// How do I cope?
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« on: Nov 14, 2008 04:38 AM »

I am a relatively new revert, live in the US, grew up in a very strict Protestant church and now live in a very rural southern state and have to drive 1 1/2 hours to work from home.  I learned a little about the Islamic faith in my private Christian school and it was designated as a cult.  Like many Americans, my fear of Muslims ran very deep after 9/11.  I knew Islam was supposed to be a religion of peace, but what the media was showing us was so different - women being beaten for exposing more than their hands, suicide bombers, etc.  When I met a living, breathing Muslim (India) at work, I was a little scared, but he seemed nice.  We worked on the same project and many, many questions later, I began reading the Qur'an and I found it answered every question and doubt I had from my previous faith AND it even encouraged me to ask questions and increase my knowledge.  Meanwhile, my friend went back to India and I later went to the mosque close to work.  It was great and I felt like I found what I needed to settle my spiritual searching all my life. 

Here's my problem.....how do I now deal with the isolation and loneliness that Islam has brought on because of living where I do in the US?  I like going to mosque near work, but it is way too far from my house to really take part in most anything beside Friday prayers.  My husband is reading the Qur'an but the religion itself has 'too many rules' for him - so according to a lot of things I've read - I'm supposed to get divorced.  My family, who live about 12 hours away, think I've lost my mind and don't really talk to me - except to encourage me to call "one of their Christian friends who used to be Muslim" - "just talk to them".... kind of thing.  The only thing I have now is my faith in God and thank goodness, He shows Himself to me a lot in so many little ways - so I know I'm following the right path.  But why does it have to be so lonely and hard and isolating?  But more importantly, what do I do about it?
« Reply #1 on: Nov 14, 2008 05:16 AM »

Salam Anonymous Smiley

I really feel for you!! I am so happy to hear that you found what you were looking for in the Quran. As for your husband, no doubt that is probably the #1 complaint from people about Islam that it has "so many rules", but once you know in your heart it's from God, and it's for our own benefit it makes it much, much easier. All the rules are really for our own spiritual and physical well-being.... covering, not eating certain things, no alcohol, praying so many times a day. I think some scholars say that every, single rule in Islam has a benefit. It is GOOD. Even things like capital punishment, but we don't always know what this benefit or goodness is.

Anyway I'm sure that's a discussion you can use with your husband Smiley As for the rulings about women converting while their husbands do not, you would have to talk to some trusted imam and scholar about it. I know recently there have been some more in-depth studies with some different answers and solutions about it that you can perhaps look at.

Some might even say it's better to 'live in sin' than to deny God. I know if someone said to me, "well i can't practice everything right now like wearing hijab or fasting every fast or doing certain things, so should i wait until i'm perfect and can do everything before becoming Muslim." I and hopefully everyone would say NO Don't wait!! No one is a perfect Muslim, even people who are born Muslim, or who have been Muslim for 80 years and yes it can be a struggle, but this is the right way. It is the good way, the best way to live. You don't have to be anything but true to yourself.

As for your family perhaps it's better you don't have these political/religious discussions/fights with them. Sometimes it's better to give them time and let them see by example how Islam has changed you. Honestly I know friends who have been Muslim for years, married Muslim men and have kids and still their father or mother refuses to see anything except the 6 oclock news where muslims are blowing things up or whatever. Sometimes you just have to accept you won't ever change their thoughts and that's fine, you should treat them as your family and be kind to them as usual.

I think the best thing you can do is try to meet more Muslims at that mosque near your work, maybe you can make some friends there and start interacting with people. Maybe if they have a class or something you can just stay after work and attend it and then go home later. There are also tons of Muslims online. There's every Muslim groups from changing diapers to being second wives! There's websites, blogs and chats and message boards. And you can make friends here too. Many of the people on this board have never met, yet we have been friends and support for each other Alhamdulillah for many years. There's books and cds and conventions and conferences galore, enough to keep anyone busy Smiley

Good luck inshaAllah and we pray for you the best   flowers4u

« Reply #2 on: Nov 14, 2008 07:38 AM »

wish the fellowing help you dear sister : http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503545970
« Reply #3 on: Nov 18, 2008 11:23 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum Anonymous  bro

I absolutely echo what the previous poster mentioned.

Many of the people on this board have never met, yet we have been friends and support for each other Alhamdulillah for many years.

Please feel free to approach us on the board with questions or concerns and inshaAllah we’ll try our best between us to answer them or at least point you in the right direction.  bro
« Reply #4 on: Nov 19, 2008 04:19 AM »

Thank you, everyone who posted.  I am following your advice on getting online.  Thank you to the person who sent the link also.  Though nothing would make me happier than to have a Muslim husband supporting me and helping me with learning more about the faith, I am right now, alone in learning.  Allah has told me to be patient (one of those little miracles).  But I will work on building my relationships with my new brothers and sisters, Insha'Allah.
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