A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|Reversion has been difficult|
|04/30/05 at 02:22:26|
I am a revert for six months now. I guess you can say without getting into details that I have had some major tragedies in my life in the past, and my search to understand why these things have happened has had a positive effect in that it has made me want to find the answers to my questions and I have found these answers in Islam. Even though my interest in Islam and study goes back for many years I embraced the one true religion and formally said shahada at the masjid just six months ago. That day was such an amazing and wonderful day for me. I was floating. I consider that as when I became muslim alhamullilah, because that is the day I became part of the community, and met many brothers, and sisters. I was previous catholic, and I live in an area that is very catholic. Looking back on these past six months though, it has been very difficult for me. I really did not expect to loose so many friends, and the bad reaction from my family, I did not expect to find such little help in learning salaat, wudu, learning to read and recite the Qur'an in arabic, memorizing suras, etc... The help is just not there, there is no organized instruction for reverts that I am aware of, your only hope is to, Inshallah, find someone who is willing to commit to mentoring you. I wasn't able to find this. Any efforts from brothers to help, while their intention has been good, has been unreliable at best. Everything I have learned has been totally on my own. I did not expect it to be so difficult to pray at school and work, and the negative and confusing reactions from people about me and muslims in general, now that I guess I am on the other side, I am suprised at the negative reactions, comments from people towards muslims, and so on, it is a real eye opener and despite my efforts to keep my mouth shut and ignore it, and to control my anger, I do get very angry, especially if it is directed towards sisters, this doubles my anger. I just can't comprehend how people can say such things about a truly miraculously bearutiful religion. I think if they only took just a little time to sincerely learn a little about Islam they would not say what they say. I was so naive! Also, at times, I see the same superficial interaction between brothers and false promises at the masjid, that I saw in the church, and this superficialness where people say one thing, but do quite the opposite when they are outside or away is one of the major reasons I left the church. The loss of friends, and my commitment to learn and grow in my faith which means many many hours alone in study, reading and reciting has really isolated me and I think has made me depressed, and I think sometimes that I have made it next to impossible for me to ever find a wife. Please understand I am muslim for life, and despite all this, inshallah, I will continue to grow in faith, and have an inner peace now. I just want to say if you are considering reverting and you were previously christian in live in a predomantly christian area, make sure you are ready and understand the consequences in your life. You are making the right decision and are taking the right path to guidance, but please understand it will be difficult, and there will be many trials, and you will most likely be walking the path alone. For me I obviously am having a very hard time at present, please forgive me if I ranted a bit. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can improve my situation or can please make Du'a for me to help with my depression and find muslims to spend time with.
|04/30/05 at 13:28:04|
| [slm] Imaad,|
I started with an Alhumdullillah for two reasons, first becoming a Muslim and second for reaching out and asking for help!
I too, am a revert and have been where you are now. It is pretty hard isn't it? All of a sudden you belong no where. No longer in the American Christian society and not 'in' with the Muslims either. It is so tough and I am sure you feel all alone.
Of course even tho, it may seem this way, you do belong to the global village of Muslims. Insha Allah you will find some in your area.
This is how you go about it. Go to Islamicfinder.com and see what is near you. Go to the restaurants, Masjids and businesses and introduce yourself as a new Muslim. Society is so nomadic today, that no one really knows who is new, passing by or visiting.
It's tough, I am shy about this too. But really, there is no other way. Was there someone instrumental in helping you learn about Islam? If so call them up. If not, the Muslims in your area may think people are helping you.
Second, call the masjid and ask for the Imam. Tell him you need to learn to pray. Insha Allah he will find someone for you.
It is true what you said about no one helping. This happened to me to. It was as if I said the Shahadah and the ones hlping just got busy doing other things. I volunteer at a Dawah center and we are so busy with this and our lives, we know people are slipping through the cracks. So you need to be like the squeeky wheel. No, you aren't bugging us, sometimes we, the muslims, need a push.
Yes you are lonely, and you will get trough this. As a riend said, after i went through trial after trial after reverting, "People as pious as the prophets got tried, what makes you think you won't?" I have found that new reverts get a lot of trials. Perhaps it is Allah's swt way of making us stronger.
Yep, and you will find muslims who are unsupportive and sometimes just plain mean. I like to say I am Muslim in spite of the Muslims. There are many wonderful muslims out there, who would love to help. They just don't know you need it.
Now if you are super shy, continue your learning. There are many avenues to learn, internet sites, places to order books, cds, videos.
Here is some words from the Quran:
Implore God With the Best Prayers Allah, he (ever) prepares a way out; And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And If anyone puts his trust inAllah, sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah Surely Accomplish his purpose. Verily for all things Allah appointed a due proportion.65:2
When My servants ask you about Me, I am always near. I answer their prayers when they pray to Me. The people shall respond to Me and believe in Me, in order to be guided. (2:186)
Our Lord, perfect our light for us and forgive us (66: increase our knowledge and include us with the righteous (26:83).
We believe in what you have revealed and we follow the messenger, so count us among the witnesses (3:53, 5:83).
Guide us in the right path (1:6), make us submitters to You (2:12)and make us one of those who consistently observe the Contact Prayers (14:40).
Grant us in this world righteousness and spare us the agony of Hell in the Hereafter (3:16, 3:191, 25:65, 7:156).
Grant us steadfastness, strengthen our foothold, and support us against the disbelieving people (2:250, 3:147), and let us die as submitters (7:126).
Our Lord, do not condemn us if we forget or make mistakes. Protect us from blaspheming against You, like those before us have done. Our Lord, protect us from sinning until it becomes too late for us to repent (2:286).
Pardon us, forgive us our transgressions, remit our sins, and let us be among the righteous when we die (3:193).
Grant us what you promised us through Your messengers and do not forsake us on the Day of Resurrection. You never break a promise (3:194).
Protect us from worshiping idols (14:35), and from falling into sin (40:9).
Our Lord, direct us to appreciate the blessings You have bestowed upon us and upon our parents, and to work righteousness that pleases You. Let our children to be righteous as well (46:15), and admit us an honorable admittance and let us depart an honorable departure. Grant us from You a powerful support (17:80).
Forgive us and our parents, and the believers on the day when the reckoning takes place (14:41), and shower our parents with Your mercy for they have raised us from infancy (17:24).
Our Lord, let our spouses and our children be a source of joy for us, and keep us in the forefront of the righteous (25:74).
Let us not be with the transgressing people (23:94).
Let us not be oppressed by those who disbelieved (60:5), and grant us a decisive victory over the disbelieving people (7:89).
Our Lord, forgive us and our brethren who preceded us to the faith, and keep our hearts from harboring any hatred towards those who believed (59:10), and do not disgrace us on the Day of Resurrection (26:87).
Let not our hearts waver after You have guided us, and shower us with Your mercy (3)
Our Lord, please answer our prayers. You are always near, responsive (14:40, 11:61).
|04/30/05 at 13:29:00|
|Reversion has been difficult|
|06/12/05 at 12:25:55|
i don't know what more to ad than what sr. Kathy already said. mashAllah she gave some good advice. like she said, be the squeaky wheel and ask ask ask. take care
|06/12/05 at 23:11:08|
Dear Sisters you are both right jazakallahu khairan for the good advice and the ayat. I understand it is a trial for me, and I will work on being a very squeaky squeaky wheel. It is hard for me to ask for help. I usually am the one who is the helper. I am a little shy and need to work on speaking up more. It is strange i just got a reply for this. I just found a msg on voice mail from a brother I have not talked to for three months that has helped me some in the past, checking on how I am doing and if I am doing okay. I will try to start now, by not just saying I am doing fine, but letting him know I could use some help.
|06/13/05 at 12:10:09|
|Asalaam Aleykum Sis Imaad. Inshallah, do not overwhelm yourself take one step at a time. I cannot say that I honestly know how a revert feels but I just wanted to give you encouragement as your muslim sister.Like the sisters suggested look for you local masjid and seek assistance from there.I'll inshalah remember you in my duas that you find some good help and that Allah(SWT) makes your journey into Islam smoother.Do not despair and look to Allah(SWT) and Islam for guidance and direction, for if you sometimes look to people you might be disappointed. We all have our strengths and weakness and not all of us are the same, so please remember that. Also there are some very good websites that you can look to for information, inshallah I will pm you with them.Mabrook on your reverting Sis and May Allah(SWT) guide you to practice Islam according to the Quran and Sunnah of our Prophet(Peace Be Upon Him). Ummnajmah.|
|Re: Reversion has been difficult )|
|07/13/05 at 09:18:30|
It is hard to be a revert, trust me. I was raised in a racist household and believed that way for years. On top of that, being a white convert is much harder because you dont really fit into any community at the mosque. Mosques, unfortunately, tend to be pretty divided according to ethnicity and race. After Jummah prayers everyone seems to break up into their little areas, Arabs over here...Asians over there, Africans here. This is a bad thing, even worse when someone from the outside is trying to fit in.
Often with converts there is no real program for social inclusion. When you say Shahada you are greeted with cries of "Allahu Akbar" but then often you get nothing more. There might be some classes to help you to learn about your deen, but precious little to help you to connect to the Muslim community. This can be lonely around Ramadan and other times that are supposed to be family and friend related events.
One of the mosques I attend does a bit better job on this with convert outings, potlucks, you name it. It is the All Dulles Area Muslim Society.
Finding mates for marriage can be hard, often for the above reasons. If you dont fit into one of these communities, it can be hard to find a wife or husband. There are not that many white converts out there, but Alhamdulliah, this is changing. But for the moment a white convert cannot turn to his own community to look for a mate.
Often the families are suspicious of converts or just dont want their family member marrying a person from a different background. This is especially the case where the convert is a male. I married a Saudi woman, which is very unusual. let me tell you meeting the family and dealing with that situation, not to mention issues with the Saudi government, have been hard. I know of several other white male converts that have married Arab and Pakistani women.
All in all I dont think nearly enough is done to help converts to Islam. I have thought for the longest time that someone ought to start an advocacy group for converts to help press for our needs in our local communities.
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board