter gets a bit older. So, don't give up hope! There are a few of us out there!
|03/14/02 at 18:25:28|
We brothers have a code amongst us that when one speaks he speaks for all of us thats why brother "El Musulman" has done the duty for us bros.
But really why do we stress so much importance on working ??? I really think that if we as the next generation are going to make a difference then we need to work on our young, our youth. They will be the flag holders of Islam tomorrow. And no matter what anyone says the best form of education is the mothers lap.
The Sahabas(men) used to go for Jihad and work and the wives looked after the house and the kids. they didn't have the five bedroom mansion with a Dolby surround sound TV in every room nor did they have 3-4 cars. What they had in their house was deen.
How can we give deen to our children when we ourselves are causing them harm by sending them to kindergardens where there is no Islam whatsoever, everyone is singing nursery rhymes and the activities conducted are very questionable. Is the job worht of monetary value when our childrens future in this life and the next is damaged ?
Bringing up children is ever persons responsibility as we have been commanded by Allah and his prophet to teach them good things and its not just for the woman its for the husband as well, however, if the man is working 8 hours a day then I think it is necessary for the wife to pass on good character, conduct and Islamic values to the children within those 8 hours. If we don't teach our own family members about Islam then whos going to ?. When we have planted a seed it is necessary for us to give it the right light, compost and conditions so it grows up one day to be a beautiful plant.
|03/14/02 at 20:44:20|
Islam is a way of life , when it comes the roles of :-) and ;-) in the soceity and in their private life. they 've try their best to implement sunnah and work on that.
traditional or modern are terms that used by non-muslim soceity ,but as muslims we've our own complete way of life no need to be a traditional or modern. so, who want to be successful in this world and here after must implement sunnah her/his life.
That is my 2 pessa
|03/14/02 at 21:17:06|
|Thanks, Dawn, I'll keep looking. :)|
|03/15/02 at 01:13:24|
|Assalamu'alaikum :-) |
Hmmm, I think there may be some of categories still in a Sunnah husband thing.
Like, some husbands prefer their wives to be at home, teach from home, do da'wah from home, and be active to the society, but within the home. Like teaching Qur'an from home etc, and he gives support and encourage her to do so.
Some husbands, would encourage their wives to go out.. meetings, camps, organise events, while he gives massive support, not only physically, like taking turns to babysit their children, but emotional and spiritual motivation and support as well.
I know some brothers who would bring some of his children to his meetings, as his wife is in another meeting, or simply at home, heavily pregnant... for he wants to ease the burden of his wife etc.
Some husbands would prefer their wives to do nothing but just stay at home and take care of the family and bring up the children.
And all of these husbands, help their wives, are considerate, understanding, loving etc etc etc etc, mend their own clothes and shoes.. and if their wives don't cook, he'll say.. [color=blue]Tis alright, mi love. I'll fast today. [/color]... just like Rasulullah. :)
Well, I think all of them are within the sunnah... but is one more traditional than another? Is one more modern that the other? Or is it just a matter of semantics?
What say you?
|03/15/02 at 01:32:28|
|Umm Barr.. are these brothers in Singapore?? Cause if so......I think the mafia sistahs are gonna be taking a field trip pretty soon 8)|
|03/15/02 at 07:21:07|
|[quote author=BroHanif link=board=sis;num=1015198560;start=15#19 date=03/14/02 at 18:25:28]|
When we have planted a seed it is necessary for us to give it the right light, compost and conditions so it grows up one day to be a beautiful plant.
Just beautiful! Here have , you deserved it. Well said!
|03/15/02 at 08:30:09|
[quote]Umm Barr.. are these brothers in Singapore?? †Cause if so......I think the mafia sistahs are gonna be taking a field trip pretty soon † [/quote]
Err... Jannah, they're just hypothetical, sistah... but we can all still dream can't we? ;)
But seriously, I've seen brothers who really do put their wives first before themselves. Like this brother whom I mentioned before who would bring his children to meetings. He has 5 or 6 children ( can't remember), he provides a maid for his wife who is a housewife †:o, and he sometimes brings them with him when he has activities so that his wife could rest.
And this brother, the one with the pregnant wife (who is my childhood friend, who just gave birth yesterday), well, he brought his 2 year old daughter to this Full Day Meeting.. and everyone was discussing and all that, but his daughter would be running around (soo cute, mashaAllah! :)). And when I asked him, where is his wife? He said, oh.. just at home... resting. †:o
And there's one time, I was sleeping over at a sister's place, and it was early in the morning.. and I smelt food coming from the kitchen... and I'm like... who's cooking? And she said... oh, my husband... and I'm like.. your husband cooks breakfast? and she said yeah.. we take turns cooking... The best part is... he is the one who is studying and doing his Phd, all stressed up to hand it in on time.. while she's the housewife. Subhanallah! I was just †:o .. but, she is a very very active sister in da'wah, mashaALlah.. and at that time, they had 5 children (they'll be having the 6th one in a few months time, inshaAllah) and and she told me... we have to share our work... even if we are to stay at home (ie. being housewives), da'wah has to move on... both of us are busy parents, and both must share the work.
And their children, mashaAllah, excel in their schoolwork, in their Qur'an memorisation, their akhlaq is superb, and they grow to be happy and very stable and well grounded kids, mashaAllah.
And those children who are now in their teens and early years in university.. subhanallah... they are far far better than I am... in knowledge, understanding, even in their amal. I heard one of the daughters do qiyam, every night... every night! And they are very active in university too, mashaAllah.
Errmm.. anyways... I could go on and on and on and on and on... but I shan't bore you guys... sorry for the ramblings.
Hopefully, it's a motivation, inshaAllah :) I always get motivated when I see these good role models and examples around, mashaAllah. :-)
And sistahs, let me share with you something that a dear sister of mine shared with me. She said [color=Red]">>NameCensored<<[/color], 2 things...
1. Keep the idealism
2. Ar-Rajul, is out there"
OK, so it can sound a bit X Files.. but... hmmm... the Qur'anic meaning of Ar- Rajul, sisters, †is hmmm, ... well... we could start that discussion in another thread! ;)
Take care all!
|03/15/02 at 08:31:13|
|03/15/02 at 14:09:14|
|[quote]Umm Barr.. are these brothers in Singapore?? Cause if so......I think the mafia sistahs are gonna be taking a field trip pretty soon [/quote]|
[quote]Err... Jannah, they're just hypothetical, sistah... but we can all still dream can't we? [/quote]
I've never had the giggles so much!.
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