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Author Topic: Getting frustrated with the board and dealing with it  (Read 1655 times)
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Blessedgrandma
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« on: Jan 06, 2009 01:32 AM »


AA, just my thoughts and ramblings.

Sometimes like as with family or coworkers some of us get frustrated with the board and need a break or want to
just stop being on here all together. Goodness knows I've had my share is hissy fits.
Sometimes one doesn't know how serious to take what another has said.
Without body language, tone of voices and facial expressions at times it's hard to know how to take something.

I for one just got fed up and requested membership canceled and then I reactivated, cause you know what?
This (other than one friend who is Muslim) is the only Muslim family and community I have. The nearest Islamic Centers are an hour to two hours away. (double that for a round trip)

Before we go after someone or get snotty we all need to remember a few things.

1) I am this persons brother or sister whichever the case may be.
We are to want for each other what we want for ourselves and personally, I like being treated with respect and kindness so want to treat each of you all that way. And would hope the feeling is mutual.

2) We never 100% know what a person has gone through that day or week of a posting.
(Or a responce)

3) We are of all ages, races, customs and backgrounds, what may be personal and private to one may not seem like such a big deal or not seem so personal to another.
I myself have never claimed to be 'politically correct' I am who I am and my heart means well.
My intentions honorable. Sometimes my delivery of such ideas and intentions suck.

We have so much to offer one another that most of us know the outside world (non Muslims) don't have to offer.
(Such offerings as wisdom, compassion, kindness and somewhere to turn to when we can't turn to those around us)

I have no idea why I am posting this, but after some posts in the last couple weeks, maybe some of you will understand. Maybe not.
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WWW
« Reply #1 on: Jan 06, 2009 09:42 AM »

wsalaam,

thanks for posting this. i think over the ages we've had an unfortunate number of incidents with blame on both sides, people being quick to rush and judge others and write things that are offensive and also others being too sensitive and offended and leaving with dramatic flair. assumptions and sensitivities abound on both sides. who is in the wrong? i can't say, but i don't think the answer is leaving/not posting.

i think it's indicative of a greater problem in our ummah. our inability to deal with differences of opinion. when someone has a difference of opinion at their mosque, they rush and go off and start a new mosque. when they differ with their imam they go and find another one that will tell them the answer they want to hear. when someone posts an opinion different from what they personally believe here, they are extremely offended and leave. Huh? i don't know... i don't think leaving is the answer, but to be honest if the person is that sensitive and is going to take everything people say on a message board personally, it won't be beneficial for themselves to be here.

honestly i say a lot of things and i know very few of you in real life. and even for the one's i "know in real life" believe me when i say there is nothing that i say that is personal. i don't know you and u don't know me. most of my actions are only with the benefit of the board in mind and sometimes those things might feel to be personal to some, when they're not. i know this may seem mean but sometimes i only see what is written not even the username or whatever. it's all pixels on a page to me.

i remember one time, a long time ago, maybe 8 years back, probably the worst incident, a sister, not muslim, kept posting certain types of things about her specific problems which kept getting worse and worse over a year. long, rambling posts that were disturbing. the consensus was that these were delusional/psychological ramblings which were very unhealthy for her. i know this is hard for people to understand who haven't studied psychology, but sometimes when we are in this rut of believing in all our own problems and delusions, it is unhealthy to let the person continue. in other words, she needed professional help and her writings here were only making her worse. others also wrote to us and told us she was saying certain things about real people that were found to be untrue. so i wrote to her and asked her to refrain from posting these types of things, for her own benefit. immediately, she was very upset AND WENT TO THE IMAM OF MY COMMUNITY and told him that we were spying on her/lying about her/reading her private messages/talking about her/being mean to her when she wanted to become Muslim etc etc. should have seen that coming with her sickness, but you know she believed everyone was against her and there was a conspiracy against her, she took everything as a personal offensive when the same would have been done to anyone.

i think also, sometimes new users who join the board and express their opinion about something and come up against opposition for the first time can also be very sensitive and leave abruptly because it's something they've never encountered before. when they were 'lurkers' all seemed ok, but when they joined it is abruptly something very hard to deal with opinions that are different from one's own. i think we had a case of this not so recently about something to do with 'islam in america'...can't remember but the person was extremely upset about the opinion expressed and left Huh? ok... some ppl are even offended when i move their post to a different section!!

anyway my point is, perhaps i am bitter and delusional too, but nothing here should be taken personally. it's a message board, a forum, a community. we should be able to discuss and talk on a level where we are not so sensitive, offended or horribly defensive. we don't know each other and we shouldn't assume things and we shouldn't be so sensitive to what people say and assume in turn that the only way to solve it is to leave or not post.

so again i'm not posting this for anyone specific, just explaining my position that has been the absolute same from the very beginning.

i also ask forgiveness from those that feel i've transgressed against them. believe me when i say that has never been by intention.  please, please, don't take anything personally.

jazakamullahu khairan.

     
Eleanor
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« Reply #2 on: Jan 23, 2009 10:13 PM »

Quote
i remember one time, a long time ago, maybe 8 years back, probably the worst incident, a sister, not muslim, kept posting certain types of things about her specific problems which kept getting worse and worse over a year. long, rambling posts that were disturbing. the consensus was that these were delusional/psychological ramblings which were very unhealthy for her. i know this is hard for people to understand who haven't studied psychology, but sometimes when we are in this rut of believing in all our own problems and delusions, it is unhealthy to let the person continue. in other words, she needed professional help and her writings here were only making her worse. others also wrote to us and told us she was saying certain things about real people that were found to be untrue. so i wrote to her and asked her to refrain from posting these types of things, for her own benefit. immediately, she was very upset AND WENT TO THE IMAM OF MY COMMUNITY and told him that we were spying on her/lying about her/reading her private messages/talking about her/being mean to her when she wanted to become Muslim etc etc. should have seen that coming with her sickness, but you know she believed everyone was against her and there was a conspiracy against her, she took everything as a personal offensive when the same would have been done to anyone.

That's ringing a very vague bell in the back of my mind, but cannot remember anything about it...

This is a very good thread. I think we need to remember if we would not say something to someone's face then we shouldn't really type it here either.

wasalaam
eleanor.
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« Reply #3 on: Jan 24, 2009 05:02 AM »

OMG... it was horrible...even i got sucked into it.
The scary part was that I believed her - she was that dynamic and persuasive.
I am soooo glad I went directly to the source... and asked about it.

"Allah surely knows the warmth of every teardrop... " Jaihoon
timbuktu
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« Reply #4 on: Jan 24, 2009 08:56 AM »

peace be upon you

I believe the lady in question came here from islamonline.net

I had read her postings there too, and it was very embarrassing tehre as that board was full of very hostile non-Muslims. All people there concluded the same that she needed professional help, but I did not think my advice would be heeded.

For myself, I kept out of her supposed personal problems, and just answered what other matters of relevance came up.

I hope
peaceman
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WWW
« Reply #5 on: Feb 04, 2009 07:42 AM »

Salam alaikum wrb,


     Honorable sister,

     I know how it must feel as one becomes older, and ones loved ones are not
around as often as before. To be straightforward, one would have feelings of
loneliness.

     The solution is very simple ... talk to your loved ones, the ones that may have gone
away distances. Nowadays it is very easy to communicate with family and friends, even
though they may be quite far distances away.

     Perhaps in your conversations, you could mention somethings of ilm (knowledge),
and Allah will bless and reward you.

     And Allah knows.

May Allah increase you in knowledge.
Take a look at my site:  http://www.tajwid.info

Also a good site with several mp3 durus of beneficial knowledge from our ulema, fiqh explaining the book "bulgh Maram" , Q&A, http://www.imamfaisal.com
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