A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|05/28/05 at 23:06:50|
|as salaamu alaykum,|
I am just re-posting some tips on wedding planning I wrote out a while ago.. I've been looking for that thread for ages (due to a few requests some people have made to me about it) but I have yet to find it. Alhamdulillah I was able to find an older version on my computer, but it doesn't have the additions I put in to it.
If anyone can find the link to the old thread  on da house...
the ultimate muslimah wedding guide
just wanted to share some tips/suggestions/advice about wedding planning, from my own experiences and mistakes :P
-- woohoo!! you are getting married :) mabrook and congratulations. this is, insha'Allah, the start of an amazing, beautiful and khayr-filled relationship in your life. your wedding will be, insha'Allah the baraka-filled and joyous occasion on which to embark on this journey :)
-- for the wedding, do what you want. as soon as people know that you're getting married, everyone and their mom will have an opinion about what you should have at the wedding, what you should do, what you should wear, how you should have it set up etc. while being diplomatic with people's suggestions, you also have to dismiss them and figure out what it is *you* want. at the end of the day, it is going to be one of the most cherished and amazing memories of your life, while for others it will only be a one-evening event (or three-evening event, depending on your culture ;)). if there's something you want to do or have at the wedding that's not the norm, be courageous, and do it! (with the agreement of your family of course) and don't care what anyone thinks. trust me, everyone is gonna have an opinion anway ;)
You just have to be strong and understand that everyone is different, and there are about as many different ways to have a wedding as there are people in the world! :)
-- be ASSERTIVE. every individual you deal with in the wedding planning -- whether it be the caterer, the florist, the rental hall people, etc -- know that you want your wedding to be perfect and they will try to get as much money out of you as they can.
Examples of things people say to get more money out of you:
"Oh no, that's just the price you saw in the advertisement. Because it's a wedding, we have to 'special order' the item, so it costs more."
"Oh, who told you that price/agreement? Oh no, that person doesn't know what they're talking about/doesn't work here anymore/gave you the wrong assessment. I'll tell you what we can do for you.."
It's important that when you go in to speak to such people that you:
1. Write down the person's name and the estimates they tell you.
2. Clarify any agreement, especially about price or time with the person as clearly as possible.
3. If possible, get the individual to write the agreement down and sign it and date it.
It sounds like a lot, but with all the millions of details that will be swimming in your head, this will save you soo much stress. also if it does happen (and I'm sure it will) that there is some discrepancy between what they charge you and the price they've told you, or the time schedule they tell you and the arrival of the item/service, it's much easier to show them the written agreement than to go in and say, "You told me something different!!"
-- be ORGANIZED! this is super difficult, especially if you are not an organized person by nature, but the wedding has soooooo many details to see to. have a notebook in which you write ALL your wedding stuff that you keep with you at all times (keep it in your purse/bag). And have a folder in which you keep ALL documents, receipts, etc.
If you're active in Islamic work, you can think of the wedding as organizing a conference. The only difference is, with a conference you have different chairs for each committee, while for a wedding, it's all you baby ;) (unless you have a really really amazing sister or family members that will help you out.)
-- Always price shop. In your notebook keep one page for each heading, ex. CenterPieces, Rental Chairs, Hotel Rooms etc, and then list the different places, phone #'s and prices they give you. It's so much easier to cross reference!!
-- Try as best as you can to DELEGATE. For example, have one of your friends/family members "take care" of something. "Taking care" of it means that they will organize it and put it together from start to finish, so you don't have to think about it at all until the day of the wedding.
Examples of tasks others can 'take care' of:
-- putting together the nasheed soundtrack
-- taking care of all out of town guests
-- printing out the programs, 'reserved' cards for tables, etc
-- taking pictures on the day
-- sitting with the non-Muslim guests and making them feel comfortable
-- distributing wedding favors
-- picking up/dropping off chairs, etc
the more you delegate, the easier things will be for you.
-- start working on the invitation list from a looooooong looong time in advance. If you are like most Muslims, there are about 600 more people you want to invite than you can fit in the rental hall :) so it'll take some time to reduce the numbers. Also you'll have time to remember to invite people you would have otherwise forgotten.
-- Make your invitation list in an Excel Spreadsheet, with the names and addresses and phone numbers of each guest. This will make your life so much easier when working on thank you cards later on, or if you need to get in touch with a guest about their RSVP.
-- order Eid Stamps a LONG time in advance, even before you select your invitations. you will need a ton of them, and if you have any left over from the invites/rsvp cards you can use them for your Thank You cards, or just later on in life.
-- order your invites ASAP, as soon as you know what you want them to say, even if it seems 'early'. it is so easy for there to be delays, spelling errors if you have them made overseas, or in the U.S. if you want special printing, like with Arabic, there is also a delay. Also in the U.S. they are accustomed to having brides come in *very eary* so their usual process takes like four months or something like that.
-- Keep in mind that it may take some time to put the invitations together. It's like, you have to insert the actual invitation card, the tissue paper, the directions sheet and any other sheets into the inner envelope; then you have to stuff it into the outside envelope; then you seal it, address it and add a stamp. a lot of work! :) consider having an invitation party and getting some of your friends to help assembly line style.
-- consider forgetting about the RSVP cards altogether. a lot of Muslims (as far as I've seen) have a pretty hard time returning them, and you end up having to call people and finding out whether people are coming individually anyway, which kinda defeats the purpose. you can save quite a bit of money here, doing away with ordering the RSVP cards and the stamps that you would also have to include.
-- if you order in the U.S. they will try to sneak in all kinds of extra charges like: printing of the return address, including an inner lined envelope, etc. you can cut down on the price a lot if you do away with these extra things.
BEFORE the wedding
-- If you want to do mehndi ask someone who is going overseas/knows someone going overseas to get a fresh tube for you. the color is so much better!
-- Squeeze in time for stress-free get togethers with your friends. It'll be very difficult in the coming months to spend time with them, even if you are not moving away, with all the newlywed obligations. Ask your friends to make this a 'wedding-free' time, with no discussion about wedding details. I'm sure they'll be happy to oblige, because at this point they will probably be as tired of wedding planning as you are :)
-- Have a bridal shower (hosted by one of your close friends who would be willing to organize it for you :P) especially if you are having a huge wedding, it's a really nice way to spend time with those you are closest to.
-- You know how in movies or tv shows when a person finds out they only have 24 hours to live, they always make a list of ten things they want to do before they die? you should do the same before you get married :) for me, there were things in my hometown I've never seen/experienced, so I made sure to go out and do them before I moved away.
-- Take time for yourself spiritually. It can be a really draining time. Don't forget the ultimate reason for getting married, and that the wedding is just one day, the start, of this beautiful new relationship. Make good intentions and resolutions for a healthy, happy, and spiritually nourishing relationship with your spouse. Remember the wedding is just a means, it's not an end.
-- Don't let the stress of the wedding planning come between you and your betrothed and/or family members and/or future in-laws. often times petty details become the source of huge conflicts and bitterness that last a life time, which is unfortunate. it's okay to compromise on some things, and to overlook things and to forgive.
-- don't get all "princess bride" (as my sister liked to call it :P) this is when you start to have the mentality, usually starting about 4 weeks before the wedding, that "IT IS MY WEDDING! EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT OR ELSE I WILL PERISH!!" hehehehe :) just breathe :)
inhale.. peach.. [positive energy]
exhale.. lime.. [negative energy]
talk to married people who have been there, done that, and that can keep you calm. there's one sis on the message board that would madina msg me every now and then and just tell me to take it easy and breathe.. it helped so much!! :) thanx umm_ibby :)
gotta go, more to come insha'Allah.. on the henna, wedding set up, wedding favors, etc..
feel free to add :)
salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah[/color]
|05/28/05 at 23:09:02|
|05/28/05 at 23:10:48|
Thanks.. I was looking for the part jannah did about the hall/ reception costs, like what kind of questions to ask. One part I remember is that they charged to cut and serve the cake!
|05/28/05 at 23:14:48|
as salaamu alaykum,
sorry kathy, I can't seem to find it.. I was looking in the archives for almost an hour and a half this morning.. I hate those archives! :'(
|05/28/05 at 23:15:44|
|05/29/05 at 02:45:53|
|if u can give me a keyword or a date or the first person who posted or last i can try to find it|
i wrote like a ton of stuff.. but its in a word document that one day i'll make into like a pamphlet or something ;P
|Did 2004 archive get lost?|
|05/30/05 at 19:00:03|
|I was on looking for hours too! I am meeting with my sisters hall and you mentioned stuff I never would have thought they would charge for! I know I asked ASAP , but the place had to rescedule us, so it is not too late, if you find it. Perhaps there is another Madinat on this board who may need your info soon....|
It was after se7en's wedding, I know...duh... It was during my last post on the story of her wedding. When I went to the archives, it only went up to 2003. Where is 2004?
Clue words I used was reception, hall, wedding, marriage, cost, hotel, cut, cake, Maximum days I used was 700.
I am not even sure which topic you posted... but I think it was yours and not in addition to another.
It was fantastic too. You did a really good job and wrote alot of points that we should consider... like invitations, and ordering dresses and finding matching veils.
The part I like the best was how to go about dealing with the hotels, because you introduced areas that they try to rip you off on.
|05/30/05 at 19:01:42|
|05/30/05 at 20:36:55|
i'm so sorry guys the reason u couldn't find it is that i didn't index 2004 yet!!! they are all seperate and not in the archives. that's my next project didn't get a chance yet..
anyways here's the link inshallah;
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board