on: Mar 02, 2014 08:37 PM
|Started by rahma - Last post by Nature|
Fascinating! I identified almost all the Christian women - but I wasn't able to identify the women from regions of the world I haven't lived in.
Instant share on Facebook!
on: Mar 02, 2014 08:10 PM
|Started by rahma - Last post by rahma|
on: Mar 02, 2014 08:01 PM
|Started by jannah - Last post by pearl|
Although Mona Eltahawy speaks in hyperbole, she raises some very good points. And she also indicates that the maltreatment and injustice towards women varies across countries. Egypt is not a "special" case.
I'm a "non-white" who is glad to live in a "white" country (as kungfupanda describes it).
Yes, there certainly are many problems in the US, but here are some positives, at least if you are female, that are not shared with women living various Arab countries, including but not limited to Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Morocco, Jordan, UAE, Egypt and Sudan:
Just because Eltahawy is irritating doesn't mean she's wrong, and just because a country is majority-Muslim does not mean that women are being treated as they should be.
on: Mar 02, 2014 07:51 PM
|Started by Siham - Last post by Nature|
I completely agree with Jannah, this is an extremely offensive article whether you are a woman OR a man! It's belittling, superior, and angrily written. What kind of a person is it who would write this? Can you imagine if someone went around saying this stuff out loud to people and claiming it was 'advice'? "Oh brother, the reason you ain't married is because, quite frankly, you're a shallow stupid nonspiritual liar?"
It's true that sometimes people aren't married because personality and lifestyle-wise, they aren't ready. But this CERTAINLY is not the way to show them, particularly if they are practicing Muslims trying to get married Islamically, who I doubt are anything like the adjectives used here! If you're really looking to help singles in getting married, then there are articles on Suhaibwebb that are about 10000000000000x better than this.
on: Mar 02, 2014 04:06 PM
|Started by Siham - Last post by Fozia|
on: Mar 02, 2014 02:33 PM
|Started by Siham - Last post by kungfupanda|
The above can apply to both men and women with a slight change.
But live in areas with very few Muslim women too. Men go off to work. And when they do they have no problems with importing a freshy.
Women do have a problem with that and look down of freshys.
So women find it harder to marry than men.
You will never ever get two people who are at exactly the same level of Islamic practice. But men are more willing to marry a lady with a lesser level than the other way.
They say they do so with the intention of fixing her.
It is understandable that women wont marry a man who drinks and doesn't pray. But to get a Hafiza who will marry a non-Hafiz or a Alima who will marry a non-Alim is near impossible even if he does pray 5 times a day.
I have a word for cultural and nationality limits. That word is racism. People who use that as an excuse to remain single have themselves to blame, and I have no sympathies for them be they male or female.
Some women are not attractive. That is a fact. And some men are not attractive. that is a fact. Such people may find it harder to get married. But it is kind of hypocritical when a woman complains about how men wont marry her because she is fat when she wont marry men who are short. She can do something about being fat but the guy is stuck with being short.
If a woman refuses to marry someone less educated than her, but at the same time complains about not being able to fin single guys more educated than her. I think it is her who says she has chosen to become too educated?
Some people both men and women can find a partner easily just the way they are. Others need to change to be accepted to a partner, or change their criteria for choosing one.
It isn't such a strange concept is it?
If you do know of a perfect African American sister, make the first step, by introducing her to the single men of your own family.
I have told single women of my family about black converts. They didn't marry them, but I did recommend the brothers. I think the fact that people think guys would say no to blacks is more of an issue than guys actually saying no. I have a black convert uncle, and yes the marriage was arranged by older members of my family.
Not all Muslims are bigots.
An when guys say no to girls it isn't always about race. Black friends have asked me to marry their sisters, but when I said no it was because they asked me when I was too young, or their sisters were too ugly.
on: Mar 02, 2014 01:04 PM
|Started by Siham - Last post by jannah|
I read the article and do not think it applies to Muslim single women at all. It's also really offensive, not just to Muslim women but to non-Muslim women as well. Once again, it's interesting how the "state of being single" is always turned back and blamed on women, as if it's constantly their fault. That they're 'too angry', 'too fat', 'too educated', 'not submissive enough'. etc etc. They don't meet the boxes designed by culture, parents and men, and therefore this is their fault. This is ridiculous. The reasons why a woman is not married are as varied and complex as the women themselves.
But just to give some examples of why certain sisters I know are not married contrary to the article:
1. They live in areas where there are very few Muslim brothers to meet.
2. They are at a certain level of Islamic practice and the brothers are not. (ie girls pray, don't drink alcohol)
3. Cultural and nationality limits are imposed.
4. Beauty expectations and expectations of parents can't be met.
5. They are more educated and successful than their counterparts.
I mean I can just go on and on here, and give you many first hand accounts, not just of good sisters trying to find husbands, but one's who have actually been pressured enough to marry someone wrong for them and what happened after.
The topic is a complex nuanced one that involves culture, expectations, circumstance and reality, and can't be boiled down to 'she's angry that's why she isn't married'.
By the way I dare anyone to find a match for a beautiful, single, practicing dark-skinned African-American girl in our communities. Now tell me it's her fault for not being married.
on: Mar 02, 2014 09:33 AM
|Started by jannah - Last post by kungfupanda|
I wont deny Egypt is in a bad way. But the Key word here is Egypt. Egypt is just one country. The Arab League contains 22 countries. Are they all like Egypt? Are most of them like Egypt?
Do women walking the streets of Oman, Yemen, UAE, Sudan, Saudi get treated the way they would in Egypt?
Are the Arabs in countries where women get treated with respect any less Arab than Egyptians?
The cause of the deplorable way women are treated in Egypt is to do with a factor unrelated to the race, genetics, culture and religion of Egyptians.
To find out what is happening look at Egypt itself.
Look at the type of people who do this, and why they continue to do this.
What makes Egypt different to other countries where this doesn't happen, and what is the same in Egypt and countries where this does happen.
The cause of this is simple.
People do harass women in Egypt because they can.
What I mean is, they can get away with it.
They know they will face no consequences in this life when they do so.
People can and do, do that in other places, it happens everywhere to some extent.
Just as stealing happens everywhere. Murder happens everywhere.
That is why there is such a thing as a police force, crime and Punishment.
There will always be bad people, no matter how good a culture and society is.
Countries where it doesn't happen, it is not because those people are culturally Superior to Egyptians.
It is because the rule of law exists there and it doesn't in Egypt.
In Egypt the Job of the police and judiciary is not to stop crimes like sexual harassment of women. The Job of the police is to keep the Army in power. They will not arrest people who harass women because they are too busy harassing them themselves. And yes, why would you even think about going to the police in Egypt when you are harassed when the police themselves are ordered to sexually harass women, rape women, strip fully Niqabed women of all clothing and photograph them naked in their efforts to keep the army in power.
What happens in Egypt is nothing to do with a fault in Egyptians, if that was the case Egyptian men will behave that way wherever they go. Egypt is a very poor country and Egyptian men do go everywhere to work. Do they behave this way when working in Saudi or the UK?
Would someone in the UK or US behave that way if they knew they could get away with it.
Well when men in America were asked would you rape if you knew you could get away with it, 2/3 of those asked said yes. Some people say the other 1/3 were lying.
When it comes to who considereds Muslim women as idiots.
I would say Mona Eltahawy sees women as idiots.
Sees sees them as people who are too idiotic to speak for themselves so they need white masters to speak for them..
She sees them as so idiotic that they can't think for themselves. So Muslim women have no right to think and choose to cover. Instead white masters must make laws forbiding them from covering.
To her Muslim women have no right to vote and chose their own government. So she supports the Army of male soldiers that removed the government elected by Egyptian women as well as Egyptian men.
I repeat, it isn't Arab men that hate women, Mona Eltahawy hates women. She hates women who choose to be women, and instead tells them to become pseudo men. It is Mona Eltahawy that calls for women to take off their clothes and display their bodies like bits of meat left for the dogs.
That is what her calls for banning Hijab and niqab mean in reality.
on: Mar 01, 2014 06:56 PM
|Started by Siham - Last post by Siham|
This article is from the huffington post. I modified it a bit for the Madina and it’s applicable to both genders -- SubhanAllah as a non-Muslim she bring up some really good pointers, which reminds me of a straight talk on Tazkiyat an-Nafs. Enjoy!
Why You're Not Married?
You want to get married. It's taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud -- even in your mind -- feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize. Because you're hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor.
You've never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box.
Then, something happened. Another birthday, maybe. A breakup. Your brother's wedding. His wife-elect asked you to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there you were, wondering how in hell you came to this predicament. You started to hate the bride -- she was so effing happy -- and for the first time ever you began to have feelings about the fact that you're not married. You never really cared that much before. But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found yourself wondering... Deep, deep breath... Why you're not married.
Well, I know why.
But I won't lie. The problem is not men, it's you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they're not really standing in your way. Because the fact is -- if whatever you're doing right now was going to get you married, you'd already have a ring on. So without further ado, let's look at the top nine reasons why you're not married.
1. You’re Angry. You probably don’t think you’re angry. You think you’re super smart, or if you’ve been to a lot of therapy, that you’re setting boundaries. But the truth is you’re pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it’s scaring men off.
The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn’t think so. You’ve seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man’s fear and insecurity in order to get married — but actually, it’s perfect, since working around a man’s fear and insecurity is big part of what you’ll be doing as a wife.
2. You’re Shallow. When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man’s character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you’re not married, I already know it isn’t. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.
Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.
3. You’re a Liar. It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he’s not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he’s married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, “I’m not really for a relationship right now.”
You know if you tell him the truth — that you’re ready for marriage — he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don’t want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you are not ready for marriage too! You love having your freedom! Instead, you hang around, waiting for him to figure out that he can’t live without you. I have news: he will never “figure” this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn’t be lying to him in the first place.
4. You’re Selfish. If you’re not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don’t have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy — or at least a guy with a really, really good job — would solve all your problems.
Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: hello! It’s not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say — if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.
5. You’re Not Good Enough. Oh, I don’t think that. You do. I can tell because you’re not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.
Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don’t know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won’t love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.
I see this at my son’s artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you’re trying to be. They’re attractive, sure. They’re just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character.
Alright, so that’s the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You’re just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won’t. Once the initial high wears off, you’ll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.
Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something — it’s about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession and for us, it’s the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.
The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, curry eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway — because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self — you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:
6. You're a Mess. You overeat. You overspend. You under-earn. Whatever it is, there's (at least) one big thing in your life -- an attitude, a behavior, a vice -- that you absolutely, for sure, under-no-circumstances want to let go of. And the bad news is, that is the ONE THING you absolutely, for-sure, under-no-circumstances WILL NOT be able to keep. At least not if you want to move forward. The sneaky part is that this thing holding you back feels like it is making your life more bearable! It's also telling you that you're fine! So how do you know if something is a problem? Easy. YOU'RE KEEPING IT A SECRET. If there's something you can't (or don't want) to tell your mom, your best friend -- you can be sure it's getting in the way of having your best relationship.
7. You're Crazy. Crazy is where you LOVE INTENSITY. You want life to bring the exclamation points!!!!!!! Normal people, and relationships? Big, noisy YAWN. You think of yourself more like Angelina Jolie when she was with Billy Bob. Crazy is where you use your cell phone like an automatic weapon. You meet, fight and break up -- all by text message. Another sign you've got the crazies is if you are constantly telling long, involved stories in the break room about what happened this past weekend. You think your listeners are wowed and they are, but to them it's like watching an episode of "Fear Factor." Who doesn't want to watch another person eat bugs? In fact, a sure-fire way to know you're crazy is if more than one person has told you you'd be great on a reality show -- and you agree with them.
8. You're a Dude. It's not that you love the Cardinals, have short hair, or make more money than most guys. It's that, when it comes to relationships, you want to hunt them down and kill them. You call guys, you text guys, you ask guys out. hoping that if you rock a guy's world, you'll get hired full-time. And it's not working for you, because right now, you are in a long-term, committed relationship with EXACTLY NONE of those dudes.
Am I saying you should join a quilting circle? Wear ruffles all the time? Um, no. But you might want to see what it's like to let the game come to you. Because there's one requirement above all others a guy needs to possess to be your man: he has to REALLY WANT to be in a relationship with you. (Duh!)
Fortunately, there's a foolproof way to find out just how much of a crap a guy gives: he will 1) ask for your contact information, and 2) HE WILL USE IT RIGHT AWAY. (Do not try to tell yourself he waited two weeks to call text you because he probably had to visit his grandmother in Milwaukee! Guys bring their phones to Milwaukee.) Prequalifying a man like this will prevent the mortgage meltdown that is your love life. Because at the end of the day, you don't need to know if a guy wants to donate his sperm to you. (The answer will probably be Oh, hell yes.) You want to know if he's willing to send your egg to college. And if a guy doesn't feel like taking you on a hala-date, THE ANSWER IS NO.
9. You're Not Spiritual. Remember how I said that marriage is a spiritual path? Well, we're there. The point where I suggest something totally radical and punk-rock as a way of transforming whatever it is you have going on (or don't have going on) in the area of relationships. And here it is: I want you to get a God.
Wait, come back! It's not necessarily what you think. What do I mean by God? Well, I don't mean a bearded dude in the sky who is going to give you a Mercedes and a husband if you're good and punish you if you're bad. That would be Santa Claus.
I mean I want you to cultivate a sense of SPIRIT in your life, a relationship with the intangible, the unseen -- the power behind the oceans, gravity, chocolate and the Beatles. You know, the thing you experience in life where the hair stands up on your arms? The Big Something. You could just call it Allah-- it's the game changer. Because when you mix the idea of spirit into your relationships, it no longer matters how many men are, techincally, out there. No more demographics, no more short guys and tall guys or chicks with cankles or ten extra pounds. There are no more lists of things you think you have to have in a mate. There are only two people on a spiritual assignment: TO LOVE EACH OTHER.
on: Mar 01, 2014 06:12 PM
|Started by jannah - Last post by Nature|
I don't think that Arab men hate women - as kungfupanda pointed out (although I don't agree with everything he said), there's a lot of cultural innuendo going on here. Arab men respect and honor their mothers highly, for example, much more highly than common in the States. But the rates of sexual harassment are TERRIBLE in some parts of the Middle East (read: Egypt), treated often like a) an idiot who can't think for herself or b) a piece of meat.
I remember se7en once posted about why this is so, saying that when you have a conservative culture encouraging abstinence etc, but you are bombarded by sexual imagery as well as double standards in raising men, of course there's going to be a problem! For me, Arab men who were brought up on the straight and narrow are intensely respectful towards women, as well as protective. It's the 'double-standard'ers who ruin things for everyone.