// Why cant the lady's side accept me?
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Author Topic: Why cant the lady's side accept me?  (Read 3166 times)
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Anonymous
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« on: Nov 25, 2008 09:31 AM »


Hi Again! I've posted before. I had all these while, deep in my heart had this calling to convert to Islam. Recently, I met this woman and my interest grew stronger. I intend to make her my spouse one day. The big question is, is it really true that Islam forbids a Muslim woman to marry a man from other faith, even if I intend to embrace Islam? Reason being, the girls family had voiced this out and I am now puzzled at this. Appreciate some honest feedbacks. Thanks!
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #1 on: Nov 25, 2008 09:49 AM »

wsalam,

there shouldn't be any problem if you convert. of course muslims are allowed to marry converts both men and women. maybe her family is worried about your intentions. that you're only converting to marry her and that you won't really practice and turn out to be a bad husband. that your previous/culture religion will take over and you'll go back. they might also be worried that you won't fit in culturally with them and that you don't really care about their daughter. i think start slow and get to know the family. in islam, there's a big tradition on courtship...like old world courtship you know where you go slow and in accordance to the family wishes and you include the family too. get on good terms with the father especially. like meet him at the mosque. give the siblings and mother some gifts etc. let them get to know you and try to do nice things for them and talk to them about your values and things. hopefully once they get to know you, they'll come to love you as their future son in law Wink
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #2 on: Nov 25, 2008 11:21 AM »

Hi, I come from a well diversed society and from Malaysia. Basically, we interact culturally well here. Well, as for my case, I had tried on several occassions to meet her family. So far, I only had the chance to meet her bro in law. The rest including her mother are really against it. (Her dad passed away a long time ago). What else can I do to show her family that I am honest with my intentions?
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #3 on: Nov 25, 2008 01:09 PM »

peace be upon you

First of all, if you are interested, this does not oblige the lady's family to be interested in you as well, and this goes for all boys/men, Muslim or non-Muslim.

Second, so far you have only declared a sort of intention to convert. If Islam is your choice, you should convert without waiting for the lady's side to show approval. What is holding you back?
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #4 on: Nov 28, 2008 10:07 AM »

Hi
What should I do when I had replies from her sisters as such? Let me translate : Golongan yg dikasihi allah ada 4:
1. beriman 2. tegas kpd org kafir/ perkara mungkar 3. lemah lembut 4. berjihad ke jln allah
The translation means : Allah loves those who : 1. Thinks of him and prays 2. be stern to people from other faith (Khafir)/people of wordly things 3. Those who are humble 4. Those who walk hand in hand in Jihad toward Allah's path. I understand from the woman I love, her sisters would still label me a Khafir even if I had converted. They claim that even if I had convertered, I would still not be fit go guide her in the religion. Here again, I have also read the following :
The Prophet (PBUH) reported that Allah said, "I created my servants in the right religion but devils made them go astray". The Prophet (PBUH) also said, "Each child is born in a state of Fitrah, then his parents make him a Jew, Christian or a Zoroastrian, the way an animal gives birth to a normal offspring. Have you noticed any that were born mutilated?" (Collected by Al-Bukhari and Muslim). Does this not mean that Islam encourages converts? I am totally at lost now. Why are the individuals making it hard to accept people like me?
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #5 on: Nov 28, 2008 11:00 AM »

Hi

Are you holding back from Islam because of the sisters?
 
Let me make it simpler.

Do you want to become a Muslim because you want to marry that Muslim woman you love, and that without conversion to Islam ou won't be able to marry her?

Suppose you convert, and your marriage to that woman does not take place. Will you leave Islam?


As for you being able to guide your wife in religion, we will talk about that later. Will you please answer the above two questions.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #6 on: Dec 01, 2008 07:45 AM »

Hi
Sorry for the late responds. No I would convert to Islam and no I am not converting because of a woman and yes in my country, I won't be able to marry her if I am not converted to Islam. By the way, I would not leave the faith should the marriage not take place.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #7 on: Dec 01, 2008 09:56 AM »

peace be upon you

In that case, may I suggest that you go to a near mosque, and tell the Imam you want to revert to Islam. Ask him what your obligations would be as a Muslim. Ask him how to perform ghusl (purification of the body with water. When you have performed that, go back to the mosque and say the shahada as the Imam tells you. Then start living as a Muslim to the best of your ability.

You may, after some time, approach the girl's family with your proposal of marriage. When you have demonstrated your love of Islam, and the Muslims around you see that you have reverted out of conviction and not for marriage, I am sure the girl's sisters will also drop their objections.

In any case, all your sins of your past have been wiped out by this reversion. If you were from the ahle Kitab and lived your life according to the previously revealed book, your sins have been changed into good deeds. So rejoice.

If you are, after conversion, married to a Muslim girl, you can guide her only in those matters of the deen that you know better than her. However, once you have learnt to pray the Salah, you can lead her in Salah at home. It is expected, though, that you will be going to the mosque to say the Salah behind the Imam of the masjid. A muslimah amy also go to the mosque. I believe in your part of the world, this does happen.

If any of the sisters still dislike you, don't worry. It will soften as your Islamic credentials become more clear.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #8 on: Jan 09, 2009 02:48 AM »

Will this make you change as a person? I'm married to a muslim and I didn not convert because I repect his allah and his beliefs just as much as he respect my god. I was at the mosque and said to myself would this change me, but the real questions, is why you want to convert. Don't convert to make other happy you have to change for you and you believe is Islaim. 
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #9 on: Jan 09, 2009 01:59 PM »

Just make sure that you become muslim for your self first
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #10 on: Jan 13, 2009 04:25 AM »

Now I'm confused!! The post above ask's me why should I convert in the first place....   

Will this make you change as a person? I'm married to a muslim and I didn not convert because I repect his allah and his beliefs just as much as he respect my god. I was at the mosque and said to myself would this change me, but the real questions, is why you want to convert. Don't convert to make other happy you have to change for you and you believe is Islaim. 

I have another question too on another reply. Must I attend Islamic knowledge classes? As mentioned above, I could guide the girl of my choice on matters I know :

If you are, after conversion, married to a Muslim girl, you can guide her only in those matters of the deen that you know better than her. However, once you have learnt to pray the Salah, you can lead her in Salah at home. It is expected, though, that you will be going to the mosque to say the Salah behind the Imam of the masjid. A muslimah amy also go to the mosque. I believe in your part of the world, this does happen.   
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #11 on: Jan 13, 2009 06:24 PM »

peace be upon you

Do not be confused by the first quote because it is from a non-Muslim, and you are seeking advice from Muslims on Islam.

I am the Muslim who posted the second quote in your last post. Now to your question on the second quote.

My question is what are the Islamic matters you know better than her?

Do you know enough to be able to lead her in Salah, when the two of you are at home praying together?

A young Parisian man walked into a boutique and saw a girl with hijab. He talked to her and returned there often. He fell in love with her and asked her to marry him. She of course said he had to convert to Islam of his nconviction before asking for her hand. He did, and then she referred him to her father, who agreed. On the first night, the girl asked her husband to pray isha first. He wasn't quite well versed in that, and the girl led him in Salah. After a few days or weeks or months, when they stood again for Salah, the girl pushe him to the Imam's position and told him it was his right and duty to lead, and that she had done so only because he was not learned enough. Now he could and should lead the Salah in their home.

The girl was an Afghan who had ended up in Paris due to the Afghan diapora brought on by the Soviet invasion in the 1980s.

It is necessary to try and become a better Muslim. Learning and practicing what you learn is a life-long process, but there is no rush to learn eevryhting in six months or so. You have to learn the most important bits first, and then to more detailed matters.

I would suggest some sort of structured learning is always better, but you do not have to attend Islamic learning classes before reverting to Islam. Ask the Imam at the nearest masjid
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