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|Trustworthy's Foreign Embarrassing Moments...|
|05/06/05 at 18:52:05|
So you want hear about my embarrassing moments in Pakistan, aye? Hmmmm……I guess I could share them with you since I feel as if y’all know me anyways. But remember, I’m a foreigner now so everything I do is funny to them.
My husband’s home actually had a bathroom with running water (I wish I had gone out in the fields…..really…even as uncomfortable as I would be). But I’ll leave that one for the finale, the piece irristance.
So here goes nothing….
1. As soon as I get to his home, we were warmly welcomed with fresh rose necklaces and a shower of rose petals. There was no rest after flying through time into the future, 18 hrs of flight. It’s Friday morning and they ask me (after asking my walee which was my cousin who came along with his wife) to have the Nikka right after Juma’ prayer. I agree. So I am getting ready and my sister in law and her cousin help me get into my Nikka shalwar chemise…..one problem….it don’t fit. So they are laughing at me because even though they knew I was small in size, they did not realize that my top wasn’t. After they had a good laugh trying to squeeze the top down and couldn’t, they rush to have it resized after they measured me since it was like less then an hour left. They had to resize all of my dresses. ::)
2. During my Nikka, the Imam asks me to repeat after him. I did pretty well in the Arabic part of it until it came to the Punjabi part where I did not hear it clearly since he was reciting it really fast. I guess he was going with the speedy flow we had going because I made no mistakes in the Arabic part. Anyways, I must’ve said something really amusing since everyone was laughing hysterically including the Imam and my husband. But acceptable since the Imam just moved on with it. ½ Arabic, ½ Punjabi. Till today, I still don’t know what I said. No one would tell me and heck if I remember. My husband just tells me “Chal ran dey” which means “Leave it.” ???
3. We were sitting outside one night at a late night shop drinking “mazada” mango shakes when all of a sudden a flock of bats come flapping from no where. OMG! BATS….bats!!! I’ve never seen a bat live except in a cage in a zoo, but I knew they were bats from their size, shape, and sound. I panickally FREAK out, scream “BATS!”, leap from my chair and ran in circles with one arm above my head and the other protecting my neck. Everyone was laughing so hard they all had to wipe their tears away including my husband who comes over to me and hugs me and says, “Oh baby….they won’t bite you. Ha ha ha…” I was like bats…bats. :( So as we sat down, I dodged my head every time a bat flew by. Yeap, they laughed every time I did that. :(
4. My wedding dress was so heavy, but the “shalwar” (veil) was heavier. OMG! When the beautician was done with my hair, she fixed the veil so that it would be covered as I preferred it that way. When I stood up from sitting down for a very long time, I started to tip over to my left. Luckily her assistant was there who caught me so I don’t embarrass myself even more. The beautician then warns me, “I forgot to tell you that the veil was heavy.” She spoke English pretty well. Everyone that was watching me get made up by the beautician of course had a good laugh including my sister in law. But no worries, I quickly learned to balance myself (as long as I was moving). Then my husband and I got out of the car and we walked towards the wedding tent. I was doing pretty good until we had to stop to pose for the professional video camera. I started to slowly go down backwards. My husband thought I was going to faint so he quickly catches me and asks, “Are you ok?” “As long as you don’t let go of me. I’ll be fine.” The girls were laughing and so was his sister. He said something to them in a harsh tone and his sister replied something back to him and then he started laughing and then says to me, “The veil is heavy?” “You try wearing this around.” “You look very beautiful.” “Uh huh…not like a ghost?” “Aye? Why did you say that?” “I’m kidding!” “Don’t kid like that. Next time you say something like that I will beat you.” “OK!” So he walks me all the way to my throne and helps me up onto the stage and then leaves to the men side to sit at his throne. I was happy, the Brothers and Sisters were divided. :)
5. OK. The FINALE (this is graphic)…..
OK. So OK. Pakistani food is spicy and sometimes very spicy. Now me and spicy food don’t go together, but I had to get my digestive system used to it cause I would like to enjoy the foods that my husband loves, right? Well, my stomach was like “NO WAY. Not today.” So my first experience with the “lota” (bathroom) (right H2H?) was not a good one. I had to use the bathroom badly and my stomach was burning. :(
The bathroom is located at the entrance of the house so you have to walk through the living room and outside into the area with no ceiling and there is the bathroom. Now because this wedding had 3 brides, 1 coming from the USA, his house was full of guests wanting to take a glimpse of me from morning till night, especially mid afternoon. And surprisingly this happened mid afternoon. >:(
I speed walk to the bathroom, walk in, and was like “Where’s the toilet? He told me he had a bathroom. Where’s the toilet?” Looking around, I was like “OMG….the Mina (Saudi Arabia) squatting toilet (which I never used because when I tried it it got messy so I quit)….OMG…how am I going to do this? I’m in my wedding clothes.” Pacing in the bathroom back and forth, panicking of course, stop at the lota and stood there for a few seconds pondering about which way I should face and how do I squat so I don’t get messy. I held it in and tried different positions (I kid you not). Well, I gotta go quickly so I decided to just take off all my clothes and just do it cause my stomach is crying now. :o
So I squat, whatever, and because I hear people talking, this bathroom’s got thin walls and I’m about to explode. So….when the explosion bursted, I loudly started to sing “R.E.S.P.E.C.T….” by Diana Ross (don’t know why, but it was the first song that came to mind.) So I’m singing out loud with every explosion and of course I can also hear the ROAR of laughter. Done with the deed and thank goodness I took everything off because I had a fun, splashy, wet, time trying to figure out how to use the spray hose. I even almost lost my wedding ring down the lota because I showered trying to clean up and so I screamed “OHHHH….OHHHH…” running after the ring and OMG caught it in time. My heart was racing. I was about to cry. :'(
I step outside, everyone stops laughing, smile pleasantly at everyone like it was nothing, and walked to my room when the laughter started again. My husband asks, “What was that? Why were you singing in the bathroom? And so loud. Everybody was laughing at you. It is strange that you sing in the bathroom. Do you always sing in the bathroom?” “Noooooo….but….” and told him my dilemma. He starts rolling on the floor laughing so hard, his belly ached. Yeah, thanks hubby for your support.
Yeap. Each time I used the bathroom, I sang a different song. Some even came from bollywood films such as Khabi Khushi Khabi Ghum “Bole churiya, bole congana. Ching ching ching….” Those songs actually received applause and even hugs when I stepped out of the bathroom. So I was on stage performing to an audience every time I used the bathroom. I think he told his mom and sisters to cut down on the spices because the food did get a little less spicier, still didn’t help much.
Now that I am completely embarrassed. I’m going to stop here. Nothing beats it anyways. :P
Allah (SWT) bless…..
|05/07/05 at 01:24:22|
:o :o :o
Well let me just say you are one hecka brave woman, mashaAllah.
I'm Pakistani and I don't even know what I would do if a herd of bats attacked me (herd? bats?). The bathroom stuff was funny though.
|05/07/05 at 08:06:02|
Oh Sr. you are one brave lady. Dunno how I would have handled the situation in your shoes, sounds mortifying.
With regards, the bats I think it was unkind of them to laugh at you, the creatures terrify me too, can't say my aunts are overly thrilled with them either.
As for the toilet, face whichever end the lota is placed....dunno maybe practice squatting before your next visit??? :o
May allah reward you for your patience, may you have a long and happy marriage and may your inlaws love and respect you too.
Love & Duaas
|05/14/05 at 15:34:04|
|sis trustworthy, may god protect you always and guide you and your kids in all |
that u do..
the fact that you travelled alone to pakiland
to marry a punjabi guy
who lives in a village overrun by relatives
in a house with thin bathroom doors
adds up to a very adventurous/naive person
again, may you and your family remain in god's protection
|Very funny...are you serious?|
|05/20/05 at 17:21:15|
OK. Now which one of you is calling me naïve? Come on. Come out with it. Why are you anonymous? That’s so funny. Not the naïve part, the anonymous part.
Naïve huh? So what are you saying? That I am marked by unaffected simplicity; deficient in worldly wisdom or informed judgment; or self-taught and primitive? Heh heh heh…
Naïve may be, but unregretful. If I wasn’t meant to go and get married then I wouldn’t have and I did not go alone. I wouldn’t have gone alone. I knew what I was doing and I knew the consequences and risks so please just pray for us.
I don't understand. Not that I have any doubts to what I did, so...what are you saying?
Allah (SWT) bless….
|05/21/05 at 17:48:35|
The Br. (and I betcha it is a Br.) said you were naive/adventurous, go with the adventurous.
I still cannot get over the singing to be honest, I can't ever imagine doing something so....errr.......creative(?)
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