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Author Topic: How do you deal with stressful people?  (Read 1903 times)
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sofia
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Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob thabbit quloobana ala deenik


« on: Jan 07, 2009 02:00 AM »


As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

Just curious. We all deal with them, right? What's the best way to diffuse their onslaught (complaints, fitnah), and not come home with a migraine?  Kiss

Also, for the women out there who work, how do you deal with working outside the home and managing the home, itself? While I can't complain, I am looking for better efficiency.

Jazaakum Allahu khayran!
sofia Smiley  sis 


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« Reply #1 on: Jan 07, 2009 12:57 PM »

salam


I tend not to let people get to me. Mind you I can do that because I know if things get out of hand I can pretty much pull rank and demand the person behave. you'd have to be a bit more specific, what does this person do to cause upset?

To make life easier at home, I cook for the days I work and freeze the food, both my children have specific chores they do and we get all homework sorted over the weekend, I also do all the deep cleaning of the house over the weekend, so during the weekdays I only need to tidy and not vacuum the entire house and mop the kitchen floor and scrub the bathroom etc, all thats done on the weekend.
Laundry's done twice a week, and I clear all that away on Friday night (theres not usually a huge pile anyway), I only ever iron stuff on a need to wear basis and avoid buying clothes that require ironing and hand washing etc.

My mum helps out too as does my little sister, and some days if I cant cook or am too tired I order out, but mostly I ensure I have food I cooked in the freezer.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #2 on: Jan 07, 2009 01:33 PM »

Assalamo elikuim
The best way to deal with such people is not to be in discussion/argument about anything with them. Whatever they say just ignore it.My policy in life is that unless its a matter of life and death dont argue with anyone Smiley

Housework Smiley I cook on Sundays for the whole week even try to make rotis(bread) since my weekdays are really busy(karate, masjid, homework). Friday Saturdays are mostly fun day and Sunday is work day i.e. cooking, laundary while my kids are doing their homework, cleaning (except for bathrooms, I try to clean them when I take shower and take shower in every bathroom in the house Smiley). I wake up early so that  everything is done by sunday afternoon - sometimes its not Smiley.
Advance planing is the key to efficiency - make a list of all the chores and do them in order or simultaneously if possible(cooking couple of things at one time  while clothes are in washing machine, folding laundary while testing your kids or watching tv (scrubs maybe Smiley )) Also my kids are responsible for cleaning their room and putting dishes in dishwasher and my oldest is responsible for vacum Smiley and other one for throwing garbage.

Wasalam
tq
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« Reply #3 on: Jan 07, 2009 02:14 PM »

What I do when I have a stressful day and ppl just want to pick is ignore them and not let them get to me and drink tea it always seem to calm me down.

And in the house I homeschool my five year old take care of my new born and since I have  no one to help me during the daytime I clean everyday and all day and get a break after dinner when everyone comes home

My Allah guide my son to the righteous path
Mohammed AbdulMaged Elsayed 10/19/08 2months and three weeks
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« Reply #4 on: Jan 07, 2009 05:33 PM »

as salaamu alaykum

Alhumdullillah my last 10 years have been filled with stress. Starting a dawah center, library and a school was an incredible experience for me.

The people...the muslims... the differing cultures.... stupidity....racism...lack of commitment.... lack of compromise.... lack of consenses.... power levels... those who have influence.... those who think they know everything.... the wanna be scholars.... the secularists...the wahabie wannabes.....and my need to make everything OK, happy, successful.....yoi!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The stress level was unbelievable for so many reasons.

Finally, after too many episodes I realized i couldn't 'control' things, I couldn't make people see the truth and i couldn't buck the 'cultural' system. At times like these i learned to rely on Allah swt- and it works!!!!

So now- after I have done all i can reasonably do - plus a little more- is ask Allah swt to handle it. I ask Him to please take care of it and then I let go.

MashAllah this has really helped my stress level and I am so much more peaceful.

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If you persevere in adversity and depend on God, then know that He will remove your afflictions and bestow vast blessings upon you. For in His Book God promises, "Those who depend upon Allah, Allah bestows His bounty upon them and provides for them from means unknown." Therefore follow the road of patience and rejoice in His infinite bounty.
-Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jillani

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« Reply #5 on: Jan 11, 2009 02:33 PM »

As-salaamu alaykum, and thank you, all!

Unfortunately, it's hard to walk away from stressful people when you work in the community/volunteer, etc. It's just part of the job. So this was just another topic on how to deal with it. I've learned from my husband (who's a workaholic, volunteeroholic) that you simply cannot take anything too seriously (masha'Allah, he's got thick skin). I don't know if women are necessarily wired that way, when it comes to having thick skin (no offense). We take things too personally and we worry too much about others (it's a rahmah thing, right?). Smiley  But he has a point in that you have to plow through the nay-sayers if you have a solid and supported long-term goal in mind.

Btw, I've noticed that most Islamic school teachers have some sort of health problem, and that scares me. Not because I'm afraid I'll be like that, but I'm afraid some of these teachers have literally sacrificed their health for a "greater good," sometimes to the detriment of their own selves or families. SubhanAllah, I'm not at that level, but may Allah reward them abundantly.

Sr. Kathy, you hit the nail on the head. That's what I have to do, trust in Allah when I've done what I can do (my problem is, I don't know when to stop).

-sofia  hijabisis

"My Lord! Increase me in knowledge." (Qur'aan 20.114)
"Our Lord! We believe, so forgive us, and have mercy on us, for You are the Best of all who show mercy!" (23:109)
"And hold fast, all together, by the rope which Allah (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves..."(3:10)
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« Reply #6 on: Jan 11, 2009 09:57 PM »

ws,

I think I learned early on in MSA years that if you're trying to do anything you will have "enemies". Whether it's the zionists who don't want you doing events on campus, or other Muslims who are against what you're doing for one reason or another, or even others who are just those "sit on the fence" "love to criticize everything" "think they know better" "self-righteous" type people. You'll never win the support of everyone, and now I think of it like if you have opposers/enemies you're actually doing something right, because if it's not worth criticizing to them then it's probably not a worthy thing!

Out of all the groups the biggest annoyances are the 'ppl that criticize'. The best thing you can do I think is try to bring those people in and make them do something or be part of the project, keep them busy with something. Once they're forced into the practical of the issue they totally change orrr...they stop criticizing Smiley Seriously, 99% of the people that will criticize something if you say "oh why don't you come to this meeting or can you organize this next time" they shut up real quick or come up with some excuse to extricate themselves!


Also something I've learned...don't make yourself a target... always refer to the committee or group of people or others who are working on the project with you or if you're alone other people's opinion and support on the issue. They can't really target an "entity" or "group of ppl" or "opinions".

Anyways yes learn from your husband...a thickskin is perfect and if not focus on why you're doing things -- for the pleasure of Allah swt and in the face of that these stressful things/people will hopefully bother you less.



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« Reply #7 on: Jan 20, 2009 01:13 AM »

As-salaamu alaykum,

Yes, committees!
Genius! Alhamdulillah.

Jazaakum Allahu khayran,
sofia

"My Lord! Increase me in knowledge." (Qur'aan 20.114)
"Our Lord! We believe, so forgive us, and have mercy on us, for You are the Best of all who show mercy!" (23:109)
"And hold fast, all together, by the rope which Allah (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves..."(3:10)
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« Reply #8 on: Jan 21, 2009 07:04 PM »

Salam alaikum wrb,

     The best way to deal with stressful people is to try to shift the conversation
to ilm. Not dwell on the awful subject. This way the bad effects of the shaitan are
removed, and replaced by the noble knowledge.

    And Allah knows.

May Allah increase you in knowledge.
Take a look at my site:  http://www.tajwid.info

Also a good site with several mp3 durus of beneficial knowledge from our ulema, fiqh explaining the book "bulgh Maram" , Q&A, http://www.imamfaisal.com
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