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Blessedgrandma
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« on: Dec 11, 2008 03:22 AM »


I have been sent a message from someone who asks why I don't wear the scarf yet.
MY first thought was, WHAT business is it of yours.
Then I thought maybe this was a gentle reminder Allah was using another to give me.
I truly desire to wear the scarf, and until I moved away my reason was my grandchildren.
I feared my family's backlash and my son maybe not allowing me to see my grandchildren.
Now that I don't live near them anymore, I desire more to wear the scarf, but am hesitant.
There are sisters on campus I see wearing a scarf. And there is a local Christian group whose
women wear a scarf in public.
In my heart I feel, it is time and I'm still not comfortable.
A couple brothers and a couple sisters I know tell me, Islam is not something that is suppose to hurt you
(as in family not allowing you to see grandchildren)
And that Allah being all merciful and all knowing will understand.
The sister I know who I admire so much wears hijab and has been in the US over 18 years now.
I respect and admire her so much.
Ok I'm rattling. Looking forward to seeing the response to this.
I've already bought several pieces of fabric to make my own scarf's, but haven't made them yet.
Maybe I need to move uo toward Sr. Kathy's and Sr. Jannah's neck of the woods. Grin
 purplehijabisis
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« Reply #1 on: Dec 11, 2008 06:09 AM »

salam,

It's winter now. Maybe you could try wearing it loosely every so often. I doubt anyone would notice and it would make you more comfortable and used to it. I know an American sister married to a Muslim who does that a lot. She has some very pretty different colored pashminas and wears them loosely on her head or neck when she goes somewhere. And I think it's a good sign of just trying to be modest in your own way for awhile, until you have the strength to go the whole way.

ws


PS as for the person who asked why you don't cover yet (unless it was like a genuine question from a close friend), ask them why they haven't learned the islamic rule of minding their own business yet.

Sr.Kathy
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« Reply #2 on: Dec 11, 2008 02:03 PM »

Asak

Wearing a scarf isn't easy here either. Although I feel people in my town, which has been the home to transient immigrants for over 80 years, is much more accepting.

Some bros get it. Others never will. Brothers can get a respite it public. We never do. We are always recognized as a Muslim and this is never positive anymore.  Never positive. I wonder how many brothers could handle being disliked, despised or looked at with contempt everyday, all the time.

Having a beard doesn't automatically equate a person as a Muslim in my area as many men wear beards here. if they through on a baseball cap, and a pair of jeans- they blend right in.

Even wearing a thobe or shalwar khameeze just leaves people wondering...huh? But that scarf- everyone knows what it means and stands for.

So I would ask the bro if he has any concept of how hard it is to wear a scarf. Let him dress in the traditional clothes- with a topi/kufi, beard that is at least a fist in length and for good measure wear his pants above his ankles...then go to work, the grocery store, their kids ball games, PTA meetings and mall- just for a month. Spend a month in the summer at kids events, swimming, sports and picnics.  None of this being mandatory- I realize- but this is not the point- I just want to see how he feels being recognized as a Muslim 24/7. To be looked at and never really knowing what the other person is thinking as they stare at you.

Men are supposed to be strong... i doubt many could handle this all the time with no respite.

Family backlash is real. Imagine all of a sudden your parents don't want you coming to the door dressed like that. They don't want to go to dinner or places with you. Your mom embarrased over you. Your brother and sister not wanting their kids being around you when you are looking weird. their teenagers, whom you love, are so embarrassed to even admit you are their uncle. Just imagine this. No longer is it strangers having problems- but even your own family.

There is no respite for the Muslim woman- not even amongst her family.

I hope the brother who asks this thinks about the struggles we go through before he makes any judgements. I am hoping that he asked blessedgrandmother these questions out of curiosity. Insha Allah, perhaps he is just trying to understand and feels he can help.




"Allah surely knows the warmth of every teardrop... " Jaihoon
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« Reply #3 on: Dec 11, 2008 03:52 PM »

salaam

Sister Kathy is right, a scarf in this day and age is very hard because of the extreme negative view of Islam lately. Somtimz scary. But I will tell you that I feel really good when I wear it. I feel strong. Sometimes I see many people stop and smile at me. I have honestly seen more smiles than bad glances. I feel like they are trying to say they understand and they support. And they dont like the discrimination. To be fully covered is very beautiful, Its like you know you are something to be protected and you feel alot more confident. Take a step at a time, maybe start talking about it slowly to your family. share with them postive articles about people who cover. Maybe you can say something like 'dont you feel those muslim women are so liberated, they dont get those gross stares' and laugh. and say something like 'at least they know they are being appreciated for their bran and not looks'

ohh it makes me mad that they use your grandchildren against you!!! dont they know they are hurting their children just as much!!! why always bring the children in the middle?grr
there should be a law on grandparents rights
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« Reply #4 on: Dec 11, 2008 04:08 PM »

salam

I got an IM from a new person too, he was a man and all he wrote was the salaams.

I deleted it and ignored it.

I'd give anyone who had anything to say about my dress short shrift. Unless my choice of outfit was lacking in modesty it is nobodys business what I wear. Further hijaab is very difficult to wear, and IMVHO it is a personal and spiritual choice between a muslimah and her creator. We all work up towards our goals in our own way.



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #5 on: Dec 11, 2008 09:04 PM »

wsalam,

Please let me know if someone is sending unsolicited weird emails.

ws

ps. You can use the Report Post from inside messaging as well.
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« Reply #6 on: Dec 12, 2008 04:07 AM »

The brother messaged me again and seems to have sincere intentions
of brotherly type concern.  No worries Jannah.

Sr. Blackrose, it is a shame and my grandchildren, or rather the lack of seeing or talking to them is
usually used on me as a punishment, to put me in line. I accept it so I can at least see and talk to
them when allowed.
My son was not happy I taught my 5 y/o granddaughter
"Assalaam Allaikum" and she loves saying that to a dear friend of mine who is also a sister.
My granddaughter gets the biggest grin when she sees this sister and runs to hug her.
And I told my son even Jesus in the Christian Bible said Peace be upon you.
(or something close to that) I assured him it was simply a greeting of peace.
He wasn't pleased, but hasn't told me not to teach her that anymore.
Such a shame, cause my granddaughter knows what it means and really likes this sister
(friend of mine)

No worried on the brother who sent me a private message, after his recent message I feel he was
just curious, as he even sent along some real good words about sharing Islam with my
sons and grandchildren. I now feel his intentions were honorable. purplehijabisis

Jannah, you are so right about it being winter.
I have some lovely fabric and will be going to a sisters house soon Inshallah to learn how to make a scarf
from my own fabric.
 purplehijabisis
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Remembrance of Allah is the true source of peace..


« Reply #7 on: Dec 12, 2008 11:41 AM »

You should just DO IT.. One day, JUST DO IT. If it bothers you or seriously rattles you after that day, then don't do it anymore. More than likely, no one will even care. I was seriously worked up and stressed about it but then one day, I went out with a friend and we just did it. I swear, NO ONE NOTICED. It really wasn't bad at all.

However, interviewing for a job is a little more touchy.. People can be judgmental there for stupid things. If you dress modest and have a scarf, you are 'imposing religious beliefs' and/or 'frumpy', but it's totally okay for other women to wear above the knee skirts that barely cover their underwear when they sit down, or to show cleavage. It's insane!

But yeah, just suck it up and try it for ONE DAY. You could also just BUY one scarf so that isn't something that's an excuse to not try it.

I try to remember to count my blessings each day because I have many:

To be thankful for my health, and that of my loved ones, the presence of my husband and the continuation of our marriage, that we can pay our bills and have food on the table..

So many blessings but often, so little thanks!
ukhti
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« Reply #8 on: Dec 13, 2008 01:23 AM »

 shaykha

ehmmm.....i've nothing 2 display...
but @ malaysia....we wear scarf.... even hijab without any critic from people...
alhamdulillah.....
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« Reply #9 on: Dec 13, 2008 02:07 PM »

Quote
it is a shame and my grandchildren, or rather the lack of seeing or talking to them is
usually used on me as a punishment, to put me in line.

Wow...  Sr. Blessedgrandma... I'm so sorry you have to go thru this.  I am presently visiting my first and only grandson.  His parents (my eldest son and his wife) are not Muslim.  Al hamdulillah!  They are very tolerant.  It would break my heart to have them do that to me.  Being torn between my religion and my grandchild....  My Allah give you patience.

As I'm typing this my son came in the room and I told him about your situation.  He just let out a moanful "wow.." and walked out of the room shaking his head.

Is your son a practicing Christian?  You might want to tell him he's not acting like it....
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« Reply #10 on: Dec 29, 2008 10:31 PM »

Just a bit of encouragement try not to worry about what people say and do what best for you because in the end they are not going to be the that gets you into Jinnah trust i know I have been wearing full hijab since I was 12 years old and people will always have some thing to say.

My Allah guide my son to the righteous path
Mohammed AbdulMaged Elsayed 10/19/08 2months and three weeks
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« Reply #11 on: Dec 31, 2008 11:00 PM »

Asalamualaikum wrt wb,


All praise be to Allah.


Honorable sister,


You should understand that wearing complete Islamic Hijab, loose, covering, modest, clothes that cover your beauty and treasures, except your hands and face, is a revelation from the Most Wise and Knowing Lord of the Universe, who created man and woman, and knows what is best for us.  You will be protecting yourself from the molesting eyes of others, and first and foremost, pleasing Allah, your Lord.


Do you not want to follow in the footsteps of the Noble Virgin Maryam, who covered herself from the eyes of the people.

Do you not want to emulate our Mothers of the Believers, the eminent wives of the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, and may Allah be pleased with them.

Do you want to come to your Lord on the Day of Judgement with a pure heart, saying:  Oh Allah, I gave up displaying my body to others for Your Sake! 


The Shaitan will always tempt you to uncover, as he did to did to Adam and Hawaa, he made them lose their covering.   As the scholars say:  covering is of two types:  The outward covering of the body, which is through the Islamic Hijab, and the covering of the evil of the nafs,  which is through Taqwa of Allah.


So honor yourself and your religion, and become a walking da'iiah, caller to Islam, whereever you go.  Who knows, perhaps someone may see your hijab, and ask you about Islam, or may think negatively, but then you can educate them and teach them about the religion that honors women and does not sell their charms for a cheap, worldly profit.


May Allah protect our daughters and sisters and make modesty and obedience to Allah beloved to them, and return the Muslims to their religion in a beautiful way.  Ameen!



And Allah knows best.

Be merciful to those on earth, and the One in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
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