// Confused sexuality?
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Anonymous
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« on: Nov 25, 2008 05:58 AM »


Hello,

Before I explain my issue, let me first say that though my friend is not Muslim, she has proven to me that she had a great deal of respect and interest for our faith. She has read the Holy Qu'uran (in English) and is very curious about Islam in general. I have known her for about three months, and she is a very nice person who is very respectful and tolerant of other's beliefs. I think she used to be attracted to me, but she stopped acting in a slightly flirtatious manner after she learnt that I am Muslim. On Friday, a few weeks ago, she was going to kiss me on both cheeks (as they do in France) and I moved away. She immediately realised what the problem was and apologised, recognising that it was haram. Now, though she sometimes touches other guys on the shoulder, she doesn't do that to me, because she remembers that it is not appropriate.

Now that you know a bit about her, let me explain my problem. She has come out to me and a few other close friends as being bisexual. I know the Qu'uran states that homosexuality is a sin, but I don't know how I should respond. She confessed to me that she was worried that if she told me, I wouldn't be allowed to be around her and be friends with her anymore, but that she would understand if I had to stop hanging out with her. She is a very good friend to me, respects my beliefs, is helpful with homework and such, and I don't want to have to end this friendship.

I need suggestions on what I can do or say. Should I end the friendship? If I do, I will explain to her, because I think she deserves that, but is there a way for me to remain friends with her without going against Islam?

Please help!

Thank-you,
Mohammed

Ps. She has also told me that she is still more attracted to guys than girls at the moment, though she does not believe that she is straight.

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timbuktu
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« Reply #1 on: Nov 25, 2008 07:52 AM »

peace be upon you

If you are not attracted to her in a sexual manner, her sexual orientation should be no problem.

If you are observing the rules for mixing, and if your intention is dawah, well just be careful and keep going.
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« Reply #2 on: Nov 25, 2008 09:06 AM »

salam

Why are you 'hanging' with her anyway. Whats wrong with male friends.

Sure there's not a bit of you thats not a leetle jealous that she is more physically demonstrative with other guys and not you?

My advice, forget dawah, be polite whenever you see her, do not seek her out, or any woman come to that, you want a great education and an amazing career, not romantic attachments and all the drama that goes with those.

If she is interested in Islam, ask on the forum and I'm sure we'll come up with a few books you could gift her to point her in the right direction.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #3 on: Nov 25, 2008 11:02 AM »

I had a bisexual friend in university.  She was a girl though - so it was less of a problem for me.  Eventually, I realized how much her lifestyle was having an affect on me (I used to cry all the time) - and after trying a "let's agree to disagree" phase, where we taboo-ed the topic of sexuality (including my choices of not dating, etc)....eventually..... we turned from being friends to being friendly. 

Here's what the problem is:
1. She's a girl
2. She's confiding in you that she's bisexual (you should choose not to have these conversations with her, because I doubt you'll be able to change/influence her)
3. She's expressed a mild interest in religion, so you may think she's your new dawah project ... which is fine, as long as she doesn't become more than a dawah project
4. You're in university - everyone is confused and is "exploring".  Most muslim kids don't explore "sexuality".... but most other kids do - you kinda have to leave her alone in that realm, because it can get really confusing and right now .... education is the most important thing.
5. You notice her casually putting her arm around other guys - really... it's not a big deal if she's not Muslim.  But if it bothers you even slightly, I would take that as a sign that you should distance yourself from her.

Now your question:  If it ever comes up, don't ever shy away from telling her what the Islamic stance is on bisexuality (three-fold: multiple partners = no-no, homosexuality = no-no, pre-marital sexual relations = no-no).  Then tell her that since you can't endorse or accept her lifestyle choices, you would rather not discuss these things with her - like EVER. Feel free to share homework - you need homework sharing friends in university Smiley
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« Reply #4 on: Nov 25, 2008 04:08 PM »

salaam

tell a good muslim sister to help her out if she has an interest in Islam.
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« Reply #5 on: Dec 07, 2008 09:52 AM »

salaam
   The enviroment you are is what is affecting you,you are bound to see things and have interests that you would rather stay away from,very bold of you not to have allowed her kiss ur cheeks,but this really depends on what your saying or not saying,you alone knows what is in your heart,but left for me I would say u tell her the Islamic point of view on that issue,of course you know when her closeness to you seems to be getting too far,then u'll have to take a firm decision but u already seem quite close for you both to be discussing an issue of that nature.
May Allah guide us all.

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nuh
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« Reply #6 on: Dec 08, 2008 02:36 PM »

As salaam alaikum.

1) Protect yourself

Allah says:  “And when you ask the ladies for anything, ask them from before a screen. That makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs.”  (Sura al-Ahzab: 53)

It is prohibited for men to join women in one place in the absence of at least one of the women’s close male relatives. The Prophet (saws) forbade men and women from being alone together. He said: “Never is a man alone with a woman except that Satan is the third party with them.”

When we consider fiqh governing the relationship between men and women in Islam, it is clear that Islam forbids any mixing between the sexes that might provide even the remotest possibility of temptation.


2) Homosexual behaviour

There is no doubt that in Islam homosexuality is considered 'haraam'. Homosexuality as far as Islam is concerned is a profound mistake. Humans are not homosexuals by nature. People become homosexuals because of their environments. Particularly critical is the environment during puberty. Suggestions, ideas & strange dreams are symptoms of confused attempts to understand new and blunt sexual desires and are rashly interpreted as defining someone as being one sexuality or another. If these conclusions are accompanied by actual homosexual acts they are even more strongly reinforced.

Human instincts can be subjected to acts of will. Sexuality is a choice of identity which follows choices of action which follow from choices of what to have sexual fantasies about. Human beings are especially able to control their thoughts, entertaining some and dismissing others.

The people living in the time of prophet Lut (as) near the Dead Sea were involved in this filthy act and Allah punished them severely and the whole nation was destroyed.

If she were a muslimah it is advised that she go through the following verses of the Quran:

Verses:
VI --- 86 ; VII -- 80-84 ; XI -- 77-83 ; XV --57-77 ; XXI--74-75 ; XXVI--160-175 ; XXVII--54-58 : XXIX--26-35 ; XXXVII--133-138 ; LI--31-37 ; LIV--33-39 ; XI--81 ; XV--60 ; LXVI--10.

With regards to her questions about islam direct this women to a well educated muslimah for further direction.



Protect your deen brother!!! You are on dangerous and evil ground.

And Allah (swt) knows best.
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Love your brother and sister for the sake of Allah


WWW
« Reply #7 on: Dec 29, 2008 10:11 PM »

Asalamwalikum wr wb
I can not judge you nor her because I don't know you both so the best thing I can say is call her to Islam and teach her the way of Islam and try to make clear to her that bisexual is not permitted in Islam and also your not really suppose to be around her without anyone being there

My Allah guide my son to the righteous path
Mohammed AbdulMaged Elsayed 10/19/08 2months and three weeks
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