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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|09/14/02 at 19:03:39|
I'm very hesitant about posting...its been a long time since I've been here...and this probably sounds really stupid...
Have you ever wondered - REALLY wondered - whether you might be going mad? A point where all the dhikr, the reading, all of it...doesnt seem to help - it just makes you feel more and more afraid of...what? I don't know.
I cant even go to sleep at the moment - I lie huddled in a corner for a while, trembling, crying, restless and distressed for no good reason I can see...then I get up and pace around, trying to find something, ANYTHING constructive to do...but whatever I start doing only gets me more agitated. During the daytime I'm sort of there but not there when talking to people - I'm nodding my head at words I dont hear, my mouth is moving in a response I am unaware of, and Allah knows what my face is doing! Inside, I feel empty, sad, panicked all at once...kind of sick at heart. When I'm alone, its just tears and total confusion...alongside migraines and so forth. My mind is no longer my own, my thoughts are jumbled - often dark and frightening...I don't seem to have any control over them. And my words dont come out right any more - I'm probably not making much sense now. In fact I feel totally stupid writing all this. I'm so totally confused. I'm scared out of my mind and I don't know why. Nor do I know what you can do. I guess I just had to get it out of my system.
Sorry to waste your time like this.
|09/14/02 at 19:10:43|
Man I rarely come here...and that was only my second post...and all I can do is complain! I dont know how to remove it so I'll just say sorry, ignore my whining. Allah bless you all.
|09/14/02 at 21:20:53|
Brother, without any delay, go and see a professional at once. You are suffering from some serious mental problems, this is a MEDICAL condition. Please, I urge you, go and see one right now. I can put you in touch, ovet the phone at least, with a practising muslim psychiatrist. Send me an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org and we can discuss this further.
|09/16/02 at 08:51:10|
dont be afraid to go for help. if you were having a fever or diarrhea you would go to
the doctor to have it treated. well then it would be right for you to go to a doctor to
help you with the thoughts that are troubling you. you might have been through some
difficult times which could only be a trigger for something more serious. just like when your
immunity is low you have more chances of having an infection or a cold. dont take it lightly
or be ashamed. i have been through depression and thinking logically it was for no good
reason but at that time i was very distressed. i assure you seeing a professional will
help. dont worry just go to a doctor this very instant.
and keep praying to God for help and everything will be ok soon.
|09/16/02 at 11:24:15|
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go see a doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stress this enough! There is no reason for you to have to suffer through this when help IS available! You are not whining or complaining, this is a medical condition! Please get yourself help!
And be assured that you are in our prayers!!!
|09/16/02 at 20:41:38|
| [slm] Nemo|
Please do not apologise because the basis of us all coming here is love for Islam and the Ummah and since u are a member of that Ummah, your concerns are ours too.
I am not a psychologist but u sound as if u are experiencing what I had way back in 1994. Panic attack and anxiety disorder. (At least that is what they say I have medically). Let me see if u can identify with some of the symptoms. Racing heartbeat, cold sweaty and clammy palms, feeling fear and being afraid altho u don't really know of what, your thoughts racing in your head (mostly abt whether u are mad or dying), feeling trapped no matter where u are that u need to constantly escape to God-knows-where, feeling helpless and hopeless, crying and not wanting to get out of bed etc
Those are some of the symptoms plus in my case it became worse. I sank into deep depression. I turned to religion but it didn't work (not that it didn't but I was turning to it in the wrong way for the wrong reasons U must Believe that). Soon after, I started hearing voices telling me God doesnt exist, I am praying in vain. Now, medical experts might say I have schizophrenia but even then I knew it was Syaitaan taking advantage of my weaknesses. I was so afraid I ended up crying and telling my mom like 50 times a day that I don't wanna die a Kafirun. Na'udzubillah.
My point in telling u all this is to assure u that YOU ARE NOT ALONE ! It might seem as if u are but please please know that u are not. Secondly, don't be afraid of admitting u have a problem cos that is the first step to healing. Thirdly, what u have is not permanent, it can be handled successfully. All illness are given to us as a test and a mean for us to strengthen our iman. Alhamdulillah, I managed to deal with my condition and am now extremely well adjusted, Subhanallah. Fourthly, BE PATIENT. No illness is cured overnight, not even a simple headache sometimes. So don't jump to conclusions when ur progress seem slow. Last but not least, GO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP.
Nemo, I will make a du'a for you. Please please please believe that what u are experiencing now is common. Don't feel isolated or ashamed. Please remember that in Surah Al-Baqarah verse 286 Allah PROMISED that He will not burden u with more than what your soul can bear. THAT kept me sane cos I tod myself that whatever came my way, then I can bear it. When in the cold long nights the fear seems overwhelming I talked to Him. I asked Him for two things : Stop this madness cos it seems as if I cannot bear it anymore or if He thinks I can still bear with it, give me strength and iman to persevere. May Allah Bless u with shafa'ah and strength, Amin.
|09/17/02 at 19:47:41|
Dark voids in my head
Shaitan's poison whispers...
“Don’t you know God is long dead?”
That's how it felt. And I felt worse because that was NOT ME. By temperament, my anger/hurt/sorrow flares quickly and dies quickly. I rarely ever have a protracted spell of anguish because I know well that life is a gift I may lose at any time, and since I won't be getting any second chances, I had best get on with it. Any problems that I have done my best with and can do no more about - these are for Allah to handle. So why the recent problems? I could not understand, and it made me feel more stupid because I felt that I SHOULDNT be this way...
And then, alhamdulillah, I turned a corner in my mind last night and started to journey back out of my confusion. The reason - I discovered the cause of the problem. If you don't mind it's not something I wish to divulge, but put it this way - it was a concern that I had chosen to tolerate and put to the back of my mind, but it had continued to eat away at me inside without me realising it until one day it just sort of erupted, I suppose. Does that sound stupid or cryptic? Probably. Ah well... ;D
As I say, I don't think I'm out of the woods yet, so to speak, and I am working up the nerve to speak to a professional about it inshallah. But jazakallahu kheiran from the bottom of my heart to you all for your kind words and duas - notably brother Hamayoun (Net access is becoming difficult for me, hence the delay in my mail to you) May Allah grant you success in this world and the Hereafter.
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