// need help with naming my unborn child with Down syndrome
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Author Topic: need help with naming my unborn child with Down syndrome  (Read 5784 times)
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shareislam
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« on: Dec 11, 2008 11:46 PM »


Salam--
I don't post here that often but I really would like some advice from my brothers and sisters.
I am pregnant with my fourth baby and a few weeks ago my husband and i were devastated by the news our baby boy has Down syndrome. This was confirmed via amniocentesis which 99.9 % accurate.

Obviously this has been a very hard time for us, especially given the fact we have another chld with serous health problems (recovering from cancer for one).  That's a whole other thread though Wink
Alhumdullilah, I plan on welcoming this child into the world with open arms and lots of love.

So, we really hadn' picked a name before the diagnosis. For some reason though now it seems more important to me, like I really want to give him a name with some type of special meaning, something that matches his situation. For instance is there a name that means gift from god or perfection of something like that?

Jazakallah Khair,
STephanie

PS please make dua for me and all the other families who are in similar situations
nuh
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« Reply #1 on: Dec 12, 2008 01:34 AM »

Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakatuh.

Subhan'allah! All children are a blessing from Allah (swt) congratulations.

Regarding your request for help naming the child here is what I was able to find for you. I pray it is helpful insha'Allah.


Naming the child is the right of the father, but it is preferred to consult the mother in the matter, in order to make her happy and soften her heart. It is legislated for both of them to choose good names and refrain from names which are disliked. It is not permissible when naming a child to use names which involve being a worshipper to other than Allah, such as 'Abdun-Nabi' (the worshipper of the Prophet), 'Abdul-Ka'bah' (the worshipper of the Ka'bah), 'Abdul-Husain and the like. This is because all are creatures of Allah, Most Glorified, so it is not permissible to make someone a worshipper of another besides Him. And the famous scholar, Abu Muhammad Ibn Hazm has reported that there is unanimity among the scholars on the matter of naming someone as a worshipper of other than Allah, except for the name 'Abdul-Muttalib', for the Prophet (saws) approved of this name for some of the Companions -- may Allah be pleased with all of them. And Allah is the Granter of success.

-- Ibn Baz


Wasalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakatuh!

Praise be to Allah, and may His Blessings and Peace be upon Muhammad, his family and companions.

nuh ibn
 bro

ps. I will keep you in my dua insha'Allah.
jannah
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« Reply #2 on: Dec 12, 2008 04:52 AM »

wsalam,

What about a name like Ayyub - the prophet who went through so much and then because he was patient, and prayed to Allah, Allah cured him and gave him back everything he lost. I know Allah may not cure your child but Ayyub's story is so beautiful and good, it might give you and him strength.

Gift of God I think is Inayat-Allah but usually used for girls so is Hibah which i think means gift. I'm not sure why you'd want a name like "perfection"...seems strange as only God is perfect...oh I think Ayaan means gift of God and it is a boy name and a really NICE name!! 

Hope those are some good suggestions Smiley May Allah protect you and your family inshaAllah.
shareislam
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« Reply #3 on: Dec 12, 2008 07:11 PM »

Thanks Jannah, actually Ayaan is on the short list. I found another name Tameem which means perfect, complete. I see your point about only Allah is perfect, but could you say the same about His creation? Allah doesn't make mistakes and my son will be just as Allah intended. Anyway, I'll keep you all updated. Any other suggestions? Baby name posts are always fun Smiley

Salam
Stephanie
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« Reply #4 on: Dec 13, 2008 02:56 AM »

Is there an Arabic name meaning 'precious'?
My grandson is named an Irish name for 'rare and precious'
Maybe there is an Arabic/Islamic version of that meaning?

May Allah bless you and your family, it's so wonderful, even in the light of your news one can detect
much joy in your post for this new baby. For some reason Allah must know you're a special mom
with a lot of love for this child who will have special needs.
May Allah bless you, your family and this new child and give you
all the strength you'll need to deal with any and all issues that will arise.
Dua' s on this end for you sister.
I think there is a site where they have Arabic names and their meanings
as well as names in other languages. I'll look for the sites and post it tomorrow
if I can Inshallah.
(((((Sisterly Hugs)))))
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« Reply #5 on: Dec 13, 2008 07:13 AM »

Asalamo alykom

I just want to say that even though that is a high percentage and these tests are not wrong very often, do not despair and give up on dua'. Please take it from another sister who had been told (and shown in ultra sound) the child will have problems as it is missing one kidney and by performing night prayers every single night even though it is hard enough to pray fardh in pregnancy, and crying and beggin Allah to cure her child. Even the hospital had the room and machines prepared for a child with kidney failure. She was born with all her organs in tact. SubhanAllah. They couldn't explain it.

My own experience was that I was told i need a DNC because the pregnancy hormone was not where it should have been according to blood tests and the emb. sac was empty according to ultrasound. And After much prayers and dua's, the next ultra sound showed a throbbing heart. Alhemdulilah.

In terms of names (if in fact born with DS)...I like Subul Assalam (paths to peace) and I like Naji (saved/spared).

This post submitted using the ANONYMOUS button on the main Madina menu. Please reply here publicly so that the original poster can read any replies.
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« Reply #6 on: Dec 14, 2008 11:02 PM »

Asalamo alykom

I just want to say that even though that is a high percentage and these tests are not wrong very often, do not despair and give up on dua'. Please take it from another sister who had been told (and shown in ultra sound) the child will have problems as it is missing one kidney and by performing night prayers every single night even though it is hard enough to pray fardh in pregnancy, and crying and beggin Allah to cure her child. Even the hospital had the room and machines prepared for a child with kidney failure. She was born with all her organs in tact. SubhanAllah. They couldn't explain it.

My own experience was that I was told i need a DNC because the pregnancy hormone was not where it should have been according to blood tests and the emb. sac was empty according to ultrasound. And After much prayers and dua's, the next ultra sound showed a throbbing heart. Alhemdulilah.

In terms of names (if in fact born with DS)...I like Subul Assalam (paths to peace) and I like Naji (saved/spared).

I have also known a woman to be given false results, either they were wrong or Allah took care of the issues before birth.
And I feel sad how many babies have ever been aborted due to false results. I just didn't mention this in my earlier post cause I didn't want to give false hope. However we all know Allah knows best.
I could detect from your post happiness, love and joy for this unborn child even through the sad news you have received.  Maybe all of us here on the Medina board can make dua's for you, this child and the rest of your family.
I know I will be.  purplehijabisis
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« Reply #7 on: Dec 15, 2008 01:13 AM »

Assalamu Alaikum--
Thank you for your support in these posts. However, it truly is "false hope" to think that the amnio might be wrong. Blood tests are often wrong, ultrasounds are often wrong, amnios are not. People often confuse the two.

During an amnio, fetal cells are removed from the uterus, grown out and karyotyped. A karyotype show the person's chromosomes, and Down syndrome is the prescence of an extra 21st chromosome. An extra chromosome doesn't just appear and then disappear!! The only way the results could be wrong is if the lab mixed my baby's specimen with another women's child. Again this is highly unlikely given all the steps taken to avoid this and given this country's litigious nature (I'm in the medical field). These things aren't treated lightly.

Of course Allah can say "be" and it is. This would truly be a miracle. In some other situation, I might find myself praying for one, but I believe this baby is as Allah decreed. I am just thankful that it was caught prenatally and I have the time to educate and prepare myself.

Children with DS are no less miraculous in their own right. These days intervention and therapy start as early as the first month and people with DS are able to accomplish so much more than was in the past.  Listen to me. . . already the advocate. HA hA.

Jazakallah
Stephanie

www.ndss.org
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« Reply #8 on: Dec 15, 2008 01:56 AM »

As salamu alaykum Sister,

My favorite two names are Abdullah and Abdurrahman, because of thier meanings.  Insha'Allah, this baby will be a blessing for you.

Was salam,
Marcie
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« Reply #9 on: Dec 15, 2008 10:48 AM »

How about Yusuf?

He was the world's most beautiful person - inside and out. 

May Allah bring joy and happiness to your family with the new addition, inshaAllah. 
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« Reply #10 on: Jan 22, 2009 08:31 AM »

Salam Alaikum
I think we're starting to settle on the name Yusuf. It's one of the few names that we both like. I was resistant at first since it is so popular especially in Muslim American communities. But it is after such a beautiful person and I like the sound of it when I think of my {{{{Lil Yusuf }}}
Anyway, just an update, it's looking like that's the one unless we suddenly agree on something else.
Thank you for the advice and duas
Stephanie sis
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« Reply #11 on: Jan 22, 2009 09:05 AM »

assalamualaikum

can somebody kindly tell me when abortion is permissible.  i think in the first 40 days it is allowed (since the fetus does not yet have a soul).  however, in islamic literature, 40 days is a metaphorical number usually -- implying months or so, i guess.

sorry for the negative nature of the post...
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« Reply #12 on: Jan 22, 2009 10:12 AM »

salam

Lucid start another thread why dont you, this question shouldn't be here.

For the record, I didnt have any of these tests done in pregnancy, I knew I would never be able to terminate those pregnancies, so the tests were no use, I did have tests to ensure I was OK the baby was growing fine etc.


I love the name Yusuf, he was said to be very beautiful.

May Allah makes the rest of your pregnancy easy, may he reward you with a child who is the coolness of your eyes and delight to your heart.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #13 on: Jan 22, 2009 01:28 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikuim  bro


Quote
But it is after such a beautiful person and I like the sound of it when I think of my {{{{Lil Yusuf }}}


As with Ayyub as, the story of Yusuf as is pretty memorable and inspiring as well, so the name works on many levels.


InshaAllah, we hope all goes well and Ameen to Sr Fozia's du'a.

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #14 on: Jan 22, 2009 02:56 PM »

salaam,

I hope all goes well. Glad to see you found names because I have a hard time thinking of any. I know your child will be filled with love and care. There's no need to worry.

peace and love
shareislam
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« Reply #15 on: Jan 22, 2009 05:52 PM »

Salam Alaikum--
Umm just for the record, alot of women chose the testing just so they can be prepared, NOT so they can terminate. Babies with DS can have alot of medical problems, i.e. heart defects and it is better to know about these problems so dr.'s can be ready in the delivery room. This is especially important if the women lives in a small community with no NICU. Also for me I'm just the type of person who has to know. I thank Allah that I've had several monthes to adjust to having a baby with special needs and grieve the loss of my "perfect" child.
So as you can see, I am in no way against prenatal testing, but they are used with the intention of terminating many times. Statistics say 90% of babies with DS are aborted.  :'( However, I belong to other online communities consisting of many wonderful women with prenatal diagnosis who are choosing to accept Allah's will and have the baby (they're not Muslim BTW).
Salams and again thank you all for your duas and kind words
Stephanie
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« Reply #16 on: Feb 04, 2009 09:07 AM »

Salam alaikum wrb,


Honorable sister,


     The contemporary scholars have stated that it is allowed to perform an abortion, if there is a medical
problem found in the fetus, and the time of pregnancy is less than 4 months. This is because there is a
hadith from prophet Muhammed saw that states that the soul is blown into the fetus at this point in time
(4 months), and before that time there is no soul present. This is the verdict given by some of the big scholars
like Ibn Uthaimeen, Bin Baz, and others.

     If the time is after 4 months, there is a soul in the fetus, and abortion would be tantamount to killing an
innocent life. For what crime had these lives been killed?

       D.S. varies in the extent of cognitive inability, and the child should be taught the basic tenets of faith, like the belief in the oneness of Allah, etc. If the child understands, that is great. If not, the child will not be responsible for any of his/her actions, as an incognizant person is not responsible for actions.

      My best advise for you is to make duas to Allah.

      And Allah knows



         

May Allah increase you in knowledge.
Take a look at my site:  http://www.tajwid.info

Also a good site with several mp3 durus of beneficial knowledge from our ulema, fiqh explaining the book "bulgh Maram" , Q&A, http://www.imamfaisal.com
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« Reply #17 on: Feb 04, 2009 05:08 PM »

 salaam

I'm not sure how this thread ended up about abortion, since I at no time considered it, or mentioned it in my posts.
Thank you brother peaceman for your advice. However, there are other jurists, and I fall into this category of belief, that consider abortion haram at all stages. If done before 120 days, it is still haram, just not akin to murder. Why would you end a life which Allah has decreed? The exception being termination to save the life of the mother, which I think is extremely rare. Edited: Maybe in the case of severe deformities, this may be the most compassionate thing to do. However, Down syndrome does not fall into this category.

I want to reiterate to everyone that I don't feel that having a fetus with Down syndrome is ever a legitimate medical excuse in and of itself to terminate. I hate that so many mothers have abortions when they find out their baby has Down syndrome. I think it is selfish, first and foremost. There are other trisomies and defects that are not compatible with life, and the baby will either be born still, or will die within the first few hours/days/weeks of life. I can see why a mother would then choose to end the pregnancy if this were the case, and I pray to Allah that none of us ever have

to go through that.

Stephanie
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« Reply #18 on: Feb 04, 2009 08:44 PM »

salaam

yes im very confused to why this is being mentioned here.  And I think we should be extremely careful in saying that we can do abortion when it comes to down syndrome . First one must be informed on what exactly down syndrome is before saying this.

Im sorry im starting to get really annoyed by imams and 'scholars' make rulings on things they really don t have much knowledge about
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« Reply #19 on: Feb 06, 2009 09:00 PM »

can somebody kindly tell me when abortion is permissible.  i think in the first 40 days it is allowed (since the fetus does not yet have a soul).  however, in islamic literature, 40 days is a metaphorical number usually -- implying months or so, i guess.

I think peaceman must have been replying to lucid's post. 

There seems to be a lack of sensitivity around certain issues on this board and I remind myself and all others to be more thoughtful in our responses insha'Allaah.

wasalaam

'If he woke up and had enough food for the day and shelter (a roof over his head) and he does not fear for his safety, then it is as if he has been given the dunya.'
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« Reply #20 on: Feb 06, 2009 09:11 PM »

Asalamualaikum


so Sorry brother Peaceman! Forgive me!

(but since he said 'sister' I thought he was speaking to you shareislam'
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