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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|04/12/05 at 18:23:57|
I need some advice on an issue.
About 5 months ago, I was contacted by a non muslim woman saying that she was interested to learn about Islaam. She said her boyfriend is a Muslim and that she wanted to learn about the faith. As you can imagine, I was more than willing to assist and teach her about Islaam.
Following this, I started to visit her on a weekly basis (and still do so). My intention was to teach her about Islaam and the initial weeks were good because she had a lot of questions/misconceptions which I answered in accordance to Islaam.
However, after the first 3/4 meetings, she started having problems with her boyfriend, one week the relationship was on, next week the relationship was off. She then started talking about him ALL the time every time we met. It has now got to the point where I am making time for her, putting aside all my other duties and seeing her with the intention to give dawah, but all she is talking about is her boyfriend and her relationship problems.
She has been seeing him on and off and I feel that everytime she is seeing him she appears interested in Islaam and when the relationship breaks off for a short period of time, she is not interested in Islaam. She has told me that her boyfreind has made it a condition for her to accept Islaam before he marries her.
The problem is that I do not know what to do any further. I do not know whether I should continue seeing her if all she does is talk about her boyfriend and the problems she is having. I feel that she is just relying on me to be there for her all the time and taking advantage. She has no family and her friends are unreliable (so she tells me). I really do believe that she just sees me as a person that she can talk to about all her problems.
I am concerned that she is not really interested in Islaam. She has made no effort to read any books I've given her (she tells me she is busy at the gym), contact reverts (who I've given her the contact details for) or show any initiative of her own to learn about Islaam. She tells me that she has left a lot of haraam things because she realises they are wrong i.e. clubbing. But the next minute she tells me in a conversation that she was out clubbing the other night. I know that she is not a Muslim and that I cannot expect her to lead her life in accordance with Islaam, but feel that I cannot trust her with the info. she gives me. This has happened on a number of occasions.
I really do not want to stop talking to her but feel that I am not getting anywhere with the situation. I lead a very busy life and am going through problems of my own. I feel sad to leave her because I would really wish for her to become Muslim but sometimes feel that my time with her is wasted on her talking about her own problems. What should I do?? When should I say "enough is enough?" Where do I draw the line?
Some good islamic advice would be appreciated.
Jazak Allah Khair
|Re: Dawah problem|
|04/12/05 at 23:05:39|
It sounds to me like she has absolutely no interest in Islam, but is only interested in this guy she is dating. I can't truly say, because i only have the information you gave us, but i'm sure you feel the same. If the relationship is on and off (shouldn't be on in the first place) then there are obviously problems going on. If she only makes a mediocre attempt to learn about Islam when they are dating and no effort when they are broken up, then she seems to only be doing any of this because her boyfriend made it a condition to accept Islam before they got married... even if they did get married, she probably wouldn't be accepting Islam, but only doing the actions to please this guy... probably still going clubbing and such. If this is causing you hardship in your life and there is no progress, then confront her with something like, "Are you only doing this because your boyfriend has made it a condition?" or "Do you want to learn about Islam or not? Are you willing to make an effort to read the books I gave you?" Allahu Alim, you should know this woman well by now, so it shouldn't be too hard to be a little stricter and confront her. Don't just give up on her, but make sure she actually wants to learn about Islam for the sake of Islam, not her boyfriend.
Also, perhaps it may be good to get someone to talk to the boyfriend. My friend's father was married to an American woman who converted for the sake of marrying him, and she went back on it later, going to beaches in bikinis and clubbing, ect. This happened twice. You can't exactly make it a condition for someone to accept Islam, it has to be your own choice with no influence imposing it on you. If she is only reverting to marry this guy, then the marriage will probably end in hell.... again, Allahu Alim, this is just my advice, i'm sure others have other opinions.
|04/12/05 at 23:12:13|
|04/27/05 at 15:59:07|
Jazak Allah Khair Brother Abdul Muhsee for your reply...
I took your advice and told the woman what u said...i asked "Are you really interested in Islaam?" and said that I had concerns since she had not made an effort to read any books etc. I was scared of doing this as I thought she would lose interest.
She now tells me that she hasn't read the books and wants to explore all other religions before exploring Islaam. I feel quite bad but felt I had no option but to talk to her. I told her that she could call me anytime when she wants to learn about Islaam. However, I do not think I will be hearing from her.
May Allah SWT guide her...Ameen.
Once again, Jazak Allah Khair.
|Keep the door open|
|04/28/05 at 09:27:48|
It is good for you to keep the door open. During the time period I was first interested in Islam and talked to a Muslim to the Shahadah, there was a lull of about 6 months.
For many reasons, got busy, got a new boyfriend, scared to pursue Islam...it got to personal and wasn't ready to give up my god.
The poor thing is going through an emotinal time. One thing successful reverts know is that we remain Muslims inspite of the Muslims.
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