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Author Topic: A Muslim Girl's Guide For Dealing With Guys(From One Sister To Another)  (Read 21860 times)
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« on: Sep 03, 2008 07:16 PM »


A Muslim Girl's Guide For Dealing With Guys(From One Sister To Another)
Authour : Unknown

Life is full of crazy obstacles, but the one that will probably bug you the most and always be getting in the way is the opposite gender. Here, from o*!ne sister to another, is a Muslim girl's guide for how to deal with guys.

No Touching!

Muslims are forbidden to touch any non-Mahram (Mahram is your dad, brothers, father-in-law, husbands, grandfathers, and the siblings of your parents) person of the opposite gender. That means no patting o*!n the back, no hand shaking, no pushing, no shoving, no holding hands, and obviously no kissing and all that. If you're in a difficult situation where you think someone will try to shake your hand, the best thing to do is just smile and say, "My people don't shake hands" and then explain why. And why, is because we believe a woman's touch is a privilege and she doesn't just share it with anyone.

No Flirting!

Not even with Muslims, not even in an Islamic school, especially not in a masjid! Flirting means that you're saying or doing things o*!n purpose that make the other person attracted to you. There's no set criterion for what flirting is, but any girl knowswhat is and how to do it. Muslim women are supposed to behave better than the average woman, who has to be beautiful for all the men around her all the time, who are trapped behind their looks and o*!nly judge themselves to be worthy if half the men they know are in love with them. A wise dude o*!nce said, "Don't start the mower unless you intend to cut the grass". If you don't want a guy's advances, then don't do anything to earn them. There's no point in throwing yourself all over guys and trying to seduce half the world. You really o*!nly want to marry o*!ne guy, and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and chances are he isn't going to be some dork you fluttered your eyelashes at in high school.

No Boyfriends!

As a Muslim, you know that having a boyfriend is haraam because it counts as Zina - fornication. Fornication, in easy English, means `sexual sin'. Allah expressly forbids romantic or sexual relationships outside of marriage. When people go against that rule, then you get the typical western society where people play sexual merry-go-round with each other, giving each other STDs, using and abusing each other, and destroying the sacredness of marriage as an institution. You can't even be sort of engaged to a guy, and then "date" to get to know each other. In Islam, non-Mahram men and women aren't allowed to be alone together (that includes talking o*!n the phone!), to touch (not even shake hands), or even gaze at each other. It doesn't matter if the guy you like is Muslim, a great guy and the Prince of England, you can't date him.

No Boy—friends!

The easiest way to ensure that you don't end up falling in love with some guy before you're ready to get married is to avoid making friends with boys. Of course in school you have to interact with boys all over the place, but that doesn't mean you should be best buds with them. Probably 90% of relationships begin from friendships. Chances are you're not ready for marriage, your parents aren't ready to let you get married, you're still in school/college and your crush is not the sort of fellow you want to spend the rest of your life with, so just avoid being friends with him in the first place. It really is the best formula for saving yourself from needless temptation. When you have to talk to boys in school as teammates, lab partners, group members, and peers, it's best to maintain a distance. That means that you don't confide in them, you don't let down your guard, you don't unnecessarily engage them in needless conversation, don't joke around, and never flirt. Yeah it may be a little hard, but this is your afterlife we're talking about. So many great sisters have put themselves in really sticky situations because they allowed a boy to get to know them, and either ended up liking the boy, or having the boy like them. o*!nce that happens you either end up becoming a pair (which is HARAAM!), or having to end your friendship. Instead of letting it get to that point, and then having to kill a friendship that you probably worked hard o*!n cultivating, you should just stop it before it begins. There are plenty of great girls all around who can be your friends and if you really think o*!nly a guy will understand your problem, then talk to your REAL brother, or your father, or an uncle.

No Talking o*!n the Phone with Boys and Chatting!

In Islam its forbidden for non-related guys and girls to be alone together because there is the chance for physical zina, vocal zina, and zina of the eyes. That means, with no o*!ne there to watch you guys except that boogery shaitaan, then you might be tempted to actually DO something, or say gross things, or just stare at each other all lustily. With that in mind, it's also a safe bet to assume that talking o*!n the phone with non-Mahram guys is a no-no too. Why? Because unless you've both got it o*!n speaker-phone and you're chaperoned by a responsible person, then you're still kind of "alone" with him. The people in your house can't hear what he's saying to you, and his family can't hear what you're saying to him. There's a chance for some bad stuff then, so just avoid it. Not to mention, having some dude saying things into your ear that no o*!ne else can hear would be gross in real life, why is it okay for him to talk into your ear via the telephone? For the most part it's just too intimate.

Well, imagine how ungrateful it is to act like a supreme idiot when Allah can see you all the time, and it's really stupid to disregard the religion that Allah prescribed, the favors He's bestowed upon you. How dumb is it to take the eyes thatAllah gave you and do things with them that He told you not to? (like goggle at boys?) How much stupider is it that He can see you doing this, and you know it! You have no secrets! Not because Big Brother (whoever that is…) is watching you, but because every single thing you ever did will become public domain o*!n the Day of Judgment, and you'll be brought to trial to defend what you did. Just don't do anything that you wouldn't want your parents, your siblings, your teachers, your friends, and thewhole world to know about, ok? GIRLS BEWARE PLEASE... IT IS SERIOUS! HELP YOURSELF It has recently been found out that there are some spammers present on Orkut, hi5, MSN or Yahoo! profiles etc who download the Photographs of Girls from their Profile and they get 5 cent per photograph. These photographs are later sent into Image Editors like Photoshop where they are morphed and superimposed on the images of *!*!*!*! Stars. These people are so expert in this field that the photographs looks completely real and anyone can get deceived by generated images. These photographs are then used for multiple purposes like Printing in International Magazines, Uploading on paid *!*!*!*! Sites and sometimes even blackmailing. And the post consequences are a known fact. So after knowing about this fact my advice to all sisters of my brothers here to please remove their photo's from Orkut,hi5 and other places and don't give the culprits a chance todo play around with You.



Narrated AbuHurayrah:
The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) used to say: "O Allah, I seek refuge in Thee from four things: Knowledge which does not profit, a heart which is not submissive, a soul which has an insatiable appetite, and a supplication which is not heard."
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« Reply #1 on: Mar 14, 2010 09:49 PM »

Assalam-o-laikum,

This is amazing advice. It really gives any Muslim girl in conflict and denial the confidence she needs. Thank you so much for sharing! Smiley Smiley
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« Reply #2 on: Mar 24, 2010 07:35 PM »

Salams,

What? Muslim girls would fall in love if they talk to boys! Hence they shouldnt talk to them at all?

The knight doesn't wait when he's ill or has cancer brother, the knight fights on... He finds a strategy, changes tactics, and hits hard.
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« Reply #3 on: Mar 26, 2010 06:08 AM »

hard2hit isn't that what the article said what u just said?

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« Reply #4 on: Mar 27, 2010 12:24 AM »

Yea, but i'm questioning that bit...

Do Muslim girls fell for guys that easily !!

The knight doesn't wait when he's ill or has cancer brother, the knight fights on... He finds a strategy, changes tactics, and hits hard.
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« Reply #5 on: Mar 27, 2010 01:32 AM »

salam


No, it's how relationships develop, talking for no reason, about nothing, socialising with the opposite sex leads to attraction, men are visual women tend to fall in love with intellect, humour the person....it's pretty much true for most women I think.





Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
PetaloftheRose
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« Reply #6 on: Jun 22, 2010 06:17 AM »

Umm, is it really not ok to joke around with them? I mean, sometimes i joke around with my cuz and stuff.
Since he is my cuz, you know?
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« Reply #7 on: Jun 23, 2010 06:34 PM »

Ya Allah, help me with my daughter... Already six and the girls in her class talk about Boyfriends. Does not help with a Christian family and father that thinks.. Dates are cool and firsts kisses are to be celebrated. GRRRR.. I remember my first kiss at age 14.. my mom took me out for ice cream and made it a big deal. Though, in a strict catholic home it stops there.. sex is and was for marriage.. so why even allow kissing.. I don't get it all it. I did and for me as a teenager it lead to heartache, boyfriends and break ups, the pressure to have pre-marital sex, not feeling good about myself... Why do we want this for our girls??? Dances and dressing up, yeah it was fun when I did it with my girlfriends. My senior prom, my mom was mad I refused a date. A group of us girls went together with no boys. It was the BEST night ever!..lol  In the long run, I wait till marriage cause of my self -respect, but I had a 4 year engagement.. cause everyone said we were too young and we needed time to know each other.... Well that ended in divorce. No way can you gaurantee anything. I want Lily to be smarter. Focus on herself and education. When she is ready, her step-dad and I will be happy to help her make the most important decision in her life.  Lily tells me she kissed someone.. OMG she will not be getting ICE CREAM.. TRUST ME.

I need a guide on raising muslim daughters in America.

Sorry for the vent.

thanks for the Article Smiley

I believe in Islam like the sun rising, not because I see it but because by it, I see everything else.
PetaloftheRose
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« Reply #8 on: Jun 24, 2010 01:36 AM »

Assalamwailaikum Christine!
I'm not a mom, probably won't be for a looong itme (heh) but i get it. There is talk of such things with the youngest of children because boyfriends are becoming so common and are protrayed in media, books, etc...
I think the most important thing for you to do would be to drill it into your daughter that boyfriends, and kisses and such are bad and disgusting. That she SHOULDN"T DO IT!
first establish that with her.
Next, consider sending her to a muslim school or home schooling her. I'm home schooled, but before that i was in a muslim school.
Those are my suggestions!
Also, about my question... Is it ok to joke around with non mehram relatives?
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« Reply #9 on: Jun 24, 2010 12:59 PM »

I probably don't belong in this section, and all this pink in the theme is making me dizzy. However, I did link to this article from the new articles list on the front page, and have a comment to share.

We should not teach our children that activities around sex are dirty, as this can cause them to permanently lose interest or repress a natural part of their nature. The sexual act (which if reserved for within marriage) is considered to be sadaqah and should be a means of coming closer to Allah.

However, we need to teach our children that they should not follow the crowd (and the popular materialistic culture glorifies boyfriend/girlfriends, stigmatizes virginity, and encourages sex in any form). Our Muslim children have a better value system that is compatible within the human fitrah. Part of this value system recognizes and involves sex and approaches it as a special gift and pleasure meant to be shared with the husband or wife only. We need to inform our children that engaging in sex before marriage only serves to cheapen the act, and angers Allah, weakens our self-image (rather than enhancing it) and that the (emotional) rights of the future spouse are stolen.

This is a difficult topic to broach with the kids and I have a few years more before my children approach puberty, but it is already weighing heavily on my mind, especially with TV/movies (and popular culture) presenting an image of sex which is essentially totally incompatible with my beliefs.

Quote
Allah's Messenger(s) said: "In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqa."

The Companions replied: "0 Messenger of God! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?"

And he said, "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded." (Muslim)
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« Reply #10 on: Jun 24, 2010 07:39 PM »

salam

I agree. I actually posted on this and then my computer went crazy...so it didn't post.


I think the best way to deal with this is to sit down and talk to your daughter, always keep the lines of communication open. There's a lot of peer pressure you know, the need to conform, she may privately find the whole thought of a slobbering kiss unpleasant, but there's nobody to say so to. Be that person for her inshallah.

I remember at the age of 11 we all found boys utterly yucky, I'm still upset with my father for forcing me to send christmas cards to boys in my class, because they sent them to me first and it was the polite thing to do!!! I should let it go about now.... Roll Eyes

I actually attended an all girls school at secondary school level (high school I guess for you guys), so no opportunity to kiss anyone there either...

And above all, keep making duas for our kids inshallah.


Wassalaam


And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #11 on: Nov 01, 2010 11:50 AM »

This "advice" article is simply on the 'extreme' side of things --

"No Touching":
 does not forbid a handshake! This is a way of greeting and the advice of "explaining" why you can't shake hands only serves as a way to alienate the girl even more. Its a handshake -- reserving handshakes to 'Mahrams' is simply ridiculous.
And I find it laughable that the 'no touching' paragraph included 'no kissing' and 'no hand shaking' in the same breath -- Those are not the same things and you people should know the difference!

'No Flirting' -- no comment on that. I agree with it, but I don't want girls thinking they can't share a joke with someone just because *gasp* he is a boy. The paragraph does not say that though, so -- no comment.

'No Boyfriends' -- Well said and should be clear for those who read it... But there is the 'shaking hands' thing again! Shaking hands does not equal "Boyfriend".

'No Boy -- friends" -- Again, I agree with it, but want to mention that a joke here and there is FINE. 'Joking Around' implies different things, so I can't really say that this part is being extreme.

Personal experience for me --- people can be in a group and talk and laugh. Girls and guys being one on one is dangerous territory. But when you are in a group, enjoy a good conversation and do everything in public.

'No Talking on the Phone with Boys' --- I agree with that needless talk is wrong. But the paragraph does not say where it is ok --- asking a boy what homework you got that day at school over the phone is not HARAM (it can be avoided by talking to a girl friend, but lets not call it HARAM... call it avoidable). If girls and boys are in a group project and they call each other to tell each other where they are going to meet to work on the school project --- no haram is being done!

Anyways -- hope everyone takes care of his kids and gives them the best advice they can for dealing with the world.
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« Reply #12 on: Nov 01, 2010 12:01 PM »


We should not teach our children that activities around sex are dirty, as this can cause them to permanently lose interest or repress a natural part of their nature. The sexual act (which if reserved for within marriage) is considered to be sadaqah and should be a means of coming closer to Allah.

However, we need to teach our children that they should not follow the crowd (and the popular materialistic culture glorifies boyfriend/girlfriends, stigmatizes virginity, and encourages sex in any form). Our Muslim children have a better value system that is compatible within the human fitrah. Part of this value system recognizes and involves sex and approaches it as a special gift and pleasure meant to be shared with the husband or wife only. We need to inform our children that engaging in sex before marriage only serves to cheapen the act, and angers Allah, weakens our self-image (rather than enhancing it) and that the (emotional) rights of the future spouse are stolen.


[/quote]

This guy I can agree with. Well said!
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« Reply #13 on: Mar 23, 2012 04:41 AM »

I wouldnt agree oldshaykh with the person who believe their is nothing wrong in shaking hands.
I live in a mixed community, sultan bro frenchbro sudanibro fez
here if you don't know a guy or guys, then some other guys who i don't know from where will try to follow u or try to talk to u or what so ever.
Its in every community .. seeing a girl alone make guys follow her..
but just a little conversation to show other that u r not alone.

shaking hand is the first step of physical interaction.
why  big companies influence on shaking hands, cause this is the step when they agree on something.
commitment, agreement, friendship, greetings, social interaction.
it is also use to keep long term and better relationship with other companies.

Believe me people If you tell your child not to shake hand with a guy. your child would probably not have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
they will probably marry where you want them too...






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« Reply #14 on: Mar 24, 2012 04:49 PM »



We should not teach our children that activities around sex are dirty, as this can cause them to permanently lose interest or repress a natural part of their nature. The sexual act (which if reserved for within marriage) is considered to be sadaqah and should be a means of coming closer to Allah.




Word to this!  

I remember as a teen, my mum told me off for having crushes on celebrities.  Now, obviously, to be obsessed with someone is wrong, but a teen crush is pretty harmless in the big scheme of things.  I mean, it wasn't like there was a chance of me actually marrying Pacey from Dawson's Creek!  *sob*  I went to a girls' school so I was pretty sheltered already from male company.

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth “you owe me”. Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky." Hafiz
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« Reply #15 on: Mar 24, 2012 05:33 PM »

I feel like this article was written by a mother trying really hard to warn her teenage daughter about stuff so she doesn't get "in trouble" lol. Honestly I think if you're explaining this stuff in the teen years, it's wayyyyy too late.

Parents should start out talking about relationships, marriage, gfs/bfs at a wayyy earlier age. And give them the Islamic view of things and WHY certain things are wrong and the Islamic way of doing things. Instead of telling girls they'll get an STD and it's wrong wrong wrong!!! No talking to boys!!! etc  Just my opinion, cuz I've seen 10 year old muslim girls talk about u know what!! And they're texting them too in their secret language. sigh.

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