awww mashAllah thats soo sweet. You sound like one of those few amazing husbands. shes blessed!
Let her know atleast once by saying ' I would like it if you wore hijab. it would make me proud' something like that.'
here is some real councelor advice from Islamonline
Question and Answer Details
Name of Questioner
Concerned Friend - Lybia
Close friend of mine does not wear the hijab and I need advice on talking to her about it
I have this one friend who is a Muslim but not a very good one. I wish to make Dawa to her but I do not know how to start. I know her pretty well and I know she likes me a lot as a friend but I want to start teaching her stuff she has to know about her religion, for example wearing the Hijab. The problem is, I am not sure how to bring it up in a way that she will understand. I do not want to wreck our friendship. I always pray for her but time is running out, and she is getting worse. Any advice you can give me will be appreciated. May Allah Be With You.
Name of Counsellor
IOL Counseling Team
What a wonderful friend you are indeed, to be concerned enough to write and seek advice on handling such a delicate matter.
You know your friend better than we do. You are well aware of the kind of personality she has. In addition, you mention that she is getting worse. We are not sure what other problems you are referring to. So, we want to give you some general advice and hope that you can apply it specifically to this particular sister.
There are several approaches that one can take when advising another person about their neglect of certain religious practices. The best preparation for such advice is to read and understand the Islamic perspective of the what, the how, and the why of certain Quranic commandments and Prophetic advices regarding our behavior, our dress, our speech, etc. The last thing you want to do is to start advising others before either fully practicing what you intend to advise them on or to not be well-versed on the topic about which you will give advice.
First, you must try and be their friend. This involves winning their trust. Being a friend is commonly misinterpreted as just socializing with a person, going places with them, or liking them because they have similar interests as you do. The reality is that in Islam, we go beyond just friendship and talk about brotherhood and sisterhood. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) reminded us to be like a mirror to our brother. Thus, in this case, you have to treat her like your own sister, and let her feel comfortable enough so that she will talk to you about anything that bothers her. If she is comfortable with how you react to her problems and how you advise her, then she will trust you more.
Second, you have to be patient with them. Simply advising a person once will not get them to change their sometimes lifelong habits. Do not try and measure how much time has elapsed since the time you advised your friend until the time she actually implements your advice. Rather, be patient and while it is difficult, try and give the advice each time as if it is the first time you are doing so. This will also reduce the frustration that you feel if there is no immediate sign of change. Again, remember that guidance is from Allah (swt) and even the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), after 23 years of advising could not change the hearts of some of the disbelievers.
Third, we have learned from the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to be timely and choose our words carefully when giving the advice. Timely in this case refers to both the choice of the right time and the right place. Because you are a close friend to this sister, you can actually choose a specific time when you know the sister does not have a lot on her mind and is fairly relaxed. In addition, you can choose a place where both of you are alone and there is less of a chance that you will be interrupted by other people or by the telephone. Having other people around might embarrass her and the telephone and other interruptions might distract both of you in the middle of a sensitive point in the conversation.
In addition, you have to choose your words carefully. Sometimes, the advice must be prefaced with some background information. You might begin with telling her how much you care about her. And how you really hope that she takes what you tell her as advice from a person who loves her and who wants the best for her. Politely ask her why she does not wear the hijab. Give her a chance to explain. It might be that she was told it was not a requirement. Or that it is a matter of personal choice. Or that the hijab makes one look less pretty. Or that one wears it after getting married. There are so many misconceptions even among Muslims. If she pauses, and does not respond at all, be silent for a while and let her struggle with herself about how she will respond. Do not try and respond to the reasons why she does not wear hijab. Just let her speak while you listen. Let her feel comfortable talking about this sensitive topic. She might take anything you say as being judgmental. If the conversation is not going well, or if it seems that the sister has become visibly upset by the discussion, it is better to apologize and to reassure her that you understand how difficult the topic must be for her to discuss. And then, move on to talk about something unrelated. This way, she will feel comfortable being with you and not feel as if she has to talk only about the hijab for the rest of that meeting.
Finally, remember to use various means of conveying the message to her. There are many books, magazine articles, and videos that document the voices of sisters who made the journey from not wearing the hijab to actually wearing it. It might help to give some of these resources as gifts to her or better yet, when you have some time alone with her, you might try and watch these videos with her.
Insha'allah, over time she will make the decision to wear the hijab. Remember that an initial positive response from her could just be that she will consider your advice. Even if she does not immediately start wearing the hijab. Remind her that you will help her and be there for her throughout the process. Reassure her and let her know that your concern arises from your love for her as your sister.
Make du'a to Allah (swt) to strengthen your own Iman and to help you deliver the message about the hijab to this sister. Also make du'a to Allah (swt) to guide your friend and insha'allah to strengthen her Iman as well.
Keep in touch. And Allah (swt) knows best.