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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|Back to our saga|
|02/03/04 at 19:51:52|
I want to start by saying that this is the best feeling place I have found on the internet I sometimes write other places but in atleast one of them it just seems like thankless duty.
Ive remembered why my stories have to be told from the point of view of a person recovering from memory loss. It has to do with electro convulsive shock. Thats why my ability to concentrate has gone up and down even over the past year. I think that the last time I can note a dramatic decline in my ability to concentrate was last May. That's the last time I slept in the town where I spent 1980-90. My uncle gramps had come up for my college graduation (BA in general history)and I went with him to visit "mom" and "dad" (both now divorced and remarried). They never missed an opportunity to seperate me and gramps especilly at night so that we are not sleeping in the same house. But also you may have noticed that my writng is getting clearer. I may have had ECS over the winter break. I had to stay in a dorm with less security than my usual building which is where I was when I first started witing here. This university never changes the locks when the master keys get stolen, and its a real drag for people in my situation. Just last week I woke in the morning with a thumb bruise on my arm. >:(
Any way back to ECS. I think the first time was after I came back from London in 78 or 79. I had been living my real age and had learned some Arabic. I had been gone long enough for "mom" to go to jail and get back out (prostitution related). I remember the other kids at my school acting like I had been gone, I didnt know any body anymore and they talked about a lot of stuff that I hadnt been there fore yet I didnt know I had been somewhere. I've remembered this for years but I couldnt figure out how this would be possible. Its like when I began to remember things related to having given birth to children, first I noticed the physical evidence of having born children such as but not limited to cesarian related markings. It was a couple more years before I could target the memories related to having children taken away. When I had the first I was aprox 12 1/2 and it was 1980. I actually went to his wedding two summers ago since he is a "cousin" to me. His "mom" was mad because I had two more children for two more people before I could give her another. My last born child I actually got to spend time with as his mother. I think I may have visted him when he was old enough to remember too, but of cource this would have been followed by electric shock. He made me stay with him when he was born by refusing to eat and later he made them bring me to him again somehow and we watched the rabbits. Now that he is in college if he demands it this time we could probably just go to being a family, but he is afraid for his health. I would have been sedated and when I woke up in the morning my memory would be gone. It has always been a struggel for me to remember short term things. I have often been told that the long term things that I remember didnt really happen.
Sometimes I think they would shock me twice in a few days, once till I believed it was years earlier, and again after whatever it was that I needed to be confused about the timing of. I dont think he likes avacados very much.
When I was learning things about Islam that needed to be kept secret for a while my teachers would jsut ask me not to remember it and use a preset post hipnotic trigger, I would be given a time or a circumstance when I would then be allowed to remember. They also knew what I was dealing with. They were the ones who could repair me when I got seriously damaged but some injuries I just have to live with for the time being. Its not that they cant fix it, it is just that the trouble could be worse than just dealing with it. Somethings I am stuck with so long as I live int he US. I'm learning to treat my own illenesses with herbs and nutrasuticals since doctors cat be trusted with me. I tend to study the surgical techniques I need too. Things that cary an emotional charge with me never get shocked out of me forever.
Well, my timer just went off,
|Re: Back to our saga|
|02/05/04 at 00:36:58|
Tonight I am staying up late, even though I have class tomarrow. I live in a fairly small dorm with about 30 people per floor. On my floor I am the only Muslim. On my floor alone there are over ten jews. On the two floors above me there are atleast another dozen more. There are enough of them that when they decid to do so they can take turn keeping me up all night. They do this whenever they think I might have a test ot a paper due and sometimes they just do it every night. They have enough friends working in all the work study positions that they can get any information they want and request to live around me. They aslo know if I have tried to inform any one in administrative capacity about this situation.
Sometimes they call my university "Jew U" I mean the Jews do and they laugh about it, it is a topic of pride fro them that they can block the education of anyone they choose, and if they cant make a person drop out they can wear them down so that they perform always just below fellowship level, and now with cell phones they can keep constant tabs on the movement of anyone they choose for any purpose they desire (no stanger has ever slipped a bouqet of roses into my sprite). They have dosed me with ritalin and laxatives so often that I no longer eat any food that students have had access to because there is no point. I also have had to learn what kinds of containers they can open and reclose, so I no longer have milk as a viable dietary option.
They dont apear to have souls to me. How can they and do these things?
I tell them I had my first child before I was twelve and have come a long way, I am half threatening them when I do this, it sort of my way of saying that I have dealt with worse than yall. But its like to me thier last chance to show me thay have souls. I'm not God, I dont know and cant make a binding test, but I dont have to be God to them, I can only use my limited intelect to help them not burn in hell and they are even deliberately deminishing that.
I've started discribing to them the bounty I would earn if I ever proved what they were doing. I mean people pay :-* :-*crazy good money :-* :-* to people who can get this sort of systemic dirt on Jews. Whenever I feel like they are preventing me form getting the education I came here for I remind myself that that sort of work is at a much higer pay grade than english teaching and probably more Globally signifigant but we still need english teachers, I'm not dissing that.
They think because they are jews that only wacos can speak against them, because the hollocaust made all jews perfect and sainted them all. I just thought of a good one liner but I'll save it for use in real time confrontation if I remember to do so.
But they also think a lot of people actually like them. Becuase no one feels safe to tellthem right and wrong they miss out on corection. If the right frame and spin were put on what they are taking away, and it is much much more than what they are putting back in, but this is so difficult because just read the credits on anything you see on tv.
Actually there is no real point to me staying up, they wont start till I really have gone to bed. I have been throught his enough times to know that they do have a camera in my room and spyware on my computer, but I'm not the only one who knows this and I will just leave it at that. Its time for me to get as creative as I can as fast as I can, since the time long passed when I learned patience and how to watch and wait like a "sleeping" cat.
|Re: Back to our saga|
|02/05/04 at 02:25:36|
Well, I've been laying here paying attention to it again. Aparently they dont yet know I'm back up, but by the time I got covered they would.
When I first started trying to get people to help me with this harrassment problem I was still haveing communication problems. Well, you see I have grown up with this. They didnt have Jews in Texas when my uncle gramps was growing up. So when he met a woman who did not believe that Jesus was God or the son of God he thought she must be one of the lost children of Islam and married her even though she was a prostatute, he married her befor he had gone through all 70 excuses. Shes in her 70s now and still has to be watched.
My uncle gramps was raised up in the evangelical style of religion in Texas during the 30's. He was poor and undervalued so they treated him as an expendable, but he had a knack for languages so they had him read the Quran for them. He found out all about how they had been using the Quran to get people to give more money at tent revivals. He read it and it did its thing to him. They finally had to train him to be a preacher, but he failed the final test, when asked what he would do if somone read the bible and had a crisis of faith because one of their favorite stories wasnt in it, he said he would explain about the quran to them as gently as possible and help them to understand that the bible wasnt the only book God wrote. They beat him stupid. I mean he was actually retarded by the time they stopped.
Well, thats what I think about at two ay em.
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