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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|Best way to decide who gets what|
|03/01/04 at 04:10:31|
|I was wondering if anyone would like to give me some advice on something I'm dealing with.|
Giving things passed down through generations to grandchildren.
When my first granddaughter was born I gave my daughter-in-law (to pass on to my granddaughter and on to her daughter some day) music boxes my mother bought for me. A collection of them. Mother holding child, another is a mother reading to a toddler and another a mother teaching a pre-teen to sew, mother and the bride. A series.
Now that I have another grandchild on the way I told my expecting daughter-in-law if the child is a girl I will give her for her now and pass on to her daughter opal earrings. Which came from a ring of my grandmothers. Her ring has 3 nice opals and when she dies my mother made me earrings from 2 and the third she had made for her a necklace.
When my oldest son found out he was a little upset and thought his daughter should have them. His feelings are since he is the sentimental one in the family and does geneolgy and is like the family historian and his brother is not sentimental this is why. I feel his brother is sentimental he just doesn't show it like his older brother.
I told him I already promised them to the other baby if it is a girl and if his brothers child is not a girl I'll give them to his daughter.
I also told my oldest son I had his great-grandmother baby ring (I guess baby's had rings in the 1914's era. It is now 90 years old and although you would not give it to a baby cause they may swallow it, the child could wear it on a necklace when they are older.
Anyway, I want everyone to have something special, but I don't want anyone to feel bad. Any ideas on how to divy up things?
Besides when my daughter-in-law had her child I got her a sapphire ring as a gift (sapphire is Sept's birth stone when her baby was born) That is something she herself can pass down. The new baby is due Oct and Oct's birth stone is opal so if it is a girl it will not only be her birthstone but she will share the same birth month as the great-great grandmother whose rings they were on. Plus I will buy that daughter-in-law a ring too. I just don't want to hurt anyones feelings plus I need to save somethings for other grandchildren.
Also I am trying very hard to be very fair. I told my youngest son and his wife, I bought the first grandbaby her crib, the baby swing and have bought all the diapers and wipes since it was born and I'll do the exact thing for their baby. Since grandbaby #1 was born I try hard to never use my coins and I have filled up nearly 3 little coin banks for the first grandbaby, I have since gone out and bought a coin bank for grandbaby #2 and now I split my coins daily. Son #1 is not selfish he just feels he is most sentimental and Son #2 and his wife have been a little jealous over the attention Son #1 and his baby has gotten from everyone since she was born. And he has every right to be, outside of me, cause I see Son #2 more than Son #1, other than me, I can even see where the rest of the family has given mega atttention to one couple (one with the baby) over the other. Ok enough of my rattling. I love my sons and don't want either to feel left out or like one's child is getting more than the others.
|03/01/04 at 04:26:57|
|Re: Best way to decide who gets what|
|03/01/04 at 08:33:15|
|I hope to give everything away before i die...not that i have much... but there are those one or two sentimental items. If you do it before you die, then perhaps you will be able to rectify any hurt feelings, while you can!|
There is no way you will ever be able to deal it out fairly, in their eyes.
One suggestion is from my past experience: My mother left me an ugly ring. It wasn't until years later that my dad told me the story that went behind it. It seems beautiful to me now. So attatch a sentiment to why this particular item had meaning to you.
Bottom line is that the personal things, while nice, don't really matter as much as a nice letter from you. My favorite keepsake is a simple graduation picture of my Aunt with a few words on the back of her love for me.
I began to think about different things 'left' to me. Many are sitting in the bottom of a box or dressor. It probably would have done the deceased much more good, if they had sold the stuff and donated the monies to charity...
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