// Positive Istikharah but...
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« on: Nov 25, 2008 06:02 AM »


I've been talking to someone for marriage. The other person is not someone who I would ever have thought would be the type I would marry in terms of deen and a few other things. However I've had really positive istikharah on it. I feel strongly that I should submit to it, on a spiritual level, and I do like this person personally, but there's some mental anxieties still though because this person doesn't fit into what I thought my spouse would be, and I think there are some incompatibiliites there. Perhaps I'm scared because it seems Allah's choice for me is not exactly what I would have chosen if left to myself. I want to submit but still not sure. Has anyone had this experience and any advice?

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« Reply #1 on: Nov 25, 2008 09:00 AM »

salam

If you don't feel entirely happy with it, then the istikhara is not a positive one. Positive Istikharas make you happy with the choice.

Try doing the istikhara again.

How do your family feel about this proposal, are you positive you are not confusing their approval and desire to please them with a positive istikhara.

What is there in terms of deen that you feel is incompatible?

If in doubt, wait before giving your answer, never ever enter into a marriage on the off chance he/she will change. You are marrying the person flaws, imperfections and all.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #2 on: Nov 25, 2008 12:09 PM »

salam sister

I feel for you.  Give it some time, and you will see more clearly.

I was in a similar position a couple of years ago...not the kind I thought I would marry, had a "positive" Istikhara (as in the dream-type, and what i thought I knew of hima nd his family), or so I thought. 

Everything, including the whisper in my heart (which he called the shaytaan Roll Eyes) told me that something was just not right, and that I should give it time... it took a LONG time, before I could see the whole picture, and it just got more and more negative, alhamdulillah.  I didnt end up marrying him, and ALHAMDULILLAH for that, I truly am so happy about it!

Now, I am not saying that yours will be negative. Just remember that Istikhara is the WHOLE picture.  A dear sis from this board really helped me make sense of things back then, and one thing I still remember (after telling her about the situation), she said "Well, THAT is your Istikhara, all the negative feelings, all the lies, everything, THAT is your Istikhara answer!"  And, yes, alhamdulillah, it was!

Be honest with your family, and more importantly with yourself, and please dont ignore any inner voices, they are there to help and guide you.

InshaAllah, I know everything will work out for the best for you.  Continue with your duaas and Istikhara, and like I said, give it a little time, things will sort themselves out..

Ur in my prayers
Salam
S.
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« Reply #3 on: Nov 25, 2008 01:07 PM »

I married based on a positive istikharah.  He was NOT the man I would ever have pictured as my spouse, but like other sisters have mentioned, istikharah is the whole picture...and for me the whole picture was astoundingly positive: I felt a certain calmness whenever I thought of my future, his family, his circumstances, etc... my family was really happy... I didn't feel threatened by him in the slightest (even though I knew nothing about him). 

I also had previous istikharah experiences with other guys, where I was agitated and angry, and would start crying at the smallest of things - so I recognized and appreciated the difference.

And it may sound strange to others, because I got married very hastily (within a week), but I just knew I was making the right choice and that God was on my side.  Again, this was on a spiritual level.  The mental anxieties were there - they still resurface from time to time, but I think that's the reality of every marriage. 

You know your situation best.  I would say your family's input is imperative.  Your feelings are very important, though you have to learn to label them properly.  Anxiety is a perfectly normal emotion in any marriage-type situation.  If you feel disgust, repulsion, shame, confinement, grief, anger ... those I would be more concerned about.
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« Reply #4 on: Dec 29, 2008 10:23 PM »

Make sure you make Istikharah with the intentions that Allah knows best and not with the intentions that your still going to follow your own Knuths

My Allah guide my son to the righteous path
Mohammed AbdulMaged Elsayed 10/19/08 2months and three weeks
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« Reply #5 on: Jan 01, 2009 06:53 AM »

Salam,

My advice: Put your trust in Allah, and go ahead with the marriage.  These doubts are from Shaytaan.  Try to ignore them.

If Allah does not want this for you, He will make sure that you do not get married to him.

And Allah knows best.

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« Reply #6 on: Jan 01, 2009 01:31 PM »

[slm]

I think this is the dumbest thing I have ever read
Salam,

My advice: Put your trust in Allah, and go ahead with the marriage.  These doubts are from Shaytaan.  Try to ignore them.

If Allah does not want this for you, He will make sure that you do not get married to him.

And Allah knows best.


If you have fears and doubts, dont rush in, it's like standing in the middle of a motorway, well yes one trusts in Allah one will not get knocked over by a car, but common sense dictates one should not be standing in the middle of a motorway in the first place. If you're going to ignore all sense you will end up hit by a car.

Never marry in haste, if you are not happy about it, it is not a positive istikhara.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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