// Deperate for a miracle... [daughter losing islam]
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« on: Aug 28, 2008 08:04 PM »


I have a big problem...My daughter has been seeing a non muslim man for some years now, despite her father and I asking her to finish with him as he will not convert to Islam and belongs to another religion which he and all his family follow.

My daughter is an adult professional, she lies to us saying she is going to stay with "friends"...I have decended to the level of a spy now and each time find out she has gone to stay with him..This is encouraged by his family who are Orthodox christian originating from a country where there have been friction between them and muslims....So I suppose they see it as a triumph.....It does not matter what we say to her she just carries on.I do not want to say too much as she will then walk out and go and live with him. ( I am too ashamed to give my name incase anyone recognises me) I try to explain to her that muslim girls are not allowed to marry non muslim men, she just replies "well Islam has not given women equal rights"...My son is married to a girl who is from a non christian background so she only uses it as ammunition....The girl does not eat pork or drink alchohol....This man and his family are always having parties and alchohol, and my daughter is there...She seems to have taken this type of life as the norm....I have now found out that she plans to go away for the weekend in the middle of Ramadan for this mans birthday....She is just sinking further into this Haraam life...There is nothing we can do as parents as she is just looking for an excuse to walk out and go and stay with him....It will take a mircle for this relationship to break.....Please advise me and make Duah.I cannot bear to see my daughter throw away her faith like this...She no longer prys or fasts....I recently asked her if she still knew her Shahada, she said "Yes"....I said do you read it?....She replied "No"....Please make duah she will return to Islam, it will be the only thing to save her from Haraam. I need your prayers and advice.


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Oh Allah, Guide us to the Straight Path.


« Reply #1 on: Aug 28, 2008 10:55 PM »

Asalamualaikum wrt wb,


All praise be to Allah.



I am very saddened to hear your story, and it pains me very much.  Unfortunately, the rate of Muslims apostasizing is increasing at an alarming rate.  Perhaps your story will serve as wakeup call for those Muslim parents who still have time to make a committment to devote every effort and spare no expense to give their children a rigorous Islamic education and upbringing, as is the duty of every Muslim parent.

I heard somewhere that some parents begin saving for their childrens's college expenses while they are infants.  Why don't we start planning for something more important for them at this age--the child's Afterlife.  Every mother and father should make a realistic assessment of their environment, and make efforts to bolster their children's Islamic future by ensuring:

1.)  The children receive appropriate Islamic Tarbiyyah in the home, including learning the basics of belief, aqeedah, Oneness of Allah, stories of the Sahabah and Prophets.  The parents and children should have daily ta'leem together.


2.)  Parents should settle in communities that have strong Islamic education, Islamic schools, and religious youth programs.

3.)  Parents should consider sending their children abroad as part of deferred entry offered by many colleges.  Thus they will gain an attachment to the centers of Islam and this will formulate part of their identity.

4.)  Parents should not be harsh to children.  Harshness is not the Prophetic Sunnah, and it will lead to the children associating Islam with harshness.  Kids need to be educated with kindness, not forced to follow traditions.

5.)  Knowledge is the key to ignorance.  Try to win your daughter's heart by teaching her what you know about the Oneness of Allah, the afterlife, the realization that we were created to worship Allah, and that death will overtake us sooner than we expect.  Try to slip her some books about righteous women in Islam, such as Darussalam's "Great women of Islamic History.", or any of the numerous books out there.

Obviously, your daughter has many misconceptions about Islam that could be easily resolved if dealt with reasonably.  Everything in Islam is for our benefit in this world and the next.


People follow falsehood due to ignorance.  Perhaps you can read up on the issues your daughter has raised with you in the past regarding Islam, and then let her know what the scholars have said.  Teach her.  Alhamdulillah, there is vast information available now about Islam, but we have to make it attractive.


One last thing, never give up on your daughter.  Make dua in the last thrid of the night, begging Allah to guide your daughter and bring her back to Islam.  Remind her that Allah is merciful, and will be so happy if she returns to Him, more than the happiness of a destitute traveller who lost his mount and provisions in a vast desert when suddenly his mount returns to him.

We ask Allah to set our affairs straight and make our last words when we leave this world, Laa Illaha Illa  Allah, and save us from the Fitnah and trials.  Ameen.



Be merciful to those on earth, and the One in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
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« Reply #2 on: Aug 28, 2008 11:23 PM »

salam


There is going to come a point whether sooner or later when she does realise the error of her ways.

Havign seen these kid of relationships, I would think that it will take time for the relationship to dissolve by itself. But you'll have to remain steadfast and trust in Allah.

These stories always terrify me, but one has to lead by example and patience.

I do think Br. Abdurahman has a good point, tell your daughter the reason why muslim women do not marry men outside of Islam, nothing to do with inequality between men and women in Islam at all.

Was she given an Islamic education whilst growing up, and I do not mean was she taught to read the quran parrot fashion I mean was she given religious instruction as a child?

I'd also suggest buying lectures on women in Islam and listening to them whilst your daughter is in the home. Praying salat diligently and trusting in the mercy of Allah.

Does she have many muslim friends? Perhaps set up a Iftar party the day your daughter intends to leave for her boyfriends birthday, ad invite all her friends make her feel excited to be a muslim and included.

I'm so sorry you are going thro this.

You are in my duaas inshallah.



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #3 on: Aug 29, 2008 03:55 AM »

salam

I don't know what to say ...

Maybe this is just a rebellious phase, maybe your daughter sees your antagonism as a motivation to her to stay in that relationship.

It is a sticky situation.  But if you have done your duty towards your daughter by educating her and teaching her about Islam since she was a child,  what else can you do?? 

She needs to make her choices in life. Make dua for her, that's all I can say.

take care
wassalam
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« Reply #4 on: Aug 29, 2008 03:17 PM »

Assalamo elikuim
I am very sorry to read your post - May Allah swt accept your dua and your daughter come back to the right path, Ameen.

Specially as a parent, its heart breaking to read such posts - May Allah swt protect all Muslim kids, Ameen.

You are in our duas sister.

Take care
tq
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« Reply #5 on: Aug 30, 2008 02:05 AM »

salam

I've been thinking about this a lot.

I think what you need to do is begin building a relationship with your daughter, for the time being don't nag try and build a mother daughter relationship up.  I guess dynamics change as our childen get older, is there anything your daughter loves for you to to do with her? Is tyre anything you could both do together an activity anything?

You have to keep the doors open for her to return, because she will and although she is trying to slam all doors shut behind her in her youthful impetuosity the will regret it given time.

Make sure she knows she can home talk to you and that she knows you love her.

Then all you can do is pray for her.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #6 on: Aug 30, 2008 10:54 PM »

Assalam Ailkum.
Thanks to  everyone for their replies.

 I gave my daughter and her brothers the best Islamic Education I could. She is in her thirties and has a proffessional position...She has known this man since they were teenagers....
She has two close muslim friends who are encouraging her to "follow her heart" and marry this man...Her non-muslim friends cannot understand why we do not want her to marry him.

A few weeks ago she left her email on the computer having forgoten  to log out. As I have now descended to the level of a spy I read some of the emails......What really broke my heart was the emails  I read from her two cousins. Thet were both encouraging her to  "'stand up" to her father and I, and fix her wedding date. and they said that they would make sure they were there to support and protect her. This shocked me as one has recently got engaged to a muslim and the other is also looking for a muslim boy to marry......They do not want to do what is forbidden, so why do they want her to such a grave sin....I was so dissapointed as I did not expect this of them...

I try to stay close to her but she is hardly at home. Recently I was quite ill and she went away for a long weekend. I called her on her cell phone just to say Hello and she did not even pick up or call back to see if everything was allright. Somehow over the last couple of years she has changed and become harder.....Previously she was much gentler. I know her work is demanding but she has been working a number of years now and was not like that before......I am so sorry for going on....Thank you so much for your duah. I will continue to pray....Insha Allah there will be a separation.....and she will return to her deen.....Last year she did not even pray Lailat al Qad....May Allah let her iman grow strong once more..Salaams.JJ
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« Reply #7 on: Aug 31, 2008 01:36 AM »

Maybe she will bring him to Islam.. It may be a blessing in disguise.

She is probably acting cold and not answering your calls because she thinks if she does she will just get an ear full of the same old stuff where you are looking down at her for her decision.

I hate to play devil's advocate, but she really can't help who she loves, and while she shouldn't have been in the position to fall in love with a non-Muslim, maybe she's just not attracted to Islam. We all know Allah (swt) closes some minds and opens others to Islam. Maybe she is one outside the fold by choice? Anyhow, now that she is in love with him, it's nearly impossible that she is just going to decide to drop him for the sake of her now neglected religion.  smack

Hopefully it will turn out for the best. Maybe in a few years or when they have a child she will remember the religion of her youth and perhaps after she has burnt out the initial fuel of her "freedom" she will come back to Islam and bring her new husband and family with her..  idunno

Marriage and parenthood have a habit of making people crave the traditions of their youth.

Best of luck.


I try to remember to count my blessings each day because I have many:

To be thankful for my health, and that of my loved ones, the presence of my husband and the continuation of our marriage, that we can pay our bills and have food on the table..

So many blessings but often, so little thanks!
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« Reply #8 on: Aug 31, 2008 01:37 AM »

salaam

Did you try to find a suitable muslim partner for her when she was in her twenties?
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« Reply #9 on: Aug 31, 2008 02:16 AM »

Assalam Ailkum,
Thank you Sister Leylanur.....
I agree she cannot help who she falls in love with....I definitely do not give her an earful. Her father and I have had one big discussion with her about this matter....We laid our cards on the table and said we could not accept this unless the man was willing to convert. When we asked her why she had kept this from us for so long....She said I have been trying to negotiate with him  to reach an agreement......She said that he had agrreed to a temporay conversation, which he would do to in order to allow her to have a muslim wedding ceremony, but he would then revert back to his own religion..I explained to her that we could not be part of this as it would be hypocritical for someone to do the Shahada and not mean it....This would also   done without his family knowing, as he is not prepared to hurt them. He wants to remain in his religion and does not want to convert.. Does anyone think I am wrong in not accepting this?

I have explained and my daughter knows it well that the Quran does not allow her to marry a non muslim....I do not raise  the subject up anymore...I feel all that needs to be said has been said. 
All I can do is pray now...It is only Allah that can change this situation.... Sometimes I feel I am going crazy and lose hope. I shoud not be so weak....but it grieves me to see the life she  is leading....If he was a decent man,even though he is not muslim, he would not lead her into such behavior. Once again may Allah bless all and if they have children protect and do not let the parents feel the pain and anguish we are suffering. Salaams.JJ

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« Reply #10 on: Aug 31, 2008 04:53 AM »

Salam

I would suggest that you find out what religion her byfriend is from and find out about that religion. Find out and meet the guy , invite him over for dinner. Make friends with him-have discussions and slowly bring the topic around  to religion and use the technique used by daees.

1.)Ask him about his religion
2.)Ask him about his religion
3.)Ask him about his religion until he gets sick of it and eventually inshallah asks you or your daughter about Islam.

However I have to warn you do your research thoroughly and be interested . If he offers you a bible then take it and read it. After reading it ask him about the controversies in it(more information can be obtained from lectures by ZAkir Naik and Yusuf Estes) and if he doesn't practice his religion ask your daughter(in a subtle way) how she can trust him with her life when he can't even follow his own religion

Now you might think ,what this is how to bring my daughter make friends with the "enemy" but remember the prophet (saw) was very accomodative in the treaty of huday biyyah.

You never know your doing Dawah to him might bring at least bring your daughter back to the right path and at best both of them inshAllah.

Also remember that your duty is not to convert/revert them/her but to deliver the message in the best and most wise way possible.

May Allah(swt) make it easy for you

Amen
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« Reply #11 on: Aug 31, 2008 12:43 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikum  bro

I think such a scenario must be a Muslim parents’ real nightmare!!

InshaAllah we’ll all make dua for you sister and for your daughter.


I happened to listen to an old Islamic Lecture today from my Imam back in the UK about the life of Ibrahim as and the sacrifices he had to make for the sake of Allah.

Three main ones were:

1.   His courage in standing up to his father and his community and destroying their idols to show their lack of power.

2.   His sacrifice in leaving his wife and son in the barren desert and then leaving them to the will of Allah

3.   His courage in being prepared to sacrifice his son, Ismail as, at the command of Allah.


Each one involved incredible resolve and willpower and considerable sacrifice but in return each one lead to an even more incredible miracle:

1.   Allah’s protection of Ibrahim as when he was thrown into the fire

2.   Allah’s provision of the well of Zamzam


3.   Allah’s replacement of Ismail as with a ram


Our religion is one built on sacrifice and the more we give up those things disliked by Allah and perform those actions liked by Allah, the nearer we will get to Allah’s help. As the saying goes, “with sacrifice comes reward”

Maybe this event is an opportunity and a blessing for yourself and your husband, and inshaAllah maybe with your sacrifices for the sake of Allah (especially during this month of Ramadhan), Allah will provide you with the miracle you crave.

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #12 on: Aug 31, 2008 07:33 PM »

salam

Your daughter is not actually looking at life on a long term basis.

I find it very interesting that this boy would do a temporary conversion in secret from his parents in order not to hurt his parents. Have you ever asked your daughter why his parents come first to him and you do not to your daughter, what happens if the two of them ever have an argument where puts his parents before her?

I've a leetle personal experience with this (not myself alhumdulillah). But this is what happens. Girls rebels, it's fabulous fun you know having someone to bitch about ie her parents, feeling hard done by, feeling like she is being noble and fighting for her rights as her parents are backward and evil etc.

Once she gets married, it gets boring, she has a few kids, they have eachother and what now, so far all the marriages I've watched, that have been based on the sorrow of the parents in this style have ended spectacularly badly.
BUT I do not wish this on your daughter at all in any shape or form.

Would it be possible to stop talking about it? If she brings it up ever, tell your daughter that you love her more than she knows now, maybe she will realise the extent when she has her own children.
You wish her love and happiness always.
Her boyfriend does not wish to convert for fear of hurting his parents, it is your eternal sorrow that she does not feel the same for her own parents.
Unless he converts properly there is nothing to talk about.
You cannot force her to behave how you want, you will now not speak of this matter as you do not wish to argue.

And then as hard as it is leave it.

If she moves out, you cant stop it. This is what has happened to the girls I've known who have done this, she moves out, one girl bought the police round and took all her belongings (belongings which her parents had paid for), the relationship fizzled out (it's not easy living with someone as every married woman knows), and the girls usually want to come home. Every single time the parents doors have been shut for them.

Try and always keep the channels open so she can return when she learns her lesson. But don't become a push over because you are scared she will leave. She's going to have to learn from her own mistakes on this one I'm afraid. And I'm speaking from a perspective where I know exactly the horrendous consequences of such behaviour, not on just the one person but on the entire family.

You're going to have to take courage on this one, and give everything up to Allah. Surely he gave you your beautiful children and surely he will bring them to the path of righteousness.

As for your daughters cousins, I would let them know next time I saw them, that a person encouraging wrong, is just as culpable as the person doing the wrong having been encouraged to it. Sometimes extended family enjoy watching the downfall of their relations because it makes them feel oh so good and pious.

It might be that he may convert for real. One never knows what the will of Allah is.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #13 on: Aug 31, 2008 10:06 PM »

Asslam Ailkum.
Thank you all....Sister Fozia you are wise beyond your years.....I have not mentioned this  to her for a very long time in fact a few years....I just don,t say anything.. and I don't intend to unless she brings up the subject...

Mashallah today she said she will not take her holiday until October so Insha Allah she may have some of the spirit of Ramadan.
 
This man does not like her doing the job she does, as she is not always free for parties etc.....She told me she is going to change her job....I just said if that is what you want to do "go ahead"....To myself I thought once more she is giving in...Silently I asked Allah to guide her to what is best for her Deen.
She worked and studied very hard to be where she is and he knows  this as they met at college....

Like you I have seen these things happen....A muslim girl I knew married a non-muslim who refused to convert...

When she  went home and announced this, her father went mad and in his anger said he would kill the man.....She told her boyfirend this and he made her report it to the police.....Naturally the police took this threat seriously and arrested the father. They of course had the stereotypical view of "muslim females"  being oppressed....This was not the case...She was a proffessional living with this man in another town.....Her boyfriend wanted her to take the matter to court,by now her father was under arrest....It was only my pleading with her for the sake of her mother if nothing else that she relented and did not take it any further. Her father was subsequently released without charges, but was issued with a caution...

Following this she went to a holiday resort and they got married......Despite knowing this man for 10 years after two years the marriage is over.... She was getting more and more resentful about him not converting and suddenly all the love changed to hate....She kept in touch with her mother and has now met a western man who wants to convert.  I have advised her to let him convert and not to rush into things..
It has been such a help reading all the replies, and knowing that Duah is being made.....Allah knows best.....Somehow  her not going away in Ramadaan gave me hope.... Thank you all. I wish you all Ramadan Kareem.... Forgive me for going on so much....Salaams xxxx
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« Reply #14 on: Aug 31, 2008 10:18 PM »

There is NO need to ask forgiveness!  Shocked You are simply doing your duty as a caring, Muslim mother. May Allah (swt) bless you for your efforts and care on your daughter's behalf.

I try to remember to count my blessings each day because I have many:

To be thankful for my health, and that of my loved ones, the presence of my husband and the continuation of our marriage, that we can pay our bills and have food on the table..

So many blessings but often, so little thanks!
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« Reply #15 on: Sep 01, 2008 06:14 PM »

Asalamualaikum wrt wb,


All praise be to Allah.


We have spoken in the past on this board on the issue of marrying non-Muslims.  We made it very clear that this is a great evil, since a non-Muslim spouse calls to the Hell-fire, and Allah calls to the Jannah and forgiveness from Himself.

This reason for prohibition applies equally to male and female Muslims.

We also discussed in detail the various proofs and schools of thought and why a concession was made for a Muslim man to marry a chaste Chistian or Jewish woman, and the reason for this is because she was expected to accept Islam a little later.

It is well known that a woman may accept Islam later, after gentle persuasion from the husband and the Tawfeeq of Allah.


It is also well known that if a man refuses to accept Islam before marriage, than it is extremely unlikely that he will accept Islam later.  In fact, he may show even more hostility and hatred for Islam once the marriage takes place, and will most likley attempt to cut off the wife from her family and religious roots so that she never repents and realizes she is in a haraam relationship, and leave the evil man.  So he will convince her that Islam is evil and use every means to make her see it as backwards and harmful for her. 

This is what Allah means by: "They call to the Fire."



Please refer to my previous posts for more information.


May Allah protect our sisters from all the Fitnah and evil and place in their hearts love for Islam and the Sunnah.


And Allah knows best.


Be merciful to those on earth, and the One in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
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« Reply #16 on: Sep 01, 2008 07:02 PM »

salam


He wants her to give up her job?

Start a conversation about her chosen vocation, reminisce with her how hard she worked to get where she did, remind her how excited she was in procuring her current poistion, ask her what she aspires to in terms of her profession (dont mention the man or anything like that), speak from her point, be interested and encourage and praise her acheivements.

What does this man do, Is he successful in his chosen field?

So far from this relationship, your daughter faces, losing her entire life because islam is not just a religion in the sense its just practiced once a year type thing, alienating her family, and losing a job which she has strived hard to get and sounds like she really likes. Dunno where you are but the current state of the economy in the UK, I'd hold on to any job I had!
And the man has made ermmm zero sacrifices.

Suggest, if she is adamant she will give up her job, to have a look at the current job market, and send out CV's before doing something so final as quitting a job she loves.

He sounds controling.


You are in my duaas inshallah.




Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #17 on: Sep 03, 2008 06:20 AM »

[slm]

don't know if someone has mentioned these, but here are two Quranic duas, at least three times after fard prayers, and as much as possible as you can:

Surah Ahqaaf, ayah 15
Surah Furqan, ayah 74

may Allah bring her back to Islam, aameen
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« Reply #18 on: Sep 03, 2008 06:28 AM »

What really broke my heart was the emails  I read from her two cousins. Thet were both encouraging her to  "'stand up" to her father and I, and fix her wedding date. and they said that they would make sure they were there to support and protect her. This shocked me as one has recently got engaged to a muslim and the other is also looking for a muslim boy to marry......They do not want to do what is forbidden, so why do they want her to such a grave sin....I was so dissapointed as I did not expect this of them...

I have a theory as to why they are supporting her, but maybe that can wait.
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« Reply #19 on: Sep 03, 2008 10:17 PM »

Asslamo Alaykum

After reading this post of yours it has truly hurt me that you are having to go through this.  No parent ever wants to be put into this position that you are currently facing.

I pray to Allah that He gives you patience and that He brings your daughter back onto the path of Islam. 

From what you are saying it seems highly unlikely that your daughter's boyfriend will convert to Islam but Allah knows best and if He so wants to change a person He can.  All you are able to do at the moment is to pray for your daughter and her future.

It seems to me this boyfriend wants your daughter to do everything for him and give everything up but in return he is not offering the same for her.  As they say Love is blind I hope that your daughter is able to see the true light before it is too late.

All I can suggest at the moment is that you don't nag her as that will make her go further away from you and more towards her boyfriend.  Just let her know that she has you there to talk to although you don't condone her behaviour and a mother never stops making dua for her children no matter how young or old they are.

Inshallah will do dua for you and your daughter.


Walaikum Salaam x
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« Reply #20 on: Sep 03, 2008 11:28 PM »

Assalamo Ailkum.
Thank you to all of you for your replies....they have helped.
Sr. Fozia you are very wise, and  thoughtful. I have been so selfish just thinking about my own problems...How are you and your girls doing? May Allah bless them and make them a scource of joy to you always..
Bro Timbuktu thank you I will read the Ayats that you have suggested....Sr. Muslimah, Leylanur.....Thank you so much.. May Allah bless you all and protect you both in this world and the next...
Salaams.
JJ
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« Reply #21 on: Sep 04, 2008 04:22 AM »

salam


Not selfish at all, for everyone undergoing them their own problems are awful. I do know what you must be going thro subhanallah and you are in my duaas inshallah.

Maybe you will be able to come out of this closer to your daughter inshallah.

I watch my girls and listen to them tell me every minutae of their lives ie mummy today there was a snake in the playground and Zaara was brave and picked it up (it was a worm), mummy I saw a hippopotamus(it was a scottish terrier)etc and I get so scared of the thought there would ever be a barrier between us, or that they would think me their enemy when I love them so very much.

My girls and I are well alhumdulillah, enjoying ramadan very much mashallah.


I really do think you must approach this problem from a different angle.
As for wisdom, they do say hindsight is twenty twenty.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #22 on: Sep 06, 2008 07:21 AM »

[salam]

I think your daughter needs someone to tell her what to do, and since you have been very accomodating, this has progressed to this stage, where the boyfriend is dominating her. Where you put your foot down, she had no choice.

What I do not understand is why she hasn't gone out and married, as she is totally independent. But before suggesting a different course, just stay being nice to her in the Ramadan spirit, and the duas, as much as you can. Let us have the answers here while I analyse my thoughts above.
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Oh Allah, Guide us to the Straight Path.


« Reply #23 on: Sep 06, 2008 12:46 PM »

Asalamualaikum wrt wb,


All praise be to Allah.


Honorable sister Umm Bilal,


Parents have a large responsibility on the day of Judgement, since they are the ones that either affirm a child's Fitrah, which is Islam, or change it to another religion.  As a mother, you should take a stand and prevent your daughter from this evil relationship.  Since she still lives with you, this means you have even more responsibility for preventing her from evil.  Do not be lax or accommadating with her.  Make it clear to her the evil of her actions.  Imagine your daughter was running towards a fire, wouldn't you do whatever is in your power to stop her?

The reason I mention this, is that I know of some mothers who unfortunately help their children towards evil, thinking that this is love, and that the father is too strict.  One sad example is a sister in our community who took her son to the prom, behind the husband's back, since she said her husband was being 'too strict'.  This son was a Hafiz of Quran.  Later on, I found out that the son started wearing earrings and was hanging out with a bad crowd.  The last I heard was that he joined the army and was not practicing Islam.  I was not surprised.

Where did his parents go wrong?  The mother and father have to cooperate together to educate their children Islamically.  The father should pray with his children and family at home, and have a daily ta'leem in the house.  For the mothers, they should give their children the greatest present, Iman.  She can do this by studying Islam and teaching her children from an early age. 

I remember one sister saying that her son asked her about Christmas, and she didn't know how to respond.  Read what the Ulema say about Christmas, and teach your children the truth.  Teach them who Jesus, peace be upon him, really was, a Prophet and servant of Allah, the One.  Connect them with Allah from an early age.  Relate everything back to Allah, that we are in this world to please Allah.  Teach them about the Jannah, and that it is the true permanent home of the believers.

To the precious mothers of our Ummah, my advice is to strive to seek Islamic knowledge and inculcate it in your children's upbringing, this is the greatest form of love.  May Allah help us to raise pious, Muslim children.  Ameen.


And Allah knows best.

Be merciful to those on earth, and the One in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
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« Reply #24 on: Sep 06, 2008 02:54 PM »

salam


The thing is tho, if she gets all hellfire and brimstone it might just drive her daughter completely away.

At the moment she's living at home and there is still a chance she can be disuaded from going further into the wrong.

Besides which the Sr has said she sat down and spoke with her daughter. So she is most definitely not leading her to haram or going behind anyones back.

She needs to gently steer her back, sometimes the all guns blazing method just doesnt work but makes matters worse.
At the end of the day there is a person there who's perception is already very warped, if she sees her mother as her enemy we lose the tiny advantage we may yet still hold, if she leaves home there would be nothing the sister could do about it.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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