// Can my son remain a Catholic?
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Author Topic: Can my son remain a Catholic?  (Read 5189 times)
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Anonymous
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« on: Oct 28, 2008 07:58 AM »


Hi! I'm a Catholic and I am in love with a muslim women. I am intending on marrying her. By the way, I have a son who is 9 years of age. I therefore would like to seek advise and opinions on the followings :

- Can my son remain a Catholic and live with me once I marry the women of my dreams?
- As his maternal father, can I still send him to attend mass every Sunday?

Sorry, If I'm on the wrong forum but I really do appreciate some feedbacks. Thanks!   
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #1 on: Oct 28, 2008 08:13 AM »

Hi,

Questions like these are always kind of difficult to answer. Basically anyone can do anything and marry anyone and raise their children however. But if you're looking for an answer that talks about what Islam says....then you would need to convert to Islam as Muslim women can legally only marry Muslims (for various wisdoms). It's definitely a good idea for you to look into the religion yourself and hopefully come to agree with it on your own. Marriages where there are a lot of idealogical/religious differences are kind of difficult wouldn't you say. It's nice if both partners agree on religion or at least have a good understanding of each other's beliefs beforehand.

As for your son...that's an interesting question since he's 9 years old, can someone even 'convert' at that age? Like even understand what our statement of faith is? I don't really see why he would have to convert 'legally' for you to marry her but I don't know. Perhaps this is a good time for you guys to visit the local Imam or a knowledgeable person there to discuss these types of things and also about the Islamic ceremony itself?

good luck Smiley

Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #2 on: Oct 28, 2008 10:27 AM »

Hi! Again. Sorry but I forgot to mention. I actually intended on marrying and converting to Islam. What are the implications on the questionaires with regards to my son? I don't intend on converting him at the moment not until he is older enough to make his own decision. I have tried contacting the local religious authorities here in Malaysia but their replies seems confusing. Thanks!     
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #3 on: Oct 28, 2008 10:45 AM »

peace be upon you

If you convert to Islam, why wouldn't you want your son to be a Muslim? The only answer can be that you are doing it so as to marry the Muslim woman you say is the one of your dreams. Tn that case your conversion is a fake, which is not all right for those Muslims who know that your conversion is not out of conviction.

My suggestion is that you try to understand Islam, and when you are convinced it is the right religion, you then approach the girl's guardian, if the girl isn't married by then. When you convert out of conviction, you wouldn't need to ask this question about an underage child.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #4 on: Oct 28, 2008 04:17 PM »

salaam

your child is young.. he will learn whatever you teach him. Obviously if he is living with you and you guys are practicing Islam then that is what he will learn. It definately seems that you are not very convinced of the religion but you are only converting for the woman. So I would definately encourage you to learn more until you are sure.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #5 on: Oct 29, 2008 03:57 AM »

Hi, correct and I agree that ideally that my son too embrace Islam. Here again, his maternal mother would srtongly disagree with my decision. The woman that I am soon to marry, agrees that for the time being, she would except my son as he is and practising Catholic as his religion. My concern is, would Islam allow me as a father to continue carrying out my duties like bringing him to church on Sundays?
     
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #6 on: Oct 29, 2008 07:16 AM »

I wish my imam was here so I could ask him for some wisdom here for you, but he's away unfortunately Sad I think the best thing to do is find only one imam/scholar your wife-to-be really trusts and only ask that one. Hopefully that will help guide you in what to do.

Take care inshaAllah

Update: I am asking someone right now and hopefully will be able to get you an answer soon!
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #7 on: Oct 29, 2008 08:21 AM »

Thanks! I really appreciate your kind assistance.  Smiley 
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #8 on: Oct 29, 2008 01:09 PM »

asak
Hey Muslims, all of those who are assuming his intention to become a Muslim just to marry this sister should be ashamed of yourselves. How horribly accusatory without knowing his intention. You sound like all the Christians who asked me if I became Muslim to marry a wealthy man.
Just the other night a Christian asked me this after I told her I had been Muslim for over 20 years. It is so insulting.

Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #9 on: Oct 29, 2008 01:56 PM »

Hello fellow struggler,

This day have I perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion. (5:03)

We are all born muslim and through the acts of our parents we become catholic, christian, jewish, buddhist etc...

The Prophet (PBUH) reported that Allah said, "I created my servants in the right religion but devils made them go astray". The Prophet (PBUH) also said, "Each child is born in a state of Fitrah, then his parents make him a Jew, Christian or a Zoroastrian, the way an animal gives birth to a normal offspring. Have you noticed any that were born mutilated?" (Collected by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

It was through the act of baptism that your son, with your consent as his father (and the declared support of his godparents) became catholic and was received into the catholic church. Up until that external event your boy was of the same religion of Abraham, Noah, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad (Peace be upon them all).

From a Roman Catholic point of view your son reaches the age of reason at seven and must decide on matters of faith and morals on his own -- without your example that will be impossible, unless you plan to let priests, deacons, godparents and other religious teachers impose their values on your boy.

My advice to you...

You believe that is Islam is the true religion of God
You believe that there is no god but God
You believe that Muhammad is the messenger of God

For the sake of your sons life (this one and the next) raise him as a muslim!

"And your Lord says: "Call on Me and I will answer your prayer." (40:60)

With respect,
nuh
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #10 on: Oct 29, 2008 06:44 PM »

MAY PEACE BE UPON YOU...

If u r in Malaysia then u may contact either bro shah(shahkirit) at (6)019-5557770 or alternatively bro lim jui soon at (6)0123661121. Bro Lim was a  protestant before until he reverted to Islam and so he may be able to guide u throught the procedures. Both of the above mentioned people have friends in JAKIM so they may be able to help u in that department as well.

All the best in your marriage and may God Guide all of us to the straight path.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #11 on: Oct 29, 2008 10:09 PM »

I think talking about your son  and yourself is more appropriate than giving the priority to your woman of dreams

If you believe you are reverting to islam because it’s the right religion why do you choose for you the good and leave your son alone?

Your son wont respect you taking him to the church and you going to the mosque so its  not a kind of fairness doing this
either go to the church together or to the mosque. if your son was matured you could only advice him if you want him follow you to your religion but in this age you are responsible for this so take  him to where you both can pray and you find is the right thing

If you come to a conclusion about this issue of you and your son then the matter of marrying who and when is easy

Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #12 on: Oct 30, 2008 12:38 AM »

hmm if you really beleive Islam is good and correct then the right thing to do as a good father should would be to taking him to the masjid, not the church.

if his mom will have a problemwith that well then she can take him to the church when he visits her.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #13 on: Oct 31, 2008 03:40 AM »

Dear All

Thanks for the feedback and suggestions. I really appreciate them. By the way, I did not expect the reply to be so blunt as below. Correct I am a Catholic right now. I intend to marry this woman and since she is a Muslim, I have made the decision to convert. Does it not make sense? Can one marry a muslim and choose not to convert? Who ever the writer is, looks like you have a personel agenda and I would suggest that you take it else where. Should you not encourage people like me that are being honest and wanting to embrace Islam?

Quote
asak
Hey Muslims, all of those who are assuming his intention to become a Muslim just to marry this sister should be ashamed of yourselves. How horribly accusatory without knowing his intention. You sound like all the Christians who asked me if I became Muslim to marry a wealthy man.
Just the other night a Christian asked me this after I told her I had been Muslim for over 20 years. It is so insulting.
     
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #14 on: Oct 31, 2008 07:52 AM »

I don't think any of us knows what is in the hearts of people or their intentions and shouldn't assume anything. It is interesting however that at the time of the prophet (peace be upon him) there was a woman who made it a condition of her marriage that her husband-to-be become Muslim. This was her Mahr (bridal gift) from him. Always thought that was a cute story  Smiley

So I was saying before I tried asking a well-known learned shaykh that is interestingly enough American married to a Malaysian! but I think he is in transit right now or busy because he hasn't answered  :'( Sorry. It looks like someone posted some personal contacts from Malaysia so I'd take try those maybe.

Take care,
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #15 on: Oct 31, 2008 10:52 AM »

salam

Do you have custody of your son?

Look into Islam for yourself, decide whether you do believe and then when you decide to go ahead and revert, then can you reach some compromise with your ex wife, ie your child receives Islamic instruction whilst under your care?

I can't see it working if you take your child to church whilst being a muslim, as you are then wilfully leading your son astray, and that is hypocritical do you not think? You want to walk the path of righteousness why would you not want that for your child?

I want my children to excel in their religion better than me, I couldn't live with myself knowing I had not done all I could to give them the correct religious instruction as their downfall is mine, and their success mine.



Wassalaam
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #16 on: Oct 31, 2008 01:31 PM »

I am sorry you read my message wrong.
Please re read it. I was speaking to the Muslims who replied to your original post.

Most of those who replied assumed you are becoming a Muslim- not because of your belief in Allah swt and Prophet Muhammad saw- but just in order to marry a woman.

Whether this is true or not, they do not have the right to assume your intentions to become a Muslim is for marriage only.

Agenda? Perhaps. This is why I followed with an example of my experiences. Even tho I have been Muslim for so long, before marriage and even after a divorce- I am always shocked that Muslims think i became a Muslim because of a man and not because of Tawheed.

So I was sticking up for you. Blunt- that is me a NYer American- I must take in consideration I need to tone it down a bit when writing to people from different cultures.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #17 on: Nov 03, 2008 02:38 AM »

Hi
Sorry for the late reply. My son currently lives with my parents. On weekends, he will be with me on Saturdays and on Sundays his mother. The thing with my ex wife is that she is against my son converting to Islam and so are my parents. This is the reason being that I had come for assistance at this forum. Perhaps, by my leading a good example, my son too can decide one day to follow the path that I am taking. By the way, for all those that had given feedbacks, I thank all and don't hold any remorse feelings on the replies. Allah forgives!
   
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #18 on: Nov 03, 2008 03:08 AM »

Hi,

I think in your circumstances there is only so much you can do. May Allah bless you both on your marriage and guide all of you to have a happy family life. Congratulations Smiley   bestwishes to the bride groom
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #19 on: Nov 05, 2008 06:07 PM »

Salam,

The shaykh I was telling you about finally wrote back! Here is what he wrote:

Asalamu alaykum,
 
A Muslim is obligated by Allah to work towards good and forbid, and if that is not possible avoid, evil. Islam has set certain objectives that serve as the crux of our faith and practice. By sending his son to church and continuing to raise him in such a manner he would be contributing to his son's worshiping other than Allah.
 
With that in mind he must work, with wisdom, to teach his son this new faith and keep relations amicable with his first wife. However, he must not assist in sending his minor age son to church and so on.
 
Allah knows best
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #20 on: Nov 05, 2008 06:49 PM »

As salamu alaykum Brother,

I have friends, who have converted, and the decison was up to the children, if they would like to convert or not.  You should lead by example and make lots of dua.  Insha'Allah, you son will come to the right conclusion, when he is old enough.

Was salam,
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #21 on: Nov 05, 2008 08:51 PM »

Asalamualaikum wrt wb,


All praise be to Allah.


I concur with the Shaikh quoted above.  Since you will have custody of your son on the weekends, it is not permissible for you to send him to a church.  As his father, you are responsible for saving your family from the Hell-fire, by teaching him about the Oneness of Allah, and pointing out the falsehood of the Trinity.  You would be sinning if you send him to a church.


And Allah knows best.
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