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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|About a boy?|
|04/20/05 at 18:49:53|
I would appreciate some advice from the brothers and sisters on this board. Basically
getting right to the point, about a year and a half ago I met this guy who was visiting my
city at a family party of a friend of mine. Ironically, I was only there because some
aunty wanted to check me out for her son, and let's just say that didn't work out. Anyway,
this other guy was extremely normal, and we pretty much talked about really normal things
like books, school, jinns- standard dinner conversation :)
anyway, so obviously we didn't stay in touch, because he left- plus this last year was
his last year in medical school, so he was travelling quite a bit. about a year ago though
(this is like 6 months after our first meeting), he casually asked our mutual friend
about me, and she told him about a big change that was occurring in my life, details are
fairly irrelevant. he asked her for my phone number, and a few weeks later he gave me a call
asking about the whole situation.
needless to say, it was a bit shocking, because it took me a few seconds to remember who
he was. but once again, really nice and normal conversation. he seemed concerned about my
situation, but he gave me some good advice because he had been through something similar
(in case anyone is wondering, it isn't a tragic situation of any sort, alhamdulillah).
then, somehow or the other we ended up staying in touch through e-mail. real emails, not
IMs. at one point it was so bad that we were emailing each other 3 or 4 times a day, but
alhumdulillah that madness is over.
both of us sort of informed our families even though I guess since it's a very sensitive
situation, both of us just said that the other is a "friend". which he is, except I just
have a really weird feeling that this is the guy I should marry. and i told my mother
about this, and she rolled her eyes.
He FINALLY decided that it would be a good idea to meet again- so he's coming to my city
with his father. Here's the weird part though- he wants to "hang out", whatever that
means, and when I told my mother he's coming, my mom told me to tell him to come over to our
house for dinner with his father.
Two problems- the first being that his family is really different in this manner. They're
really open to the concept of their kids finding their own spouses- this is UNHEARD of in
my family. So for him, it would be really odd to show up with his dad, and I have a
feeling dinner would be really awkward. Secondly, he's really shy, and I don't want to scare
him off, because I really do like him.
It just seems impossible to me that this situation will progress any further. And I hate
this feeling. I know that our relationship will change after this, either we'll stop
communicating entirely (very likely) or we might get married (very unlikely). The reason is
that I don't want to stay in touch with him unless this will turn into a legal
relationship, and the chances of that happening are not high, because his family is VERY different
from mine (cultures are different), he was born and raised in the US (i wasn't), he has
little attachment to the East, and he has a tendency to make molehills out of mountains
(as opposed to mountains out of molehills).
What I like about him is that even though he might not be as religious as Id like, he has
very good akhlaaq. He's polite, respectful, and funny and he reminds me of my father. And
he loves discussing Islam and recently did Umrah.
So they'll be in my city really soon, and nervousness aside, I have no idea how to ask
him to come pver, because my parents absolutely refused to give me permission to "hang out"
with him. I have no intention of going against my parents wishes, insha'Allah- but my
anxiousness is killing me.
I read this again, and Im not even sure I know what Im asking you to help me out with.
|04/22/05 at 21:52:13|
If he really wants to 'see' you, ask your dad to invite him and his dad for dinner. Or ask him to have his dad invite your family to a restaurant.
One thing I learned in life is not to be manipulitive in these love games. Just ask Allah swt for what you want and then put the affair in His swt hands. If it is going to happen, it is going to happen.
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