A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|12/31/03 at 18:28:00|
|Asalam u alaikum brothers and sisters,|
I was wondering if there are any brothers or sisters who are doctors on this board who
are able to help. For more than a year now, I have been depressed - at least thats what i
think it is. I constantly cry, feel lethargic, don't see any point in getting up for the
day and keep myself isolated from people. I don't know how to break the cycle. I am tired.
Tired of keeping awake crying at nights wishing that I could leave the world when I know
it is not right to do this. At times I pray and read quran but this comes and goes as my
iman lifts and drops. I really do not want to go see a doctor, but i do realise i need
help and i am just so tired from feeling this way. If there is any sister who is able to
help plz reply and i shall contact her.
Jazakallah for listening.
|12/31/03 at 20:39:08|
subhanAllah, a short but very effective dua -- do recite it often ... atleast once in the morning and once at night...
O Allah, I seek refuge in you from sorrow and anxiety, from helplessness and laziness, and from cowardice and miserliness.
insha'Allah u'll feel better. plus i just read ginger helps alleviate the mood... ginger tea, maybe?
i understand your feelings... and also remember that everything we have and all that happens to us is from Allah and Allah only... maybe it is a sort of test for you, of your iman... i don't remember for sure but i know there is an ayah in the Qur'an that says that Allah will test us in this world. He will test us by giving us (a blessing, for instance) and He will test us by taking away that blessing... to see if we remain thankful... something along these lines... and shaytan is forever there to distract, depress, discomfort, dishearten us. insha'Allah u'll feel better.
was salaamualaikum :)
|12/31/03 at 20:39:24|
I know this is a bit long but bare with me as I think knowing you are not alone will help. BEEN THERE ....DONE THAT......My heart goes out to you.
I'm not doctor but I have experienced depression 3 times in my life where I needed treatment and I over came it and this is why I'm answering. I hope you don't mind.
Many years ago I was going through a divorce and there were a few other things going on at the same time, my best friend of 14 years said I was dealing with multi issues that would of broken down the average person. Two friends came to me out of concern and said my behavior was very different and I was so sad and not even having contact with people. They had never seen me like that and were actually afraid for me.
At first I thought nooooooooooooo, not meeeeee, I'm not nuts, I can deal with this bump in the road (which I would not admit was a clift not a bump)
I was nooooo way going to the doctors, there was nothing wrong with me and I was just a little blue. But my two dearest and closest friends saw different.
I finally went to the doctor. Now off the subject please allow me to tell you my opinion of doctors before you seek help: Many people hold doctors in a much to higher regard. They are afraid of sounding stupid and don't ask.
Remember 2 things when you chose a doctor ok?
1) Yes they have an education but that does not make them God. Respect for their education is ok but don't take it to far that you don't feel comfortable. They are a mere human ok?
2) Doctors are mere educated men and woman, they ARE NOT GODS,
they are no different than the burger flipper or the trash man, some do their jobs exceptionally well and others do barely enough to get by.
Some go the extra mile and take pride in their work and others can care less.
Ok back to the depression thingy :)
I found a wonderful doctor who explained depression although considered a mental illness that true depression was a chemical imbalance brought on by many different reasons. He drew a diagram on the board (I thought it was cool he had a marker board) and showed something in your brain puts out a chemical there is a space it stays till absorbed by another thing that sends an impulse to the one releasing it to release more.
Think of it as a flashing yellow caution light on the street and it blinks steadily like such . . . . . . .
now with stress or other reasons
it goes like this ................... instead of . . . . . .
If it continues (stress or whatever the rerason is) something can go hay wire
Meds correct this (if they are needed).
Ok depending upon the level of depression you may have (I am no doctor only a doctor can help you determain that.
Helping it can be a simple exercise, vitimans and counseling with help changing your lifestyle. It may be hormone tests and if that is it a correction and it may require meds.
I went on light meds, changed my lifestyle and exercised (literally 30 to 45 mins a day on a treadmill) and took multi-vitimans and after a while (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS) I researched herbs as I was a single mom with no medical insurance and herbs were much cheaper than meds. But I researched this like all get out, once I felt comfortable I weaned myself from meds to herbs and months later off herbs. (Was a year correcting this situation, but I delayed treatment cause I was stubborn)
So now I'm in tune to my body and when I feel this coming on I stop and turn around (sort to speak) I take a look at what is going on in my life and get myself on the herbs and change what is going on in my life.
Please study, read, ask questions on depression and also the treatment.
Also pray and getting closer to God is great but I have one warning. During this time I was going to a Baptist church where the preacher did not believe in depression. He said it was the result of not being right with God.
I wanted to get help but he told my husband (at the time) I did not need help I only needed to get right with God. I cried and begged God on my knees to forgive me and if I didn't do it right before I was trying now. I cried and begged God to take the hurt away and waited for treatment.
Allah is great however he also gave man the knowledge to help others who cannot help themselves (doctors) I am telling you this so you do not fall into that trap. Allah heals but I also feel he also allows us to go through things (I think) so we can help others down the road or so we can experience something we may not of, had we remained on our current path.
If you had a broken leg you wouldn't wait to get treatment would you? NO
and this is fixable just like a broken leg or other medical need.
I have had one main and 2 little bouts of this in 12 years.
GO SEE A DOCTOR
YOU DO NOT NEED TO FEEL THIS WAY
WE LOVE YOU may Allah bless you and help you through this trial.
The sadness and hopelessness depression brings on is an awful and empty feeling I would not wish on anyone. It is awful. Please go get help.
I shared my personal life to try to help you and any other person who experiences this.
Feel free to contact me privately of you wish. I am also here if you just need someone to listen. When I was going through this thank God I had kids and animals cause they were the ONLY reason I got up in the mornings back then. They were the only reason I got out of bed and the only reason I did not end it all (if you know what I mean)
But I am great now and keep a close eye on my stress levels.
I have dealt with it maybe 2 1/2 out of 12 years. (3 bouts)
I do not recommend people taking herbs as I am not a doctor. Herbs require much research and also knowing many things. EVEN the way they are processed makes a major difference on their potiency. Pharmacist have their education AND something called a PDR. I actually own an herbal PDR and many many books Mini library sort to speak) and have studied herbs.
|12/31/03 at 21:03:52|
|12/31/03 at 21:17:55|
wow, that was deep... and that bit about exercising is good... exercising helps release the "feel good hormones" in the body ... aka endorphins... insha'Allah that should help.
and i just thought of sharing this :
"Continuous remembrance gives direction to the spirit, cures all ills, and awakens one’s soul. It cleanses the heart from all else but Allah and increases His love in one’s heart. As this remembrance descends from the tongue to the heart and penetrates from the heart to the soul, one rises closer and closer to one’s Maker. In continuing repeating the phrase la ilaha illa Llah, the heart joins the tongue, the mind is cleansed of imagination, the rust upon the heart is burnt, the darkness turns into day, and the candle of the mind is put out by the sun of the Divine light."
-Shaykh Tosun Bayrak al-Jerrahi al-Halveti
|12/31/03 at 21:25:03|
I've heard it said that when life becomes so unbearable as to make it less of a life, then we talk of [i]impotency[/i], which forms the tendrils of depression, root to tip.
[i]I have landed in another hole, but surely this is bigger, surely this is [/i]the[i]void that I have consciously and unconsciously feared all my life, surely there will be no upward climbs after this...[/i]
It feels almost like a parallel universe...like seeing a world that others don’t seem to see. A world of swirling red and black and thrusting, jagged shards of guilt in between, and noise, noise, confusion, death. You become a prisoner in your own tortured mind...
Sis, I've often seen that depression sufferers expect the wrong things, and identify them with their own lives and success so much that when those things fall through - as surely they must - despair inevitably begins to scream. It's a real ailment you're suffering from alright, my dear, but one whose roots are simple and (inshallah) easily treatable...it's simply a case of re-aligning yourself on Allah's Straight Path so that your footsteps carry you forward, only forward...beginning, of course, by the literal turning of your face towards the House of Allah in prayer every day. Never let go of prayer and remembrance, sis, even if it doesn't [i]seem[/i] to bring any comfort, even if you can’t seem to summon the right feelings. As a sheikh who once taught me said, “If you can’t cry, [i]try[/i]!”. Remember the beautiful verse:
“Do not abandon invocation because you do not feel the presence of Allah therein. For your distraction from invoking Him is worse than your distraction while invoking Him. It might be that He will lift you out of remembrance with distraction to remembrance with vigilance, and from remembrance with vigilance to one with Presence, and from remembrance with Presence to a remembrance which has in it nothing other than Him Who is remembered: “And that is not difficult for Allah.”
I said, beginning with prayer and remembrance. Continue with the company of good, pious friends. (Alhaidulillah I’m so glad you posted – this is probably one of the best boards you could ever have chosen to ask for help.) Their religion will become yours, as the Prophet [saw] promised. Finally, end with prayer and remembrance. (Sheikh Salih al Munajjid compiled some beautiful duas in his book which you could use, one of which carries the Prophet [saw]’s promise that whoever recites it will have his anxiety disappear: http://www.crescentlife.com/articles/dealing_with_worries_and_stress.htm)
Islam is vast - like a thousand waiting, helping hands from a thousand directions to choose from, and help you back into the safety of its loving folds. You're not supposed to be perfect and sinless all the time, from day to day, even moment to moment. All children of Adam are sinners, but the best of them are those who repent...and therein lies the cure to depression, and success, insha Allah.
Here for you sis. My inbox is waiting if you wanna use it anytime inshallah: firstname.lastname@example.org
|12/31/03 at 21:38:51|
Subhanallah, there were no replies when I began my post, and now I'm fourth in line...! Mashallah sis Aziza and hydro - not for the first time I'm collecting my jaw from the ground on reading the posts on this board ;D
Ya Rabbi, in Whose hand are our struggling souls, by Whose justice we live and strive and to Whom we finally return, bless Madinat al Muslimeen and its members, who have taught me so much. Make the Qur'an the life of our hearts and the light of our breasts, healer of our sorrows and release for our cares. And unite us with the righteous in the Best of Abodes Hereafter where we will neither need to fear, nor grieve. Ameen.
|12/31/03 at 21:42:42|
|12/31/03 at 21:43:04|
My own experience with depression felt exactly as you discribed, but for me I usually felt like the doctors were fools and the drugs they pushed on me made me feel worse.
I basicaly had to do a total life overhaul to get over it.
If you ever think you are going to hurt yourself then you need to go to a doctor, because they can snap you out of that, but If you just feel totally nasty and you dont know why, dont assume that there is not any reason just because you dont know why.
My own depression was the result of things that were terribly wrong and beyond my control, but they were also beyond my ability to face for a long time.
I dont know how to discribe the tecnique I followed except as a form of trouble shooting. I hunted out all the wrong things I could name and shot them down one by one, eliminating them from my life. It took years and I still have to keep vigilant so i dont backslide.
First pray and pray and pray, but do more than just pray. It can turn into an escape from real life and cause more depression.
I had to keep naming my goals in life, no matter how fantastic or odd, a lot of my depression seemed to be caused by a feeling that I wasnt moving in my life. I had to be honest about what I could talk myself out of and what I really needed to do.
a lot of things happend still that were beyond my controll but as I learned to really do the best I could and then leave it at that it got easier.
I actually spend a lot of time mubling back and forth with Allah and ingaged in mental discussions with people who have been helpful to me or rehashing words of wisdom and meditating on hadeeth and stuff.
One time while really depressed I decided that the next time my head cleared I would seek out stuff to help me thought the next depression and rehearse it while my head was clear so that I could cary it into the next bout of depression. I never got that depressed again, then it became clear that my diet was causing some of my discomfort, so I adjusted it. More protien and more sugar and vitamins and basically more food in general was the ticket for me. With my "issues " managable I found I could face the things that used to freak me out if I just ate.
Experience also helps. Once youhave a vast number of times when you got through it, that feeling wont be so scary when it comes back.
Well, that is just my own experince of how I got through it and how I manage it, I dont know if any of this will help you, and you have to do what seems right to you. I just really had to find another way because the doctors I went to couldnt do anything for me and I didnt want to give up.
Oh the most impotant thing,
You have to find out what you want and what you can do to get it. Reading Quran and hadeeth helped me with that because that was a large portion of what I had forgot about my early life. Reading those words again I could remember how I was told how other people who loved me got throug some really bad stuff.
I was depressed for a large part because I was sick and tired of living a double life. I had to find out wha t my gandpa and folks had been talking about or I was going to go under. They had been teaching me Islam and I am very lucky that I found it again in time. But this is about to become a really long story, but I beliefe that depression is casued by repressed self, and if it goes on too long your brain chemistry might change but that is actually only a theory that nobody can actually test for.
Well, I hope you can find soemthing useful in this
|12/31/03 at 22:16:29|
| [slm] subhanallah,|
there is a lot of good advice in these posts including exercise & prayers, & i am going to bookmark it, & read at leisure, so i too can benefit from the collective wisdom.
two things that i have found work all the time are:
1.) in the Quran Allah (swt) says:
ala bezikrillahi tatmaennul quloob
(be aware that in the remembrance of Allah lies the contentment of hearts)
so the more one remembers (in the true sense, of HIS powers over everything), the calmer one will be
2.) the dua of Yunus (as)
La ilaha anta subhanaka, inni kuntu minaz-zwalimeen
(there is no one worthy of worship except YOU, i am the one who is of the transgressors
remembering that Allah is clear of any blemishes, & believing that our own actions have brought us these problems, & seeking Allah's help, will insha`Allah bring relief.
the simple "istaghfaar":
will do, if you make it your constant rememberance of Allah.
|12/31/03 at 23:13:29|
from Sheikh Munajjid www.islam-qa.com
Are there any duas to remove my deppresion?
Praise be to Allaah.
In al-Saheehayn it was reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when he felt distressed:
“La ilaaha ill-Allaah al-‘Azeem ul-Haleem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb il-‘arsh il-‘azeem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb is-samawaati wa Rabb il-ard wa Rabb il-‘arsh il-kareem (there is no god except Allaah, the All-Mighty, the Forbearing; there is no god except Allaah, the Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god except Allaah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth and Lord of the noble Throne).”
And it was reported from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when something upset him:
“Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help).”
And it was reported that Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Shall I not teach you some words to say when you feel distressed? ‘Allaah, Allaah, Rabbee laa ushriku bihi shay’an (Allaah, Allaah, my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him).’”
It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:
‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’
- but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.”
Al-Kalim al-Tayyib by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, edited by Shaykh al-Albaani, p. 72
|01/01/04 at 06:25:36|
| [slm] |
Forgive me as I haven't read all the replies on here, but what I have read, I hope u will benefit from insha'Allaah. I just wanted to say to u that depression isn't necessarily caused by a chemical imbalance and all that dopamine stuff, it can be caused by ANYTHING really. Maybe u need to have a real look at ur life, and see if anything major has happened which has made u feel this way, or could have triggered this all off. For instance, a death of someone close to u, change in career, family difficulties or absolutely anything. If it is a life event, perhaps u can look into ways in how to cope with things differently, which may help.
I think the best thing u can really do is to go to a doctor. I think a lot of ppl have said it really well here that doctors do not always know the answers. U may or may not have depression, only a doc is really qualified to tell u that, but even then, it may take 3 or 4 attempts of seeing different doctors until one actually does diagnose u with having depression, if that is what u do have. Then after that, the doc can help u to learn to deal with it, via medication, counselling/psychotherapy, change in diet etc.
Btw medictaion isn't necessarily the answer. I kw of a good friend who became even more agitated after taking medication, and his depression actually became worse, and in the end he had to stop taking it. Medication doesn't necessarily work for everyone, u just have to find what the best thing is for u.
U mention u dont see the point of getting up and u keep urself isolated. Right there lie a couple of clues as to how u can start to make urself feel better. No matter how difficult it is for u to get up, u have to try really hard. U need to set urself a routine so u have something to do and something to get up for which can keep u going. This may be a bit extreme but I sometimes have to wake up someone else just to get him out of bed, and even have to lock his bedroom door, so that he can't easily return back to bed. Once ur up, make sure u have things to do which can keep u motivated or distracted, so the temptation isn't there as strongly to instantly go back to sleep or just lie in bed all day.
If u have some close friends, start talking to them and see if they can help in any way. They may just be able to listen to u, if nothing else and help support u in that way. I know it's not easy to start talking to ppl, and sometimes the last thing u want to do is to be around ppl, but it may actually really help if u start keeping company. I would recommend counselling personally but I kw a lot of ppl for various reasons dont like the thought of that. So I would suggest that if u have even one or two trustworthy and reliable friends, to confide in them. They may be able to help lift ur spirits in the smallest ways or even help make u feel less alone. They may help u see things diffeently or help pick u up and encourage u to keep going. They may help out by sharing and so easing some of ur burdens and taking some of the responsibilites u may have in life upon themselves so u have less to do.
I think doing some kind of exercise is a really good suggestion. Also, I really think u should continue with ur deen, although it may be hard to do so and it all just feels like a major struggle or u feel like u have no energy to do so. Far be it for any of us to even pass any form of judgement as to how ur Islaam is, but one of the best recommendatons would be to continue to pray all 5 daily prayers. This can even be perhaps that routine I was going on about earlier, and even reciting the qur'aan and really really contemplating upon a verse and mulling over its meanings. Truly one of the biggest comforts is finding solace in prayer and the qur'aan :). Sometimes the reassurance that u may want or that little feeling of uumph can be found in an ayat and it can carry u through for a little longer. And remember the ayat "Verily it is in the rememberance of Allaah that hearts do find rest".
I pray that all goes well with u insha'Allaah, and if nothing else, that ur imaan at least strengthens through this. This is far longer than I had intended so I apologise for that, but if u wish, u can send me a message, and although I dont seem to be coming on very often now, once I am on, I will insha'Allaah reply whenever I can. In the meantime, I pray that Allaah bestows upon u lots of Blessings and u find from Him the fortitude u may need :)
All the best, wa'salaam
|01/01/04 at 06:32:18|
|Gosh, I just read al-ajnabia's response, and wow, I think ur post says what I was trying to say but in a more concise and better way :). I hope ur doing well now insha'Allaah, and finding a goal and making urself work ur way towards it really does help. Sometimes ppl lose their footing and their understanding of many things, but once u kw u want to achieve something, be it something to do with the deen or something else in life, that can be enough for u to continue :)|
|01/05/04 at 13:04:00|
Okay, you guys know I don't usually get worked up, but in this case ...
I have suffered from mental illness myself, so I've "been there and done that". And the repsonses to this post make it feel that getting drug treatment for this type of illness is a stigma. THIS ATTITUDE MUST STOP. I avoided drugs for years, and SUFFERED. And I did NOT feel a weirdo knowing I was on drugs, even if OTHER PEOPLE did. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TAKING DRUGS FOR AN ILLNESS, and believe me, depression IS an illness. Believing in Allah does NOT mean we give up taking drugs.
And I REALLY think that if someone hasn't been thru some kind of mental illness themselves, they should be very careful of the advice they give. Some of the responses to this post (I'm not attacking anyone here) will turn the original poster away from trying medication even more than he/she already is.
Sis, go see a doctor ASAP. Don't feel stigmatized if you need to take drugs. You've got a life to live. And Allah SWT has created the cure for every disease.
|01/05/04 at 14:01:04|
|01/06/04 at 05:41:38|
| [slm] bro,|
Am sorry u got 'worked up' about certain things in the topic, but I dont think anyone was saying not to try drugs at all. Medication for some ppl can be the only life-saver. If anything upset u in my post, then I'd like to apologise. My point had been that it doesn't always work for eveyone, yet u still need to give medication a try cos it may well be the only thing that works for u. I think it's important to remember that medication can take upto 4 weeks to even begin to work effectively so u can't give up on the treatment prematurely anyway before it's even been allowed to take effect.
I would be the last person to refute mental illness :) . Trust me. Maybe if u knew me better u'd understand :). As it is tho, mental illnes is REAL and I have had loads of debates over this with many who choose not to acknowledge its existence.
What we also have to remember tho is that religion can give ppl hope and it does. It gives ppl comfort, reassurance and an understanding of many things. But just relying on this alone, isn't necessarily going to get anyone anywhere. We've even been told in Islaam to actively seek out anything that can help us health-wise. So if there is medication around that can help, it's upon u to go and find it and try it.
Anyways, I hope everyone is well insha'Allaah :)
|01/11/04 at 05:02:25|
Depression...yep! Been there, done that. Agreed to the "there is no such thing as depression" line, and still remained that way. Those were terrible times...couldn't/wouldn't get out of bed, stopped eating, and started complaining (oh wait! I still do that all the time ;) ).
The thing is, it's true: there is no such thing as depression. But there are times when you might get SO sad that it affects everything you do. And I'm not referring to the average lows that everyone gets.
Anyway, that was a long time ago, and I did go see a counselor (my math teacher and my mom forced me to), and to be blunt, it didn't help AT ALL.
My mom's great though, she didn't give up. She FORCED me to distract myself. She MADE me volunteer at a children's hospital (which was depressing in a different way), and she MADE me take tennis lessons (which I hated SO MUCH, but I look back upon with fondness), and she would MAKE me get up, serve my family (which consisted of my mom and younger bro at the time) breakfast on time. And then she let me be alone, after she finished making me do whatever she wanted. She told me later that she still wanted my time even if I didn't want hers, and so she took as much of it as she could. (sigh. parents!)
Anyway, I resented my mother for a looong time, but that state of depression eventually wore off. Seriously I hated doing the things she would make me do...and my mom had her sneaky ways to force me (these included mad guilt trips that would end in me screaming/crying and leaving the house..wooooh, okay let's not mention that EVER again). And 6 years later I am SO GRATEFUL to her for her relentless effort to (literally) get me out of bed.
So, in conclusion: distract thyself. And the best way to do that is by finding others who you can GIVE your time to. You can start with your family.
Buddhists have a good way of dealing with depression (and other useless emotions)...they watch it pass by. Something to do with the wheel...at the bottom, it's bound to go up. (Okay, I don't sound convincing, even to myself).
And may Allah make it easy on you.
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