A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|06/06/04 at 02:19:18|
| :-) [slm]|
I know that Islam teaches us that Allah won't forgive a person for his crimes against others unless the person they hurt forgives them. I also know that the Prophet [saw] taught us that to forgive others is better for us and helps us to achieve taqwa. However, if a person is not sorry for what they did, and they knowingly, intentionally did many things to hurt you, and continues to do so, should you still forgive them?
|06/06/04 at 02:32:22|
|For the sake of Allah I would assume.|
maybe others have something different to say about this issue.
To be sincerely sorry is their responsability
To forgive is yours.
Two people=two different responsabilities
|06/06/04 at 02:49:06|
|So Azizah, which one has to come first? I guess that is my question.|
|06/06/04 at 03:08:40|
|Well now, I would think that would be up to the one who needs to do the forgiving.|
If the one offended is willing to forgive for Allah sake when
forgiveness is not asked for, will this please Allah?
I myself have forgiven more than once when the person who hurt me never asked for it and did not give it a second thought.
Cause when my time is up and I am accountable for my actions,
I certainly don't wanna be told.
Remember when you did not want to forgive so and so?
Well then how do you expect me to forgive you?
NO way do I wanna hear this :(
Besides I find forgiving (even if not asked for) is the begining to the healing process.
Sorry if my answer is not what you are looking for. But I have forgiven ones who did not ask for it nor were sorry for what they did. Not saying it's easy.
Just remember can we ask of the Almighty what we are not willing to do ourselves?
Does the Quran say forgive IF or just to forgive? I am asking, I do not know.
|06/06/04 at 03:11:58|
|06/06/04 at 03:09:42|
Allah forgives those who forgive, but sometimes this forgiveness takes awhile in coming especially if you are hurt. so maybe you can make the intention to forgive her one day when you can come to terms with it inshaAllah...
|06/06/04 at 08:13:09|
|...its really difficult to forgive from the core of ur heart but 1 should always try to forgive ...but mainly one should follow ones heart and will of Allah .i forgave ppl but it seems like they take advantage of my forgiveness which hurts me more ...but wat can i do abt it ? nothing ..so when u forgivw some1 u should try to make sure the person asking for forgiveness doesn't try to hurt u again if u r sure he will do it again then ...........its up to u to decide wats best....|
didi u understand my point??even i can't understand wat i wrote.. ;D
|06/06/04 at 15:43:53|
|yumna, i do understand what you mean. to clarify a little, though, she is not asking for forgiveness. In fact, she continues to intentionally hurt me every day. I just feel like there is a bad feeling that I have within me against her because she does this to me, and I don't like feeling this way. Everytime I pass her in the halls of our school (Islamic school, mind you), I feel anger in my heart. I hate feeling this way. At the same time, its hard to want to forgive someone who is not sorry, doesn't want forgiveness, and continues to hurt you. But I guess I can try.|
|06/06/04 at 17:22:22|
as salaamu alaykum,
Is she conscious of the fact that she has hurt you? Sometimes the person may not even realize that they've done or said something to hurt your feelings.
|06/07/04 at 03:35:35|
|[quote author=CAMuslimGirl link=board=madrasa;num=1086499158;start=0#6 date=06/06/04 at 15:43:53]I feel anger in my heart. †I hate feeling this way. †At the same time, its hard to want to forgive someone who is not sorry, doesn't want forgiveness, and continues to hurt you. [/quote]|
Sister, I think I understand how you feel. And trust me, I know that it can feel so hard to just forgive and forget, especially when the person shows no slightest sign of wanting the forgiveness. I also have a close friend, who once I referred to as my best friend, but now things have changed a lot between us. It started a few months ago (I won't get into it too much because it's hard to explain), but the effect is still there until now. In the beginning, I couldn't even stand being around her, but it was more that I couldn't stand the anger and pride I had within myself. It hurt so much. I felt more angry at myself than at her.
But you just have to keep remembering Allah, and realize that there is no use in feeling the way you do towards that person.
I will pray that Allah will bless you strength and sincerity to ease your problem :)
|06/07/04 at 16:15:25|
|SR. CA, |
buy her a really nice gift, and give it to her. tell her that no matter what she does to you, you will have the patience inshAllah and get ur ajer/sawab/reward in jannah inshAllah. and just to repay her for all the sawab she is giving you, you are giving her that gift.
i heard that one of the big scholars did something similar to that when one of the peopel in his village was talking bad about him behind his back. walahuu alam...and Allah knows best....
|06/07/04 at 17:32:08|
| [slm]I Think once you have forgiven her for a previous offense she has done you have done all you are suppose to do not to be held responsible for not forgiving .ALLAH will reward you for that |
?if she is in the boarder of RAHAM( The very close relatives) you are obliged to stay connected .then if she is not aware of what she doing then she is may be sick .and on the contrary you should help her
well again if she is doing intentionally
[quote]she is not asking for forgiveness. In fact, she continues to intentionally hurt me every day.[/quote]
This way you became official opponent for most probably she is jealous for some thing she knows its is hard for her to do but you have, or some thing you are repeating infelxively which she dosnt like to happen
If this or similar reasons is pushing her toward this treatment donít you think she is still not normal ? and she once again need help to get rid of this conduct
If she cant control this attitude I think its better for you and her to try stay far away provided you do forgive her for what she has done and not making a decision of cutting the relation for good but lessening it till some change occurs INSHALLAH either her to stop this or you getting used to that
But another comment I have over this issue is
If we mean by forgiving we are doing that to gain reward from ALLAH so why should we hate it ? suppose this matter is settled and nobody doesnít hurt us isnít it like one factor of what enables us gain ALLAHS pleasure is closed ?
From this point of view it seems to me we should not be mad at who offers us such chance to make oneself close to ALLAH
Tell that person the more she is hurting you the more she is granting ALLAHíS pleasure to you
She will stop hurting to not grant what you have told her .this way donít worry for closing the door of losing factors of forgiving since you have done another good job (stopping her from sins she used to commit by hurting you )
wa ALLAH al miwafigh
|06/08/04 at 14:15:30|
Thank you very much for all your wonderful insights and advice. To answer your questions, yes, she does know that she is hurting me. The way that she is hurting me is that she is telling lies about me (which she has no reason to believe are true) to other people, including the administration of the school where we work, in attempt to get me fired and make everyone think that I am the cause of all the problems within the school this year. She treats me very badly, talks to me as if I am dirt, etc. It would be impossible for her not to know that she is hurting me.
I do like the idea of getting her a gift, because its kind of funny. :D
Thanks again! :-)
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