May I ask what his problems were that you are trying to get him to change?
Is he a religious man?
If the answer is yes, perhaps he can use this month of Ramazan to reflect on things that are TRULY important in this world and the next.
I'd like to say, "don't give up, people CAN change.. IF they want to and IF they are willing to put in the effort". However, if he was physically abusive or hurt your kids.. That's a different story. Even those people CAN change (a miracle, really!), but sometimes the risk involved simply isn't worth it.
A case in point:
Years ago, my aunt married a man who turned out to be an alcoholic. I think he was really her first love and some would like to say she married "below her station", but she loved him and they ended up having three children.
The alcohol addiction (as it often does) put tremendous strain on their relationship. He was always functional in ways that he was able to go to work, but when he came home he would hit the bottle.. When he drank he became cruel and both verbally AND physically abusive. He would beat up my aunt and scream and curse at her and the kids.. It was really a very toxic environment for both her and the children.
Anyhow, she put up with this for YEARS.. Far longer than she should have! For a long time he refused to get help and of course this had mental repercussions for my aunt and children. One of my cousins, the daughter, became so shy she would barely speak to anyone.. The physical abuse and drinking (and smoking) were also horrible examples for the children. From all the stress, my aunt began smoking and drinking and I believe all the pain in her life with trying to save her marriage and family (including her husband who was off the deep end) nearly died from cirrhosis of the liver.
Now, for the past few years, miraculously my aunt has made a full recovery, her husband has also stopped drinking due to some faith based meetings he attends on a VERY regular basis.. I mean, he goes RELIGIOUSLY. (they are Catholic based, but I'm speaking as to the power of religion in the life of those who believe) He has once again become the man she married (albeit older!), and the family is recovering from the years of turmoil they faced. My uncle now preaches regularly to those who are drinking and have problems and the trials he went through have turned him into a good man. It was the alcohol and lack of self-control that poisoned his mind. They are planning another wedding (they never got divorced) in the near future since he asked her to marry him again since he is a "new man".
Now, I'm NOT saying at all that this is what you should do. I would have certainly advised her to leave him when he first became abusive.. In many cases this would have turned out much worse, possibly even deadly or permanently damaging to the minds of those involved.. His case was also rare and he still needs to keep on his toes.
My mother's husband also had addiction problems which he was able to conquer due to faith based counseling..
I suppose the point I AM trying to make, or rather to reiterate, is that people can SOMETIMES change, but they have a MUCH better chance of that if they are in some kind of faith-based group setting and only if they CONTINUE to work at it through attending meetings and/or talking to someone.
Since I don't know what your husband's issues were/are, I would advise you to think about several things (which I'm sure you have done, of course!):
- Is he religious? Sometimes this is the only saving grace a person has as far as recovery from destructive behavior.
- If so, is he willing to try faith based counseling of some sort? (AA is often thought to be Christian but it's actually non-denominational)
- Is he physically or verbally abusive? Basically, is he a danger to you and/or your children?
Though your efforts at keeping the family together are commendable..Divorce is a HORRIBLE thing to happen to children, but better than being scared for your life and growing up mentally scarred and unable to form healthy relationships.. If he's not religious and has no belief.. I feel the chances are much slimmer.
Sincerely wishing you and your family the best of luck.