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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|05/03/05 at 01:20:30|
Does the skin color of a girl really matter? I have seen this especially in the Desi
families, that the fairer the girl, the more well-liked she is. Is this still true?
Question for the guys:
Do you still look for fair complexion in a potential spouse?
Any of you have any particular experiences where you were judged by the colour of your
|ur kidding right?|
|05/03/05 at 01:38:28|
so ur kidding right...? it is a huge thing.. probably the #1 thing listed on muslim matrimonial ads.. check the thread in the bebzi on grooms ads!
i think its especially prevalent among desis... like i never realized what racism was until i went overseas. one thing about the US is that the 'every color/race is equal' is drummed into you all through school and growing up. its a very positive element of the society. sure there are problems and racism, but it is not taught part of the societal culture. and islamically in this country our populations are diverse as well and any good mosque class always emphasizes this with children. (unfortunately though when kids get older and want to marry someone outside their race who is a good muslim, they have huge problems because of the parents set ways)
in desiland the first question even kids ask is "is he/she white or black"...now i never saw 'white' or 'black' ppl there!! just all shades of brown but its like so ingrained in the society... partly i think due to that whole northern white people conquering the darker native people and therefore the higher hindu castes were lighter... then there was colonialism and today there is bollywood and western-worshipping so i don't see it ending anytime soon. i've heard some guys say 'oh i think lighter skin is more attractive' but then when u give them examples of ppl darker and lighter they agree that they are both attractive.. i just think it's really so far ingrained they don't even realize they are affected by their environments. they really really think lighter means more attractive/successful/better/virtuous etc etc.. i even had one brother tell me that he wanted to marry someone light so "his children were successful"... and the absolute worse thing is that he really believed that!!
|Re: Girl's complexion?|
|05/03/05 at 01:49:15|
That's true beauty do attract and I think it's not gender specific we can find that tendency in both of the genders and maybe in third one too don't have much information about that ....:)
But I think it's a wrong assumption that pretty face can hide one's other flaws in personality and character or mere physical beauty can win a good husband and happy married life. If that were the case then all the pretty women were happily married and non of them were ever be divorced. As we know that's not the case instead I know some women who are very pretty and now are in their late thirties but still unmarried. And atleast I know one woman who was extra pretty but didn't get married all of her life and died in very awkward situation.
Regarding men being judged by their looks I can recall two examples from my family when one of my cousin just refused a proposal because the guy had dark complexion and in another case one of my other cousin refused a proposal because the guy had beard on his face.
|05/03/05 at 07:45:25|
When I was getting married, I had only seen my soon to be hubby once, and it was just for a few seconds. At the time I had no idea he was a potential mate! I couldn't really remember what he looked like, other than he had the two arms, two legs and a beard.
So I asked my non Muslim sister to go 'check' him out where he worked at the meat market. First thing, very first thing she said when I asked her what he looked like was "he is alot darker than ..." [i](first husband)[/i]
I was absolutely shocked that this would even enter her mind. ??? Unfortunately it wasn't the only time I heard this. In the making excuses category... my soon to be hubby was quite hairy with a full beard, while first hubby was almost bald with no beard.
|05/03/05 at 11:53:39|
I hate moronic desi racism from the pith of my pith. And yes, it still VERY much exists. What is wrong with our community?!!
Actually don't begin to answer that...I don't think I have that much time :)
|Beauty is Skin deep!|
|05/03/05 at 13:39:41|
|[slm]My two cents!I have heard of ladies buying skin lightening creams so as to look prettier coz their husband like fairer women ::).Their defense is that he likes that and approves of it! What of the damage it will do to your skin, and why did he marry you in the first place if you did not meet his tastes!? I know in my culture when you look at some of the brides on their wedding day you might be surprised.They have some kind on concotion( for dark skinned women) put together and end up looking very fair you might have a problem recognizing them >:(.It's sad but some bro do like fairer sisters and think that they're beautiful but character should speak itself first.My hubby is of diff complexion from me but it was his character that really appealed to me and what I placed more emphasis on before seeing him.One look was enough for me alhamdulillah.Allah(SWT) makes things and nature diff for a reason.He makes Day so we may apprecciatte night( we can get some rest and relax) and He makes night so we may apprecciate day( so we can go about our business and pursue our interests).|
|05/03/05 at 13:42:16|
|Re: Girl's complexion?|
|05/03/05 at 17:58:21|
Yeah skin colour does seem to be [i]the thing[/i] that plays high up on the deciding factor when desi's choose their future spouses.
My younger brother-in-law is still totally shocked that his beautiful (and she is very pretty not just fair skinned) wife would have married someone with his colouring. My sister-in-law informed him she had spent the better part of her life praying for a husband with the deeni knowledge that he had (he is an aalim, quran-e-hafiz, and an imam in a big mosque in Dubai), she also told him that she was pleased that he found her pleasing, but no his complexion had not even entered the equation when she was considering his marriage proposal. I told her to tell him next time he asked, that she finds him to be incredibly handsome.
I regaled this tale to my husband, as I thought it was rather sweet and amusing, to which my hubby replied, so you don't think you got the short end of the stick when you married a dark skinned man like me???::)
I find the entire concept completely ridiculous, if the 'fair skin is beautiful' concept were true in any form, than that would mean every white person is gorgeous, and having been born and bred in a predominantly white country, I could point out some very ugly white gals and some absolutely stunning black women.
I have pointed out to my poor, brainwashed, deluded, desi relatives, that a face is more than just skin colour, you have smooth complexions, you have symmetry of the face, big eyes etc, they altogether make up aesthetic beauty not just the colour!!
It's a stupid relic of the British raj, The British came, the British went, and the natives are still following the outdated views that they left behind >:(
|Heh heh heh….|
|05/03/05 at 20:06:21|
the old fair skin drama. This topics makes me want to laugh out loud every time it comes up. I can’t relate but I can understand. I may be fair skin, but my nose is not sharp and I am hairy (don’t laugh – it’s not funny – ok it’s a little funny because my culture finds that attractive as well – strange perceptions). My cousin who is dark skin is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. No one can ever compare. Dark skin and all….you see her, you’ll agree instantly. But the fair skin evilry does not only exist in the Desi world, it also exists in probably all Asian world especially mine. Still does. Being as white as I am, on my wedding day, the made me ghostly white – I swore I could’ve been born jinn cause I sure looked like it. I found it appalling, but I was already being yelled at about wanting to have my wedding my way, I just shut up and let them all ruin it. Try arguing against an entire village of elder women if you think running with the bulls in Spain is scary. They actually made me cry, well, my eyes were wet with fury but no tear fell down my face.
My other cousin who is as white as I am uses bleaching cream claims she is not white enough and she is already married and lighter then her light husband. I don’t get it. And my other cousin was told by her Aunts to marry the first guy that accepted her because she was too dark to be beautiful so be desperate instead so she did.
It’s funny though. My family members including Mom made a comment about my second choice for a husband. She said, “What is it with you and your choice of dark men?” Dark was the polite word even though she was kidding about it. I’ve heard dark replaced with burnt rather then African black (burnt by the sun). Yeah, my culture is cruel especially to the dark women. Now do I like my men dark….I really don’t care what color they are as long as there Iman is strong. Funny how my husband now said to me when he saw me for the first time, “I am dark in summer, but in winter I am light.” Which I replied, “Look at me. Do I remind you to put on some bleaching cream or do I remind you it’s time to pray?” My in laws and relatives from my husband’s side said that I had such beautiful skin and adored my hands ( you think that could be the reason to why they did not care if I was 6 yrs older then their son, divorced with 2 girls?.....NAAAAAH No way.)
The rainbow isn’t black and white so isn’t the world. Why are we?
|05/03/05 at 20:38:44|
I am so sickened by this whole complexion problem among Pakistanis. Such things were never discussed in my household when I was young so I grew up in a color blind world. When I started getting older and went off to college I began to notice my friends talk about race all the time and categorize people according to their color, to me a Pakistani was just that, not really dark, olive skinned,light, white, or whatever other color distinctions people use. When I went to Pakistan a year ago I was sickened to see the bill boards in Lahore advertising skin lightening cream, I wanted to cry it was so disgusting. Now these idiotic color distinctions have entered my thinking so that whenver I see someone their color just automatically registers in my head, its not that I treat them any less but I am saddned that I have lost my childhood blinders. :(
|05/03/05 at 20:40:59|
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