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|Just musin' le trois|
|10/28/02 at 01:04:46|
| [slm] ukthi wa ikhwani|
Have u ever found yourself in a situation where something happened and u are left reeling and gasping for breath and thinking "What in heaven's name just happened ?". I found myself in this unenviable state a couple of weeks ago and I must say that since then, I have felt truly insignificant in every sense of the word and how all and every little ni'mah we have is only possible by the Infinite Grace of Allah SWT.
Below is a story that has all the making of a Hollywood (or Bollywood depending on your preference) blockbuster, complete with revenge, lust, envy, victims, tyrants, oppression, daylight roberry...and tears lots of tears (only thing missing is the so-called A-list actors). What separates this story from the other movies is that this story is real. How I wish it was merely a work of art and fiction, but alas, the pain is too real for an illusion. Let me begin to spin my tale...
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a wonderful Muslim thinker who had a vision. A vision of an education philosophy that would do justice to Islam, a vision of an Institute of learning that would produce Muslim thinkers who are truly Muslim thinkers in the truest sense of the word. In this vision, he was supported by a Minister of the land who knew that to learn Islam we have to go back to the roots and not learn it from other sources. To learn Islam we have to have an Islamic philosophy and worldview of education and life in general. Alhamdulillah, with the Blessings of Allah, an Institute was given the autonomy to run its course. For several years, the Institute remains true to its philosophy and produce scholars after scholars recognised by almost every prominent universities in the world. Soon after, scholars from all over the world flock to the Institute and it started to become a niche for Islamic research with Professors coming from Germany, Gambia, USA, Canada, Beirut, Holland, Palestine, Turkey, Iraq, Iran, Sudan and many more to spread the beautiful word of the perfect religion Islam. Everyone was happy and the students flourished under the spiritual and intellectual nourishment of the Institute.
Alas....even in Paradise the serpent wrought his evil. Unbeknown to many, an evil man was biding time to exact revenge against the founder of the Institute for a slight given to him years ago. Whisperings of Shaitaan has stoked the evil flames of hatred over the years and soon the flames engulfed his iman. He managed to wriggle a spot as the President of the Institute's Board of Directors and his first decision was to remove the founder of the Institute immediately. Subsequently chaos reign, with accusations against the Institute, chief amongst which is the Institute's seeming inability to administer effectively. Uncertainty settles...even the Professors, many of whom are excellent examples of pious intellectual Muslims, are kept on tenterhoks with regards to their employment. Paradise is lost...at least the glimpse of Paradise I have come to know and love.
You see dear readers, this tale is not a fantasy, it's a story I have to live for the past weeks. So, for every story there is a moral to it. What then is the moral to this story ? To understand the moral some questions need to be answered. Why would a man succumb to the whisperings of Shaitaan and destroy the lives of so many people just because of his ego, his nafs ? Why would a Muslim country allow such atrocity to happen ? Why do we even wonder why the Muslims are so misunderstood when we allow such evilness to permeate in our midst ?
I think each of us will have our own thoughts and conclusions about this story but for me I have had to deal with several existential questions. I ask myself if this is Allah's way of telling me that I made the wrong choice ? Is this Allah's way of telling me that as a mother I was wrong in leaving my children behind to seek what I felt was knowledge for me ? Is this perhaps a sign that my niyyah was wrong ? Could this be a warning for me that I have failed in my duties ? Is this maybe an instrument to increase my strength and faith ?
You see beloved brothers and sisters, sadness cannot even begin to describe what I feel. Sorrow is not even deep enough to capture my heart. Pain is insufficient to tell you of my wounds. I have borne many months of struggles. I have cried so many tears all those nights I lay awake and ached to feel my childrens' chubby hands around me. I have spent nearly all of my savings, telling myself that we don't own material things, we borrow them from Allah to be spent for Him. I have disregarded all my illnesses and suffered through pain alone because I embraced the pain as my Jihad. I have travelled so many times week after week just so I can snatch moments with my family, the distance eaten away by my longing. Most importantly, I have begun to build dreams. Dreams of someday providing an alternative education for the ummah according to our fitrah. With just an evil act of one man, my dreams, at this point in time, are crumbling slowly......
I am not bitter. I am just tired. Deeply, thoroughly tired. I am not depressed. I am just numb. Completely numb. Ramadhan, the Holy of Holy month, is drawing near and in that I see my salvation. What better to ease the sorrowful soul than to subjugate sadness and elevate humility ? In this blessed month, I know that we will make du'as, countless and innumerable du'as. But I would appreciate it if all of you could spare just one breath in your prayers and make du'a that every single Muslim man woman and child would always know and feel the Love that Allah Has for His Creations, regardless of time, place and situation. At least for me, even as I try to obliterate the sound of my childrens' crying as I make my way to leave them again, I know deep in my heart that something more beautiful than a mother's love awaits them. They have Allah's Love.
If u have the time and the effort to spare, please make du'a for my fellow brothers and sisters and I. May right prevail over wrong, may true knowledge always remain triumphant, Amin.
|10/28/02 at 01:12:51|
|Re: Just musin' le trois|
|10/28/02 at 10:05:17|
|Does this mean Prof Ungku is no longer in the board?|
Do you feel that the quality of knowledge there will deteriorate?
Will it then become another money-making institution instead?
Is it gonna lose all the cool Thinkers? Just look at what had happened in the so-call prestigious Islamic Uni in my country when ego took over.
I was just thinking abt it. That in another 2 yrs, the possibility of me being there looks good. Now, that I read this, just makes me sad. :(
|11/06/02 at 18:36:14|
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