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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|Duties and Responsibilities of a Husband Towards H|
|03/21/05 at 01:19:13|
I've been following the discussion on the topic of women imam and the whole issue of how Islam perceives the rights of women. In spite of some differing stands and viewpoints concerning the specific issue, I can see that most contributors agree that Islam certainly aims to protect the rights and position of women and based on my own readings and humble knowledge of Islam, I would strongly agree to this.
However, from the time when I was a young girl till my late teenage years, I've always been aware of how men in the society where I come from (traditional with very strong attachment to Islamic identity and values) have always been somehow and somewhat treated or rather been taught to be treated as superior to women.
This is especially significant when it comes to relationships between men and women, particularly in marriage. I've always felt dissatisfied every time I see a female friend, cousin, an aunty or family member who have to bear with her husband’s' disgusting behaviors : don't perform fundamental responsibilities as a Muslim, i.e salats, Ramadhan fasting etc. & don't guide their family or participate in any activities that makes them a better Muslim; or bullying them with harsh words or even behaviors and they ALWAYS get away with these just because their wives are "supposed to" to be obedient, loyal and respectful to their husbands no matter what. Usually women who have been mistreated by her husband one way or another will have to bear with him for a long long time, even until the end of her or husband's life and those who had stood up against their husbands are usually considered as 'rebellious' and inappropriate. In these situations, although the syariah laws clearly spell-out rules and conditions to protect these women, the society doesn't really give the right environment for them to express and use these rights appropriately. It's like there is this 'silent' pressure on women to just tolerate their husbands even though they (the husbands) clearly lack the knowledge, leadership and sometimes even the ability to be compassionate and understanding towards their spouse just because they are men!
Fortunately for me, I was brought up by a very loving father who had a great relationship with my mother and he was what a father and husband should be. Thanks to the guidance I've received from him, I've learned that it's not the religion that gave men special 'privileges", the whole society has somehow used/manipulate it to make excuses for these men for their irresponsibility and as a method and tool to overpower and dominate their wives.
This is the typical situation now in my society with regard to new generations of young ladies and men in my particular society: The women are usually highly educated, but very well-mannered and God fearing as they are brought up in a very strict and firm yet affectionate environment which I think is ok and they usually turn-up to be really good wives and mothers - married to - the men who on the other hand, usually will become too distracted to even complete their high-school, thanks to the leniency given to them with regard to their choice of friends and whereabouts/activities from a very early age as compared to their sisters, thus making them to become less responsible and immature. Since most marriages are arranged by friends or relatives of sides’ parents, the girl and/or her family will be too late to discover the length and breadth of the husband's/son-in-law’s immaturity and will just end-up putting up with him and hope that one day he will grow up! I don't want to generalize but even among my own extended family, at least one third of my cousins of 45 (yup, very large family) face somewhat a similar situation in their relationship with their husband. I wouldn't want to jump to the gun and say that their marriages are entirely miserable and/or that the men are a useless bunch of guys. But I just wish that they will aspire to be better than what they've become, make better choices and go back to the fundamentals of a good individuals, husbands, fathers, sons and members of society.
While I pray to Allah s.w.t for that day to come, I've been trying to look for readings and references that discusses in detail on duties and responsibilities of a husband to his wife(s) in Islam as I've not been able to find much that looks at this in as much detail as compared to duties and responsibilities of a wife towards her husband. I would greatly appreciate this as I think this knowledge would shed a light especially for women in my community in dealing with tricky situations i.e with husbands who are rude, immature and irresponsible.
Praying for forgiveness from Allah s.w.t if I’ve discerned something from the wrong angle, Nauzubillah…
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